"Mike?"
She froze as his name left her lips, lingering in the air a moment before his fingers rubbed against her hand, holding it lightly. He turned towards her, calm smile in place – the first she'd seen in months. His head fell to the side gently in question as his thumb continued its journey up her hand, rubbing circles into her palm and drawing her attention from the words tumbling round her mind.
She dropped her head, gaze lingering on the ground as she squeezed his hand gently, heart aching at the words she knew she had to say, if not now then before the sun set across the deserted beach they were wandering and nightfall came.
She laughed gently, the irony of their situation now – a reversal of 6 years ago – scaring her. She desperately didn't want to wait that long until they had a chance again, yet at the same time tonight, as he'd promised earlier, felt too soon.
"Can I justify my words before I say them?" she asked slowly, echoing his sentiments of the past, the ones he'd greeted her with as she lay in bed one morning, alone and cold. The only difference was his had been written, and his justification didn't have 6 years experience and a comfortable working partnership weighing on it.
She gave into temptation and glanced up at him, drinking in his bright blues, now a duller grey in the disappearing sunlight. He knew, and she knew he did.
"Tonight to soon?" he asked gently, and she realised his thumb had stopped it's movements across her skin, the revelation so small in consideration of what was occurring yet bringing the sting of forbidden tears to the corners of her eyes.
"Yeah" she sighed, the emotion of the day and the ball in her throat making the noise seem much more dramatic than she had first intended. She pulled at his hand, tugging him closer to her body so that his warmth seeped through the shirt she was wearing, calming her.
She laid a gentle hand against his cheek, leaning up on the tips of her toes to brush her lips against his, feather light and promising of what would come – one day.
"Can we not wait another 6 years though?" she asked gently as his thumb found its way from her palm to her cheek, rubbing her soft, flushed skin. She caught his gaze as he paused a moment, bright blues flickering down her face and body, causing a tingle down her spine.
She remembered a time when all she'd wanted was those eyes – and hands - to follow every curve of her body, not just the face and smidgen of skin that was exposed to him as she sat behind a desk and he taught out front. She'd gotten her wish once upon a time and that's why she had to stop the rapid movement of their relationship now - because she wanted those eyes and hands covering every inch of her skin once more and if she felt like that on Hammersley, the chances of her messing up a boarding or jumping him in his cabin were going to sky rocket.
"How long then?" he asked softly, emotion seeping through the words of a usually closed off man, a captain who'd trained his feelings from his thoughts - well at least he'd tried to. He couldn't deny that each time she came near every inch of his self constraint had been stripped bare long ago. From worry to anger to lust, the fact that no one had picked him up on his emotions yet still surprised him each time she walked through the door.
He watched, desperate for a glimmer of hope that she'd be in his arms once again.
"Soon" she whispered softly and pressed her lips to his, this time a little harder, a little longer; and with pain he realised it was a goodbye kiss. Just how long they would be parted he wasn't sure, her four lettered word simmering through his consciousness; the sections that weren't taken up with the feel and scent of her as she took his hand once more, continuing their long walk down the beach towards the car.
She grimaced at the sight of her mail box, overflowing with letters and brochures; the latter useless and the former bills.
Once inside she threw the heap that had accumulated over the past few weeks down, watching it flutter across her kitchen bench before a lone envelope went flying to the floor, landing with a swish on the tiles.
She sighed gently, glancing up at the clock. 7:30 - too early to go to bed yet too late to think of doing something.
Her stomach fell at the former, the thought of sleep – of going to that bed – resuming the sickly feeling that she'd laid to rest over the past few weeks on board, and the last two nights she'd spent at Mike's.
"This is ridiculous" she murmured, dropping onto the lounge sideways and flicking on the television.
In it he was always fighting, thrashing against an unknown force holding him back. That's what had startled her the most the first time. The sheer terror in his face, gleam of fear in his eyes as he fought with every fibre of his being to escape, to run towards her.
She would call out his name, pushing against the tables and chairs spread across the bridge; no other officers or sailors in sight save for her. His name was swallowed up by the fire arms exploding across the beach, the shrapnel landing in great splashes in the ocean whilst explosions rocketed of land, destroying all in sight.
There came a time then when he'd stop and her breath would hold, lingering in limbo before he glanced up, and the 100 odd metres separating them disappeared so that all she could see where his clear, blue eyes praying for an escape.
That's when it always hit, the moment of suspended quiet and peace followed by the explosion beneath their feet that sent her flying into the depths of the ocean and he to the rocks below.
She'd break the surface, unable to hear a thing except for the constant buzzing and the rush of pounding blood to her head; fear and anguish blinding her eyes with tears. She'd push forwards, arms aching with the cold water rushing past her as she closed the distance between herself and shore.
Some nights she never made it there, others she'd stumble up the sand but never find him, only his cap bobbing gently in the swash splashing against her feet, the hats left side charred from the explosion.
The dream was always the same, had been from the night she'd stepped on board Hammersley whilst he lay unconscious in hospital and similarly every time she slept without him nearby. Whether it be through the nights where he was still recovering or the short time they spent on shore leave. They'd stopped when he'd resumed his rightful position as captain, when each night she was safe with the knowledge that he was only a few metres from where she lay, that each day she could watch and partly control his movements and how close he came to danger.
On land she couldn't, and that's why she'd been so intent on staying with him. The thought of two weeks without him by her side was unbearable.
The shrill cry of his mobile woke him sometime around 1:30, the thin sheet covering him twisting tightly around his body as he rolled to stop the offending piece of technology's song.
"Hello?" he managed to mutter once the tiny metal object had been slid open, the early morning darkness meaning he couldn't be bothered to check the caller ID.
He stopped a moment, sitting up straighter in bed as silence lingered across the two phone lines, the sudden thought that his barked attempt at a greeting hadn't been understood causing him to repeat it, this time a little less gruffly and a little more clearly.
He heard the whimper and blinked quickly, pondering the thought that the person was in danger before a loud sob stopped his rapid line of questions, the voice so clear and familiar that his heart beat quickened in fear.
"Kate?"
"Can you come over, please?" she asked quietly, voice so soft yet the desperation rang loud in his ears.
"What's wrong sweetheart?" he rushed out, already hopping across the room to tug on a pair of jeans, figuring the shirt he wore would be enough. He tripped on the pair of socks lying hazardously in his doorway before swinging out of the room, phone pressed tightly to his ear as he grabbed the set of car keys on his kitchen bench.
"Kate?"
"I just need you here" she sniffled, sob following as the tears she was desperately trying to hold back rose in her throat once more.
Mike resisted the urge to curse as he stumbled blindly out his front door nearly colliding head first with the dead bushes hanging across his pathway. His feet hit the cool cement and he growled, realising that in his haste he'd forgotten to put shoes on, the terrible fear that something had happened to her blocking all sense of rationality from his thoughts.
"I'm coming" he promised, swinging the car door open and throwing himself inside, car already backing out of the driveway as the metal door swung shut.
"I'll be right there, I promise" he whispered, ready to brave the world if it meant getting to her side; shoes or not.
Sometime throughout the 10 minutes it took to reach her house he realised he didn't own the keys to her place anymore.
"Kate?" he called gently, hopping on one foot as the cold of 1:30 at night finally seeped through his feet. He pressed his face against the wooden surface of her front door, praying that she'd hear his knocking or the soft calls of her name before he froze. The wind had picked up and he had no doubt that cooler weather would be in store for them soon; the winter they were supposed to be having finally kicking in.
"Kate…"
His words stopped mid air as the front door swung open, the sudden image of her before him startling him a second.
"Oh Katie" he sighed, arms quickly moving to wrap themselves around her waist, drawing her small figure to his broad chest and burying her against him.
The streetlights metres away illuminated her face in a pale glow and he could just make out the tracks of tears melting down her pale cheeks as he leant down to kiss her golden locks, hugging her tighter if possible as her sobs resumed.
They stood there, crushed against each other as the cool breeze whipped around their ankles for another few minutes before Mike nudged her forward, shutting the door with his heel and rubbing a hand up her back.
Kate gently shuffled away from his chest, still held in his arms but further enough back so that she could watch his face as he watched her; both breathing slowly. She glanced down suddenly, rubbing the cuffs of the long shirt she was wearing against her nose before her head fell to the side, staring at his bare feet.
"Where are your shoes?" she asked softly, voice breaking as her dry throat struggled to make out words after the past 20 minutes of crying she'd endured.
Mike chuckled lightly, tugging at her hand as he retraced familiar steps to where he hoped he remembered her bedroom to be. She gladly obliged, eyelids heavy with sleep and tears.
"I forgot them" he answered slowly, rubbing his thumb across her palm, just as he'd down earlier that day on the beach. Yesterday, she reminded herself, the beach and the yacht – and the kiss - had been yesterday.
"Lie down" he whispered softly and she blinked, to caught up in thoughts of the past to realise they'd made it to her bedroom. His lips were brushing gently against her neck and she leaned back, wrapping his arm tight around her waist instead.
"You know how I said we couldn't yet?" she asked, finally sinking onto the soft bed. She pulled back the covers, letting her legs slide underneath whilst her hand held strong to his own. She gave it a tug, watching him stumble forwards into his knees as the mattress bounced under the sudden weight of another person.
He crawled softly to the other side, careful of her legs before swishing back the blanket in one movement.
"Yeah?" he responded slowly, and it took her a moment to realise there was a light tone to his voice, a playfulness beneath the layers of worry and comfort that were so evident in his eyes even as she strained to see into them.
"Can we forget that?" she asked simply.
She watched as he pulled the covers back to there original position, now half lying beneath them. He turned so that his elbow was supporting him like they had yesterday morning on the yacht and her breathe hitched, their current position making the situation even more electric.
"Sure" he whispered, and brushed a hand upon her cheek, sliding his leg across hers and leaning in so that his lips tingled centimetres from her own.
This time she wasted no time waiting for him, she pulled against his chest, shutting her eyes tightly as she leant up to kiss him, pouring her heart and the fear of the dream into it.
Her lips met his chin.
"Mike…"
"Come here" he whispered instead tugging at her gently to pull her onto his chest, rolling backwards so that between themselves and the covers they were pressed so tight against each other she could feel his steady heartbeat beneath her, a constant promise that he was alive.
He kissed the bridge of her nose gently, running a hand up her back to rest there, keeping her in place against his chest. She let out a sigh as he whispered, lips brushing her skin. His words were so soft, so gentle and full of emotion that she felt tears sting her eyes.
"This is tonight Kate, just like I promised"