Chapter 3:

Harrowed

Can I please just sleep for five more minutes?, the lazy part of herself pleaded. It was probably a few hours before dawn, and Ariawyn was contemplating whether to get up now or in a few minutes.

No! My Harrowing could be any day now! I should go… maybe reread that section about Desire Demons again… But… I have been waiting for a year… and I have studied all I can… maybe I could just stay in bed tonight, she thought as she sleepily hugged her pillow and curled into herself.

Wait! Cullen! If I don't go tonight, he'll think I stood him up! Wait, it's not like it's a date or anything…, she thought dreamily, smiling at the idea of a date with Cullen. They'd had such a good time the other night. She loved talking to him, learning of his childhood, picturing him as a young boy with golden curls, frowning over a chess board, or running around his farm chasing his sisters. And she loved how he'd gotten to know her, truly know her. Maker, she felt like she could be herself around him, like she could be completely honest with him.

Ok, better get up… She opened her eyes to the usual darkness of the night. She sat up and stretched her arms as a yawn escaped her lips. She grabbed her boots and headed for the library. As she was closing the door to the dormitories, she was startled by a hand on her shoulder. She turned to find a Templar, his helm on his head and hand on his sword.

"Cullen?" she asked.

"No. Ariawyn Surana?"

"Yes?"

"Good. Come with me please." And with that, the Templar grabbed her forearm and began leading her upstairs.

"What's going on? I was just going to the library to study. I do so every night. If you don't believe me, you can confirm with the Knight Commander or the First Enchanter."

He did not answer, just continued dragging her up the stairs. It was then when it finally dawned on her. Oh, Maker, this is it. My Harrowing. And with that thought in her head, there was nothing left to do, but pray.

Though all before me is shadow,

Yet shall the Maker be my guide.

I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond.

For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light

And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.

I am not alone. Even

As I stumble on the path

With my eyes closed, yet I see

The Light is here.

She entered the Harrowing Chamber, tall and proud. The confidence in her eyes made Cullen feel a little better. He had felt vile all that day, and as night enclosed, panic threatened to devour him whole. He had even… gotten sick… more than once today.

Ariawyn looked around the Harrowing Chamber. It was a somber room, Templars rounding it and there, in the middle, was a summoning post with what she assumed was lyrium. She could feel it calling to her, it's gentle song enticing and alluring. Cullen was there, the only Templar without his helm on, she noticed. It made her feel infinitely better to have him there, for some reason. However, his stricken look did nothing to raise her confidence, nor did his slightly green complexion.

"Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him" Greagoir interrupted her thoughts. "Thus spoke the prophet Andraste, as she cast down the Tevinter Imperium, ruled by mages who had brought the world to the edge of ruin. Your magic is a gift, but it is also a curse, for demons of the dream realm, the Fade, are drawn to you and seek to use you as a gateway into this world."

Irving came up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "This is why the Harrowing exists. The ritual sends you into the Fade, and there, you will face a demon, armed with only your will."

"I am ready", her voiced echoed in the chamber, confident and true.

"Know this, apprentice. If you fail, we Templars will perform our duty." He said, looking directly at Cullen. "You will die."

A gasp threatened to escape her lips, but she was able to contain it. Her eyes widened with fear, but she refused to lowered her head. She looked at Cullen, and he looked away. No… please, Cullen, no… no, it couldn- he couldn't… Greagoir assigned him to kill me if I fail. No, she couldn't, wouldn't, make him go through that. Now, more than ever, she needed to pass.

Greagoir gestured toward the Summoning Post. "This is lyrium, the very essence of magic, and your gateway into the Fade."

"The Harrowing is a secret out of necessity, child." Irving said, again placing a comforting hand of her shoulder. "Every mage must go through this trial by fire. As we succeeded, so shall you. Keep your wits about you and remember the Fade is a realm of dreams. The Spirits may rule it, but your own will is real."

"The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter." Greagoir interrupted, irritation clear in his voice. He turned to Ariawyn and surprised her by saying, "You are ready."

Cullen watched, horrified, as she reached out to the Summoning Post and touched the lyrium. A white light emerged from the lyrium at her touch, momentarily blinding them all. When their vision returned, Ariawyn lay on the ground, face calm and relaxed, sleeping.

Only she would have that look of total serenity during such a test, he thought. He approached her still body and crouched next to it, wary for any sign of possession.

She awoke on the hard ground. There was a greenish hue in the sky and when she looked around, there were nothing but rocks and branches twisting up in the air. To her left the was a vase and a strange, and somewhat disturbing statue, of a hooded person in armor, with tentacles, or what she assumed were tentacles, coming out from its back and sleeves. To her right, there were ruins of what might have been a stone temple, and overhead, she could see it, the Black City.

I'm in the Fade… Maker, help me.

She walked around, exploring, wondering when the demon would present itself. Before she could take ten steps, she felt a shock of electricity.

"Maker's holy b – ow!" she cursed.

She turned around, a spell already in mind and the incantation ready on her lips, ready to face the demon, and instead… she found her attacker had been nothing more than a Wisp Wraith. She conjured a Winter's Grasp spell, freezing it solid and watched as the bright white light faded away. She kept walking, looking around cautiously, ready in case the demon presented itself.

"Someone else thrown into the wolves, as fresh and unprepared as ever." A voice startled her. She looked around… to her left… to her right… behind her… there was no one there…

"Down here!"

She looked down and saw a small, brown mouse. A talking mouse, apparently.

"It isn't right that they do this, the Templars. Not to you, me, anyone" he said angrily.

"You're a talking rat." She managed to say, more to convince herself of what she was seeing than for the pleasure of stating the obvious.

The rat laughed, and his laughter sent chills down her spine. "You think you're really here? In that body? You look like that because you think you do!" he sighed, then continued, "It's always the same. But it's not your fault. You're in the same boat I was."

Then a bright light emerged from his body, and then all of a sudden, standing in front of her, was a blonde man with apprentice robes. His appearance was true to his name, as he looked quite mousy. "Allow me to welcome you to the Fade. You can call me… well… Mouse" he said.

"You took the Harrowing? Were you an apprentice?" she asked.

"It's fuzzy, the time before. They wake you up in the middle of the night and drag you to the Harrowing Chamber, and then… The Templars kill you if you take too long, you see. They figured you failed, and don't want something getting out. That's what they did to me, I think. I have no body to reclaim. And you don't have much time before you end up the same."

"How long do I have, exactly?"

"I… I don't remember. I ran away and I hid. I don't know how long."

Wow, you are really no help, Ariawyn thought bitterly. But in the end, she felt sorry for him. Maker knows how long he has been here, wondering the depths of the Fade.

"I'm sorry… for what happened to you."

"Don't waste time with that talk. You don't want to end up like… this. There's something in here, contained, just for an apprentice like you. You have to face the creature, a demon, and you have to resist it, if you can. That's your way out, or your opponents, if the Templars wouldn't kill you. A test for you, a tease for the creatures of the Fade. "

"Anything can die. I doubt it's as simple as that…"

"You would be a fool to just attack everything you see. What you face is powerful, cunning."

"How have you survived here so long?"

"I missed my chance, so I became small, unnoticeable. I hide from the bigger things, and learn from the smaller things. There are places you can hide, where the shadows go on forever. You stay there long enough and the shadows begin to creep inside of you. I… I don't know how long it's been. Forever, maybe. But we should go, we're wasting time. I'll follow and try to help in whatever I can."

And with that, they continued walking. They came close to a clearing, a semi-circle surrounded by flames. Mouse told her that is where the demon would manifest itself, but not yet. They kept walking, and came across a benevolent Fade spirit, a spirit of Valor. He was dressed as a Templar and there were 4 weapon racks behind him. When he saw Ariawyn, he promised her a staff in exchange for a duel. She won easily and he gave her a beautiful iron staff, which divided into two intertwined branches holding a crystal ball on the top.

They kept on traveling, and met a Sloth Demon, who taught Mouse to become a bear, after Ariawyn had been made to guess some of his riddles. Finally, they headed back to the clearing, and the demon presented itself. It was a Rage Demon, one she could defeat easily with ice spells. She wondered why this test was so feared if the demon you were supposed to fight was among the weakest of it's kind. But better not get cocky…

"There is a spirit of Rage!" Mouse said.

And… thanks for stating the obvious, Ariawyn thought, a small smile forming on her lips.

"And so it comes to me at last!" the demon said, it's voice deep and low. "Soon I shall see the land of the living with your eyes. You shall be mine, body and soul."

"If I lose, the Templars will still cut you down." She said, calmly. And I won't lose.

"They are welcome to try. So this creature is your offering, Mouse? Another plaything as per our arrangement?"

What? That son of a…, she thought, turning to look at him, disgusted. He covered his hand under her glare. Yes, you should be ashamed!

"I don't have to help you anymore!"

"Oh, and after all those wonderful meals we have shared, suddenly the mouse has changed the rules?"

"I'm not a mouse now, and soon I won't have to hide! I don't need to bargain with you!"

"We shall see." The demon said and attacked. Mouse shapeshifted into a bear, and between the two of them, they were able to take down the demon easily, as it was no match for Ariawyn's ice spells. After they were done, Mouse congratulated her.

"You did it! You actually did it! When you came, I hoped that maybe you might be able to, but I never thought any of you were worthy."

"The ones you betrayed before me, what were their names?" Ariawyn asked, barely able to contain her anger. How many apprentices have failed because of him? How many had he deceived with his "I'll help you" act? How many had trusted him to help, and he led them to their doom? Had she known any of them?

"They were not as promising as you!" he answered. "It was a long time ago. I… I don't remember their names. I don't even remember my own name, it's the Fade, and the Templars killing me, like they tried with you."

"Anything to survive, like an animal… or worse." She spat, furious at his excuses. "Neither the Fade nor the Templars turned you into a murderer!"

"That is not true! I am what the Fade has made me. Am I to blame for that? Deciding to exist or not exist is not a fair choice! I had no hope. You have shown me other possibilities. If you want to help, there may be another way for me to leave here, to get a foothold outside. You'd just need to want to let me in…"

"What?! Why would I ever want to hel—" Let you in?, she thought. He's the demon. She laughed bitterly. "I'm starting to think the other demon wasn't my test."

"What? What do you – Of course it was! What else is here that could harm an apprentice of your potential?" He smiled, then, and laughed. "You are a smart one." His voice turned deeper, and his tone was lower. "Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconception, careless trust."

Ariawyn stepped back, as his form grew and he showed himself for what he truly was. A Pride demon.

"Keep your wits about you mage. True tests never end." And with that, he disappeared.

She stirred a bit and sighed. Was she all right? Had she turned? He looked to Greagoir, who looked to Irving, who laughed and clapped his hands together.

"She passed. I knew she could do it. She always was a cunning one. And in record time, too."

"Well, I assume if you chose her for an apprentice, it was for a reason, Irving." Greagoir replied. "Ser Cullen, take her back to the apprentices' dormitories. The rest of you, dismissed!"

Cullen couldn't believe it. It was over already? He wasn't sure, but he knew it couldn't have taken her more than an hour. She was truly a very powerful mage, so as to pass her Harrowing so quickly. He had attended Harrowings that had lasted the entire night!

"Ser Cullen, did you not hear me? Take the mage back to the apprentice quarters!"

"Oh, um, yes, sir! Sorry, sir."

Cullen picked her up, and carried her downstairs. He watched as she slept, curled into him, her head resting on his breastplate. Maker, what he wouldn't give to be out of his armor, to feel her body against his.

Wait, what was he thinking? Had he gone mad? Ari was his friend! And she was also a mage. He was a Templar! He couldn't possibly have feelings for her! But as he looked down at her sleeping form, he couldn't help but wonder at how perfectly she seemed to fit in his arms. Oh, who was he kidding? He… felt things for her.

He realized it the night before. After she had gone in the dorms, he returned to the Templar Quarters but sleep eluded him, and he had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning until his legs were all tangled up in his sheets. He could not stop thinking about her! The way she looked down before speaking to him, how she blushed when he laughed. How she laughed when he told her about his sister, letting those beautiful dimples come to life. How she had trusted him with something so personal about herself. The way her eyes seemed to gleam mischievously when she made a move and took one of his pieces.

Maker, those eyes… he couldn't explain why those eyes captivated him so… Really, there was nothing special about them… they were plain, small brown eyes… with short eyelashes… very straight short eyelashes, which was strange, because her hair was wavy. If her hair was wavy, shouldn't her eyelashes be curled, as well?

Since he was distracted pondering her eyelashes, he failed to see that a tile on the floor in front of him was slightly raised, and he tripped over it. The sudden jolt woke Ariawyn up, who sleepily looked up to see Cullen's face close to hers.

"Cullen?"

"Ssh. Sleep, Ari. You passed."

"Hmm…" she murmured, closing her eyes, and curling even more into him, and raising her arm to place her hand on the back of his neck. Her touch was electric, sending a wonderful jolt of electricity down his spine. Cullen looked down at her. Her head was now resting under his chin, warming his neck. It would be so easy to lift her chin and kiss her… but no. Not this way. She is unconscious, after all. How could even think about doing that, Cullen? He silently reprimanded himself.

"Hmm, Cullen." She mumbled in her sleep. "My Cullen." And snuggled closer to him.

Cullen froze. Had she really just said that? Maybe he heard wrong, but all was silent in the Tower and oh dear Maker, she said "My Cullen". His heart hammered against his chest, thumping so violently he was afraid it would wake her.

But, wait… she is sleeping, he thought. She could be dreaming of someone else. But she said my name. My name! But maybe there is another Cullen in the tower. Maybe another apprentice, Maker knows I'm the only Cullen in the Templars. But I haven't heard of any apprentice named Cullen. But, well, I don't know all the apprentices in the tower… But, ah! Sod it all.

When he finally reached the dorms, he gently set her on her bed and covered her with a blanket. There, he lay down next to her bed and watched her sleep, while stroking her cheek. Without a thought in his head, he kissed her forehead.

"Good night, Ari." He whispered. He stood and began walking out, when a harsh whisper startled him.

"Was it a Harrowing? Did she pass?"

He turned to find the voice belonged to a blonde apprentice. Sharon, he thought was her name.

"Yes. It was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing I've ever seen." And with that, he turned and left, praying the girl had not seen anything.