Many thanks to all of you for reading and especially to those who have reviewed. I hope the following chapters don't seem too emotionally forthright for Harry, but I imagine that the strain of having Ruth in a coma for almost a week and the frustration and helplessness he must be feeling would make him a little less reticent, and I hope you will agree that sharing some of his thoughts and feelings in his journal is not entirely OOC. As ever, your feedback and reviews are very much appreciated. Cheers, S.C.
[12 May 2010]
Ruth's still in a coma and, though the doctors tell me that she's doing well and they'll begin to bring her out of it in the next few days, it's still agony to have to wait, not knowing if, when she wakes up, she'll be the same person I said goodnight to less than a week ago, or if some part of her wonderful personality and brilliant mind will be altered, damaged in some way, possibly beyond repair. And then there's the possibility that she might never wake up, something I don't even wish to contemplate though, invariably, I end up doing just that every night as my mood turns sombre and maudlin. Not tonight though. Not tonight. She's a fighter and I choose to believe that she'll pull through this too, the ultimate test of her resilience, her stubbornness and strength. She has to. I tell her so every day.
In the mean time, there's nothing like not knowing the fate of a loved one to make you want to pull the rest of them close, so I arranged to have lunch with Catherine yesterday. It went rather well, much better than the conversation I've just had with her brother over the phone tonight. I hadn't expected forgiveness or even civility from Graham when I rung, but I had hoped that there would be something - a spark, a connection - on which I might try to build a bridge between us with time. I had hoped for some maturity and perspective, though it's hardly surprising that it's lacking; I'm afraid Graham has always been too much like me in that respect. After all, he's very nearly the same age I was when I made some of my largest mistakes, starting with Juliet, the beginning of a very slippery slope that lead to much pain for all involved and perhaps most of all for him. His life so far certainly seems to have consisted of one disaster after another, and though he loves to indiscriminately blame me for every single thing that has gone wrong in it, I have to accept that I am undoubtedly responsible for some of his troubles; something I will always profoundly regret. At least he appears to be sober and clean at the moment, according to his sister, which is some progress since last I heard news of him. Anyway, I promised Catherine that I wouldn't give up on him this time and I don't intend to. This is where the rubber meets the road and I will keep endeavouring to reach him until I wear him down and we reach some kind of an understanding. He may be a stubborn ass, but I am doubly so.
As to my lunch with Catherine, it was wonderful to see her and she looks good. She's working in England at the moment and, more specifically, in London right now, editing her latest film on the plight of refugees in this country, and though I'm grateful that she's not busy infiltrating some God forsaken country or war zone, I often wish that she wasn't quite so driven to bring the plight of these people to light through her, I must admit with not a little pride, rather brilliant documentaries.
"But then she wouldn't be your daughter, Harry, if she didn't care," I hear Ruth say as I recall the look on her face when she said those words to me one night on the grid when I'd been grumbling about Catherine's chosen profession. Oh Ruth, what I wouldn't give to have you back, alive, well and smiling like that again.