A/N: Alright you guys, I officially have more people getting alerts about the fic than I have reviews. Let's make a new rule. If you add me to your fav or alert list, at least tell me you like it. :D
So I've always wondered something. I read somewhere that 'snuck' was a word that Canadians made up because we, at some point, decided we didn't like the sound of 'sneaked' but that the rest of the world doesn't use it. Now that I've got all you 'who I consider international' people here, is that true? Do you use 'snuck'?
OOOoooOOO
Ten year old Harry watched as Remus and Sirius did the dishes. They were in as good a humour as they would ever be and it seemed that this was the moment Harry had been waiting for. He would ask now.
Harry and his best friend, Ron, had snuck into the living room in the Burrow when Ron's brothers Charlie and Bill had been there, simply intending to eavesdrop, when they had heard more than they understood. Bill had said something about sex being easier when you were out of school and Charlie had mentioned being jealous… Harry shook his head. It was hard to remember what had been said because of his confusion at the time. He had, of course, heard of sex before, but always assumed it was something that happened when you held hands with someone. That theory didn't exactly fit into the conversation they had overheard.
"Hey guys?" he started, but then faltered. He didn't want to seem ignorant. Maybe this was something that everyone just knew.
"Yeah, Harry?" said Sirius, turning from the sink, a dish still in his hand. Harry didn't say anything, but fidgeted.
"What's on your mind?" Remus asked softly, always the gentle one.
Harry decided he would just ask. If he sounded stupid, so be it, at least the anticipation would be over and he could run back and tell Ron.
"What's sex?"
The plate slipped from Sirius' fingers and shattered on the floor.
OOOoooOOO
Harry was sitting in the den where Remus had calming asked him to wait, and he could hear Sirius freaking out to Moony in the hallway.
"Remus, I can't do this, will you please tell him? Oh Merlin, I didn't appreciate his childhood enough. Bloody hormones are going to be the death of me. Remus, please tell him!"
Harry was becoming quite nervous as he listened to this. What was so weird about his question? Perhaps he has gotten himself into something just a little too deep?
There was some quiet mumbling that he couldn't quite make out, and then Remus and Sirius appeared in the doorway, both smiling uncomfortably. Sirius actually looked like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and Remus was leaning more towards the hilarious laughter side of things.
"You know," said Harry, actually concerned for his godfather's well being, "You really don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Sirius looked hopefully at Remus but the latter passed judgement by glaring back at him. Sirius sighed and pouted.
"Harry, this really is something we should talk about before you go to school. I've," he glared at Remus as though 'I' was really 'Remus', "Been meaning to talk to you about it anyway."
Harry felt a lump in his stomach as nerves got the best of him. Maybe he really didn't want to hear it.
"So…" Sirius sat down across from him on a chair and Remus, next to him on the couch. "Have you heard anything about it?" Padfoot sent him a pleading look.
"No, not really. I mean, Charlie and Bill were talking about it but Ron and I weren't really supposed to be listening…" Harry trailed off, not sure if he would get in trouble.
"Right well, never mind. Erm… I don't quite know how to start this," he looked to Remus for guidance but he just stared back, equally lost.
"Relationships!" Sirius announced. "Right okay, so you know about romantic relationships, yes? Two people who love each other and are married or live together."
Harry nodded.
"Well, sometimes these people want to… express their love. In a physical way."
Harry glanced from Sirius to Remus, not knowing if he was supposed to say anything. Everything that had been said so far had been basic.
"So I guess the question is 'how do they express it'?" Sirius said, obviously trying to stall for time. Remus nudged him with his thigh. He seemed keen to get a move on.
"Okay, might as well hop right in." He was pale. "Men produce this thing called sperm, which women need to have kids… So the challenge is getting the sperm into the woman." Sirius had said this all very slowly as though it was painful to form the words.
Harry's mind started racing. How would you get something inside someone? The most obvious answer seemed to be through their mouth. Where did sperm come from? From the mouth? Maybe sex was kissing and if that was the case, this would be a more embarrassing talk then he had anticipated.
Harry waited on edge as hid godfather collected himself. He was evidently having trouble with this, so Remus jumped in.
"Any questions so far, Harry?"
"Well erm… where does sperm come from?" he asked, almost not wanting the answer but finding the whole thing oddly fascinating. Like seeing someone grow boils all over their face and not being able to look away.
He saw Sirius shudder at his question. That couldn't bode well.
"Sperm comes from the penis." Sirius was pale.
"But isn't that where pee comes from?" Harry asked, confused.
"Well yes, two different things come from there. When a male is aroused, he ejects sperm instead of pee."
"Aroused?"
Sirius swallowed hard. "When a man becomes aroused, his penis gets bigger and harder. It makes it easier to put into the woman."
Harry turned bright red. "What?!"
Sirius cringed and turned to Remus. "I hadn't mentioned that yet, had I?"
"No, you had not. And I think you've gone and scared poor Harry."
They both turned to look at him. He looked back in morbid fascination. "Where in the woman?"
Even Remus blushed this time.
"Do you remember me telling you about vaginas, Harry?" Sirius said, hoping fervently he did.
Harry's mouth fell open. No. Way. He tried to form words, but all that came out what sputtering. Why would somebody do that? Why would a woman let a man do that to them? Why would a man want to? Harry stared at the floor as though it held his escape from this place of awkwardness and silence.
"Do you, erm, have any questions?"
His wide eyes stared at them both in turn.
"Do either of you… you know… do that?" he gestured meaninglessly with a hand.
The two exchanged glances, wondering how to handle the question. Remus, as always, was the one to break the silence.
"We're gay, or homosexual. That means we are attracted to men, not women." Sirius looked at him incredulously and he knew why. Sirius hadn't known that he was anything more than bi, so to tell him in front of Harry was a surprise.
"So wait…" Harry said, oblivious to the silent outrage across from him. "You don't have sex with each other, right? That would be weird and… I don't even know how that would work!"
Sirius opened his mouth to explain but was interrupted by Harry.
"I didn't ask!"
Remus sighed. "No, we don't have sex with each other but actually, I do think it would be a good idea if you knew how the mechanics of a gay relationship worked just so someone doesn't misinform you." At this, both Sirius and Harry groaned.
"So is this my turn then?" he asked Sirius who nodded violently.
"Right so Harry, it's basically the same as heterosexual, that is to say 'straight', sex except that no man on earth has a vagina. I suppose then he would be a woman…" he trailed off then shook his head, trying to get back on track. "So anyway, instead of placing the penis in the vagina, the man places it in the other mans anus. Does that make sense?"
Harry's eyes were bulging out from their sockets. His face had not yet returned to its normal colour from his last shock so nothing changed in that area.
"Oh my… that's disgusting. Why would you do that? Wouldn't that hurt? Why do you like men?"
"Erm," Sirius cut in, speaking for the first time in a long while. "I think that's a conversation for another day. Shall we leave you to absorb what you can?" Everyone in the room understood that he was asking Harry if he could leave.
"Please," said Harry, more than willing to have some alone time.
OOOoooOOO
Ron came over the next day, quite ignorant that he would leave a different person. Harry was quite eager to share everything he had learned, now that he had gotten over the shock. He wanted to see Ron's reaction just to make sure his wasn't unwarranted.
A half hour later, both preteens sat on Harry's bed, Ron in disbelief and Harry in satisfaction. Ron had freaked out just as much as he had earlier and now that he'd had time to mull it over in his head, the shock was mostly gone. The confusion however, remained.
"But why do you think they're gay? That's weird, I mean, what's wrong with girls? I think they're pretty enough."
Ron nodded in agreement. "I don't know why you would like boys instead of girls. I mean," he turned a little pink; "I think some girls are really pretty." Harry nodded so Ron wouldn't feel too shy about admitting that.
"It's not like it's bad though, just weird." Ron said after a moment of thought.
"I suppose."
Silence.
"Hey Ron, why do you think people have sex? I mean, why would someone want to do that?" asked Harry. "It sounds gross, even between a boy and a girl."
"I know! I was just wondering the same thing. I guess you have to if you want to have kids, right? But I don't think Bill wants kids and he was still talking about it. Maybe he does want kids?" he cocked his head as though it had never occurred to him.
"Right… what about gay sex though? You don't get any kids out of that, do you? And it seems kind of grosser to me."
"… I can't believe they told you all that. I'm so happy I haven't gotten the talk yet; I think I'll run away when they try, now that I know what I'm facing. That must have been so awkward…"
Harry laughed. "Yeah we haven't really talked since. At breakfast this morning, there was very little eye contact." He continued to laugh at the absurdity of the memory.
Not much more was said on the topic as they played a game of gobstones to entertain themselves. Harry, as always, won and Ron then insisted they play a game of wizarding chess, which he always won.
As the boys were upstairs playing board games, Remus and Sirius were having quite the conversation.
"I can't believe you never told me you were gay!" Sirius yelled, silencing charm carefully placed around the room.
"You never asked! It's not like I lied to you! Besides, I never dated a girl, really," Remus said defensively.
"Merlin," Sirius pulled at his hair, "How do you manage to keep something like this from me? It's not like there was any reason to think I wouldn't be fine with it! I'M gay, for Merlin's sake."
"Maybe there was no right time to tell you! I didn't want Peter to know because he wouldn't have liked it – do you remember how he acted when he found out you were gay? He wouldn't speak with you for months! Well after he was gone, it just seemed too late, you know? I figure any time after that, you would have reacted exactly the way you're reacting now, and I was scared." Remus had trailed off towards the end so that by the last word, he was just above a whisper.
Sirius didn't say anything. What could he say? He did understand where Remus was coming from, but he was still upset about it.
"Fine but next time you feel like coming out of the closet, tell me before you tell Harry."
Remus smiled, knowing Sirius wasn't mad anymore.
"Deal," he said and shifted towards Sirius. As always, he got the hint and pulled him into a tight hug.
Sirius wasn't sure if Remus felt it, but the hug felt different to him. Maybe it was because he knew he was gay and that had given him a glimmer of hope or maybe something really had changed. They stayed in the hug a little too long before Sirius reluctantly pulled away, disinclined to let go, once he had finally held him.
But Remus would never give him a chance, why would he? He was promiscuous, and even slutty, whereas Remus was obviously waiting for the right man. Remus was much too smart and kind for him. It sometimes even amazed Sirius that he stuck around to be his friend.
OOOoooOOO
Okay so that was another somewhat short chapter but it just felt right to end it there. Now, to reiterate my points at the beginning of the chapter:
Review, you bastards (with all my love :D)
Do anyone but Canadians say 'snuck'?
Oh right, can I add that my own reaction to the sex talk from my parents was to look at my Mum, say (and I quote) 'how could you let him do that to you?' then ignore her for two weeks. I didn't think anything at all of my Dad which, in retrospect, is weird…