Part One of a two-part miniseries! You can either read this alone or as the beginning of a continuation. Either way, enjoy another round of making fun of Tamaki. (Dearest Tamaki, you know I make fun of you because I love you. Hah.)
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"Milord, you're not dying."
"I'm crippled."
"Milord, you're not crippled."
Tamaki scowled darkly, and shifted on the maroon velvet couch so he angled his body away from Hikaru and Kaoru, who were watching him with wry amusement. He pouted furiously, torn between depression and rage.
Kyoya shook his head, eyes flashing with a shadowy sense of humor.
Hunny was busily doodling on Tamaki's heavy plaster cast, while Mori watched from a few paces away, leaning against the plush oak chair where Kyoya was seated.
"Master Suoh is thoroughly grateful to all of you for coming to him in his time of disability, but I do believe you're making everything worse," Shima observed bluntly from the hall, where she was supervising both the boys and the staff, who were making brunch.
"It'll get better as soon as Haruhi gets here!" Hunny insisted, putting the finishing touches on a pink daisy.
"Where is Haruhi anyway?" Hikaru asked, glancing at his watch. "She's late."
"Not like that's a surprise. And we did leave out Milord's grievous injury," Kaoru replied.
Moments later, Haruhi burst though the mahogany double doors with a bang, nearly giving the elderly doorman a heart attack.
"Senpai, your gate wouldn't let me in!" she panted, much to the amusement of the others, especially Kyoya. "Now what 'official host club business' are we doing he--Tamaki, why is your leg in a cast?"
Tamaki grumbled something incoherent, and glared at the fleur-de-lys wallpaper. The phrase "if looks could kill," instantly came to mind.
Haruhi raised her eyebrows at the others. Usually, the problem was getting Tamaki to shut up, not speak up.
"Funny," Hikaru observed solemnly.
"We thought for sure he'd talk to you," Kaoru finished.
"Why is it that I'm always the one who's left in the dust?" Haruhi sighed. "What exactly is wrong with Tamaki-senpai?"
Kyoya made a note of something in his ledger. "Maybe we should fill Haruhi in. Who would like to explain?" Kyoya asked.
"Ooh! Can I?" Hunny bounced up from where he'd been sitting on the floor, dropping his pink Sharpie, which Mori picked up and slipped in his pants pocket.
Tamaki rolled his eyes.
"It was a dark and stormy night," Hunny began ominously. "And Tamaki had just finished watching a horror movie marathon . . ."
"No! No! Don't go in there! The werewolf's gonna get you!! STOP!!" Tamaki wailed, clutching his bowl of popcorn. "GET AWAY FROM HER, FIEND!!" He lobbed several bonbons at the TV screen.
Gritting his teeth against the girl's apparent stupidity for not listening to his advice, he hurriedly crammed a heaping handful of popcorn into his mouth. His eyes grew wider and wider as the ominous shadow lurking on the screen closed in on the unsuspecting heroine. The brown-eyed girl with the dark wavy hair paid no notice to the darkness behind her (or to Tamaki's futile screaming) and continued to peer into the decrepit mansion.
An unearthly cackle rose from the stereo system, and Tamaki shivered in grim anticipation. He crammed another handful of kernels into his mouth. Suddenly, the music changed, and Tamaki's heart began racing in time to the rapid percussion.
Then, the monster reared up . . .
"NOOO, HARUHIIIIIII!!!!!!" Tamaki shrieked. "AIIIEEERRGGH!!!!" He tossed his bowl of popcorn up into the air, overturned a glass of soda, upended several bowls of candy, and dove face first into the couch cushions. As the music slowed, he peeked out. Then he realized what he'd just shouted. He chuckled to himself, feeling like a total dunderhead.
"These Japanese horror films really do suck you in. This is so much better than anything we ever had in France!" he laughed off his embarrassment, hurriedly checking to see if the twins had somehow caught it on tape (he wasn't taking any chances, not after that one incident last Christmas . . .).
Satisfied, Tamaki settled back into his nest of pillows and blankets, and watched the rest of the movie in a sort of excited-petrified-and-totally-unable-to-tear-your-eyes-away-kind of stupor. At last, at about three in the morning, the last movie began to roll credits.
Tamaki stretched happily, rousing himself from the debris of scattered popcorn and candy wrappers that lay littered around his couch.
That was fun, he thought to himself cheerily. I'm glad they managed to cure that vampire. I love happy endings!
He brushed loose crumbs off his pajamas and picked his way across the floor. He stared woefully at the salmagundi of scattered candy, spilled drinks, and various other wreckage. For a moment, he wavered between cleaning it up or going straight to bed. Then, sleepiness won out over chivalry, and he decided to leave it to the maids.
Yawning hugely, he trudged up to his room. Already half-asleep, he sank into bed and pulled the covers firmly up to his neck. Too late, he realized he'd forgotten to brush his teeth. Oh well, he decided. He'd just brush doubly long in the morning.
He closed his eyes and lay still. Several minutes later, his eyes flashed open. Man, that popcorn had dried out his throat. He could almost feel it shriveling up. Well, better go get a drink.
He swung his legs over the bed, and stumbled down the stairs.
Hmmm . . . had they always creaked like that? Was it always this cold in the mansion?
Outside, the wind howled, lightning crackled and thunder boomed. Looming shadows darkened the halls, and a tree branch tapped unceasingly on the window. Tamaki's heart was pounding, but at a relatively normal rate still.
The grandfather clock began to toll. Once, twice, three times.
Three o'clock, Tamaki realized suddenly. The witching hour . . .
"Why didn't he just turn on the light?" Haruhi interrupted, queen of common sense.
Tamaki huffed in irritation.
"I'm getting to that." Hunny replied. "So yeah, Tamaki was making his way into the kitchen to get a glass of water . . ."
Tamaki felt around blindly for the light switch, and flipped it on hurriedly. He sighed in relief when brightness flooded the room, then went to the cabinet for his glass.
Out of nowhere, the light surged into blinding intensity, and a roar of thunder shook the mansion, rattling the windows. The lights flickered, once, twice. Then went out.
Dropping (and shattering) his glass, Tamaki squeaked like a strangled cat and twitched violently. His heart palpitated, and began beating double time. Suddenly, his thirst was quenched and replaced with a violent urge to empty his bladder.
What's going on?? He thought frantically. This isn't supposed to happen! What the devil happened to the backup generator??! I need light! Light! Light! Lightlightlightlightlightlight . . .
He crept back up the stairs, trying not to breathe too loudly. Ookay, as soon as I get into my room and under the covers, I'm home free. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second. I can do this!!
Crouching close to the banister, Tamaki thought he was doing a pretty darn good job of sneaking. But then, he had the strangest sensation that he was being followed.
Breaking out in a cold sweat, he chanced a look behind him. What he saw scared him so witless that he momentarily forgot how to breathe.
EYES!! TWO GLOWING, FLOATING, GREEN EYES!! AND SLOBBERING FANGS!! GREAT, BIG, SLOBBERING FANGS!!!!!
"YiiiiIIIIIiiiiIiiiIiiIiIIiIIiIiIiIIiiIIiIiIIiIIIIiiiiii!!!" Tamaki screeched like a banshee and bolted.
The eyes followed him, bounding closer and closer . . .
Gasping for breath, Tamaki was almost there, only a few more steps to clear . . . when he tripped over a rug, went sprawling, and tumbled back down the stairs.
The whole world spun round and round and round . . . So this was the monster's power, Tamaki thought crazily. I'm in a ghostly blender! Or worse, some macabre washing machine! Lord, what a stupid way to die . . .
Ohh! I wish I'd had the time to tell Haruhi that I . . .
Then he bounced and landed at the bottom of the stairs, and his leg erupted into stabbing pain.
Worse yet, Green Eyes leered at him, opened its mouth, bared its hideous fangs, exhaled a puff of warm breath . . . and began to lick Tamaki's face.
"You're kidding." Haruhi stared at Hunny disbelievingly. "It was Antoinette?"
"Yup," Hunny replied brightly.
Judging by how Kaoru and Hikaru were doubled up upon each other laughing breathlessly, how Kyoya was shaking his head and grinning, and how even Mori couldn't resist a smile, Hunny was telling the truth.
Tamaki glared daggers at them all. And Antoinette? She was holed up in the basement, an apologetic doggy grin on her face.