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Chapter 4: Everything

~~10:03 p.m.~~

Joseph couldn't believe the sweet combinations of sounds that formed the words he had dreamed of and waited, it seemed, a lifetime to hear. Queen Clarisse. Clarisse Mignonette Renaldi. HIS Clarisse. Wanted to make love with him. He struggled to find just the right words to say in response to her. What is the appropriate response when your deepest desire is being offered to you?

So caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice at first the movement on the bed. It wasn't until he heard her voice that he realized too much time had passed between her question and his response.

"I'm sorry. Perhaps I misread your intentions…" Clarisse offered quietly as she stood and slowly made her way towards her robe.

At her words, he snapped back to the present. Quickly standing, he made his way to her and halted her progress with the robe. His index finger gently lifted her chin until her eyes locked with his. "You didn't misread anything. Every fiber of my being wants to make love to you. I was so busy falling into my old practice of imagining how wonderful it could be that I failed to verbalize that wonder with you."

Clarisse could barely hear his words over the pounding of her heart. She had never put it all on the line like she had today with Joseph. She shared her secret…shared herself and opened herself up to the possibility of an intimate physical relationship. Something she had not enjoyed in the past. There had always been something about Joseph, though. From the very first time she met him, she knew in her heart that he was different.

That knowledge was confirmed the first time he had touched her –or, more accurately, touched her someplace besides her hand. It was innocent…part of his job even. A hand on her lower back to guide her through a crowd. Other security personnel would have taken her by the elbow or put their hand on her upper back, keeping with protocol and propriety. But, Joseph… Joseph had rested his hand in the small of her back as though it belonged only there. It had felt possessive. It had felt right. From that moment on, even though she wouldn't admit it to herself or anyone else for that matter, she knew that he was the one that would help erase the nightmares of the past.

"When you imagined us together, was it good?"

"No," he answered honestly.

Her heart sank, "I see…"

He lowered his mouth until it covered hers moving with a slowness that belied the impatience the rest of his body was feeling. Her lips resisted, at first, not wanting to indulge herself after hearing the negative response he had given; but he was a quick learner and he knew how she liked to be kissed. Within a few moments, she was responding in earnest to his patient touch. Deepening the kiss, his tongue pushed into the warm recesses of her mouth, engaging in a primal dance with her, demanding and taking all that she had to give. He was certain he would never grow tired of how her body felt nestled so close to his and the way her nails dug into his flesh as emotion slowly crept into each pore, heating her responses and melting his resolve.

Finally, air was necessary and he broke away from the connection. "It wasn't good. It was everything."

Clarisse was trying to breathe normally. Simply not possible. Joseph had pulled her into a web of desire, setting a trap from which she could not and did not want to escape. Her voice was barely more than a whisper, "Everything?"

He nodded, "Everything I have ever imagined it could be." Then with a crooked smile, he added. "I must confess, though, now that the moment is upon me, I fear I may not live up to expectations. It has been a very long time for me, Clarisse, and the intensity of my desire for you is unmatched."

Truthfully, for all of his bravado and confidence earlier, he was concerned that he would perform worse than a nervous school boy the first time he became a man. "You deserve perfection," he offered sincerely,

Pulling him into her embrace, she simply held him there for a moment before she replied. "Joseph, for the first time I will have the opportunity to share my body with the person and at the time of my choosing. I can't imagine there being anything less than perfect about that. We'll go slow and figure it out as we go. Sound good?"

Slow is what I'm worried about… Though his thoughts said one thing, his voice betrayed him, "Sounds good."

Once back to the starting point, Clarisse sat down on the bed and guided Joseph to stand in front of her. "You are overdressed. May I remedy that problem for you?" She asked.

Closing his eyes in an effort to minimize the effect it would have on his body if he watched Clarisse slowly undressing him, he smiled. "That would be helpful, thank you."

Everything else in the world faded away as he felt her hands run slowly up his thighs until they found purchase on his hips. Though he couldn't see, he felt her warm breath exhaling near his stomach as the t-shirt was untucked and lifted. Soft lips bathed the exposed area with gentle kisses. Calm. Steady.

Breathe. He needed to breathe. Her name was a whisper in the gentle exhale of his breath. If she kept this up, it would be over before it started. Covering her hands, he grasped the hem of the shirt and finished removing it. Before he could voice a serious protest, her delicate fingers slipped under the waist band of his pants, undoing the sole button. The zipper was lowered and his arousal kicked up another notch as her hands were close…so close. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. It was exquisite torture. He wanted her to touch him. He needed desperately to touch her.

Clarisse's eyes had darkened to the deepest sapphire blue. Feeling Joseph's muscles contract under her touch, the heat of his skin and the reaction of his body made her body respond in kind. She was certain that she had never felt so aroused in her life and he had yet to touch her in a typical erogenous zone. She fought the urge to lick her lips as they had gone suddenly dry when Joseph was standing before her clad only in his black boxers. She stood slowly, running her hands up his torso and chest before coming to rest on the back of his neck. "Much better," she whispered as skin met skin.

"You are so soft…" he replied as his hands soothed over her back before one tangled in her hair; the other taking up its home at her lower back. Drawing her into a heated kiss, he could feel her body moving against his creating a delicious friction that spoke of promises yet to come.

The kiss was so much more than a kiss for Clarisse. It was letting go. Letting go of the barriers she had erected between herself and Joseph to keep them from taking the feelings they both knew existed too far; letting go of the walls she had around her heart to keep anyone from getting in and hurting her; and, finally, letting go of the self-imposed lock down of her emotions and desires that kept her from feeling truly alive.

Joseph felt her break away from the kiss. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed or grateful. Though a small layer of fabric still separated them, he already felt as though they were becoming one spirit when they kissed. Duty, age, and the past just didn't seem to exist when their lips…and bodies…touched.

"Take me to bed, Joseph." Clarisse quietly commanded.

That was one order he would definitely follow. His hand cupped her cheek as his thumb slid over her kiss-swollen lips, "Yes ma'am." He added with a smile.

The other hand remained on her lower back as he guided her the short distance to the bed. She tossed the towel from the earlier massage onto the floor and pulled back the comforter, revealing a midnight blue sheet and matching pillows. Joseph's mind immediately went back to the image of her beautiful body against the dark background. Before Clarisse started to climb into bed, he stopped her. "It seems one of us is a little overdressed. May I remedy that problem for you?" He asked, echoing her question from earlier.

Clarisse's eyes snapped to his at the question. Joseph was clad solely in his boxers while she still retained two very important pieces of her wardrobe. Once she allowed him to remove her bra and they climbed into bed together, there would be no going back. This is what you wanted, Clarisse…don't lose heart now. The woman in her was definitely voting for moving forward. The Queen was standing in the corner, saying nothing, but delivering a glare that would have caused the head of the Royal Guard to tremble. The Queen won a small battle as Clarisse asked, "Promise me this won't change anything."

Her words helped to cool his desire somewhat, which was good as he was finding it challenging not to finish undressing her and bury himself deep within her wet heat…again and again… until they both were completely sated. Definitely not slow. He understood why she was asking. They were putting it all on the line in this moment. He had always been honest with her and despite the strength of his desire to make love to her, he would not stop that practice now. "It will change everything, Clarisse."

Her heart skipped a beat at his admission. "What do you mean?" Her mind demanded she ask, while her body screamed at her to ignore everything else and take this moment…take what he had to offer and enjoy.

Joseph chose his words very carefully. "I am not in the practice of taking women to bed for a one night stand. If we take this step, our professional relationship will not change. I will do my duty as I have always done, protecting you at all costs and with my life, if necessary."

Her heart clenched at his words. Though her mind had known all along that someday his life could be sacrificed for hers, the heart finally acknowledged that living without him wouldn't be living at all. "But…" she prompted, needing to hear the rest.

"But, personally, it changes everything. If we do this, I want more than just one night."

She started to voice her concerns, but a finger placed solidly against her lips stopped the litany she was about to deliver.

"I want the promise of a future. I would never do anything to jeopardize your or Amelia's rule. When the time is right, however, we make our relationship public and share with the world just how special the connection between us is." He finished with a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

He watched as an internal battled raged deep within her psyche. Wanting to give Clarisse every advantage over the Queen in this moment, he placed his hand over her heart, feeling the violent beating under the wall of her chest at his touch. His hand moved lower until it cupped satin and skin, his thumb slowly circling the hardening tip.

"That's not playing fair," she murmured.

"Life's not fair."

Her eyes opened and locked on his, "If it were, we could be together now."

She might as well have dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. Was she really choosing to forego this night because he asked her for more in the future at some undetermined time. He pulled his hand back as though he had been physically slapped. "I'm truly sorry, then. I'll go."

Only scant seconds passed when Clarisse realized how he had misinterpreted her words, "Joseph, no. Wait!"

"Clarisse, I told you. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy. I want to be with you tonight, but not without a promise of more in the future."

She grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the bed, forcing him to sit this time. Her fingers lifted his chin until he was looking into her eyes. "What I meant was…if life were fair, we wouldn't have to wait until that time in the future to share with the world how special what we have is. We could tell them tomorrow. But life isn't fair…"

The true meaning of her words finally sunk in, "Then you accept that everything will change?"

"Personally, yes. We will have to be very careful, Joseph." She cautioned as her hands went behind her back to unclasp the first garment separating them.

Watching the fabric fall away and the precious mounds revealed to his hungry gaze, he replied, "Careful is my middle name."

"Liar," she moaned as his hands moved up to cup her breasts, supporting the weight that had just been freed.

For a moment, he simply thrilled in the pleasure that his hands felt as the uniquely feminine flesh responded to his touch. The tip hardened and puckered until he knew he needed a small taste. Leaning forward, his tongue circled the darkened area before his hot breath washed over the damp area. Repeating the action on the other side, he could feel her legs trembling slightly. He had no doubt that when they finally made it to the moment when they became one, it would be unlike any other experience either had been privileged to share with another soul. Oh yes, what they had was very special. "Come to bed, Clarisse."

The huskiness in his voice did not escape her. A small part of her loved when he took charge, issued commands. He did it occasionally when they were in a situation that deemed security dictated what steps would be taken to ensure her safety and those around her. And now…here in her own bedroom, he took charge. She willingly followed.

Sliding next to him, she let herself be pulled against his body. His broad, muscled chest was a striking contrast to her softness, allowing her to feel the smattering of hair that grazed his chest. Her leg slid over his to allow them to be even closer. This was what she had been missing…the intimacy. Although it seemed odd to miss something she wasn't sure she ever had. Moving even closer, she started raining small kisses over his face.

Holding Clarisse like this was sheer joy. Her warm body close to his; her lips moving across the small layer of stubble that had formed since he shaved that morning; and her legs intertwined with his. As wonderful as this was, Joseph was a man of opportunity. He was in Clarisse's bed: the bed of the most beautiful woman in the world as far as he was concerned. It was time to demonstrate exactly how much he cared for her. Pushing gently against her shoulder until she was lying flat on her back, the front of her body exposed to his hungry gaze. "So beautiful," he shared as he drank in the sight of her. She was just as mesmerizing as he had imagined. The dark sheets framing her body, highlighting the alabaster skin accented with a dusting of adorable freckles.

Clarisse could feel the heat in his gaze. She certainly didn't feel her age as his lips sought hers while hands moved lower to touch, to tease, to pleasure. Their kiss was light and breathy as her gasps made a deep connection impossible. Joseph circled the hardening tip of her breast with the lightest of touches, drawing her further and further from behind the walls of restraint and awakening the woman deep within her.

"Mmmm….Joseph…so good…"

The sultriness in her voice was slowly unwinding what little bit of control he had left. He was glad she was enjoying this, but if she wanted to keep things slow… You're definitely feeling your age today, old man. Keep it together.

Ignoring the rich sounds of her voice, he began reviewing security protocols in his head as he lavished attention on both breasts. With his hand, he caressed with feather light touches, arousing but not tickling; the other breasts was captured in his hungry mouth…nipping, sucking, slowly driving her mad with desire. Her moans of pleasure were increasing with the additional attention and his body screamed loudly over the security protocols, demanding release.

Clarisse's nails alternated from skirting along Joseph's back to imbedding deep within his flesh as the myriad of sensations coursing through her body sought an outlet. Never before had such worshipful attention been given to her before her body had been claimed.

Every nerve in her body was attuned and focused to each place where Joseph's body touched hers. Her upper body was overwhelmed with sensation from his attentions. His lower body was partially resting on hers, providing a counter weight to the undulating movements of her hips; movements that no longer seemed to be under her control. The cords of desire were slowly being tightened to the point where they would have no choice but to break, unleashing years of pent up desire. It excited and frightened her.

Security protocols were no longer working. He needed to move things forward, but wanted to make sure she was ready. He would never hurt her – no matter how strong his desire. In his opinion, her past experience had been limited to meeting Rupert's needs. He couldn't be certain that her "husband" had ever taken the time to make sure it was enjoyable for her or even that she was ready for him. He would not make that mistake tonight.

Lifting away from her body, he surveyed the results of his efforts with his eyes, even as his fingers danced lightly down her torso, stopping to make circles in her belly button, before tracing the line just above the waistband of her panties. Her eyes were closed, lips parted, hands seeking somewhere to hold, and chest rising and falling with shallow breaths.

She knew the moment was closing in…the moment when Joseph would claim her as his own. Years of painful consummations lurked on the edge of her consciousness, tensing her body and setting her nerves on edge. In stark contrast to the subtle fear, however, her breasts already ached at the absence of his touch. As if he sensed her thoughts, she felt his hand take hers and kiss it before placing it on her left breast. He repeated the action with her other hand. Oh god…he wants me to touch myself. It had been an eternity since she had engaged in such activities. The emptiness she felt afterward had never made it seem worth the temporary release she had received.

Fortunately, she didn't have to think much longer as his hand slipped to the apex of her thighs and began to make slow strokes through the satin. A flush covered her body as she realized that he would be able to tell how aroused she had been from the dampness he would discover.

A fresh wave of desire coursed through his body, settling in his groin as he felt the evidence of her arousal for him. "Clarisse…merde woman. You make it so hard to go slow." He growled.

"Joseph…" her voice sounded as strained as his as she tried to control the pulsing need in her lower body that was spreading throughout her limbs.

"Tell me…" he pleaded, "Tell me that you are ready for my touch."

Her hands squeezed to alleviate the ache as she whispered, "You tell me…"

Her body trembled slightly as she felt Joseph move lower to slip his thumbs under the waistband and remove the final piece of satin. She gasped as his large hand slid between her legs, combing through the damp curls. As if they had a mind of their own, her legs spread even further to give him greater access. When his touch deepened to graze the tiny bundle of nerves, her hips rose off the bed and greedily sought more. Her hands continued to work the soft flesh of her breasts and she caressed them in an effort to help quell the need coursing through her body.

He felt her wet heat and tried desperately not to think about how good it was going to feel nestled in the cradle of her love and buried deep within her body. He needed to take care of her first because he knew his tenuous control would crumble the moment he felt her heat surrounding him, consuming him…mind, body and soul.

His fingers worked the tiny bud of desire, creating a friction that was setting off a chain reaction deep within her body. It had been a while, but some things you never forget. The way a woman came undone with the proper touch…that was definitely one of those images that were forever burned in your mind. He watched with rapt attention as the Ice Queen began to slowly melt right in front of him.

Propriety was rapidly fleeing as Clarisse allowed Joseph into her innermost sanctum. Reluctantly, she had forced her hands away from her breasts for fear she would leave small imprints on them as she rhythmically squeezed them in an effort to ease the rising tension. The sheets worked better for that purpose. She felt a digit slip into her body to draw from the moisture that had been steadily gathering there since their first kiss this afternoon. Had it just been a few hours ago that this relationship started? Now, here she was, ready to experience ecstasy at his hand…oh how a few hours could change so much. Only a moment later, she admitted to herself that this night…this moment had been building for years.

Her inner muscles and lower body contracted at the slight intrusion. Having resupplied the moisture, he circled the tiny bud and watched the reaction. He was constantly amazed at how one tiny little bundle of nerves could control an entire body. There was a feeling of male pride that he was responsible for the beautiful scene playing out in front of him. Her hips were rising to meet his hand, breaths coming in small gasps and hands fisting in the sheets as the cord drew tighter and tighter. A moment later…

She lost it. The walls shattered into a million pieces while the ice melted in a puddle that flowed from her body preparing it for Joseph's possession. Her back arched as her head tossed from side to side. It was pure heaven. "Oh god…Joseph…" she cried out as her toes curled and the world around her exploded into a myriad of lights and colors that rivaled any the northern lights that illuminated the night sky.

Not wanting her to come down too far, he watched for just a moment knowing that her image would replace all other women he had ever spent time with…not that there were many. Her carefully guarded and well-constructed control had slid through his hands like grains of sand. Quickly, he shed his boxers and moved between her parted thighs. He would wait for her signal; he just hoped she didn't make him wait too long.

Clarisse's body was humming with pleasure. Joseph had put aside his needs and gave of himself to allow her to experience this pleasure…a rare pleasure that Rupert had not seen to as a general rule. She felt his weight against her lower body and the evidence of his arousal moving against her slick folds. She willed her body to stay relaxed. History had taught her that tensing only made it worse. As he moved against her, his mouth found hers.

He could feel the tenseness of her body and knew it was age old fear creeping in. In his mind he turned to Parliamentary Rules of Order to allow him to enter her slowly. His tongue slid through her lips as his lower body slid into place. He used the kiss to distract both of them until, inch by inch, he was fully seated within her tight sheath.

She felt complete. Her body had been prepared and was adjusting to the intrusion. She could also feel the tension in Joseph's body as he held back for her benefit. Feelings of gratitude washed over her as she recognized how difficult all of this must have been for him. She started a slow rhythm to help her body accept this time – this man - as different…and welcome. Hopefully, it wouldn't take long until pleasure surpassed the minor discomfort and she could give Joseph all that he desired.

"Almost there," she whispered in his ear as her hands moved up and down his back as they moved slowly together. Rather than feeling oppressed, her spirit soared as she felt the weight of a lover connecting with her not only physically, but emotionally as well.

He didn't need to be told twice. He kept the strokes steady and smooth; but with each one, he could feel her body release its hold and adjust to his length. He concentrated hard, the end was in sight. He felt her legs move apart further as her knees bent, allowing him even deeper into her body.

"Give me everything, Joseph…"

Opening his eyes to see the trust displayed so openly in hers, he nodded, "Yes ma'am."

She watched as he lifted up for better leverage; her hands resting lightly on his hips as her eyes drank in the lean, toned body moving in and out of her own. His strokes became firmer and he varied them in intensity and angle until she was, once again, writhing under him seeking release. She knew he was close and started to counterpoint his thrusts sending shards of sensation throughout both of their bodies.

Reaching between them, he circled the epicenter of nerves quickly with his fingers and felt Clarisse come undone again. Her inner muscles contracted tightly and he soared over the edge with her, calling out her name in the midst of the beautiful chaos of release.

~~11:15 p.m.~~

Exhausted, Joseph reached over the side of the bed to grab the towel they had discarded earlier. He cleaned Clarisse and then himself before pulling the covers up and drifting into a sated and welcome sleep. No longer just colleagues or even friends. The line had been crossed and there was no going back.

~~2:15 a.m.~~

Joseph stirred. At first he was unsure of his surroundings, then he remembered. Though it was dark in the room, the moonlight streaming through the window allowed him a breathtaking view of his sleeping lover. "So beautiful," he whispered to the night sky. He hated to leave her; but they had to keep their relationship hidden right now because…well, because life wasn't fair.

He extricated himself from the bed as carefully as possible, trying not to wake her. He collected his clothes and slipped his boxers back on. He just couldn't resist the urge to kiss her one last time. There was no way to know when they would be allowed such precious time together again. As it was, he was going to have to explain to Felix why he left the Queen's suite through the secret passageway rather than the front door.

Feeling his lips on her cheek, Clarisse woke. She knew he had to go, but she still hated to see him leave. "Thank you, Joseph."

"It is I who should be thanking you. For taking a chance on me…on us."

"You sacrificed a lot on my behalf tonight, my brave knight." Her sleepy smile warmed his heart and made him hate leaving her even more.

He kissed her again, "It was nothing."

"On the contrary, it was everything…"

Smiling and kissing her one last time, he made his way to the panel that would trigger the entrance to the passageway leading to his suite.

Once the door closed, Clarisse felt it safe to vocalize what she had been feeling all evening, "I love you, Joseph." She offered quietly.

On the other side of the door, Joseph leaned heavily against it. Though he couldn't say the words to her…not yet. He had to take one step at a time. That didn't stop him from giving in to the urge to whisper it quietly, "I love you, Clarisse."

Maybe one day soon they would have the courage to say it to each other, but not this day. This day had been filled with many firsts and their day would come…some day.

~~8:00 a.m. the day after the Queen's birthday~~

Joseph watched as Clarisse walked into the room. To the untrained eye, she would appear no different than she did yesterday or any other day for that matter: Calm, cool, collected and in control. His sapphire eyes saw a different woman, however. He still saw what everyone else saw, but now he was privy to so much more. The woman behind the Queen. Watching Clarisse would never be the same again. It was amazing how much twenty-four hours could change a person's perspective…could change their life.