A Terrible Twist: 4
AN: Oh boy how's Peter gonna handle this...? And SubOrbital brought up a good point - Saint Caspian is so perfect - why? Hopefully my explanation isn't too cheesy. It was totally unplanned, but felt right at the time. Plus it tied up some loose ends in my head.
Peter stared in horror, unable stop the forward motion of his sword, Susan's face twisting in agony. Ignoring Caspian as the prince fell back, Peter yanked his blade free of Susan, hoping, praying he wasn't causing more damage to her with the movement. Catching her, Peter tried to hold her up and stem the river flowing from her abdomen. Even so, even still - Susan didn't look at him, she was struggling, reaching for Caspian, her throes more powerful than they had any right to be, fueled by desperation. Unable to hold onto her, Peter splashed forward, in another feeble attempt to support Susan, who was tenderly wrapping her arms around the Telmarine prince.
"Susan...I wanted to... make you happy..." Caspian's throat worked, struggling mightily to force the last part out, "I'll love you forever..." and the light fled eyes that Peter always thought looked like dark evil abysses.
Susan howled, an animal sound that was foreign to Peter, and his own arms came up to prevent her from falling back. How come no one's coming?! But Peter could make no utterance, no hue or cry, just try and keep Susan standing, as her body got colder, that eerie keening torn from her throat in a ceaseless ululation. Unaware that his own voice had joined Susan's, for his chest felt as though it were being crushed, the noise rising and falling an inhuman banshee wailing. Clutching them to his chest, still clad in his armour, kneeling in the stream making for an odd statue of love gone wrong, the unwounded of them, Peter stayed like that an eternity.
And yet no one came.
But Someone was there, yet Peter was so blinded by his anguish he couldn't see. When spent and drained from his agony, Peter looked down at Susan, blue lipped, love and pain still painting her features, frozen forever as she stared down at a dark-haired man, who was not much more than a boy in Peter's mind. Yet even with the light having fled their eyes, it was as though they held the other's gaze, the last and only thing they ever wanted to see. Sobbing, Peter curled over them, shame rending him, What have I done...?
Like Capulet and Montague before him, Peter had caused the ultimate wrong - destroying that which he loved most by trying to keep it for himself. Somehow he found the strength to pull them both to the leaf strewn ground, positioning them so they held eachother still, with Caspian's hand on Susan's cheek, and her arms around him. With shaking fingers, Peter brushed Susan's hair back from her face, the High King taking over the jealousy and conquering it for the first time in years.
"My son," rumbling as deep as time rocked Peter, but he couldn't look up at the Lion.
He didn't deserve to.
"Yes, My son you do," a giant paw came into view as the King of Beasts and Man came closer. "Look at Me."
Struggling, Peter raised his face, "I can't undo this, can I? What must I do? Please, please tell me Aslan. I'll do anything."
Aslan lay down, his head cocked to the side, lambent eyes watching him with a mixture of sadness and disappointment, "Do you know why you are here?"
Shaking his head, "Caspian called us."
There was a sigh, "Listen My son, you have much to hear for I make no habit of explaining My actions nor what may have been."
"Yes Sir."
"Do you know why you left Narnia the first time?"
Numbly he shook his head, "No."
"I am love, and all pure love is good. So I would not have stopped your time with Susan for anything save one," Aslan's voice vibrated.
"...My jealousy."
"Yes, the moment you murdered an innocent man, who only committed the crime of loving Susan, and being loved in turn, that was when your time in Narnia had to end." Aslan looked away in thought as Peter watched, "All that came to pass happened because of one action. The Golden Age would have stretched on for a thousand years, and life would have been good. Telmarines would have joined with Narnians making for the most peaceful kingdom in any land, world, or time. That was My intention." Shaggy head turned towards Peter once more, "But it was for naught. So, I sent you and yours home, hoping that those of your world would be able to redeem you, curb you. It had been My thought that the only prevention I would use was to ensure no seed of yours would be implanted if your possessive love continued." Sighing, and Peter felt sick for what he had done - not for loving Susan, but for how he had wronged his love - killing not just one innocent, but three now, as Aslan continued, "Narnia needed the Kings and Queens - and... you needed saving. And Susan needed the soul that is still clinging to that body there. You were not willing to be absolved, not wanting to believe the wrongness of your actions."
"Aslan? Is... is that why You didn't show Yourself to me?"
"Yes, My son."
"I don't care about me, I'm... I'm not... worthy. But - what can be done for Susan? For Caspian? For... Narnia? They need... they need a king, and..." struggling, fighting so hard, "And Caspian is that king, and he needs Susan."
"This is true," Alsan stood up, looking down at him, "Are you willing to do whatever is necessary?"
"Anything. No matter the cost to myself, but I will not harm my people either. Other than that - anything You wish."
"Good."
Susan looked around, confused, "Caspian?!" Putting her hands to the side of her mouth, "Caspian!"
A throat was cleared, the sound familiar, sending a thrill of fear through her, "Su?"
Whirling, backing away, the thick grey fog surrounding Susan featureless, "P-peter?"
"Susan, please don't be scared," his hands held up, placating.
Something was wrong with his face, it didn't look the same anymore. It looked like it used to before he was always angry. Swallowing, Susan couldn't help but step cautiously back, wary. He'd done something terrible, she knew it. But she couldn't remember what.
"Susan, please, don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you, I swear it," his voice pained, raw with untold agony.
"Where am I?"
"The place Between," Peter sat, cross legged, and looked away from her, "I need to say some things, some hard things. And you don't have to listen, but... if you ever cared for me at all, or felt that I loved you ever - you'll listen."
Susan was unable to tolerate his pain, she never could, and knelt beside him, putting her arm around his shoulders. Shocked, Peter looked at her, his eyes bloodshot and agonized, as though he couldn't believe she was touching him willingly. Pulling him into her arms, so she could rock him side to side, Susan listened to his sobbing, running her fingers through his hair. In the end, she really did love him too - just not like he needed. But she did her best to ease his suffering.
Crooning into his hair, "I'll listen."
What...? Caspian looked down at his hands, they were wrong. All wrong, like twin images superimposed over themselves, one hand broad, thick fingered, pale and reddened by years of work; the other long and dark, fine boned, nimble. Both were the hands of warriors, one a born soldier the other a born scholar - in the end though they belonged to him. Where am I? though there were other images wavering over him, different hands, for different things, all flickering this way and that, just as the fog reflected back many faces to him. Two were recurring - wavy blond hair with green eyes, curly sable with eyes that glinted darkly. Stocky, short, tall, thin, muscular, wiry, sometimes handsome, sometimes homely, and they were all him. All of them. Each one had learned something, and each time waited patiently, waiting again and again for something to happen. Never knowing what.
"You have lived many times, and learned many things," there was a deep purr behind him.
Turning, Caspian saw a Lion of unparalleled size and beauty, "May I inquire as to what is going on?"
Chuckling, "I remember when you were not always so polite."
Frowning, rubbing his chin - that felt like it bore a beard then was clean-shaven then not once more, "If one were wise - one would always be polite to the Lord of Narnia."
"And you have not always been wise," Aslan walked forward, to stand beside him, gazing at the swirling mists. "You have had a chance that no man has had before in this land. I have allowed it to you, for it is rare that someone has the strength to fight so hard for something." Caspian followed as Aslan paced along, like they were walking upon a sandy beach, "That is something that has never changed about you - you have an implacable will, inconquerable. When you make up your mind you will not be stopped. There were times when I thought to spare you further, to simply take you to My Country for eternal rest. And each time - you fought, refusing, even if you did not remember the why of it."
"I do not follow Your meaning my Lord," trying to understand what He was saying.
Rumbling shook the air as Aslan laughed, deep and full of good humour, "How many lifetimes may a man have in thirteen hundred years?"
Quickly he fell into calculating, A good life is of fifty years, into thirteen-hundred, "Twenty-six."
"Close, twenty-one. And twenty-one times you chose to try yet again, not even remembering your goal."
Taking a deep breath, "What of my goal? What could drive a man to live twenty-one times, and die twenty-one times?"
"That I will not tell you, but I have a question for you - would you live again?"
And the memory of twenty-one deaths ripped through him, each one different, each the same, bringing him to his knees with a cry, leaving him gasping, laying on whatever the unknown ground was. Images too fast for him to track flashed, not even pausing long enough for him to get an impression of what had happened or why. Rolling onto his back, Caspian stared, the only thing coming into his mind was that he was some kind of phoenix, rising from the ashes, each rebirth refining him until he was nothing but energy at this point. A mind inhabiting a body that truly meant not a thing. Regaining his feet, disregarding the pain shaking his limbs he stood strong, despite the fear and desire to never feel pain like it again, knowing that if he had had a reason to be reborn the first time, that he still had one and always would until he achieved his goal.
"I will always do whatever is necessary," bowing his head, "even if I am uncertain, even if I am afraid, even if I am angry, or confused, or hurt - the right thing is the right thing, and that is what I have learned." Rasing his eyes to Aslan's, "If it pleases You to allow me to continue to learn, to try, to hope for my goal to be achieved - then yes, I would live again."
"Interesting, your reasoning has changed," Aslan eyed him speculatively. "Do you request anything this time?"
Cocking his head, "Request?"
"Yes, you have always had them, a way to get you closer to that which you have set your sights on. The last time you wished to be a prince with the power to summon things from the past," but Caspian didn't remember this life of which the Lion spoke.
Freezing for a moment he realized he remembered nothing of his life - of any of them. Consternated all he could recall was a series of things learned, of wisdom gained, of understanding of the nature of people and a strong sense of duty. That one was more recent it felt like. As though the duty to protect others was what had fueled him in his last few lives.
Shaking it off, he had a question, "How much do I resemble the man I once was?"
"Very little," the Lion smiled - a faint baring of teeth as hairy lips pulled back, "You have changed much, into something entirely different with the only thing in common being the ability to be gentle under the right circumstances."
Gentle...the word stirred something. "Fine. If I may? Then my request is this if You see fit to grant it - I wish to protect those who need it most, with the knowledge of gentleness guiding me."
"Haha - how you have learned..." and He Breathed upon Caspian.
They walked beside Aslan, and Peter tried not to think of how lovely Susan looked, in silvery-blue that brought out every shade of both colours from her eyes, and made her cheeks glow.
"You have learned all that you can learn here," Alsan rumbled.
He'd been warned that Susan wouldn't remember dying or their conversation, but that the essence would remain, as well as the memories of how he had treated her for many years - those couldn't be erased. But every word, every touch, each kiss he'd gained there burned him, giving Peter a strength that he had forgotten he'd ever lost until it was returned to him. Despite that he knew he wouldn't undo what he'd done. On his chest and back he bore scars from where a blade had pierced his flesh, his body would always ache as though it was still lanced with steel. This was his penance, taking all of Susan's hurt into himself that he could. And while the wound was healed, it would never feel as though it were. For it was not just his penance it was his reminder to be careful and cherish all that he loved and protected.
Stay with Caspian my love, Peter willed it, though it hurt to a point where he wished he would just hurry up and die already. It was what she needed, even if it wasn't what he wanted.
Sadness hung in the air around Susan, a choice before her she wouldn't be able to have all the necessary information to make an informed decision. Aslan nudged Peter with His velvety nose, offering His love and forgiveness. Grateful even as the Lion left him with Susan, Peter watched as her eyes swept the courtyard.
Taking her hand, "Su."
She didn't look at him, just stared down at his boots, "Yes Peter?"
"Could you love me?"
Susan made a little huff as she thought, then looked up at him, "I do love you."
"But not like I love you," rubbing her fingers with his. Before she could deny it, "I know you don't. I always knew, even though you tried so hard."
"I'm sorry," one fat teardrop fell from her eye, and Peter caught it on the tip of his forefinger.
"Stay Susan. Stay in Narnia," making a careful check that no one would see, he leaned down pressing his mouth to hers with loving tenderness. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Caspian - he can't stand alone."
"Neither can you," her lips moved as he pulled back, granting him the barest of kisses in return.
Thinking on their time together in the place Between, he knew he'd never be alone. Smiling through his own pain, he did the right thing, the thing that was good for Susan, and what she ultimately needed, "Stay in Narnia. They need you, and we'll be fine. All of us. It's the right thing Susan, you know it. Deep down you do."
Susan walked by Aslan's Tree staring at it, studying every bump and ridge. All was quiet in the night, Caspian was sleeping deeply, still recovering from the battle several days ago as well as the stress of the coronation party. Why did you tell me to stay? that confused Susan to no end. It was so contrary to the Peter she had known for years, as though time had rewound and he'd become the man he once was in that time before. Licking her lips her heart mourned, her loving heart wishing she could have given him what he needed. She'd been trying for so long Susan wasn't sure how to live without that driving each of her choices.
"Do you regret it My daughter?"
For some reason she wasn't surprised by Aslan appearing beside her. Shaking her head, "I'm not sure. I'm.. worried for them."
"Things will be as they will," Aslan stepped closer, encouraging her to tangle her fingers in His mane.
Comfort enveloped her as well as a strange ache in her chest, that disappeared as quickly as it came, "Do You think that... that..." The thought was horrible.
Aslan sighed, nudging her with his head, "Ask Me this and this once I will tell you part of what will be."
Shivering, "Do You think that Peter will... notice.. Lucy?"
"He will not. It has only ever been you in his heart," and the words eased the worst fear Susan had ever had.
Sighing in relief, Susan leaned over hugging Him thankfully, "I hope they'll be okay."
"Time will tell, but no story is set in stone, even the stars cannot fully predict everything, not even I can," one of His paws came up, hugging her despite how odd that would look to an outsider.
Susan dearly needed the solace He was offering, wanting a good life for her family, while taking her first steps on her own while thinking of her needs. So long she had lived for her family, never for herself, only giving everything she had to give. Not everything...
"Yes, you gave everything My child," it was a soft purr, banishing her guilt. "As did he. Peter has learned much and his absolution is at hand. Do not begrudge either yourself or him the right to his penance. Now," releasing her, "go to the other man who loves you. There is much both of you will learn in this lifetime."
Nodding, Susan leaned down once more after straightening up, to give Him an impulsive hug, and ran without a backward glance into the castle. I hate stairs! but the thought made her laugh as she took them two and three at a time, using the railing to keep from falling while holding up her skirts with the other. The pain of many years was still inside her heart, making it ache every now and then, but her soul felt light, and she wished to share this with someone. Bursting into Caspian's quarters in a swirl of skirts, the exhausted king sprang up from the bed startled, sword leaping to his hand, and Susan froze with a smile on her face, waiting for him to calm.
"My Queen?" the sword held loosely, point resting on the carpet by his bed. Our bed soon! amending it with a happy thought.
"Yes my King?" shutting the door behind her. Joyful, Susan wanted to dance and twirl not fully understanding it but not caring. He brought this to her, the way only Giles had before him. And even Giles - knightly Giles, hadn't given her so much peace and joy. Spinning about so her skirts belled Susan laughed while Caspian watched, clad only in a pair of worn leggings. Stopping and collapsing with a giggle, Susan looked up from the floor through Caspian's open bedroom door, feeling dizzy. Reaching up with both her hands smiling, "Would my King help me up please? I seem to have fallen quite deeply and only you are the stable thing in my world..."
Caspian's sword clattered as he let it drop and rushed over to her, kneeling, a worried frown on his face, "Are you well?" His hand pressed to her forehead as though to check her temperature, "You are flushed, have you had anything to drink? Something odd to eat?"
Laughing, unable to help it, Susan took his hand, kissing his palm, "I am quite well thank you for asking, and no I didn't eat anything strange nor am I in my cups! What I am..." leaning forward, so they were nose to nose, "is in love." Kissing the cleft in his chin, And what an adorable chin it is! "And quite happy about it thankyouverymuch!"
His eyes widened, glinting with surprise, "Then I am glad of it as well." She watched as he hesitated, his fingers flexing in her grip, "For I am in love as too, and have been for forever it seems."
"Good," wrapping her arms around him, nuzzling his neck, "then you won't object over much if I stay with you? You did once tell me to hold onto you. But - I never said what I wanted to then, so I'll say it now," voice dropping low.
"And what would that be?"
"That I never will let go of you again, for I cannot bear the thought."
Caspian was in awe, shocked awe, as he undressed Susan who was humming and jiggling from foot to foot, impatient. What has gotten into you? Not that I am complaining...
Susan said in mock irritation, looking over her shoulder at him as he unlaced her corset, "Hurry up! You've got the rest of our lives to unwrap me like a present!"
To that he chuckled, "Ah yes, but is it not the anticipation that heightens it?" sucking on the side of her neck, grazing it with his teeth. A soft gasp followed by a moan as Caspian bit down gently, all the while his fingers tugged each tie, going sensuously slow. He wanted to take his time, to show Susan how precious each second with her was. Some part of him felt as he had struggled greatly for her his whole life without realizing it, but mostly he felt love and contentment. And greatly aroused, I fear my Queen if I do not take my time with you I shall not last... quirking an eyebrow at the thought he smirked, done with her bindings, allowing it to fall to the floor, Then again if the last time was anything to go by I will not need to last long...
Sweeping his hands over her shoulders, pushing her shift down, Caspian rained kisses over the alabaster skin, hungry to taste it. Susan turned in his arms, fiddling with the ties that held the front closed, baring her breasts to him. Then those beautiful hands were in his hair, guiding him to a marble globe, tipped with a raspberry nubbin. Groaning, Caspian's lips wrapped around it sucking, while bunching the skirt of her shift up, stroking her thigh as he lifted it. When Susan wobbled, Caspian realized that standing up maybe wasn't the best thing to be doing at this moment.
"I have... been anticipating this for awhile..."
Raising his head, rubbing his stubbled cheek over the silky smooth skin, "Oh?"
"All afternoon."
Laughing Caspian hoisted her up, carrying her into his bedroom, "All afternoon you say? Well then, what is a few minutes more?" with a gentle toss he had her on the bed where she bounced with an 'oomph', rolling over to look at him. With her shift down around her waist, a leg naked to his gaze as well as her breasts, skin flushed and eyes asparkle - Caspian wasn't sure how slow he could go. But maybe he didn't have to.
"A few minutes is too long," wriggling out of her shift, making parts of her bounce that made Caspian's mind go blank.
Bloomers wound up bringing him back to reality when they landed on his head, covering his eyes, Susan laughed at him as he tore them from his face holding them in his fist, but he was sure his eyes were blazing as he pinned her with a stare, taking a deep breath of her scent on them before letting tossing them aside. Issuing a little growl, Caspian had his leggings off with a hard shove, and pounced beside her, taking each of her ankles in his hands and sliding them up, spreading her legs as she blushed. She was reaching for him, with little grasping motions biting her lip. Oh those lips were made to torture me... Stalking up her body, Caspian hovered over Susan, feeling very male in this moment, like some primal animal about to claim his mate.
Taking her bottom lip between his teeth and flicking his tongue over the plump skin, "Are you sure you wish to hurry this?" Please say yes, please...
Legs wrapped around his waist, pulling hips up to his, rubbing against him, while her hands ran over his face, hair, shoulders and chest, "I don't want to wait any longer..."
Sighing in relief, Caspian braced himself on one arm, the other slipping beneath her bottom, keeping her hips tilted, as he slid his cock against her folds, feeling for her entrance. Eyes rolling back in his head, he pressed in slowly, taking her gradually, trying to savour this despite his urgency. Deep inside of her, Caspian held himself still, checking her face, this was only their second time together and he didn't know what he'd do if he ever scared her. Seeing only heat and love in her gaze, pleasure making her perspire as she quivered around him. Claiming her mouth, tangling tongues with her, Caspian moved deeply, catching the puff of air as Susan gasped. Smiling Caspian pulled away, pumping steadily in her soaking wet heat, somehow keeping a rein on his desire so that he could guide her hand to her sex.
Whispering in her ear, "Touch yourself."
"H-how," it was breathy with a hint of her usual shyness, full of trust.
Leaning back, Caspian knelt, his knees shoved beneath her back and bottom, parting her folds around where he was buried inside her, "Here," placing her fingers over the pink bud. "Stroke it gently until you find how you like it."
It was a monumental effort of will for him, as he held their position, rocking against her to give the most stimulation he could. Susan's eyes were avid as she looked curiously at how they fitted together, and Caspian knew Susan had never explored this from her tiny surprised mewlings. When her fingertips went lower, circling his girth, he thought he would die. Whining, Caspian leaned over Susan, trying to keep some semblance of control.
"Please Caspian?" and he could feel her trying to get the leverage to ride him, her fingers busy over her clitoris, making her insides squeeze rhythmically around him.
Swallowing, "Are you sure...? I.. will not last long."
Susan wiggled moaning, one hand between her legs, the other thrown over her head gripping the pillow there, "Yes."
With a purr Caspian moved again, his weight laying atop her heavily, and if he was crushing Susan, she didn't seem to mind. Every moment pushed him closer to the brink, as he tried to touch all of her, laying hot kisses over each piece of exposed skin he could reach, his hips plunging against hers, slim fingers trapped between them adding to his pleasure as well as hers. A strangled cry as Susan thrashed, her back arching so strongly that Caspian was partially lifted from the bed, her orgasm triggering his and Caspian let out a long groan, holding himself still and deep, spilling inside her sheath as it milked him.
Susan was half asleep when Caspian pulled free of her, flopped in disarray beneath him, "Susan?"
"Whu?" moving only the tiniest bit.
"Going to sleep already?" All he got was a grunt as she rolled onto her side, wriggling on the bed. Shaking his head with a grin, Caspian got up to get a drink, then poured a second for her, bring it over, "Are you thirsty?" She frowned, pushing her face into his pillow with an unintelligible mumble. Shrugging, he drained the cup and put it aside. Curling around her, not bothering with a blanket and settled down content. I suppose now is not the time to ask you to wed me. In the morning perhaps... Dropping a kiss on her shoulder, hugging Susan close, And women complain of men falling asleep right after - they must not know my Queen...
Peter sat on the grass rubbing at the only scars to mar his skin, a reminder of Narnia. A reminder of Susan. On their return 'twas as though she had never existed, even Lucy and Edmund had forgotten her. Perhaps that was to the good, but he wouldn't forget, he couldn't. If only he had told her those things he felt long before, if only he'd listened when she had told him she wanted Giles to court her... There were alot of 'if only's. But in the end Peter knew he had to be at peace with this, for he'd long ago given up the right to keep her to himself. If you really love someone - you set them free. Now Susan was free... and so was he to a degree. Jealousy no longer tainted his veins, but nothing would ever lessen his love for her or the pain of his loss. It would always be her name he sighed in those moments when he pleasured himself. Nor would any other woman bring him satisfaction. Maybe one day, maybe... Maybe she would look at him and smile. But not today, and not tomorrow.
AN: (8)ebil snicker(8) oh did I mention this isn't the end of it? Well... No - it is an end in of itself... Oh nevermind you'll just have to find out when I post the fifth section.
SubOrbital: I hope I have ended this part somewhat satisfactorily for you. But you know what happens next more than anyone else, to a degree. And I'm glad I've managed to evoke alot of emotion for you, that's definitely a big goal when writing. Not just telling a story, but painting the characters, the scenes, and the feelings - it's easier to see the motivations at times through words than through gestures on screen. Onscreen it's so easy to read so many different things in, while with words sometimes it's easier to get a 'clearer' point across. Though of course everyone reads the same story differently.
emeraldteardrops: Whoohoo! Another review from you - dang lookit me drag those babies outta you - and I got a chibi Caspian! Go me! Thank you. Though hopefully you won't take him away for having let him die temporarily. And die 21 times. Well more like 22 times - because when Peter kills him he's on his 22 life. Cuz he's 22 (8)waggles eyebrows(8) And I say so because I can. Ain't it lovely to be able to do that? Also I'm extremely flattered that you love this fic so much despite the 'cest. Frankly it's kinda odd for me - as I say in the first section, this sorta story's not my cuppa'tea. And I coulda made it so much darker, part of me wants to, but it wouldn't have been fair. It's more a story of love gone wrong and redemption I suppose and finding that which can heal you. Yet this is actually one of my favorite fics I've written. Hopefully the smut at the end won't throw you, I've had enough ppl bugging me for more sexings for Caspian and Susan (8)cough(8)kimi, flatmate(8)coughcough(8) that I decided to throw it in. Well that and I also wanted to show how unburdened Susan felt even if she didn't remember dying and her conversation with Peter. Soo... voila. Smexings.
kimdragon: Heh... heheh... Yes you get the sneek peek. But later. Hell it'll probably be done by the time you're up. What with the whole Oz vs. Canada time difference.
I'll listen, I always do...