They had sat in the Camaro for 10 minutes, both refusing to say anything first, but both knowing that it had to be Stiles who started the conversation. Stiles couldn't figure out why he even contacted Derek, let alone what he should say right now. The more he tried to think of how to come clean to Derek, the more he worried about what he would think and what he would tell everyone.
Oh God! Stiles thought. They can't know. They'll all pity me, or look at me disgusted. Part of Stiles worried.
Another part of him didn't want them to know purely to be selfish and petty. They don't deserve to know it thought. Why? So they can through it in his face. So everyone can use it to get back in his life only to half-heartedly apologize, or not apologize at all and start using him for their own ends again?!
He couldn't mend the two thoughts and his heart beat showed this. It was beating so fast that Derek was growing seriously concerned. Stiles could read it clear as day on his face, one because he had gotten closer to him recently and two because he it become a new facial feature in the directory of facial cues from the Sourwolf since he had stated to open up to Stiles.
It had been so long though that he had last talked to Derek, like actually talked. He had become so emotionally stunted himself recently, and he hadn't talked about what had happened to him to anyone, not even himself, how was Stiles supposed to open up to someone he knew couldn't really help him anyway.
His heart was beating rapidly, and Stiles knew what was coming, as panic attacks were nothing new to him, but he had tried to expose them to Derek as much as possible. His mind had started to wander off, and never registered that Derek was calling his name, trying to get his attention. When Derek had touched him his mind immediately took him somewhere he did not want to go.
Stiles was back in that room, and it definitely was not Derek touching him and he once again reliving his worst moment to date. He faintly heard Derek start to scream as his own panic over came him, and then all he felt was water cascading down his head, onto his face and then into his nose and mouth as his rapid breaths caused him to inhale. This shocked him enough to bring him back to the car, where he realized he was in the fetal position on the floor underneath the dash board on the passengers' side. There were tears running down his face, as he knew what those felt like on his face, but he hoped that the water helped mask how many there were.
Derek's back was straight against the drivers' side door, eyes wide and hands held flat against his chest, palms toward Stiles. The universal symbol of 'I come in peace.' He was very still and just looking at Stiles.
Stiles took a moment to compose himself, burying his face in his sweater, simultaneously wiping at the tears and water, trying his hardest to slow his breathing and wild heart. His face was still buried in his sweater when he whispered a soft 'thank you' to Derek, barely hearing it himself but knowing the wolf could hear it clear as day.
. They had gotten closer, which has only increased his worry for someone he now considered a friend. He, with the Help of Stiles before, had been trying to work on his problems. Seeing Stiles like this made his heart feel like an ice hand was squeezing it, and like there was a ton of rocks sitting heavy in his gut.
His breathing picked up a little as his eyebrows knitted together. His eyes started to dart over the thin frame of Stiles, trying to address what was causing him to panic so much. The car reeked of fear and anxiety and anger, with a small amount of shame, which had him worrying more.
And when had he started to waste away so completely Derek thought as he was trying to decide how to get Stiles to calm down.
"Stiles," Derek began, "Stiles!" He tried again a little louder, not sure how much force he should use with him in this state, but nothing was getting through to the boy. Derek reached his hand out and squeezed Stiles' shoulder in his unresponsive state.
He made sure not to give it his old intimidating squeeze but to make it as reassuring and supportive as he could in his stinted emotional state. However, he was unprepared for the reaction that Stiles had. Stiles had quite literally jumped back against the passengers' side door, eyes wild and heart beating incredibly fast, much faster than the rate that already had Derek worried. His eyes then shut and he started muttering things. "nonononono", "stop, please. Please, stop", "You can't" and small whimpers. He was holding his head like he had just got decked and shrunk down into the small space where his long legs usually barely fit, rocking himself back and forth and muttering nonsense that weighed down on his heavy gut.
Derek didn't know what to do, so he kept trying to keep his space and rouse Stiles via his name. When that was not working, he decided to grab the nearest cup, luckily filled with only water, and just dumped it over the shaking frame of Stiles, making sure to put the distance between the two of them afterward. He kept as still as he could, giving Stiles the time to come back to him. His heart had skipped a beat as he tried to register what happened, and then went back to a still fast rhythm, but much more Stiles paced.
He watched him bury his tear stained face, shame and fear filling the car now.
When Stiles was sure he wouldn't go into another episode he took his face out and looked at Derek for a second. He looked scared and sort of vulnerable, not very common for the Alpha.
"Sorry" Stiles was continuing to whisper, looking from Derek to his fumbling hands.
Derek took a second to respond, giving Stiles a few up and down looks, as if he was still unsure of his state. "You don't have to apologize, Stiles. I get it, you-"
"No you don't Derek!" Stiles shouted, causing both of them to flinch backwards. "You'll never get it. I'm sorry I bothered you, but I have to go now. Thanks for coming." And with that Stiles attempted to get up from the small cavern, sure he looked like a freshly born baby giraffe, but needing to get out of there.
Stiles pushed the side door open, with a little too much force as it ricochet back into him, but he kept on moving, stomping away down the street towards his home and stashes. Derek easily caught up and kept pace with the teenager.
"Leave me alone Derek!" he screamed, but was too tired at this point to hold any real heat in his words
"Stiles, you can't leave. We haven't even talked yet!" Derek knew he couldn't let him leave in this state. He didn't know what was going on, but he just knew he had to find some way to help his friend.
"I don't want to talk Derek, calling you in the first place was a mistake. Get back into your car and drive back to your pack, and just leave me alone!"
It hurt Derek, but he was going to keep at it. He had a bad feeling if he left Stiles at this point, so he just kept quiet and kept pace. Stile kept upping his speed, knowing full well it was pointless, but what else was he going to do?
"DEREK!" Stiles was angry now. He just wanted to get drunk and give himself a little relief. He wasn't ready to tell anyone. But he also knew that if he didn't let someone in soon that he might never be able to. They both just stood facing each other in the middle of the residential street, the outside world seeming to have given them a few moments of peace for once.
"Fine, lets walk" he said, deflating. And with that they walked towards the preserve and an off the path trail hardly anyone used anymore after flooding had washed the path away.
They walked for about 20 minutes, coming to clearing at the edge of a creek that flowed through the preserve. Stiles took a stump, and Derek just stood, giving the boy his space and time.
Stiles bowed his head, his breathing picking up. Derek could smell the salt from the tears, and could hear his apprehensive heart beat. He wasn't going to rush him and needed to know. The three words that shakily came out of the boys' mouth made his heart and breathing still, his mind going completely blank.
"I was raped" Stiles has gasped, his breathing becoming erratic as he forced the truth out of his mouth.