A/N: This one's been long overdue. It's just been finding time to do it. So here's one I really wanted to write for some time-
Presenting, Jeff vs the Timothy Dalton lookalike who was also on 'Chuck': Part one of three.
"All of time. All of space. Everything that ever was, and ever will be. Every moment that you ever knew or heard of. Every star in the night sky. This is my TARDIS, and I'm inviting you to accompany me. We can go to the edge of reality and watch the Sun set on the last Battalion of Karrionites. Or we can go and meet the famous poet Homer of Troy. The choice is up to you, Jeffrey Barnes,"
Jeff looked up from his vantage point beside the controls of the TARDIS, once again examining the man who sat before him. Impossible. Good looking, in a creepy kind of way. Jeff would love to see him fight in a cage match, just so he could take pictures and send them to his Thailand friends.
"I have an idea," Jeff whispered, then reached into his back pocket. His fingers clawed at the edges of his scientific calculator, then found the scrap of paper he sought.
"What's that?" the Tenth Doctor asked, eagerly eyeing the paper. He loved it when his companions became independent. He also liked gingers. Not that this one was anywhere near as cute as Donna Noble…
"I made a list of places I want to go if ever a mysterious man ever arrived in my back garden with a time machine," Jeff explained, then handed the piece of paper to his new friend.
"Because the chances of that happening are remarkably slim. Anyway, the paper says "Strawberry jelly, Mayonnaise and Waffle Mix. None of those planets exist," the Doctor smiled, placing his geek glasses on to double check Jeff's awful handwriting.
"You never know. I heard that people got probed by aliens. Do you probe people?"
The Doctor froze in horror, then placed his left hand on the accelerator.
"I'm from Gallifrey. We don't do anal probes!"
"I wouldn't judge you man. I nearly tried it once with this hobo I found living in Nevada. Or was that mouthwash. I forget,"
The Doctor's hand flew over the television screen and began to twist some dials. After a second of awkward silence, they were in flight once again.
"There we go. TARDIS set to take us to the planet of Waxxworth. A gigantic wax museum, a bit like Madame Tussauds, but in space! Imagine Jeff! You can see the Moxx of Balhoon, who looks like a great big blue baboon!"
"They stole Morgan? That sounds fun Doctor. Let's do that!"
Over the whirring of the engines came the sound of the Mexican Hat Dance. Jeff's hand once again found his pocket, and his eyebrow raised instantly.
"Doctor, do you know anyone called 89671?"
"Yes Jeff, because where I'm from we all call ourselves by numbers,"
Jeff's face hardened, then he spoke the words which came from the text.
He will knock four times.