As the flaming Danny Phantom began to attack the attendants of the festival, randomly setting them ablaze and watching them scream in agony, Mxyzptlk changed from the Santa costume into his usual purple suit and matching bowler. "Hey, fire guy! What's the big idea? I had a great thing going here!"
The possessed halfa stopped setting stuff on fire for a minute to chat. "I am the evil spirit of Grinch Junior! My father was once the quintessential grouch, setting the standard of meanieness for all who came after him. But the Whos had to sing that dumb song and make him nice! After that, he wouldn't let me pick on the neighbour's cat and forced me into choir practice! Now, using this halfa host for my spirit, I will have my revenge!"
"Blah, blah, blah, something bad happened to me so I'm evil, as if we haven't heard…" A punch to the face cut off Mxyzptlk in mid-insult, and after that, Grinch Junior resumed his rampage as he flew through the air, severing many toons' heads and spurting blood everywhere. "I ain't cleaning that up." The skies turned red and a huge wall of fire and wailing souls rose from the ground, preventing any chance of escape, although some stupid toons tried to bypass it.
With many of the characters either dead or trembling in fear, the ground cracked open, with smoke escaping the fissures, which meant the Woodland Critters had just made their grand entrance.
"Hi, y'all," said Squirrelly, "How do you like our bloodbath of horror? Isn't it fun?"
"Sweet!" said Cartman from behind a pile of ravaged corpses.
"Shut up, fatass!" said Kyle, as the Woodland Critters turned in their direction, "They'll hear you!"
"Don't be such a pussy, Kyle! They're my creations! I'm…" Grinch Junior blasted them both with a firey attack anyway.
"Yay!" said Woodpeckery Woodpecker, "Now we can start work on our temple!"
"Hey!" said Beary Bear, "Why not, first, we feast on these cartoons' corpses?"
"Maybe when our temple is built," said Deery Deer, "we can nail their disembodied limbs on the walls for decoration?"
"Yay!" the critters cried in unison.
"Hey!" Before they could sink their teeth into the carcass of Daffy Duck, the critters found themselves facing an annoyed Mxyzptlk. "Who do you guys think you are, causing the apocalypse and spoiling my fun?"
The critters answered him with a song:
(Sing to Bird Dog by the Everly Brothers)
CRITTERS;
We're worse than the Joker (we're so bad)
We'll grab this bitch and choke her (we're that bad)
She'll be used for sacrifices (she'll be damned)
Then we'll eat her guts with spices (oh so damned)
We're worse than the Joker and we make some sacrifices (we're critters!)
You think we look so cute (saccharine)
You see the cutest critters (ya ever seen)
But when we make you empty (your bowels)
You see demonic critters (on the prowl)
While you think we're cutesy we're gonna murder you all (we're critters!)
We set this place on fire (we did kill)
We'll even build a pyre (yes we will)
Well, devil's gonna rule now (so evil!)
Won't that be really cool now? (yes it will!)
We're gonna take over and we will make this our temple (we're critters!)
We're critters and we are straight from Hell,
We're critters and we won't treat you well
Critters and we don't leave our victims alone
PEOPLE STILL ALIVE:
Hey, critters oh so satanic
Hey, critters who are wrong and sick
Critters please go pick on someone your own size
Upon hearing that verse, Grinch Junior bit the survivors' heads off.
CRITTERS:
We're critters and we are straight from Hell,
We're critters and we won't treat you well
Critters and we don't leave our victims alone
MXYZPTLK:
Hey, critters, you better go quit
Hey, critters, face Mxyzptlk,
Critters you better get away from this place or else!
"Normally," said Mxyzptlk to himself, "I'd just butt out and leave the schmoes to their own problems, but I never pass up a chance for some good PR."
"You think you can beat us, y'all? We've already won!" said Squirrelly, gesturing to all the corpses.
"Meh, they're expendable. I can still kick your furry butts though, and I'll start by exorcising Hot Stuff over there!" With a flash, Mxyzptlk changed his wardrobe to that of a nightgown and shower cap. "I knew all those episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog would come in handy some day!" While temporarily distracted by Grinch Junior's attempt to set him on fire, he still recited a chant which sounded something like a cheerleader's cheer. "Kick him in the dishpan, whoo whoo whoo? I can see why the demons hate this stuff!"
The exorcism worked, despite the ridiculousness of it, and the spirit of Grinch Junior was removed from Danny Phantom's body. Danny rubbed his head in pain before being blasted into bloody bits by the Woodland Critters' attacks. As the critters began to feast on the bloody bits, Grinch Junior looked for a new body to possess. He found one in the form of Meg Griffin.
"Hey, I'm one of the few not brutally tortured and murdered! Maybe things are looking up," the poor girl said before being possessed. In his new body, Grinch Junior leapt at Mxyzptlk and began to claw at his face. Almost hesitant to retaliate due to what he was forced to look at, Mxyzptlk nonetheless pried off Grinch Junior and threw him right at the Woodland Critters. The spirit exited Meg's body, leaving her to be mauled and torn to pieces as part of a sick sacrifice by the critters. Never gets a break, does she?
Grinch Junior now decided to possess one of the corpses and turn it into a super-powered zombie. Before he had the chance, Mxyzptlk cried, "OK, it was fun at first, but now it's just annoying." To remedy this problem, the imp made a suitcase appear from thin air and trapped Grinch Junior inside it. "Now for you furry freaks!"
Unfortuneately for Mxyzptlk, while he was dealing with Grinch Junior, the critters had drunk the blood of Goku and Vegeta, thus absorbing their abilities and becoming Super Saiyans.
Gasping at this development, Mxyzptlk tried to use his magic, but was slammed on the floor by Deery Deer, who proceeded to rapidly kick his face in, before Mxyzptlk escaped by teleporting. This didn't do any good because the minute he moved locations, an array of fireballs shot by Beary Bear hit him in the noggin, giving him a headache, before Squirrelly Squirrel dove for his chest and knocked him right into a ruined stall. As hard as he tried to do something, turn them into bananas, make them disappear, Mxyzptlk found himself unable to perform his usual antics.
"You silly imp!" said Squirrelly, "The combination of our original satanic powers and our new Super Saiyan powers is far greater than your fifth dimensional magic!"
Dazed and confused, Mxyzptlk replied, "Ya don't need to tell me twice!"
Feeling triumphant, Squirrelly Squirrel felt now was the time to bring on the coup de gras. "KA-MAY-HA-MAY" Mxyzptlk cowered in a pile of debris, awaiting pain, but instead…
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Looking up, he saw the critters had all been shot in the head by none other than…
"SANTA!"
An angry-looking Santa stood, complete with machine gun. "You're lucky I came and murdered those sick bastards!"
"What ya talking about? I was gonna cream them until you showed up and ruined everything!"
"Hey, you're the guy that threw that crappy party, aren't ya?"
"And you were stuck down the Trap Door and had to fight off monsters…good times, eh?"
"You've been a very naughty boy, Mxyzptlk. You drove Superman insane, ticked off Bizarro, made that poor caribou kill herself…"
"But I made Mr. Whiskers happy, didn't I?"
"I don't like Mr. Whiskers, even if the world would be a dystopian hell-hole if he had never been born!"
"Can't I have at least one present?"
"You have magic! Can't you just make a present appear?"
"It's nice to receive…"
Santa rolled his eyes. "Just say your name backwards and get the hell out of here."
"What if I wanna stay?" After having a machine gun shoved under his nose, Mxyzptlk did as he was told and disappeared.
With that out of the way, Santa used his Christmas magic to resurrect all the cartoon characters murdered by the critters and rebuild the festival. As the last stall rebuilt itself, everybody turned to Santa and gave a roaring round of cheer and applause, except for Butters, who was still a little confused.
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" yelled Santa.
"Um, excuse me, Santa," Bloppy Pants and his band just approached Santa. "Would you mind if we played a big musical number for the finale?"
"Sure, why not?" said Santa.
"Hey!" cried Bloppy Pants, when he had found his way on stage, "You all excited for Christmas? You better be, 'cause if you're good, you're be getting a visit from the FAT RED GUY!" The song began.
(Sing to Rock Lobster by the B-52's)
After Christmas party
Which had mince pies and some dip
We go upstairs and slumber
Waiting for Red Fat Guy!
All the cartoons cheered and leapt up and down as the last three words were sung.
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
We were all in bed
Everybody had hanging stockings
Little me crept out of my bed
And then I saw some red
And I knew the red
It was the Red Fat Guy!
As the song was sung, Bender went about, stealing random things from random stalls and placing them in his stomach compartment. A drunken Peter Griffin slapped him on the back, causing all the loot to spill out. Peter also accidentally hit the giant chicken, but, since it was Christmas and all, they just laughed and hugged each other.
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
Red Faaat Guy!
Red Faaat Guy!
Heavin' on Christmas Eve
He goes ho ho!
Lots of candy
Toys so dandy
He was by the grate
He wasn't late!
At a stall, Abe was having a swig of cider, when all of a sudden, he saw none other than Claudia, ready to apologise.
"I thought you killed yourself!"
"Here's the thing – this is a stupid fic that makes no sense. Anyway, I'm sorry. Here's a gift card."
Red, Red
Red Fat Guy!
Ho, ho...
Way up in the sky
Reindeer flyin'
Flyin' for their pay
Flyin' their way
Small elves mushin'
Snowmen slushin'
As he hopped on his sleigh, Santa noticed the Joker had stolen one of his sacks. Just before he could do something, Santa saw Joker pull out a teddy bear, which he gave to Harley Quinn. This elicited an 'aww' from some people, before Joker threw all the toys in a wood chipper.
"That," said Joker to Santa, "is for getting me coal instead of a chainsaw!"
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
Red Faaat Guy!
Red Faaat Guy!
Ignoring the Joker's actions, Santa took to the air, and distributed some early gifts.
Gift paper wrapping,
They're toy trappin'
Tree lights blinkin'
Fruit cake stinkin'
Red, Red
Red Fat Guy!
Ho, ho!
With Santa flying back to the North Pole, the toons turned their attention towards the music. The penguin pallbearers had returned to form a dance line, and the snowman had returned as well, despite rapidly deteriorating.
Santa, Ho!
Santa, Ho!
Let's rock!
Toys and soft beanies,
Dolls and skateboards
Everybody's laughin'
Everybody's lunchin'
Sittin' round the fire
Feelin' nice
Roasting the chestnuts
Warmin' from the ice
Put on your cute hat
Give ball to your cat
Watch the robin flutter
Let's build a snowman
Let's go 'Ho Ho', man!
Let's watch the Heat Miser
Also the Cold Miser
Scrooge, the Old Miser
Let's watch the red robin
Watch out for that Grinch guy
Let's eat a mince pie
Here comes a reindeer!
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
Red Fat Guy!
"Excuse me?" After the song was over, the attendants turned their attention towards a strange short man with a sweater-vest and a creepy mask that resembled a ventriloquist's dummy. "Now that the song is over, I have some very nice Christmas stories to share that I'm sure the kids will love." Everyone felt a slight chill.
Back at the fifth dimension, Mxyzptlk sat on his couch in a huff, not paying attention to his girlfriend dangling the mistletoe over his face.
"I'm not in the mood, Gsptlsnz."
Just then, Grinch Junior's spirit floated out of the briefcase with some mistletoe of his own.
"Are you in the mood to give me a kiss?"
YAY, IT'S OVER!