'How are you doing?' I turned around on the spot when Chrollo had found me again at school a week later. By any means, I wasn't intending on keeping this contact lasting. If that would happen, chances were fairly big that I would really start to feel comfortable around him – he's that kind of person - and our true secret would come out. I can't have that, I don't want to kill anyone, please stay away from me. 'Do you have anyone to talk to about this? Do you take counseling for this?' He continued talking even when I'd already removed myself a couple of steps, but luckily, one of my own teachers intervened, taking the conversation off my hands.

'For what purpose would Kurapika need counseling, Mr. Lucilfer? He's our top student.' With a small gesture though, he commanded me to stay for this conversation. I turned around and looked Chrollo directly in the eyes. If you so much as hint at what happened last week, I think I'll suddenly stop having problems to kill.

'Nothing too serious, but the pressure of being top student can be high. I've heard he's not really socializing, so I thought some counseling would actually help.' He casually pocketed his hands and smiled back at me. Wipe that fake smile off your face please.

'We're short on counselors, so I rather keep them free for people who actually have a problem.' I responded myself, and my teacher followed up on it,

'That is basically the case here. I know you come from a bigger school, but here we do not have the resources for small problems like this that can be solved at home.' I felt my eyebrow twitch when he mentioned that home could take care of it, and Chrollo unfortunately noticed.

'Oh, don't get the wrong idea, when I was an intern at my previous school there was little room for counseling as well. We were very prestigious, but also greedy. There was no money at all for something as "trivial" as counseling.' Did you actually work there, or is all of this just cover up? 'Because of that, I made sure students always knew they could talk to me. I'd hate to see someone with so much promise like Kurapika fail at something just because he didn't have someone to talk to.' You liar, you never counseled before in your life, have you?

'You have experience in this field?' Goddamnit, no, don't fall for it,

'That's okay, I don't really have a need for counseling either way. It's a lot of work, but I'm managing just fine. I have a very understanding family at home that provides me with the support I need.' My teacher looked back at me a second, 'Although it is kind of you to offer this advice, Mr. Lucilfer, I don't want to inconvenience you with something that doesn't really need the attention.' Please give it a rest, adding you to my life, will only give me more stress.

'Oh, but it's no problem at all. I'll not force it on you, of course, but you can make an appointment with me if you need it.'

'Hold up, we'd need to do paperwork for that first. But I do agree that it's not a bad idea if you see him once or twice, Kurapika. You seem more stressed than usual.' Yeah, and the problem is standing right in front of us. None of this hostility reached my teacher though, and Chrollo ignored it. Goddamn all of you.

'Exams are coming up, so of course I'm more stressed.'

'I know you're not one for asking help, but it can't hurt. Please make an appointment with Mr. Lucilfer first thing tomorrow.' I narrowed my eyes at Chrollo, but was trying to contain my rage at this point. Even though it was his victory, I didn't see a celebration of this anywhere in his body language.

So ultimately I just sighed and raised my voice to give my final response.

'I refuse.'

'Kurapika!'

'I don't like this man, and counseling with someone you don't like is counterproductive, isn't it? Like I said, I get enough support from home to deal with everything, I'm not-'

'If I had a penny for every time a student told me they didn't like a teacher or any member of the staff, I'd be filthy rich by now. You're going to see him tomorrow for an appointment.' Goddamn all of this.

'… …Fine. Can I go now?'

'You're excused, and don't show that attitude again.' I was excused, but my teacher was the first one to leave. Gesturing for Chrollo to follow me, I decided to take him along to a more quiet place to speak my mind, and we ended up outside. Once we reached a clear parking lot, he spoke up first.

'I'm sorry, I never intended to force you into this, you clearly-' I reached up and smacked him across the face.

'You know nothing about my situation! You think just because you witnessed something, that you understand?! How dare you make this more stressing for me than it already is?!' In the height of emotion, I smacked his head back the other way. I couldn't believe this fucking guy!

'I'm sorry. I thought it would help you. I will have a word with your teacher to annul this, alright?' He looked back at me like none of the previous minutes had happened. 'But seeing you like that last week, I think you're fooling yourself if you say you're doing just fine.' My eyes widened even further when I heard the nerve of that guy saying something like that. So I was ready to slap him again, but this time he intercepted me by grabbing hold of my wrist, goddamn you! 'No matter how well you believe you can deal with it, bearing a secret like that is heavy. The burden doesn't really show itself until confronted with a stressful situation though, and last week that happened. You broke down instantly.' He let go of my wrist, even though I still wanted to smack him. 'You think I don't understand your situation? I was brought up to be an Assassin, I've had my share of stress.' I took a step back when he mentioned his actual profession.

'You're afraid of me now? That's not strange, but don't you think that a specialist like me would have taken your life already if I was interested? No, interest doesn't even matter. I'm a professional, I don't kill unless I'm ordered to.' I took another step back. 'Still unsure? Information gathering by intimate contact isn't how Assassins work, you know this. The fact that we've already been seen together would put me on the list of suspects if I wanted to do anything to either you or your family. I have no interest in taking you out.' His reasoning made sense, but my instinct still dictated I take another step back. His lips curled up when he saw this, and he hung his head a moment.

'I guess it can't be helped. I don't know a lot of people who'd react positively to learning of my profession. If there's still any doubt about the teaching, that profession is not a lie. I'm not specifically here to track down a target, I just needed to leave the last city I lived.' He looked back up when he noticed I'd stopped taking steps back. 'But this is all rudimentary information. Ask me anything you want to know to be able to trust me, because I'd hate to see an open heart like yours go to waste.' He held his hand out a second, but dropped it again when I delayed my answer.

I'm a fool for not walking away.

'I can't even know if you really are an Assassin. There's nothing you can say that will make me feel comfortable around you.'

'Oh? Then it's actions you need? Just like last week?'

'Last week meant nothing!' I violently gestured with those words, but I was lying to myself. I'd nearly cried in his arms just for not rejecting me at that point. I can't say that that's nothing, even though I want to. 'I already know everything you just told me, it's nothing new, and it's just the way I'm going to live.'

'But what if you could still protect your family without being unhappy? What if there was another way to live that you just don't know about yet?' What is he…

'Then I-' Then I won't take it… I wanted to answer resolutely, but it didn't make sense and it was killing me. There is no other way, is there? But I'd like there to be… I can't even know for certain this guy's an Assassin like he says he is. Neither is it certain that he'd be bothered by being a suspect in the murder of my family. Who are you?

'Hm? Is the only way you'll accept really through action?' I shuffled my foot back when he took a step in my direction. 'If anything, you should realize I'm not going to kill you here. It would be too obvious and messy, and I'd want to keep from drawing all that attention.' I looked straight in his eyes when he took another step, and continued the motion when he realized I wasn't walking away anymore. 'You can frisk me for weapons if that will make you feel better.' I scowled at him for asking, and answered through my teeth, snarling,

'I goddamn hate you.'

'That's a lie.' Realizing at that point that it actually was, I allowed him to lay his arms around my shoulders, and softly pressed my head next to his. What I actually hate, is that I'm so goddamn twisted at this point by what I have to do, that I realize I don't trust anyone anymore outside the family. And that hurts like hell. I felt my chest tighten and muscles stress when that realization passed through me.

My arms lifted themselves when I heard the calm rhythm of his heartbeat next to my own increased one. I don't trust you, I can't trust a word you say. But I want to. I want to be able to trust someone. The mere thought passing through made my throat clench up. I can't handle any of these deep-rooted emotions being surfaced, there's a reason I push them away to be able to do what I do. But I can't actually stop it if you keep doing and saying stuff like this. Because it actually feels good to let go.

A/N

All of the time I'm asking myself, would I be able to resist if someone like that would come into my life? And it scares me to think that I would probably give in so hard, without even knowing anything about them.