Chapter 4

I'm out here alone
Just trying to get you home
To tell you I was wrong, but you already know
Believe me, I won't stop at nothing to see you
So I've started running

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
And I think that all that still matters is love ever after
After the life we've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked
The night that you walked
Burns like an iron in the back
Of my mind
I must have been high
To say you and I weren't meant to be
And just wasting my time
Oh why did I ever doubt you
You know I would die here without you

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Dean and Bobby looked everywhere, but it seemed that Sam had just vanished from the world. Dean was sick worried overthinking what his little brother could be doing to himself (or maybe he had already done). His big brother mode was on and fully charged, as Sam would say. His guilt hadn't gone away, and it was increasing as the hours went by. Bobby told him infinite times that they were going find him alive, but he wasn't so sure about that, and deep inside neither was Bobby. They had received the letter later than they would like to, and both men were desperate and scared. They needed to find him right now!

"I don't know what I will say to Sam when I see him. I didn't mean what I said. He said to me months before that I was like a father for him, and now I am just another fatherly figure that let him down. That kid and you, Dean, are the reason why I keep fighting these days. I'm old and many times I have found myself with a gun in my hand"

"I know Bobby. Believe that I know that you didn't mean that. He's not himself right now. The kid's destroyed. I can't even imagine how much he's suffering right now, thinking that we want him dead! And the son of a bitch doesn't answer his damn phone! I have called him more than twenty times and every single call went straight to voicemail!"

"He will be alive Dean. We are going to find him"

"What if he's dead, huh?! If he dies thinking that we hate him, I don't know how I am going to move on, keep fighting. He's my little brother, pain in the ass most of the time, but still my little brother. You know that…I won't be able to sell my soul anymore, and that is the only way that I can bring him back"

"Hey! Stop saying those things idjit! What do you think if instead of growing lady parts you call him again and stop torturing yourself?"

"He's not going to answer Bobby. You and I know that!"

"Just call him Dean. Balls! You Winchesters are gonna be the death of me! John was a hardheaded, but you and Sam… you won by a big difference!"

Dean decided that he was not going to talk anymore, and instead called Sam again. The same results happened, and he exhaled frustrated, wanting to destroy everything, even the world he was living in!

Why did Sam and him had to be condemned? Why they couldn't have the innocence that normal people had?

Just as Sam said once, when Adam appeared in their lives, all the Winchesters were cursed. Adam had had a normal life with his mother, and the only thing that had been a problem by the time was his absent father. But then his mother died, and he did too. The ghouls ate them alive, and Adam died with just 19 years old.

As far as Mary, now he knew who she really was, and what she had done. She was also responsible of all that was happening, even if he didn't want to admit it. She sold her soul to the yellow-eyed demon, and that cursed Sam. His little brother was just a victim of very bad decisions, and no one could deny that. He hadn't thought about that before. Sam told him how different he had felt since he was a kid, but he never talked about that to him until he grew up. His brother probably thought that feeling like that was normal, since his family was not normal either. He didn't know when John found out about Sam's destiny, or how much he knew, and he was pissed because he kept all of it for himself, like everything else in his life. He had been rough with them, rougher than any other hunter with kids. A part of him was thankful because they grew being really strong men, but the other part of him hated John. He had left Dean alone with just 9 years old to take care of his little brother. He was not complaining about it though. As a kid, he had enjoyed looking after Sammy (and he still felt that, even if the same little brother was now a Sasquatch). The problem was that John put too many responsibilities on him, and expected things from him that at the time couldn't give him. He remembered the one and only time he cried when a werewolf attacked him and the wounds on his arm started bleeding. His dad told him "You know who whines? Babies. You are not a baby anymore. Put your big boy pants and lets go. We need to kill that damned thing and go to the motel and to meet Sam".

Another problem had been when his father came back drunk from the bars, usually on his wife's death anniversary or her birthday. He was violent, and Sam was very curious to know why his dad was crying and breaking things, like always, right? He still wanted to know everything like a nerd.

Once or twice he had had to lock the bathroom door with them inside before he'd come. He used to throw plates, break windows, and once it hit him when he tried to made him stand up and see his injuries. He fell on his back and rubbed his face feeling scared of the man that he thought he idolatrized so much. John hadn't even looked at him, and left the room shouting things that he couldn't understand. Sam came out of the bathroom asking him if he was alright, and he just said "Yes". He had to be strong. He was a big brother, and according to what he knew, big brothers were heroes. Heroes had a weird or sad life before they became what they were, and he realized that he fit perfectly in that category. He was Sammy's superhero!

He grew up being silent about his feelings and fears, and Sam never understood that. But he hadn't because Dean always protected him from John's influence and hard lessons. He wanted Sam to be a kid for a little while longer. He did it until he turned 9 years old and found their father's journal and the practices started. He hated the moments when Sam started crying after John shouted at him, telling him that he was going to get them killed with a simple mistake. Those moments broke his heart, but he knew that Sam had to learn everything just like he did. After few years it seemed like he just got used to the kind of life that they had. He became a real Winchester (just like John used to say to Sammy), saving people and hunting things. When Sam turned 15 years old things started to change, and his relationship with his dad too. They fought at least one time at day, and the tension could be felt in the thin air. Dean stopped most of those fights, but in some of them hurtful words were exchanged and Sam ended up crying or John ended up drunk in some random bar around the area.

When Sam left them to go to college, he didn't do anything, didn't say anything to him. He just heard how John told his younger son to leave and never come back. That was what he had done without words after Sam broke the last seal (without meaning to, of course), but with faces expressions and actions. He became John Winchester, and he hated himself for that.

"Hey Dean. Snap out of it!"

"What?"

"I've been talking to you for at least five minutes and when I looked at you, you were staring at nothing. I know that you're worried, but we need to focus on what's important here"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. It's just that I got distracted"

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing. Let's just go to the motel and try to find another road that Sam could have taken"

"Sounds like a plan to me"

Bobby and Dean entered inside the motel, and after few minutes the old man asked Dean to call Sam again. He did it hopeless, but as soon as the knew that Sam was at the other side of the line everything changed.

"Oh, Bobby. Finally! ... Sam, listen to me. We have to talk man. Please. I need you to meet me at the motel we were in, please!"

"…"

"Sam, I know you're there. I know that you can hear me. What Bobby and I said… was crap man. We can't loose you. We're just mad, and when we are mad we say things that we don't feel. You have to believe me…us. You're my little brother, and I promise that we will fix everything. We just need time and patience. I promise that we'll be brothers again"

"…"

"Sam! Answer me dammit! Sammy, talk to me man!… "

Dean cursed out loud when Sam ended the call. He hadn't even made a noise, and that made him be even more stressed and worried. He was still alive, but considering how affected Sam was at the moment, he knew that soon he wouldn't be around anymore.

He called him again, but his brother didn't answer.

"Dammit! Now we won't find him"

"I'm not so sure about that. I tracked the call while you were talking. He's in Jericho"

"Oh Bobby! I could hug you right now!"

"We have to follow the GPS, and that will let us know where he exactly is "

The men left the room without saying another word and headed towards the Impala. Now they were not that hopeless. They were going to save him and made him understand how important was Sam for them.

Author's note: Hey guys! How are ya?

I want to thank CBloom2, Arwenadreamer, Doclover, SpnKsl5, TweetyRulz and Kandilyn for the awesome reviews!

Also, a big thank you to all the new followers!

This chapter specifically took me a long time! I don't know if it will be liked, so I need you to leave a review and tell me what do you think about it, please!

I wanted to give Dean a little personal POV, since I have been focusing all the attention to Sam. So, I think that for now that's it. In few days I will upload the next chapter!

Love ya! J