Disclaimer: I don't own the Mass Effect universe or Bioware.

«0.03: Eden Prime: Scientist Camp»

«or Kimochi Warui»

Shepard heard something echo through the air. He stopped in his tracks and stayed there listening intently. He heard it again. It was the sound of a bullet streaking through the air. Shepard muttered under his breath and ran up the hill, Ashley and Kaidan following closely behind. When he reached the top of the hill, however, what he saw nearly took his breath away.

He recognized it immediately, of course. It was in the transmission from Eden Prime; the one he had watched on the Normandy. What he saw was something resembling claws. However, he realized that that didn't even come close to describing what he saw now.

What it was…whatever it was had a body. It was an elongated metal, reminding him of the squids back on earth. But instead of the normal two-meter long body that he remembered from pictures at the zoo, this thing was taller than that of the Empire State Building. It was more than half the size of the Arcturus Station. There were no words to describe how massive this was. And it was moving upwards, towards the sky, it's claw moving where the thrusters were.

"What the hell is that?" Kaidan breathed.

"It's a ship! Look at the size of it!" Ashley exclaimed.

They watched as it rose up above them and off beyond the clouds. Then they heard a familiar sound, a familiar screech. Shepard looked down and noticed the three spikes lowering the husks down to the ground at the bottom of the hill. He also noticed two geth troopers shooting at them. And a body.

"We've got company!" Shepard growled and instantly dropped to his knee and took out his sniper rifle. Ashley went wide to the left and got behind a boulder while Kaidan slid down the slope to the left and into a crate, using it for cover.

Shepard peered into the scope and saw the two troopers making their way from the cargo area and down the steps. He also noticed a plasma container. Known to be very explosive if the container was punctured.

He smiled to himself.

Ashley got out from cover and saw the husk coming for her. It had the face of a young woman, screaming in supposed agony. Ashley gritted her teeth and fired at it.

It's not human, she told herself. It helped a little.

Kaidan used his Biotics to lift the husk coming at him. It swirled around in the air, flailing his limbs trying to get down from its perch. It continued to scream.

Kaidan fired once in its head, grimly.

After blowing the troopers to bits (he giggled at how they flew through the air), he noticed that one husk had somehow gotten past Ashley and Kaidan and was coming straight for him.

Shepard placed the rifle back on his back.

The husk was a meter away.

Shepard reached for his shotgun.

The husk jumped, flying through the air towards him.

The husk was so blinded by whatever was infesting its brain; it didn't feel the barrel of the shotgun enter its screaming mouth as he jumped.

Shepard fired and sidestepped, letting the dead thing fall onto the ground beside him. He considered the husk for a moment, and then looked up at his two teammates.

"That was pretty damn close, wasn't it?" he said in a noticeably upbeat tone of voice. He chuckled to himself. The other two chuckled a little as well. Shepard walked towards them, a small smile on his face. Then he noticed movement in the shed behind Kaidan. Shepard's hand shot straight to his pistol and brought it up to his eye level.

"Wait!" said the man. "Stay calm! We're not armed!" Behind him, another man and a woman were behind him instantly shot their hands up towards the sky.

Shepard instantly brought the gun down and breathed. He swallowed and holstered his sidearm.

"Don't do that next time," Shepard told them.

"Sorry," the man said, thought he seemed a bit relieved.

"Any of you hurt?" he asked.

"No, we were hiding out in the shed," the man told him. "I'm Cole and these are Blake and Maddie." He gestured to the man and woman standing behind him.

"We were told a beacon was brought to the spaceport, do you know if it's still there?" Shepard asked Cole.

"I don't know," Cole shrugged. "The spaceport was where that monster ship landed. We just saw the ship and made a break for the shed."

"Tell him about the noise, Cole," Maddie said. "That awful noise." She rubbed her temples.

"Yeah, it was making some kind of signal as it descended," Cole said. "Whatever it was, it sounded like the shriek of the damned. Nearly made it impossible to even think."

"It was probably trying to jam communications," Kaidan said. Shepard nodded and looked back at the group.

"Alright," Shepard looked at them. "Listen, if you go up the hill, you'll find a campsite. There you'll find Dr. Warren. Make sure you call for her and don't freakin' sneak up on her. You can hide out there until reinforcements come through here. We clear?"

"Ye-yeah," Cole nervously said.

"Don't worry, we cleared that path so you'll be fine," Shepard told them.

"Thank you, sir," Cole said and gestured to the others behind him. He began walking up the hill with Blake behind him, but Maddie walked up quickly to Shepard.

"Um, sir?" she said. "I have a son in the Alliance military. I haven't heard from him in a while and I was wondering if you could…I don't know, check up on him. Please? I know it's a lot to ask for, but if I just had some word from him, it would be nice."

Shepard looked at her for a moment with unreadable eyes. He sighed.

"Alright," he finally answered. "Tell me his name and I'll see what I can do."

"Uh, his name is Richard L. Jenkins, he's a Private," Maddie told him hopefully.

Shepard just stared at her. He breathed heavily and rubbed his face.

"Can you come with me please?" he asked her.

Ashley and Kaidan watched as Shepard took Maddie inside the shed. Cole and Blake waited nearby the shed, silently waiting for Maddie. Ashley could see Shepard and Maddie inside through the small windows, but only just. Kaidan had told her about Jenkins. What were the odds that his mother would be here? Ashley had given people bad news before. It never got easier.

"How you holding up, Chief?" Kaidan asked her.

"Well enough, I suppose," Ashley shrugged. "Can't believe this is happening."

"Well, believe it or not, it is happening," Kaidan, said gently. "And we need to move forward."

"I know," Ashley told him. "Where'd you get that from?" Ashley chuckled jokingly. Kaidan joined her.

"The Commander told me that when I said the same thing you did," Kaidan said. "We were on a mission together, once. To find and take down a lunatic L2 biotic. He had murdered an entire family of people and was holed up in the house, not letting anyone in. He was also holding a young baby hostage. He used to be part of the Alliance so the brass sent in Shepard personally. They ordered Shepard to give the man a chance to surrender if he wanted to, but to take him down if he didn't surrender. I was his back up, but really, he didn't need it."

Ashley listened intently.

"The minute he reached the site, he charged in with nothing but his knife. I heard him yell, 'Sir, if you don't stand down, I will be forced to take lethal action.' The L2 was, technically, his superior officer and Shepard treated him as one. There was a boom and then he yelled again, 'that wasn't very smart, but I'll say again. If you do not stand down, you will die.' I heard the L2 scream and saw a table fly through the window. Shepard yelled again at the man, 'last chance, sir.' The L2 yelled again and then it was cut off. All you could hear was the baby crying in the back. Then he yelled that it was clear and we rushed in."

Ashley blinked as Kaidan found the words again.

"What was inside was a blood bath. An actual blood bath. There were probably 8 dead, men, women and children alike. In some areas, the carpet couldn't absorb the blood anymore, there was so much. I saw Shepard hand the baby over to someone else. That was when I said that I couldn't believe that this happened. And that was when he told me what I just told you."

Kaidan blinked at the ground.

"That was about a year after Akuze. The brass berated him for rash actions, but Shepard didn't really seem to care. That was when he was sent to Dr. Chakwas for psychological evaluation, but frankly, I don't think she got anywhere."

They were silent once again.

"The commander isn't what I expected," Ashley told Kaidan.

"What were you expecting?" Kaidan asked.

"I don't know," Ashley admitted. "I guess that I expected some heroic figure. But the more I see him, the more human he becomes. I see human emotions in him, like anger and humor. But I also see something…dark in him."

"You know his past is a mystery, even to his adopted family," Kaidan said. "And that's how he wants to keep it."

"I know that," Ashley told him. "But still, I find myself wanting to know more about him. What drives him. I mean, a few minutes a go, he was one second away from becoming food for those…things, but he laughed it off a second later as if it never happened. And now, you told me about how he charged right into the maw of a crazed biotic and walked away without breaking a sweat, shrugging it off like it was nothing. Akuze, Torfan and Elysium. He stared death in the face so many times, I can hardly believe it. And yet he still walks on as if it never happened."

"It's because he doesn't really care," Kaidan said. Ashley looked at him, confused.

"He lives in the now," Kaidan told her. "He doesn't seem to care if he lives or dies because that doesn't matter. Sure, he stared death in the face so many times its unbelievable, but that's because once he comes out of it, he doesn't care about it anymore. He doesn't think about it. He just worries about his next move.

Ashley stared at Kaidan. Was this true?

"So, he just doesn't care?" Ashley asked. "About anything?"

"Well, I don't know for sure, I've only been with him twice before," Kaidan eyes narrowed. "But he does seem to care about he lives of people around him. He made sure I told the truth so that I wouldn't get court marshaled. I would have lied to the brass in my report so it seemed like Shepard did everything by the book, but he made it clear he didn't want me to get hurt by it. I guess he doesn't really care if he lives or dies, but he cares if other people are going to get hurt because of him."

Ashley understood. She remembered how Shepard told her that he was the one who shot the farmer on the spike. There was nothing she could have done, because Shepard made the call. He had pulled the trigger.

This only piqued her curiosity. She was even more intrigued in this elusive man named Commander John Shepard.

She heard a wail from inside the shed.

Shepard had told Maddie of her son's fate.

Blake and Cole rushed in as Shepard stepped out.

"But sometimes," Kaidan whispered. "Hurting other people is unavoidable."

Shepard looked up towards the sky, breathing in the almost burnt air from the fires. He tried to drown out the sound of the woman crying behind her, the comforting words from the two friends.

They were good friends, never leaving her side.

Shepard licked his lips. He could still taste the lie on his tongue. Nothing more he could have done? Yeah, right. There was plenty he could have done. He died honorably? He was ambushed and taken off guard. His death was quick? He bled out before he got there.

He felt disgusted-

No. Now wasn't the time. He still had a job to do. Later.

He walked down the ramp and towards Ashley and Kaidan. Ashley looked at him apologetically and Kaidan frowned sadly. Shepard glanced behind him one last time.

"We need to get to the spaceport."

Pretty short one here. At first I was going to add this along with the team finding Nihlus but I felt it didn't work out so it was just a separate chapter. A little bit more on Shepard's mentality and his past. Had to edit the prologue too so check that out. Seriously, I hadn't planned on that story at all. But the more I wrote, the more came out until that incident appeared. Strange what comes out of ones imagination.

The title is Japanese and strangely enough, has more than one translation. It could mean anything from "I feel sick, I feel disgusting or how disgusting." Even in Japanese it could mean anything along those lines. I chose it because its hinted that Shepard feels disgusted. With himself possibly but it isn't explicitly stated.

I got the idea from Neon Genesis Evangelion, the anime series. The last words spoken in the movie, End of Evangelion, are spoken by one of the main characters literally right before the credits roll. Despite the fact the movie came out during the 90s, even today, it is still a heated topic as to what she (the one who said it) meant by it.