Chapter Four: Freedom
A month after seeing Tommy again, we decided to meet. Tommy wanted it to be Saturday. I told Lee that I was meeting a friend, not a lie. He made no comment on the matter. He was just that trusting. But I had nothing to feel guilty about. I was just meeting an old friend. A guy friend. An ex-boyfriend. My first love. Lee did not need to know all of that.
"I'll be home in time for dinner," I said giving Lee a kiss.
"Ok, love you," Lee said.
"Love you too," I said before leaving.
It was odd that Lee didn't even bring up that it was sex night. Then again, he never made a big deal over sex. I used to be put off by his attitude towards sex, but after we talked about it, I understood. He told me his father was a sex addict and that addiction had ruined his family. Lee didn't want to be like his dad so he tried to have a tight control over his sex drive.
I met Tommy at a little café downtown. He was dressed in black. Black long sleeved shirt, black cargo pants. He looked so casual.
I smiled as I approached his table.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi," he said standing.
I took a seat and so did he. We chatted about our lives after we last saw each other. I learned that he was once a race car driver. Then he went off to school and studied biological science before deciding on being a paleontologist. Then teaching.
I told him how gymnastics didn't work out. How I met Lee and basically my whole dull life. But I didn't make it sound like I was bored. I tried to make my life sound exciting.
When our time was up, Tommy kissed my cheek and I felt an excited rush I hadn't felt in a long time.
Sex that night with Lee was bland.
The following Friday, I met Tommy again. We talked about random topics. Then, the week after we went to see a movie.
Lee didn't seem to mind that I was seeing a friend. He never even asked me for a name.
One day, after Lee had gotten home from work, Tommy and I met at the same café as before. A table was unavailable so we had to sit at a booth. We sat side by side. We talked and we were slowly scooting closer together. We didn't move away as our legs touched. I remembered Tommy saying something funny and I laughed. When my laughter slowed, we stared into each other's eyes for a minute or two. Then, suddenly, we kissed. It wasn't just a quick, oops kiss. It was a long, sweet kiss. The kiss lasted for several seconds.
"I'm sorry," Tommy said when he pulled away.
"No, it's okay," I said.
"No, it's not," he said. "You're married."
"I know and this will never happen again," I said.
"You're right, it won't," Tommy said firmly.
After the kiss incident, Tommy and I only talked through our phones. I finally told Lee that Tommy was a guy. He was okay with that. I did not tell him about the kiss. I was being a coward and didn't want to ruin my marriage. But, secretly, that one kiss meant more to me than the last hundred Lee had given me. With that kiss, I felt desire. That kiss made me feel free. And deep down I wanted to feel that kind of freedom again. And when I realized how deeply I felt from one simple kiss, I knew I could never allow myself to ever feel that kind of freedom again.
END OF CH. 4