Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine.
Author's Note: This chapter contains mature themes, and Sasuke and Hinata are a little bit OOC. Also it's very silly please don't take it seriously. Ever. Just don't. I mean, I encourage you to read it, yeah, but don't expect anything, okay?
Today was Sasuke's day off from university. Hinata had a midterm that day, and so he decided to make himself useful by cleaning their apartment. He thought that it would make her happy, coming home to a clean house that he was responsible for.
He started with rearranging the shoes rack by the door. Hinata had a penchant for high heels; he never thought that she'd be the type of person. But, the woman knew how to carry herself and so he let her be. He liked carrying her on his back when she got blisters from them anyway. Especially when he felt her lovely breasts pressed on his back every time. Sasuke was a pervert like that.
Which would explain why he bought a motorcycle instead of a car. Yup, he was a pervert all right.
Finishing the shoes rack rearrangement, he moved to get the vacuum out of the storage room and proceeded to clean the carpets. Bits and pieces of Hinata's hair were everywhere; she had a ridiculously long mane of blue-indigo hair that went past her plump butt. Sasuke didn't mind. He liked combing through her soft and lustrous hair with his fingers (and then he would promptly pinch her butt cheeks once he reached the ends).
After the carpets were cleaned, he went to wash the dishes on the sink. He put on gloves and an apron. Normally, Hinata was in charge of the kitchen and thus was also responsible for the dishes, but seeing as she studied for her midterms late into the night, he understood and told her that he'd do it. That made her smile.
One would mistake him for a housewife (househusband?), and it crossed his mind when he was almost done with the dishes. He chuckled a bit when he remembered that one night he came home to find Hinata in nothing but an apron. He had an enjoyable night. A smirk made its way on his face as he also recalled how he took her greedily right on the kitchen counter with no care in the world as pots and pans fell to the ground.
Hinata then told him she had another surprise in their room. Sasuke was too eager to kiss her as he carried her to bed and started round two.
His breath hitched when he remembered their frisky night. It was their 6th anniversary, and they did it for 3, probably 4, more times. Hinata was a sex goddess, albeit a pure and innocent one, and Sasuke took full advantage of that no matter how contradicting it sounded.
Was Sasuke always a pervert? He thought, no. It came natural for him only around Hinata.
As he was finishing up, he went to their room and proceeded to clean the closet. Hinata's side was fairly organized, his wasn't. He made to pick up some of his clothes from the floor, but paused once he spotted a frilly pink box under Hinata's clothes.
He was curious. What was inside? His first guess was lingerie, and that made his mouth water. Hinata always had sexy underwear on, and he was none too grateful for that. Just this morning, he managed a peek and saw her wear a black lace bra with the clasp in the front, and a matching black lace thong with strings on the sides. He shivered at the thought.
Enthusiastically, he reached for the box and tugged on the cover. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and tentatively opened the box. He gasped, surprise evident on his face. He didn't bother hiding it, this indeed was shocking even to him.
Recovering from the shock, he made to glare at the offending object in front of him.
Sasuke was royally pissed.
In front of him was… was an 8-inch pink and thick vibrating dildo. He frowned at the phallic item.
He was sitting in a closet, glaring at a dildo as if he could make it disappear. What was Hinata thinking when she bought this?! Was she so unsatisfied with his dick that she chose to go out and… and pleasure herself with this fake and abominable thing instead? Did she not like the real thing anymore?
He slammed the cover back and proceeded to carry it to their room. He dropped the container on the bed and reached for his cellphone. Hastily, he put it to his ears as he waited for the other person to answer. Three rings later, a voice echoed.
"Hello?"
"Naruto," Sasuke said breathlessly. "I need to talk to you."
"Woah, tone down the anger, man. You and Hinata had a fight or something?" Naruto shouted. Sasuke's eye twitched. Why did Naruto always assume that he and Hinata had a fight whenever he called?
Well, Sasuke couldn't really blame Naruto. He did only call him when something was up between him and Hinata. And today was no exception.
Sighing, he went straight to the point as always.
"I found Hinata's dildo."
Cue the deafening silence.
Sasuke managed to hear a strained cough in the background. He sighed again. This was as awkward to him as it was for Naruto, but he didn't really trust anyone else except him. Kiba? He'd bite him, not kinky at all. Shino? He'd plant parasites on him. Neji, especially? He'd probably have his dick ripped off and fed to the Hyuuga greyhounds while he squeezes lemons on his genitals. Sasuke shivered. That man was beyond insane when it came to Hinata.
And the list goes on. He wasn't exactly a friendly or sociable person. He didn't like noise either, except if it came from Hinata's mouth and he elicited them. For a shy and meek person such as his fiancée, she sure was loud and wild. So it was true what they said about the quiet ones…
"Sasuke…" Naruto started. He was really, really uncomfortable with this. It was 2pm on a beautiful Wednesday, which he spent on the beach with his girlfriend, the bubbly Sakura, and Sasuke just had to dampen his spirits with his dark and brooding, moping, sulking self.
"…WHAT THE FUCK, TEME," Sasuke heard Sakura wince in the background when Naruto screamed into the phone. He then heard him apologize to her. There were some shuffling noises, and a door slamming shut was heard.
"You disturbed my date with Sakura-chan just because of a sex toy?!" Naruto went inside a cottage and locked the door. He knew how Sasuke valued privacy. Sakura also understood, so she let Naruto continue their conversation as she lay in the sand trying to get a tan.
"Yes," Sasuke sounded confident, arrogant even. That made Naruto even angrier.
"Kami, Sasuke. I wish Death had taken me instead of having to talk to you right now. What's the problem with Hinata having a fucking dildo, anyway? Isn't that normal for girls?"
"!"
Sasuke was baffled. Normal for girls? He was kidding, right? Hinata wouldn't… right?
The silence continued, and Naruto was having none of it.
"Teme, d-don't tell me… You're jealous of a sex toy?"
The uncertainty in his voice and his stutter brought out Sasuke's anger.
"Fuck no."
"Shit, Sasuke, I knew you were possessive, but this is too much–!"
Sasuke had had enough. Naruto wasn't helping him at all, and on top of it, he was insulting him! He ended the call and slammed the phone back on his desk. He eyed the box where the absolutely offending item was hidden. He was going to have a lengthy talk with Hinata later when she comes back.
Meanwhile, Hinata felt anxious.
She knew it wasn't because of the midterm. She was pretty sure she aced it anyway, since she could answer almost all of the questions with ease.
She let out a lengthy sigh, and took the bus home to the apartment she shared with Sasuke. some of her friends wanted to hang out with her, to celebrate and have fun, but she declined because of the feelings of uneasiness she just couldn't shake off.
When the bus arrived at her stop, her anxiety only worsened. Her heart was beating fast, her palms were sweaty, and her knees were weak. Every step she took from the bus stop to her apartment felt like lead.
Once she stood in front of her apartment door, she could feel that something was wrong. She didn't really want to open the door, scared that they might have been robbed or something. But then, there was also the possibility that Sasuke could have been murdered… and she panicked at the very thought!
With a newfound drive, she hurriedly put the key to the door and unlocked it, dashing straight to the living room to see if anything was out of place.
What Hinata saw shocked her. Nothing was out of place. That was what was weird. Everything was neat and clean. The books were in the shelves in alphabetical order, the DVDs were stacked neatly near the video player, and the blankets on the couch were folded meticulously.
She proceeded to the kitchen to see if it also got some changes, and she was not disappointed. The pots and the pans were safely hidden in cabinets, the plates were arranged according to color, and even the contents of the fridge were properly tidy.
Her initial feelings of apprehension were gone, and was replaced with delight and glee. How wonderful of Sasuke to have cleaned the apartment! She hadn't had the time to do chores recently, and she had apologized to him for neglecting her duties, even though they had shared equal responsibility in their home.
As a way of thanks, she decided that she was going to cook him the best dinner he has ever had. She hummed a soothing melody as she went to the front door to pick up her bag, since she had dropped it in her haste to come inside.
She made her way to their bedroom, skipping along as she thought that since he had a day off today, there might be another surprise waiting for her inside.
Sasuke was having none of it, though. The moment he heard the door open, he rehearsed how he was going to approach the delicate subject at hand. Once he felt her footsteps nearing the bedroom door, he quickly turned the knob and yanked it open.
Hinata was in ignorant bliss and hugged him immediately, oblivious of the sour look on his face.
"Oh, Sasuke, thank you so much for cleaning the apartment while I was gone! I was thinking of cooking you an amazing dinner as thanks. Anything specific you would like?"
She asked, still hugging him. He, however, wanted answers, and he wanted them now. And as always, he was blunt and straight to the point. Hugging her back, she pulled her in and locked the door behind her. In a series of movements, he managed to untangle her from his neck and pinned her wrists above her head. He glared at her and she in turn gasped at him as she tried to make sense of his mood.
"Sasuke, what's wro-"
"Why the fuck do you have a dildo in your closet?"
Hinata froze, not because she felt as if a secret has been exposed, but because she had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
"Wh… what?"
"Don't act innocent, Hinata. I saw the god-awful frilly pink box under your clothes."
So much for rehearsing how to approach the 'delicate' subject.
Hinata shivered just from his glare; there were traces of malice and downright anger in his eyes that were aimed at her. She honestly did not have a clue what the everloving fuck he was ranting about, and she hoped that he could see that. Seconds passed, minutes passed, and still Sasuke wouldn't let go of her.
Clearing her throat, Hinata decided to resolve the… impending doom at hand.
"Where is it…?"
Sasuke raised his eyebrow at her. He tentatively, carefully let go of her wrists, but was still in close proximity to her. Never losing eye contact, he sidestepped and gestured towards their bed.
Hinata flinched when she saw the god-awful frilly pink box Sasuke was talking about, sitting comfortably on top of the comforter. A wave of familiarity instantly hit her; where had she seen it before?
Out of habit, she tilted her head a bit to the right as she scrutinized the box. She was sure she saw it somewhere before… Didn't Sasuke say it was in her closet? Maybe that's it.
No, she reasoned. It wasn't. It was something else.
Sasuke scoffed at her. She had the nerve to act all innocent and genuinely curious. Who is she kidding, anyway? Definitely not him. He didn't believe this facade she was showing to him right now. He could see that she recognized the box.
She did recognize it, but it was too late. Sasuke wasn't really listening to her reasons anymore (she thought he'd just think of them as excuses more than anything else).
Oh, that's right! She didn't buy it; Ino did. Ino bought it for her as a Christmas present. She had winked at her and did suggestive gestures, and Hinata tried to make sense of it. Once she did open it, she was as red as a tomato, and immediately scolded Ino. She laughed at her as the innocent heiress dumped the box in her closet, trying to push her out of the room.
She guessed that she had totally forgotten about it, not that she wanted to ever use it anyway.
"Why?" he blurted out without really thinking. She looked back at him, confused. He himself didn't know what the question implied.
Why are you lying right now?
Why are you acting as if this isn't your fault?
Why did you buy a dildo?
Why didn't you tell me you bought a dildo?
"Why don't you like my dick anymore?"
Why did it have to be in a god-awful frilly pink box?
Why are you-
Sasuke stopped thinking, realizing that he actually blurted out the one question he didn't mean to ask, along with the stinging sensation in his eyes.
Hinata tensed. She paid no attention to the question; she thought it was trivial. However, she did notice how his eyes were starting to gloss over. Was he… going to cry?
He didn't mean to ask that question. Out of all the questions he could've asked, that wasn't it. He was embarrassed and tried to hide it because he basically questioned the depth of his manhood to her, and that sounded really un-manly. And Sasuke was very manly. And manly men don't cry. Like, ever.
He bowed his head, and willed himself not to let the tears fall. He knew it was stupid crying over something so stupid as this. Hell, crying itself was stupid.
But his thoughts were running all over. Who knew what else Hinata was hiding? First, she was getting tired of his manhood. Next thing he knows, she'd be tired of his snoring, and then his constant complaints, then his body, and everything else about him, until she would eventually break up with him.
And he didn't like that at all!
The thought of Hinata leaving him was his final breaking point, as he let the tears fall freely on his face.
Hinata unhesitatingly blushed. Her whole face was burning, she could feel the blood from her head down to her dainty toes. She looked at him with wide eyes and tried to make sense of the situation. Did Sasuke even realize what he was asking?
Trying to fight down her blush, which was unsuccessful, she piped up.
"Sasuke, I… I would never-! I like your… your d-d-dic- PENIS… is… uhmm…"
She started to hyperventilate. She hasn't been this nervous in so long, and frankly, what was there to be nervous about? There were things far more embarrassing than this situation, but Hinata mused that it just wasn't her day today.
Sasuke continued crying silently as big fat tears rolled down his stupid face. He felt so utterly insecure and a big whiny baby right now. Absolutely nothing like a true hot-blooded Uchiha. He mused that it just wasn't his day today.
Fuck the dildo, honestly.
Before anything ever progressed, Naruto burst in their bedroom with furious, angry, violent eyes. Choosing to ignore the current situation at hand, he slapped Sasuke right in the face. Blinded by utter rage, Sasuke wiped his tears (effectively regaining his manly manhood back), and hugged Naruto as thanks for helping him regain his manhood.
As they said goodbye to each other with sparkly, pretty, absolutely emotional words ("I fucking love you, dobe." "I fucking love you too, teme!"), Hinata was left dumbfounded by everything in the world because nothing made sense, nothing ever made sense actually. Why are you still here? Fuck the system.
She fainted.
A big thanks to Payung Biru, damnheart.o3, umnia, MirukoUchiha, Nafsi-chan, noodle, and Immy for their wonderful and helpful reviews!
This story was made on a whim, and I really just wanted Sasuke to cry over something so insignificant (but a major big deal for him). I don't know what to write next, I don't know how to incorporate the dildo story lol and I can't write emotional confrontational hilarious dialogue so this is where I stop. In all honesty, I just wanted this story out of the way.
I somewhat regret writing this to be perfectly honest but what the hell, you know? I already wasted time on this lol so whatever bros peace out.
(Also, thanks to whoever said that they wanted a continuation of chapter 3 demon Sasuke because I might actually write it but with Hinata's POV this time.)