Chapter Four
Changed So Much

Her hand reached into his mind and she began searched for the bindings wrapped around the part of his mind they needed the most. She found three carefully bound ropes and pulled on them. The stubborn ropes would not move as she pulled harder and harder on them. She could feel the magic emanating off the ropes. It was strong magic, very strong magic. She saw the glow of a green light and casted a shield around herself and the ropes. She needed to get the ropes off now but she had to be careful. Otherwise, they might lost this part of his mind, the part the needed. She reached in with her other hand and pulled hard on the ropes using both hands. They moved a little. She pulled harder, harder, and harder until finally the ropes were unbound. She smiled and pulled out of his mind. She grinned at the thought of the sweet chaos that was about to come.

Sif had felt pain before. She had felt it on the battlefield and in the sparring rings. She had the scars to prove the pain she had endured from Thor's adventures to other worlds. She had a particularly nasty scar across her back from where a bilge snipe had attacked her. It was safe to say that Sif was used to pain. It left her knowing she was alive- still fighting, breathing, and living. However, this was a new type of pain. A type of pain she had not felt before. It tore at her heart and made it ache. It twisted her stomach into tight knots. It left her weak on her feet and caused her back to tighten. She had no wounds or bruises on herself to cause this unusual pain. Her teeth and fists clenched tightly and she found she could not move as she watched Loki's magic be returned to him. It was a decent-sized orb that glowed a vibrant green around Loki and a deep blue around others. It had nearly turned all the way black when it passed by Sif. Her fists had clenched even tighter when it passed by her. She watched the more skilled sorcerers direct it back into Loki; but something must have gone terribly wrong.

Loki's eyes had flashed open, his mouth had dropped, and his face contorted into pain. His back had arched up off the bed and he let out a terrifying screech of pain. His arms lashed out at the healers, knocking them to the ground with a hard blow to their stomachs until they had pinned his arms down and his legs for good measure. He screamed out again, pleading for the pain to stop as tears ran down his cheeks. Sif longed to shove the healers off of him, to hold and tell him that everything was okay and that she would make the pain disappear, but she was frozen solid as she continued watching. Very slowly, his skin began to turn blue. Ridges and bumps started forming on his skin. He let out a bloodcurdling scream, sending a shiver down her back. His green eyes closed and reopened red.

She did not miss the exchanged glances the healers gave each other as they tried to hold Loki down. They weren't prepared for something like this. None of them were prepared for something like this. The glowing green orb was halfway through Loki's chest and the sorcerers were looking weary. A few of them were slumped against others who kept them upright. Sif felt someone tug on her arm and then tug again and again. "Sif! You have to leave!" Someone- she presumed Thor- had yelled at her, pulling on her arm again causing her to stumble backwards slightly.

"No." She protested half-heartedly, her teeth finally unclenching, pushing away his hand and looking away from Loki for the first time in minutes. She turned back to look at Loki in his full Frost Giant appearance writhing in pain on one of the healing beds. "Why is this happening to him? What's wrong?" She looked back at Thor.

"Sif, you need to go. It is too dangerous, even for you." Thor explained pulling on her arm again. Sif pulled herself out of his grasp. "There's nothing you can do."

"I am not leaving." Sif argued stepping away from Thor right before a healer pulled away from Loki. Part of the healer's arm was dark and in the clear shape of a hand print. Using his free hand, Loki managed to free his other hand and feet away from the other healers and continued thrashing about on the bed. "Loki?!" She exclaimed running over to him. "Loki?!" Sif grabbed one of his arms and tried to hold him still. "Why is he like this?!" She demanded, causing her gaze to one of the sorcerers.

"The only reason I can think of is that his body is accepting the magic back but his mind is refusing it." One of them explained quickly, holding another upright.

"No, no! It hurts!" Loki was screaming, tears running down the side of his face. His arm was still thrashing about in her hand. She grabbed his other arm and forced his arms to his chest, just under the now red orb. "The pain- Sif! Make it stop!"

"Shh." Sif shushed him, straddling his waist and holding his arms to his chest, keeping him still. "Relax." He bucked underneath of her in pain. "You have to accept your magic back." Loki screamed once more as the orb sunk into his chest, disappearing from sight.

Was he falling?

Had he hit bottom yet?

If he was falling, would it hurt when he hit the ground or was he numb to all feeling in his limbs?

If he had hit the ground, why couldn't he move or did he choose to lay here instead?

Loki didn't know, he didn't question it farther than that. He had let go. Willingly, he reminded himself. What other choice did he have? He had a lot to think about now that he was falling- or lying somewhere on the ground. Loki thought of her, of course. Sif was his life, as was magic, but she took precedent over that. She would always take precedent over that. If she asked him to give up magic, he would have. Just for her. He wondered if she knew any of the stuff he would do for her if only she would ask, most likely not. He remembered that look she gave him right before she left the throne room. She had never given him that look before. It was so full of hatred that it caused his heart to ache and then she had betrayed him. She had left Asgard to bring Thor back from Midgard.

Did she love Thor?

Is that why she had put off answering his proposal?

Is that why she betrayed him?

He wondered if she was mourning for him or if she had moved on so quickly after his jump. He began to hate himself as he continued to fall- lay where he was.

Why? Loki wondered so simply. Why couldn't he have been someone else?

Why did they have to take her from him?

Why does everything he possess go to Thor?

Why couldn't she have just said yes?

Why?

Why-

He hits the ground, finally. He gasps in pain, a reminder that he's still alive. He can't see anything around him, the darkness so blinding to him. He laughs half-heartedly, the shadows already want him back. He conjures a small green flame, not hardly brightening the land around him. He looks around. There's nothing here but rocks. Loki figures he will be here for quite some time until he can figure out where he is. He frowns.

He knows he needs a purpose of some kind, but what is it now?

He thinks of her again.

He knows she was right.

She had called him a coward a very long time ago, back before they were a 'they'. He was a coward. He ran from his problems. He wanted power to overcome the cowardice and magic gave him that power. He doesn't remember when he figured that out, but he knows it now and he needs it. Both magic and power. Power to prove that he isn't a coward and magic to obtain that power. Magic has become a thing of need, not want. He needs his magic as much as he needs Sif. He wonders what he can do to get her back in his life. Going back to his home- Loki corrects himself- to Asgard is out of the question but he needs Sif. He rests and tries to think of what he can do to let her know he's alive.

The idea comes to him and he can only smile.

It's a great idea, Loki thinks to himself.

He can create a war for his Goddess.

After all, she was called the Goddess of War for a reason and who would he be if he didn't try to appeal to her need for war?

Loki was asleep, now back in his usual Asgardian form. His Jotun appearance disappeared minutes after the orb had returned to him fully and he had fallen asleep. Thor commended her for helping before he took his leave, quietly asking one of the healers to send for him when Loki was awake. Sif stayed in the healing room and helped those who had been wounded by Loki, keeping an eye on Loki himself. She sat down in a chair next to him, the healers did not mind. They were glad that someone was watching him in case something else would happen. Sif stayed there all day, through lunch and supper, waiting patiently for him to awake. Healers had come and go, casting her a quick glance as they arrived or left.

Eir, one of the healers, brought her a plate of food during supper. "Thank you, Eir." Sif said kindly to the old woman.

"It is no problem, Lady Sif. I did the same for Prince Loki when he was in your shoes." She explained and Sif looked up at Eir with confusion etched on her face. "When you would rest and recover from your wounds here in the healing room, he would sit in a chair and read a book by himself. Every time, I asked him why he was here, he would say 'The Lady Sif has many enemies and all would seek to harm her while she rests.'"

"And yet he was the one to cut my hair while I rested." Sif commented. She picked at the food on her plate before finally taking a bite of something.

"You reminded me of your father, bless his soul. The two of you focus on the past and never truly did see the future." Eir told Sif, pulling up a chair beside Sif. Sif set her fork on her plate, she wasn't particularly hungry right now.

"You knew my father?" Sif asked surprised. Her father had died when she was very young and she barely had any memories of him.

"I tended to his wounds until his death. I know your mother as well. Whenever he returned from a battle or war with a new injury, your mother would follow him around all day and make sure that he didn't get into any fights when he should not have been fighting. She was protective of him-" Eir recalled. "-and then, he died during the Old War between Asgard and Jotunheim. It was a shock to many and not at all to some." Eir recalled. "You were just a little one back then, trekking mud all over the palace."

"I remember a small bit of the funeral." Sif began. "Mother was in tears for days. When I decided to become a warrior, she was so adamant against my decision because of what happened to my father. She didn't want to see me end up the same way, but I know she's proud of me." Sif continued. "I think for the longest time when I was fighting, I wasn't fighting for myself. I was fighting for my father. I felt like I had to prove that his daughter was just as great as he was. I fight to protect Asgard and its king, but I feel like- I don't know. I don't know if my father would be proud of me. I've changed so much because of everything recently. I'm not the person I was anymore. I feel so different and I feel like something needs to change."

"You may want to let a few close friends know about you about your relationship with Prince Loki." Eir suggested. "It might be the change you are looking for."

Sif stared at Eir with wide eyes. "How did you know?" She whispered.

"You care about him enough to skip a few meals and hide yourself away to watch him while he recovers just as he did for you years ago." Eir smiled politely. "Your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone. I will leave that to you." Eir patted her knee in reassurance. "Eat your supper and then I would suggest you go rest in your chambers. It's been a long day for everyone." Sif looked over at Loki hesitantly. "I will watch after him for you while you sleep, Lady Sif."

Sif looked back over to Eir. "Thank you and please, call me Sif." Sif thanked her yet again.

Eir patted her knee again. "You're welcome, Sif." Eir said, standing up and went to go check another healer's wounds. Sif finished her supped and retired to her chambers.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

He awoke in the dead of night when all were dreaming or beginning to fall asleep. His head pounded with a terrible ache as if someone had taken Mjolnir to his head. He knew that he had been dreaming of something, but of what he could not remember. All he knew was that it was important for a reason. He saw Eir organizing draughts and potions out of the corner of his eye. She yawned and stared tiredly at the labels before putting them away. He closed his eyes before she looked over at him. She sighed and finished putting away vials. Eir stood and headed to her desk. Loki re-opened his eyes and looked back over at Eir. She had her back to him and was writing slowly. Loki crept out of the bed and disappeared in a wisp of smoke without a sound. Eir fell asleep while writing and only discovered his disappearance hours later.

He pulled the shadows around himself as he watched Sif sleeping. A small smile graced his lips as he stalked closer to the bed. He remembered back to years ago when he had snuck into her room and cut her hair. He had the same feeling now as he did then- to get as close as possible to her. Loki loved to watch Sif as she slept. Her face was peaceful, free of worries or anger, and she looked completely at ease as if nothing bad could happen while she was sleeping. He paused at the edge of the bed, discarding the shadows, before he lifted the covers and slid in beside her. Loki held his breath as Sif shifted slightly on the bed, turning over onto her side away from him. The blankets had moved as she had and he could see goose bumps forming on her skin as it made contact with the cold air of the night. He tucked the blanket under her chin and caressed her dark hair absent mindedly before moving closer to her, locking her in an embrace within his arm. He stayed awake for a long time, just holding her close to him, until his eyes finally drooped close.

Sif is standing in the gardens, smiling for no reason in general. There's laughter from behind some briars, and she starts to look for a way past them to see who's laughing. She finds a small hole near the ground and climbs through it. The thorns from the briars prick her and tangle in her hair, but she pushes forward. She emerges from briars and sees her father sitting beside her mother on the ground, laughing for some reason. "Mother? Father?" She asks confused.

"Sif! Sweetheart, your father was telling one of his many stories. Come and visit with us." Her mother beckoned her over with a grin. A grin finds itself back on Sif's face as she walks over and sits beside her father.

"You've grown so much, Sif." Her father began. "And what happened to your hair?" He asks, touching one of the pieces in her face, pushing it aside.

"Loki's fault." She explained waving her hand gesturing to her hair and tucked a piece behind her ear. "He cut it off and enchanted it black a long time ago."

"It's very you. It sets you apart from everyone else. I like it." Her father smiled.

She laughed at her father's comment. "I'll have to tell Loki that." She paused, looking at her father and mother. The looked quite happy together. Her mother stood up and told them she'd be back soon. "I miss you, father." She said sadly, grabbing his hand and squeezing it lightly once they were alone.

"I miss you too, Sif." He squeezed her had back tightly. "I missed seeing you grow up into the fine young warrior you are today, but I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of you, Sif." He told her with a smile.

"Will I see you again?" She asked hesitantly.

He nodded. "We'll meet again in Valhalla. It's in your stars-" He was cut off, literately. A blade had cut across his neck in a flash and his killer had fled so quickly. Sif stood and chased after him. She was prepared to make him- or her- pay for what they did to her father. She smelled smoke in the air and fire surrounded her quickly.

She stood frozen in shock as the fire around her continued to burn the gardens to the ground. She swallowed hard at the memories filling her head. A dark chuckle fills the air over the sound of the crackling fire and she turned around quickly. She should have known he was behind this. He was always one to cause mischief and now, here he stood in front of her, still troublesome as ever with a little smirk on his face. He walked over to her casually, the flames of the fire leaping away from him as if they dared not touch him. She saw a metal glint and her eyes stared at the blade of a knife covered in blood. "How dare you!" She screeched and scratched him across the face once he stopped in front of her. He reached up with his free hand and touched one of the scratches gingerly. He eyes the blood on his fingers with amusement before he hit her with a powerful backhand across her face.

A gasp of pain escaped her lips as she hit the ground hard. The cuts and wounds she had already obtained from the briars stung as bits of dust from the ground clung to her skin. Her face flushed where he had hit her before she was pulled up roughly by her hair. Another choked gasp left her lips and she stared into familiar vibrant green eyes. The scratches on his face started to heal. His lips turned upward in a crooked smile. "Poor Sif. She'll never be the warrior her father was." He laughed darkly. His green eyes changed, becoming darker and darker before turning completely black. Black veins wiggled into view underneath his pale skin, and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

"Damn you to Hel, you bastard!" She kicked the air angrily after his hands moved from her hair to her neck, lifting her up off the ground. She knew he was using magic. "Loki, stop this! The war is over-"

"Is it? Is it!?" He asked, his voice darker, deeper, and angry. "This is not the end, but the beginning, my pet. You get to see your world crumble and fall into darkness, just as I have seen mine do! You will watch and know there is nothing you can do to save it from its cruel fate!" He hissed menacingly at her and she kicked the empty air, trying to break free. She felt something cold against her neck and froze. "Or maybe, I'll just kill you now with the same blade I used to kill your father!" His grasp around her neck tightened and she found it harder to breathe.

"Loki!" She pleaded. There was a flash of silver in the corner of her eye-

"NOOO-!" Sif awoke with a strangled scream as she gasped for air. She was drenched in sweat, shivering- no, shaking uncontrollably. She felt a pair of cool hands touch her shoulders and she flinched away with a gasp, turning to look at Loki beside her. Her heart is pounding wildly in her chest and it doesn't feel like any air is getting to her lungs. She's still shaking, staring at him with wide eyes. Images fill her head- the crooked smile, the pitch black eyes, and black veins. 'No.' She thought to herself. 'Please, no!'

"Sif, it was a dream. A nightmare. It wasn't-" Loki began to say and reached to comfort her but she pulled back out of his reach, the images still filling her head. "It wasn't real, Sif." He finished, staring at her in her fearful state. She starts to hear the dark laughter and it haunts her. He reached for her again. The image of the blade comes into her mind, it's covered in blood. Her blood, her father's blood.

"Don't touch me!" She yelled at him, pulling back once more. "Don't- Please- Just-" She's at a loss for forming a sentence and she feels like she can't breathe properly. The sound of his dark laugh haunts her memories along with the image of her dead father. "You killed my father and you killed me." She whispered before pulling in a deep breath and exhaling it shakily.

"It was a nightmare, Sif. It wasn't real. None of it was real." He tried to reason with her. She shook her head, biting her lip harder until she draws blood. "Look at me." She shook her head again, tears starting to pour down her face. "Sif, look at me!" She forced her head up to look him in the eyes, they're still green. A breath of relief leaves her. "It was a dream. I didn't kill your father and I would never hurt you. Do you understand me? It wasn't real." He pulled her to his chest and she broke into sobs. "Shh. I'm here for you, Sif. Everything will be alright."

"Did y-you mean it-t? I'll n-never b-be as g-good of a wa-warrior as my-my f-father was?" She asked him between her sobs, gripping his tunic tightly and soaking it with her tears.

"Oh, Sif." He kissed the top of her head. "You're better than your father was. You are the best warrior in all of Asgard and the Nine Realms." He whispered in reassurance, running his hand through her soft hair. "Tell me about the dream."

"No-" She began to protest in the middle of one of her sobs, and he shushed her quickly.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I just-" He paused as he tried to regain his thoughts. "I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be afraid. Ever. Thank you, for the help you gave me when my magic was returning to me." He whispered to her, stroking her hair gently as her sobs began to die down. He laid back down on the bed with Sif on his chest. "The pain- It was-" He swallowed hard at the thought of the pain he was in. "It hurt quite a bit." He finished and they lay there in the silence of her room.

Sif had stopped crying and she felt like air was getting to her lungs properly now. She cursed herself mentally for crying. It was such a weak thing to do. However, her dream was scary, far more scary than any dream she had had in her life. It was far more scary than the dream she had the night she had been told of her father's death. She thinks about the dream. She desperately misses her father. She needs advice from him that her mother can't give and she's needed that advice since her father's death. Sif has so many unanswered questions and she'll never have the answers for them because her father is dead. He's gone and he's not coming back. She lays in Loki's arms as an hour passes by, pondering the What If's? if her father was still alive.

"Are you asleep?" Loki asks in a low, almost unheard, whisper in case she is asleep. he doesn't wish to disturb her from her sleep and he knows that he's still tired too.

"N-No. I'm awake." She whispers back, even though they're both awake. Her voice is hesitant as she mentally shakes her head out of her thoughts. There's a pregnant pause before she speaks again. "You're welcome for the- you know- your magic." She murmurs softly, nuzzling her nose against his chest. "Thank you for..." She trailed off.

"It was no problem." His grip around her tightens and she sighs tiredly.

"Loki?" She begins nervously, closing her eyes tightly. "In my dream, my father and I were talking- just talking- and he commented on my hair. He likes it being black instead of blonde. He said it set me apart from everyone else." She paused unsure of whether she really wanted to say the next thought on her mind but did so anyways. "T-Thank you. I like it this way." It's quiet soon afterward and Sif reopens her eyes to look up at him. He blinks at her in surprise. "Your hair is longer."

"So it is." He replies simply, looking away from her briefly. His eyes return to hers. "Is it better or worse longer than it usually is?"

"I'm not sure. I've never seen you with such long hair." Sif murmured, pushing herself up out of Loki's arms to get a better look at his hair. She reaches out and twirls a piece of his hair around her finger. "I don't think I like it."

"Should I cut it or-" He begins and her eyes catch his. "-or do you want to?" She stares at him astounded and he sits up slightly so they're eye to eye, her finger slipping out of his hair.

"You really want to me to cut it?" She whispers again, blinking finally, and Loki nods. "I'd have to grab my knife."

"It's under the pillow." She blinked again. She had kept a knife under her pillows since the night he had snuck into her room and cut her hair. She didn't know that he knew about it. She reached for it, keeping an eye on Loki. His face was emotionless. Sif felt the handle of the knife and retracted her hand with it in her firm grasp. She pulled him off the bed and in front of the mirror in her room. Loki instructed her on how short to cut it, back to its usual length.

It took her a few minutes and then she was brushing off the hair on his shoulders. "You've got hair all over you." She bit her lip in frustration trying to brush it away.

He pushed away her hands and took off his shirt. "There all better." He smirked at her. "You've got some of my hair on you, too. I know a way to make that better." He reached for the bottom of her shirt and lifted it above her head in a quick movement.

"Loki!" Sif scolded him, covering her bare chest. He gazed at her approvingly with a big grin on his face. "This is not funny-" Loki cuts her off by capturing her lips in a kiss.

To Be Continued...

AN: So, the next chapter will have smut (a continuation of this scene). I wanted to divide it up because it will be my first time writing smut and I didn't want to leave you guys waiting for this chapter as I was trying to write the next scene.

Congratulations! It's a new chapter! Anyone notice the new summary? I thought it might catch a few eyes.

Any thoughts on the dream sequence?
The bold sequence?
The flashback?

Let me know what you guys think. I'm here to write and answer questions (well, partially. There are some things I cannot answer).

~TuumEst