A/N: Hiya! OMG AN UPDATE?! YES! As a thank you to all you lovely people who accepted this story with open arms and nice feedback, this is for you! A special, extra long chapter. Thank you!

The Hawk's Son

Chapter 4

Gone

Riza had promised herself that when the civil war with Ishval would be done and over with, she would go to Resembool and take her son back. If he happened to still be at the orphanage, that is. She held out hope that he would be, even if her chances were slim.

She regretted giving him away so much. She didn't know how much he meant to her until she let him go. But she had to believe that she made the right choice. She knew she made the right choice. She had to be realistic. She couldn't count the number of times she reminded herself of the obvious reasons. She was a soldier. There was a war going on. Raising a child despite all of that wouldn't be a wise decision. Rebecca was right. If something were to happen to her if she was ever sent out to fight, Ed's situation would be the same. He'd still be alone.

That was why she told herself to wait. When everything was at peace, she'd get Ed back and raise him. No one knew who the father was so she and Roy were at least safe from being court-martialed. If anyone happened to ask, she'd just tell them that she adopted him. It wouldn't exactly be a lie. She would be willing to go through the process even though he was her biological son. She was determined to make sure everything remained secret.

So she was shocked when she found out about the bombing incidents in the East Area.

The most recent place to be hit being Resembool. The orphanage was one of the buildings that had been blown up.

The military expected the war to spread beyond Ishval but it had only been two years since it started. In that span of time, they managed to keep the Ishvalans back. They've heard reports of the fighting slowly spreading out... but for it to reach Resembool that quickly?

She couldn't believe it. She refused to believe it. She refused to believe that she had lost Edward before she even had the chance to get him back.

Without even thinking, she rushed to the train station and got on the next train to Resembool. She didn't even bother going up to her commanding officer to ask for a leave. She knew she wouldn't get it. The military needed all hands on deck, especially at Eastern Command. Which was why she just left. She would deal with the consequences later. She just needed to know if her son was alive.

Riza clenched her fists. She wished the train would go faster. From East City to Resembool, the journey would take about eight hours. She would arrive there in the evening. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to locate Ed since the victims and survivors would be placed somewhere else by then.

She just had to hope. That was all she could do.

Ed was almost four when the Ishvalan Civil war had spread to Resembool. He didn't know what it meant but he was an intelligent child. He had enough sense to know that it wasn't anything good. He had heard about the war with Ishval his entire life. It was all the people in the orphanage ever talked about. Apparently the damn thing had been going on for almost two years now. Something about an Ishvalan child killed by an Amestrian soldier.

Now, with the Eastern area beginning to turn into a war zone, Ed should have foreseen the attack on Resembool sooner. All those nasty stuff the adults talked about, all the explosions and the smell of smoke and gunpowder, all the soldiers they've seen marching through... he should have seen it coming.

If he had enough sense to connect the dots like the child genius they said he was, he shouldn't have gone out that day. He should've been there. He would have done something to help.

Ed's knees gave out as he took in the scene before him. The orphanage, the home that he'd known for his entire life, was in ruins. The roof had been blown off. Some of the rooms were burning. The walls had been turned to rubble, the windows reduced to shards of glass.

His eyes strayed to the line of bodies they'd taken out of the building.

Dave

Sally

Adrian

Mike

Dorothy

Mrs. Mikhail

Ed felt bile coming up to his mouth. He couldn't stop it.

All around him, the people of Resembool tried their best to save everyone inside. They saved a few. Ed recognized some kids and one or two of the staff but everyone else were either dead or were still inside the recently bombed building.

Ed balled up his fists. He never really cared about the Ishvalans or their stupid war before. But now, seeing the damage it did to the people he considered as his family, he felt anger bubbling up inside him. He didn't know who he hated. He hated the Ishvalans for bombing his home. He hated the military for not doing anything to stop it. He hated himself for not being there.

He just stayed there, motionless as he saw people come and go across his field of vision. He didn't respond to anyone who tried to ask him if he was okay. Of course he wasn't okay. He lost his home. He didn't know how long he sat there but everyone else learned to leave him alone.

He barely noticed the darkening sky or the number of people around them. His eyes were glued to the destroyed orphanage. The fires had long since been put out and the smoke that followed had vanished too. The bodies they had taken out of the building had increased and they were still finding more.

"Ed. Ed. Ed. Edward."

He felt someone tapping gently on his shoulder. Ed tried to ignore the person. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't want to be with people in general. Unfortunately, this one didn't get the message and kept coaxing him to reply. Ed snapped and turned around, an angry rant on his lips, and he froze when he realized who it was.

It was Trisha Elric.

Ed's anger died down and he felt shame wash over him. He was about to snap at the woman who showed him nothing but kindness whenever they crossed paths. He was surprised to see her in front of him. He didn't have anything to do with the woman except that he knew her son, Alphonse.

Ed didn't make a lot of friends, mostly because they didn't like him for being "too smart". Apparently, Alphonse didn't see what the big deal was. Ed had been surprised at first when Al came up to him. He was a year younger than him yet he was able to match his intelligence. Well, not really "match" but it was enough that Ed had someone he could talk to without having to explain what he was talking about all the time.

He and Al became fast friends. They hung out together during recess and lunch and often walked home together when his mother, Trisha, came to pick him up.

Trisha was nice. If she had extra money on her person, they would stop by a shop on their way home from school and she would buy them both a piece of candy, provided that they had been good. She let him play with Al at her house after school and walked him back to the orphanage herself in the few times that it happened.

Ed didn't doubt her presence in front of the destroyed orphanage. The woman's house wasn't that far from the place. She must have heard the explosions or noticed the smoke. It was kind of hard not to when you live in a place like Resembool.

But he thought she would be somewhere in the crowd whispering worriedly around them. He didn't expect her to be kneeling in front of him, worry etched on her features.

"Ed, sweetie, can you hear me? Are you hurt?" she asked, her eyes never leaving his.

Ed was still shaken up but he managed to tell her that he was fine. The relief was evident in Trisha's face when he did so.

"Can you stand?"

Ed wasn't sure. He still felt queasy after seeing the aftermath of the bombing. He tried to push it down and forced himself to stand, though. He didn't know why but his stubborn determination to not look weak in front of people started up again.

Trisha, of course, knew this about Ed and she pretended not to notice. He was still a child, after all. Try as he might he couldn't hide his emotions that well. She said nothing as she led him through the crowd of people in front of the destroyed orphanage towards where her husband and son were waiting.

She didn't want Alphonse to see the dead bodies and the destruction those Ishvalan terrorists brought to their small town. Hohenheim stayed with him while she went closer to see if she could do something to help.

"Ed!"

Ed, who had been quiet and unresponsive during the short walk, looked up. Alphonse wasn't the first thing he saw, however. It was the night sky. Had he really been so out of it for so long? Al broke free from his father's hold and met them halfway.

"Ed! You're okay! You're okay!" the three-year old cried happily as he jumped up and down in front of the older boy, oblivious to the sadness in his eyes.

Ed didn't want to, but he forced a small smile. "Y-Yeah. I guess I am..." Can't say the same for the others, though

Al, seemingly content with his response, turned to his mother. "Mom! Mom! What's gonna happen now? Where's Ed gonna stay?"

Trisha didn't answer immediately. Her eyes flew towards Ed and then to her husband. Hohenheim frowned slightly, understanding her silent plea. He shrugged as if to say 'Do whatever you want'

Trisha smiled. She looked down at her son and said, "He's going to stay with us for the time being."

Al practically exploded with happiness upon hearing her words. "Yay! Yay! Yay! Ed's staying with us! Ed's staying with us!"

Ed gaped at Trisha. He didn't expect things to turn out the way it did. He thought she was just taking him away from the scene to breathe a bit.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Edward. You don't have anywhere else to stay for the moment. As do those other children. I expect they'll be placed in foster homes but those won't be processed on such short notice. You're staying with us."

Ed tried to find his voice. He clenched his fists as he stared at her with wide eyes. "...W-Why?"

"Hmm?" Trisha hummed as she looked at him inquisitively. She apparently didn't hear him.

Ed shook. He didn't know why but he felt anger bubbling inside him. He didn't know where it was directed but it exploded anyway. "Why?! Why are you doing this? Why me?! What about the others?! Why only me?!"

The Elrics were taken aback at his outburst. Ed wished he stopped right there but he didn't. He wasn't finished.

"Why? I don't deserve this! I don't deserve any of this! I should've been there! I should've been with the others! I should be dea-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Ed's voice died in his throat. He had never heard Trisha Elric raise her voice before. Now that he did, he realized that she was scary.

Trisha had her hands clenched at her sides as she stared him down. "That's enough, Edward! Don't blame yourself for things that you don't have any control over! Do you really want to be one of them? Do you want to be a casualty too? I sure don't, Ed! Did you think about how we'd feel if we found you lying there with them?"

Ed looked at her in disbelief. "Why would you care? Why do you care?"

"Because you're family to us Ed! We've known you ever since Alphonse found you that day! You're Al's best friend! You practically live in our house Ed. Heaven only knows why we haven't adopted you yet."

Ed's eyes widened. "A-Adopted?"

The word was foreign despite being one of the first words he learned growing up. He saw it happen a lot of times, although it didn't happen to him. Hearing it now... he wasn't sure how to process her words.

"Me...? Adopt... me?"

Trisha realized what she had let slip and she covered her mouth, as if it would somehow bring the words back. "I-I'm sorry Ed. We wanted to wait... but it just slipped out."

"W-What do you mean?"

Trisha sighed and knelt down so she could be at Ed's level. She took his hands and held them firmly in hers and looked him in the eyes.

"You see, Ed... we've been planning this for a while now. Hohenheim and I... well... we had plans to adopt you. We wanted to ask you when you visited again but this... the bombing, I mean... Well it happened and now... Well it just seems logical, Ed. Ed... if you want to... We want you to be a part of our family."

Ed was dumbfounded. He stared at her, and then at Al who looked so eager at thought of becoming official brothers, and then at Hohenheim who looked indifferent as ever. Then his gaze wandered over to the remains of the destroyed building.

It wasn't really much of a choice. He had nothing now. Everything was destroyed. Even the things he had from his real mother. His stuffed bear and his old baby blanket that he had taken good care of over the years... just gone in an instant.

He wanted to keep those things because he wanted to search for his real parents. But those were gone now. It was as if the universe was telling him to give it up and have a fresh start.

He looked at the Elrics again. With the exception of Hohenheim, they genuinely seemed to want him in their family. Could this really be his new start?

Between the ashes of his old life and this new family in front of him, it wasn't really much of a choice. Ed felt tears forming in his eyes and his lip quivered. He rushed forward and hugged Trisha's legs.

Trisha had tears in her eyes as well when she realized what the hug meant. She patted the small boy's head and whispered, "Welcome to the family, Ed..."

Ed nodded into her skirt as he hugged her tighter. He always wanted to be part of a real family. Now, he had one. He was more than happy to take Alphonse's hand and become his official big brother. He was ecstatic to have Trisha Elric as his mother. He didn't know what to feel about Hohenheim, though, but whatever. He finally had a family.

As they were about to leave, Ed took one last glance at the orphanage. It was goodbye for good. He took Trisha and Alphonse's hands in his and together they walked off towards the Elric residence. They didn't even notice as a woman with blonde hair, dressed in military blues and a dark coat, ran past them.

Riza knew from the reports that morning that the situation was bad but she didn't believe it was this bad. She struggled as she tried to catch her breath after sprinting from the train station towards the orphanage. The distance should've made her collapse with exhaustion but she was too worried about her son to feel any sort of fatigue.

She almost ran into a family of four when she neared the orphanage. They looked unharmed so they were probably just neighbors who wanted to take a look. She pushed them out of her thoughts and continued on her way. If she'd have stopped and looked closer, she might have noticed. But she didn't and there she went, never knowing that she had just passed by her son.

Her view was blocked by the crowd of people that had gathered around what's left of the orphanage and some trucks that loaded some of the survivors aboard. Her eyes widened when she saw a few military vehicles and soldiers circling the area and helping around.

She pulled up her coat to try and hide herself. They didn't know that she was here. She pushed through the crowd, careful not to alert anyone of her presence, and found herself a few feet away from the front.

She stopped there. She couldn't bring herself to go any further. She could see the damage perfectly from her position. Her blood ran cold at the sight of the dead bodies that lined the once immaculate yard. There were still some that hadn't been covered and she quickly put a hand up to her mouth when she caught a glimpse of one of the corpses.

Mrs. Mikhail, the woman who took in her son, was among the dead. She didn't fail to notice the number of small bodies around her. Her chest twisted painfully at the sight. She could make out a blonde head or two and that was enough for her to fall on her knees and vomit.

The people near her yelped in panic and immediately asked for help. Riza winced internally. She had blown her cover.

'To hell with my cover,' she thought as she struggled to control herself. The pain in her chest only worsened and now she felt tears threatening to fall from her eyes. 'Stop it. You don't know if he's... if he's...'

She could hear everyone's voices and she even felt someone put a comforting hand on her back at some point but she didn't acknowledge them. The only thing that jerked her back to reality was the cold, monotonous voice of a soldier's greeting.

"Sergeant Hawkeye, ma'am!"

Riza's eyes widened as they fell on the soldier in front of her. Obviously a Private, judging by his stance and presence that just spelled "greenie". She struggled to compose herself. She thanked God that she hadn't spilled a single tear. The cold fear she felt when she was discovered somehow sucked her tears back. It didn't help the heaviness in her heart, though.

Riza got up and gave a half-hearted salute to the soldier in front of her. "Evening, soldier."

The people around them stepped back. They finally saw the blue uniform underneath the dark coat and suddenly, there were no words of comfort or sympathetic glances. All of that vanished when they realized she was a soldier.

"We didn't know you would be here, Sergeant. Were you sent here to help?" the Private asked.

Riza shook her head. Her face was immediately back to its stoic state. "No... I was in the area and I heard that some buildings had been bombed."

The young soldier just nodded. Apparently, that was enough for him. She was glad she didn't run into his commanding officer. She would've gotten in a lot more trouble.

"Listen, um..." Riza glanced at the name tag on his uniform. "Er... Private Wells, is it?"

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Have they compiled a casualty list yet? Or identified the dead bodies?"

Wells nodded. "Yes. We've posted a copy on a board somewhere nearby for the civilians. It's not really complete though. We're still identifying some bodies and we're also looking for missing civilians."

Riza nodded. She glanced at the destroyed orphanage again. "What about the orphans? Did they find everyone?"

Private Wells sighed heavily. "I'm not sure, ma'am. It's been a while since we've found someone and they've already gone through everything twice. Sad day. Three employees and twenty-one children dead. The rest are either injured or in shock."

There it was again. That painful squeeze in her heart. She nodded once and saluted the Private. "Thank you. That will be all."

He saluted as well and went on his way. Riza felt her legs shake and threaten to fall under her weight. She forced herself again to believe that Edward was alive. She had to. Her limbs felt like lead. She had to drag herself towards the temporary bulletin board the military had set up. Her dread was weighing her down and each step was as painful as the twisting feeling in her heart.

She pushed past the small crowd gathered around the board, not even bothering to apologize. She didn't have to anyway. One look at her military blues and they would snap their mouths shut.

Riza's quickly searched the papers tacked across the board. Her eyes darted from one corner to the next. She didn't find her son's name on the list of dead people. Her heart fluttered with hope. He wasn't on the injured list either. Her relief turned to confusion. If her son was neither dead nor injured, where the hell was he?!

She tore herself away from the board for a moment and she found herself eyeing the rows of small bodies. She felt tears prickling at her eyes again as she stared at one with strands of blond hair sticking out from the sheets that covered the body.

She turned back again to the board and her eyes caught one list she hadn't bothered to check before. The missing person's list. She had checked everything else except that list.

She placed a finger on the sheet of paper and trailed it down as she went over each name.

Nothing.

Riza almost cried out in her frustration. She wanted to scream. Her mind felt like it was unravelling and her heart felt like it was being torn to pieces. Clenching her fists, she turned away from the board and went to the nearest soldier tending to the dead bodies.

She gave him a quick salute and asked, "The bodies... have they all been identified?"

The soldier shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

"Where can I find the person in charge of those that are unidentified?"

He pointed to a woman, dressed in a military uniform, a few meters ahead. Riza muttered out a quick 'thank you' and sprinted towards the woman. She refused to believe her son was dead, not unless she saw his body. Until then, she would hold out hope. She wouldn't stop until she saw him.

The woman that the soldier pointed out was kneeling beside a small body covered with a white tarp. Riza felt her heart stop when she saw the blond hair underneath.

"Poor boy..." the woman sighed as she stared at the body.

Riza's heart was pounding inside her chest. The woman's shoulder's sagged as though it were carrying a tremendous weight. She turned slowly to face Riza. The first thing Riza noticed was her bloodshot eyes.

"It's so sad... an innocent boy... once full of life... just... gone..."

She turned away again. She caressed something in her hand as she went back to staring at the boy's body. Riza knelt down next to her, wanting to ask her about the bodies, when her heart stopped and her blood ran cold the moment she saw what the woman was holding.

A burnt stuffed bear.

With a heart patch on it's stomach.

With the words Ed-bear on it.

The sharp intake of breath from Riza caught the woman's attention. She stared at her and then at the bear in her hands.

"When we found this boy's body... he was burned badly... we couldn't identify him. Not when the fire destroyed half his body, including his face."

She waited for Riza to say something but the blonde just stared at the toy in her hands with a horrified expression.

"This bear... well we found it next to him. It must've been his. I was just about to place it on top of his body. At least he has something we can associate him with."

She sighed again. She gave one last stroke to the bear's face and then gently placed it down on top of the white tarp. Slowly, she pushed herself up and dusted her uniform. "I still have my duties. So many children gone..."

And with that, she disappeared into the throngs of soldiers and civilians.

Riza didn't care though. Her eyes stayed glued to the teddy bear. Her hands shook as she reached out and took it. She couldn't breathe. Her chest throbbed with immense pain. She looked at the teddy bear in her hands and then at the body in front of her.

Her grief overwhelmed her and a loud sob escaped her lips.

A/N: Hi again! There you go! I'm so sorry Riza for making you go through that. *sees reader's 'really? -_-' expressions* Oh! Right. Sorry to you readers too. Sorry for making you guys go through that but that's what happened.

Now you know how Ed became an Elric and now Riza thinks he's dead. Things happen for a reason. Also, expect more of grieving Mama Riza on the next chap if you thought that that wasn't enough.

As always, please review and tell me what you think on the spin I did on the whole orphanage to Elrics thing. It's always nice to hear from you guys. :)