After the show got back on, Miss Piggy interviewed the actor Harrison Ford, who as far Zoot knew, was the man who played Han Solo in the original Star Wars films and Indiana Jones in the movie series with the same namesake. Zoot has never seen the movies, but Scooter and Chip have talked about them. A lot. In fact, when Kermit revealed Harrison Ford was the guest, the two geeks went into major hysterics! So major, Big Mean Carl used a binder to knock them both unconscious to get them to stop shrieking with joy.
After discussing some of Harrison's recent and past work on movies and the like, it was time for the major sketch. Miss Piggy looked at the camera and said, "Alright, now we've come to the highlight of the show. As some of you have heard on Twitter, our resident scientists have invented a new machine that they claim will change the world. What this new machine is...heck if I know. But we'll all find out together, so everyone, Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker!"
The Muppet scientists went onstage, lugging the huge invention that was still hidden under the shiny pink tarp. "Thank you, Miss Piggy for the wonderful introduction," Bunsen said. Then he turned towards the audience, "Now, I bet you're wondering what sort of invention we have come up with and are presenting to you all. Well, I'll explain, but first, let's show you what it looks like to get your brains guessing on what it is. Beaker, remove the tarp!"
Beaker carefully yanked the glittery blanket off the machine, revealing it to look like a laser cannon from a sci-fi movie.
"Now I will take random guesses from the audience on what you think this machine is for. Remember, it's something that supposed to benefit people, so don't say anything typically obvious like a laser cannon," Bunsen stated.
A person raised their hand, "Is it a sort of machine that's involved with living things?"
"Yes, it is!" Bunsen answered.
"Is it for plants?"
"Nope. It's for a certain species of mammal."
"Is it for the endangered animals?"
"No, but I'm trying to figure out something regarding that issue."
"Is it for people?"
"Yes it is!"
"Is it for people's health or something?"
"Yes, and to be more specific, women's health."
"Is it something to cure cancer?!"
"Sadly no, but we're in the middle of coming up with a solution to cancer."
After that statement, the audience went silent, seemingly given up on figuring it out, cuing Bunsen to finally reveal the purpose of the machine.
"Now I will reveal the answer; many of you may not know this, but one of the issues for a minority of women is infertility. That means being unable to conceive children. Sure, there's surrogate mothers and adoption, but those processes are very long and in some cases, it's very hard to be able to do those options due to location and expensive costs. With this invention, we might be able to assist the infertile women who are unable to find a surrogate or an adoption agency. To spare you the details that are long and very difficult to explain, this invention will basically allow infertile women to become fertile," the man explained. "Now, we have tested this invention over season break and it has proven to be very successful, so we have decided to get a test subject to help us with our demonstration, and you'll get to see this machine in action!"
The audience clapped, interested to see how the machine worked. Bunsen then pointed towards the entrance to the stage and said, "Now come on stage, Julie!" However, no woman named Julie walked onstage. Bunsen looked at Beaker and asked, "Beaker, where's Julie. I thought she was coming to the show tonight."
The test tube shaped Muppet shrugged, unsure where the woman was as well.
At that moment, Scooter slapped his hand on his forehead and groaned, "Oh no! I was so busy obsessing over Harrison Ford that I forgot to tell Bunsen that Julie couldn't make it tonight."
"Why couldn't she show?" Kermit asked.
"Family emergency," Scooter explained. "Her mother-in-law was visiting."
"Oh no, did something bad happen?" Kermit asked, worried.
"What? No. Her mother-in-law was visiting, Kermit. That's pretty much a family emergency by itself!" Scooter stated, prompting Kermit to give the orange Muppet his typical annoyed face.
"Well, everyone, it looks like we'll have to cancel our demonstration of the machine. Hopefully we'll get it done tomorrow night. Until then, it's best if me and Beaker get this rolled offstage. Come on, Beakie," Bunsen said as he grabbed one side of the machine and Beaker grabbed the other, and they began to push it offstage as the audience groaned in disappointment.
"Oh wow, like that's a bummer," Janice said.
"Yeah, I was kind of looking forward to it," Lips admitted.
Zoot sighed, relieved that the machine business was postponed, and said, "At least there was no chaos because of it."
However, just when the saxophonist said that, Beaker's grip on the invention slipped, causing him to accidently hit the switch to turn the laser on! The machine came to life, several bright lights blinking on it, and a whirring sound to emit from it.
"Beaker! What did you do!?" Bunsen asked the tall Muppet, who replied, "Mee mee meep!" [Translation: I don't know!]
"Uh-oh," Kermit muttered. "What is that laser aiming at right now?"
"I'll check," Scooter said, examining the invention.
"Everyone, immediately take cov-!" Bunsen tried to warn the people in the studio, but a bright blue light shot out from the machine...and went directly at Zoot!
"Zoot! Duck!" Scooter shouted.
"Wha-?" Zoot started saying when the beam of light struck him straight in the abdomen, causing the blue Muppet to be forced back into the wall of the band stand and fall to the ground.
"ZOOT!" All the other Muppets screamed.
"What happens if the machine was shot at a man?" Fozzie asked Bunsen with an unsteady voice.
"I don't know. The invention was intended to be used only on women, so we never bothered testing it on a man," Bunsen admitted.
Zoot slowly stood on his feet, feeling like either the floor was the unbalanced or his legs were.
"Oh thank goodness, he's standing!" Bunsen shouted. "How are you feeling, Zoot?"
Zoot was about to reply, but he immediately got a sick feeling in his stomach and he covered his mouth, wincing.
"Zoot, you okay?" Lips asked his friend.
Zoot didn't say anything; he just bolted off the stage and ran to the nearest trashcan, where he threw up.
"That can't be good," Kermit muttered. "Is it commercial break yet?"
"In one minute," Scooter stated, worried about the audience going into a panic.
Amongst the chaos, Rizzo pointed out to Pepe, "Wow, someone got hurt due to one of Bunsen's inventions, and for once, it wasn't Beaker!"
As soon as the rat said that, one of the wheels of the machine broke off, causing the invention to become unbalanced and fall right on top of the poor lab assistant.
"Spoke too soon, okay," Pepe stated.
"Commercial break," Bobo stated as the cameras shut off temporarily.
Dr. Teeth ran off the stage to where Zoot was still throwing up, with the rest of the band following close behind.
"Zoot! What happened?" Dr. Teeth asked his lover frantically.
"I got hit by a laser and now I'm throwing up!" Zoot snapped before upchucking into the can again for what must've been the 6th time.
"Oh man! We gotta get him to a doctor or something?" Lips stated.
"But what if someone notices the ambulance? It might start a frenzy, and who knows how many news stations are going to want a scoop on this story," Floyd stated.
"We're going to have to risk it. Janice, call an ambulance," Dr. Teeth ordered.
"On it!" Janice said, racing off to grab her cell phone.
"This is awful…" Zoot groaned.
"I'll say. Not only did this happen on live television, Piggy needed a saxophonist for her next number. Now we're going to have to scrap it, and I don't think she'll be happy about it," Lips stated.
"Angry pig karate chop!" Animal shouted.
"Yep," Floyd sighed, remembering how he suffered one of Miss Piggy's karate chops in the past due to him locking her precious dog Foo-Foo in a drawer.
Uncle Deadly then walked by the band, stating, "Don't worry; Miss Piggy doesn't blame Zoot for what happened. She's actually blaming Honeydew for it, but she's not going to karate chop him until after the show."
"Should someone send Bunsen a warning?" Lips asked his friends.
"I think Bunsen already knows it's coming; he's trying to keep hidden from her in the office," Janice said, returning to the group, gripping her phone. "I like, called 911, and they'll be here in 10 minutes."
"Hopefully everything will be okay," Dr. Teeth muttered as he helped keep Zoot steady on his feet after the saxophonist was done throwing up. The keyboardist would hate for something bad to happen to his boyfriend.
At the same time, Zondra was in Kermit's office, which was completely empty, talking on her cell phone. "Yeah, it hit him directly in the abdomen...he's throwing up right now, though, for all I know he could've stopped by now...I saw Janice with her cell phone, so yeah, I think she contacted 911...I don't think Zoot will sue, it was an accident after all...I'll let you know once I find out. Call you later."
Once the ambulance arrived and Zoot was taken to the nearest hospital, Scooter ran up to the band and stated, "These two people named Zachariah and Zoeysha Simms are calling in. Do you know them?"
"Oh, they're Zoot's brother and sister," Dr. Teeth stated. "What about them?"
"Well, they're both extremely upset about what happened to Zoot and demanding that he sue Honeydew for it if anything is severely wrong with him," Scooter explained.
"Oh maaan, Zoot's not the type to do that," Lips said.
Sam the Eagle then stepped up and said, "But he should; this was Prof. Honeydew's fault, and if there is something incredibly wrong with him, he'll need money to cover up the medical expenses."
"I'd hate to say this, but Sam has a good point," Scooter said.
"But it was an accident!" Floyd argued.
"Which could've easily been prevented!" Sam countered.
Kermit then raced into the room and shouted, "Okay! No fighting! We'll deal with the lawsuits after we find out what's wrong with Zoot! Scooter, tell his brother and sister nobody is getting sued until we have a verdict on his health, and someone make sure Piggy doesn't karate chopped by Honeydew. One person in the hospital is enough. Dr. Teeth, you and the band get back onstage, we're going to finish with a different song Piggy knows that doesn't require a saxophone and once the show is done, you can go see how Zoot is."
At that moment, Zondra exitted from Kermit's office, catching everyone's attention.
"Zondra...what were you doing in my office?" Kermit asked the girl.
The girl jumped and quickly explained, "It was very loud with all the people freaking out and I needed to answer a call from a friend of mine."
Before anyone could question her, Bobo announced it was 1 minute till the show was on-air again, so everyone had to run to get in their places, leaving Zondra alone.
The Muppet muttered, "Whoa, that was too close to call. Got to be more careful next time."
Well, Bunsen Honeydew's invention backfired and shot at our beloved saxophonist! What could that machine have done to Zoot?
Will he sue Honeydew for what happened?
Or will his siblings gladly handle it for him?
Who was Zondra on the phone with?
Find out in the next chapter of this Muppet fanfic!
Jim Henson owns the Muppet characters.
Bill Prady owns The Muppets
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