JE gets the credit for the characters below.

Fredda (Rangergirls1234) gets the credit for the clarity below. You are a wonderfully gentle beta.

Amy (beancounter74) you get the credit for the spunk in Dr. Walker. Hey, it's totally based on you. You keep me sane when my life gets crazy, why not let you work your magic with Lester too.

Chapter 4 – Mission Details

How was I supposed to write a letter to Stephanie? I didn't know what had happened before I left, so I didn't want to say anything insensitive or too forward. Did she think I was dead, or was she still operating under the standard RangeMan policy of 'no news is good news'? I must have gone through half the pad of paper, ripping each weak attempt off and throwing it in the general direction of the trash can.

Finally I decided if I were standing in front of her right now, I'd want to see her smile so I wrote the word, "Boo!" at the top of the page and then decided I was going to stick with whatever strange thing my mind came up with and I wasn't going to go through another draft.

Just so you know I'm not writing you as a ghost from the great beyond, but I had a feeling a letter from me might scare you after all this time, so I hope I've brought a smile to your face.

Honest seemed like a good way to go.

The mission was screwed up from the first moment and I got pretty banged up. I've been told that my injuries will eventually heal, but I'm no where near ready to be released yet, so it looks like this is how we'll have to communicate for a while. I haven't even been officially debriefed yet, so until that happens I'm in a bit of limbo as far as contact with the outside world.

It was a bit of a stretch, but still technically true. I knew if I forced the issue I could get her clearance to see me, but officially that was the policy, so I decided to hide behind it for now.

Three days ago I got your first letter and since then four more have made their way to me. I can't tell you what it's done to read your words and have you with me here. If I get one more letter from you it will double the number of letters I've gotten for the entire time I've been in the army. This was a gift I'll never be able to thank you for, but I hope you'll let me try.

I needed to at least acknowledge what her gift had meant to me.

According to my doctor there is still a bundle with my CO and they are being forwarded to me tomorrow. I'll have trouble sleeping tonight wondering what you are going to share.

I wondered if there would be any Victoria Secret merchandise pictures for one thing. My lower body had been out of commission since I woke up here, but something told me it just might spring back to life with a visual like that.

How is your Grandma's friend Ed doing? Do you think they'll try anything new once his hip heals? For the sake of your reputation, and future visits to the funeral home, I'm hoping he's on his feet pretty soon so that you don't have to take her to another viewing. I know it wasn't your fault, and I'll bet you were pretty upset about it, but you have to admit to a certain bit of humor in it. You were exactly right about what I would have done if I'd been there. Dinner and a movie would have been at the top of a very long list of things I would have tried to make you feel better.

I decided to leave out the fact that nudity would be at the bottom of the list as I saw no reason to scare her off with my twisted mind.

Unfortunately, until my body begins to heal I won't have much to report that would hold much interest. I just wanted to let you know that somehow I managed to survive and I'll keep fighting until I'm well enough to get home. I hope you'll still be at my condo so I can come home to someone for the first time ever.

Love,

Les

The ending seemed a little sappy, but it was true, so I let it stay, tore the paper from the pad, folded it, and stuck it in an envelope before I could change my mind. Just as I sealed it, Dr. Walker came in wearing a pretty blue dress. The first thought I had was that the color would be stunning on Stephanie because it would match her eyes perfectly. Then I realized despite her green eyes, the color was quite striking on Dr. Walker too.

I pointed to her and said, "Nice."

"Thanks," she said in a dismissive tone. I got the feeling she didn't get many compliments from guys and was uncomfortable with it. Her arms were bare and the dress clung lightly to her figure, showing she had a few extra curves, but she carried it with a confidence that I thought was attractive. I couldn't help but think once more that she would make a perfect friend for Bobby. When she sat down and crossed her legs, the dress rode up enough that I could see some muscular legs. She may not be slender, but the girl had some definition to her, proving she didn't just wear fatigues, she had earned them. Holy cow, if she liked to work out then I knew Bobby would fall all over himself for this girl. I tried to keep the knowing smile off my face because I didn't think she'd appreciate knowing one of her wacky patients was thinking of a guy to fix her up with.

"You got a letter finished I see," she began, pointing to the newly completed correspondence.

"Everything but the return address," I admitted, not even sure where I was myself.

She held her hand out and I gave her the letter. "I'll take care of that part." Her expression changed and I knew one of her questions was about to come.

"So when you got to Afghanistan, what happened?" When she said she had clearance, she wasn't kidding. The location of my mission should have only been released to an elite few.

My teeth clamped together as the memories came flooding back. "The first seven days were routine surveillance. We got all our marks identified and verified the schedule that had been provided to us. We got our materials together for the device we were to create and utilize and we got busy." It didn't sound like much but that along with setting up a base took a great deal of time.

"On the eighth day all of the marks entered the bunker we'd been told to take out. So I grabbed the device, reviewed the fall back plan with the guys, and told them it had been my pleasure to serve with them. Then I turned around and walked out, expecting those five guys to be the last people I'd ever speak to." I had been pulling away over the last few days to make it easier, but I remembered walking out of our base wishing it didn't have to end like this. I believed in the good of what I was about to do, but at heart I didn't want to do it.

"Did your men know you weren't going to make it out alive?" She asked softly.

"I never told them that, but they knew I was to carry the device in past the place where the caves divided into two passageways and then detonate it while blocking the back exit to insure no one made it out that way. The bomb should take us all out, but in case it didn't, I was to stay there and face the terrorists to be sure they didn't make it out alive. The guys were smart enough to know I wasn't going to make it out, despite the lame plan I gave them of waiting for half an hour after the explosion to hear my radio signal for pick up. They knew I wasn't going to be calling, but they didn't say anything about it." I had to respect them for that.

"And yet here you sit," She said lifting a hand to me, indicating that I was alive despite my conviction that I wouldn't be.

"I hadn't made it to the cave yet when the gun fire began. It was coming from the opposite direction of my guys and was directed straight at them. It was like somebody had the precise location where they were holding up. I had made the call to run the mission a day ahead of the schedule, so I decided to fall back and hold off on detonation today in order to protect the kids I left behind. I knew they were all soldiers and had the same training I did, but I had years of experience too and knowing what you should do, and being able to do it, were two entirely different things."

She nodded as though she knew exactly what I was talking about but she said nothing, giving me the ability to just continue with my story.

"I got halfway back to the guys when a rocket launcher fired on the bunker that I was supposed to be taking out. I ran like hell, not knowing if these were friends or foes, but understanding we were probably screwed either way. Just before I got to our base another launcher attack hit where I thought the guys were. I watched the cave we'd been hiding in collapse and charged to try and get them out. I saw Stevens lying on the ground outside the cave and part of his leg was pinned under some rubble. I was able to get him freed, but he wasn't waking up. While I was trying to get some of the other guys freed there was more machine gun fire, which I retuned while trying to at least protect the one guy I had with me." I stopped talking then, remembering too vividly what happened next.

Dr. Walker waited patiently, not even moving, so that I didn't get pulled back to the present because of her being here. Finally, I got past the sounds of the guys in the cave that were in my head and finished the story.

"I could hear at least two of the other guys calling to me from inside the cave. I guess they were far enough back to have escaped harm from the initial blast that sealed them in. I called to them that I was going to get them out of there, but before I could do anything I heard someone in the direction of the attackers yell my name and then tell me I shouldn't make promises I couldn't deliver on. They launched another rocket into the debris at the opening of the cave and it felt like the whole world exploded around me. It collapsed the rest of the cave, effectively killing the guys inside and threw some rocks and debris that came raining down on top of me. Then they did another sweep of machine gun fire hitting me in the stomach a few times and I know they got Stevens too, in the hip and leg."

"How did you get out?" She whispered, making it seem like she was much further away from me than he few feet from my chair to the bed.

"I don't know exactly. I know I heard the people that attacked us leave, and then I heard a chopper which I figured was ours, but I wasn't entirely sure. I know Stevens and I were picked up and I heard him screaming with pain when they picked him up. The medic said something about the damage to his legs being too great that amputation would probably be necessary. How they knew where to find us, or even that we needed them, I don't know," I finished the story.

"I can tell you that Maxwell, one of the guys in the cave, radioed for help as soon as you left to plant the device. He told control that they were putting the operation into effect and they would need immediate extraction. It took them about an hour to get to your location and the smoke from the collapse of the caves brought them to you." She offered as the first explanation I'd heard for how our rescuers knew to come.

"Damn it!" I growled when I thought through it completely.

"Why is that upsetting?" She asked warily.

"Because that wasn't part of the plan. They had an extraction plan and begging a regular Ranger force for a pick up wasn't part of it." I tried to explain. "All they had were general communication devices. His report could have been picked up and tracked to within a few feet of their hiding place. He basically gave the other guys an invitation of where they should shoot to kill us all." I had a whole lot of anger bubbling up and nowhere to put it. The guy that had given up our location was dead, so he'd already paid for his mistake. The guys that sabotaged us would most likely never be located, so I couldn't do anything to them, and I was bed ridden and couldn't beat the shit out of anything to get the aggression out.

"You know you didn't do anything wrong here," she said but it was just as much a question as it was a fact.

"I know I wasn't the one that gave up the location, and I wasn't the one that pulled the trigger, but I didn't tell them not to deviate from the plan and I didn't warn them about using their communication devices because I assumed they knew what they were dealing with," I explained. "I didn't do it, but I still bear some of the blame."

"Bullshit, Santos," her voice was harder, as though challenging me to try and disagree with her.

I needed to spar with somebody, even it was only verbally. "Bullshit? Then how do you explain those kids that were my responsibility all being dead?"

"They weren't your responsibility. The moment you left them to plant that device, they were to follow the standing orders. The fact that they deviated from them speaks to their caliber of soldier, not your character of leadership," she replied coolly.

"I was the commanding officer, they were my responsibility," I replied with a raised voice.

"And if you'd succeeded in your mission and gotten yourself killed, then one of them did something stupid and got them ambushed on the way to the extraction point, would that have been your fault too?" She pushed loudly.

"I can't save everybody, but they were still under my command. I wasn't dead yet," I argued bringing her back to reality.

"You sound disappointed about that fact," she replied firmly.

"Not disappointed, but relieved. I didn't want to give up my life, but I was going to do it. Instead, the kids that were supposed to make it back to their girlfriends and kids are dead, and I'm here with nothing to offer them about the nobility of their sacrifice," I told her, revealing the thing that bothered me most.

"You've never had a failed mission have you?" She asked, picking up my pseudo admission.

"I've been in some fucked up ones, but one way or another we have always managed to pull off the objective and get back home. I've been sent home shot, cut, bleeding, broken and alone, but never with the truth that I had completely failed," I told her realizing how hard it was to admit.

"But you didn't fail," she tried to point out.

"I didn't complete my objective and I lost my men. There is no greater failure than that," I explained, wondering how she could possibly see it any other way.

"That rocket launcher took out the cave you were about to hit, and you worked to save one of your men, even if it had meant your own life, you would have sacrificed it. Yes, you lost four, but you knew you were in a war zone and those guys signed up for the possibility when they took on a contract to run these types of missions. This mission didn't fail, but our government certainly failed you." By the end her voice was much softer.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do," I said hoping she understood I wasn't just saying that. "But I'll never be convinced that a few more minutes of instruction might have saved the guys and allowed the job of taking out our targets to have been done more thoroughly."

"Are your dreams related to this?" She asked, trying to sneak an answer from me before I had a chance to filter it.

"I have no idea," I told her. "I have no memory of them at all." I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"They may go away on their own as you deal with what you went through, or they may be unrelated and we'll keep digging until we figure it out," she assured me. Then she straightened up and said, "In the meantime, I'm going to forego sleeping meds tonight and we'll see what happens. I understand a package was delivered for me to the front desk from your CO and I've told Ben once it gets here he can go ahead and deliver it to you. If you want to write Stephanie again, you've got plenty of supplies." She stood up and stretched her head to the side as though trying to release some tension.

"You done for the day?" I asked her, wondering what time it was anyway.

"Not hardly, but I'm leaving the hospital for meetings on base. I'll be back in the morning." I appreciated her volunteering the information. She never treated me as though I were crazy, despite that obviously being the opinion of the first two quacks that came in to talk to me.

She walked to the door, her shoes making a sound with every step, before turning back and saying, "Santos, you're banged up a little, but you aren't broken. We'll get you back home." Before I could respond she walked out leaving me hoping she was right.

Sometime after my pureed dinner a man came in wearing a long white lab coat. Ben was with him and I thought it was strange he was here so late since he usually got me up in the mornings. He was holding a small box and my heart jumped with the idea that it held letters from Stephanie. I started trying to push myself up so that I would be in a position to better receive the gift he was holding.

"This is why I'm getting paged down here every morning to put you back together," the doctor said with little attempt at civility. "Do you realize how serious your injuries are?" As he spoke he adjusted the head of my bed down so that I was nearly flat on my back. Then he lifted the gown up and began to look at the bright red lines running across my stomach, and pressing his way through my abdomen.

"I don't think I've been told exactly what my injuries are other than I took three bullets, and somehow I broke my leg in a few places," I told the man who was currently trying to get my navel to touch my back.

He didn't respond right away and began scribbling in his chart furiously. Then he turned as though he were about to leave but Ben moved to block his way. "I believe the Captain asked you tell him what his injuries were. Nobody's explained it to him and he needs to know."

I struggled to get my blank face under my control as the doctor was clearly intimidated by the wall of muscle who refused to move.

"Mr. Santos," he began without looking up at me.

"It's Captain Santos," Ben corrected him once more. "The man is an officer in the United States Army, and he deserves the respect due his title. If I'm not mistaken, he outranks you." Maybe my orderly was tougher than I gave him credit for. At the moment he was making a damn convincing argument for being a close relation of Tank.

"I apologize for that oversight, Captain," the doctor corrected himself glancing nervously at Ben behind him.

"You took three bullets directly in the abdomen. One went into your large intestine, the second hit your stomach, the third took out your spleen. By the time they got you, you were nearly unconscious from the blood loss alone, but the waste and acid spilling into your abdominal cavity put you into shock and allowed an infection to begin setting in. It's a miracle you didn't die before they got to you; those types of wounds are usually fatal. The first surgery they did in Germany was for an initial repair of the damaged areas and to remove your spleen. Once you stabilized, they brought you here, but the infection grew and I had to go in a second time to remove a small portion of your intestine and to reinforce the repair to your stomach." Well that explained why it felt like I was on fire every time I bent at the waist.

He continued by pointing to my leg. "A third surgery was required to try piecing your leg back together. You took a bullet to the knee, requiring a complete replacement. There was also a complex break to your tibia requiring a plate and three screws to stabilize it. There was an area of your femur that was shattered requiring another plate and several bracing screws. Finally, your coxal bone in your hip had some fractures that we believe will heal without additional surgery if they remain stationary in the cast you are currently restricted to. All the arteries were in tact by some miracle and because of the positive blood flow we believe your leg will heal in time, but you need to be aware that you've got a long road ahead of you."

I nodded that I'd heard everything he said. "So the surgeries to my gut are why I'm not allowed real food," I asked pointing to the tray of untouched swill that they had brought in for my dinner.

He nodded. "Your fever has leveled off over the last two days, so I think we might be making gains in that area. There are a few scans I'd like to run to be sure the corrections we made are holding. If they look good and you want to try it, we can go to a restricted diet for a while to give your system a while to adjust to food again. But since it's been literally weeks since you've eaten, we will have to reacclimatize you to food. It could take a couple of weeks to get you back to where what you eat is enough to sustain you."

I understood that. "I realize it's too soon for this, but when can I start to move enough to get in some kind of modified workout. I can feel my muscles disappearing from just sitting here."

"There has been some atrophy, but it's still too soon for there to be any kind of workout in the way you're used to. Your pain level will tell you when you can begin upper body work. I would think in one to two weeks you could start some free weights, then in a month you might be able to work up to true abdominal work. But it may two or three months before your leg and hip is ready for any kind of true resistance training." He almost sounded upset about that particular piece of information. "There are some other exercises that you probably should be doing while you are restricted so much in movement. Ben can walk you through them tomorrow. You may think they are beneath you, but they are quite important to your recovery."

I nodded again and told him, "Thanks for the info; I'll do what I need to." That was all I felt like giving him and Ben seemed satisfied enough to step out of the way and let him leave.

As soon as he disappeared I looked back at the big guy and said, "Thanks for that. I didn't realize just how bad off I was."

Ben lifted his chin marginally, "No big deal, I've never liked him he seems to have a problem with Dr. Walker, so he never does rounds when she's here." My opinion of the male doctor fell even further when Ben said he didn't respect the shrink. I may not want to talk to her, but I could see was more than competent at her job.

Then he walked over and readjusted my bed to get me in a more comfortable position. "Do you want me to cut the box open?" He asked with scissors in his hand.

I nodded and he quickly opened it before whistling at the number of envelopes inside. "Man you must have you a good woman back home. Even Mama's don't write that much."

I smiled knowing my own mother hadn't written when she was alive, so he might be right about that. Feeling like I needed to say something I admitted, "She's one of a kind."

"You should let her come. There's rooms next to the hospital where family can stay, and I'll look out for her while she's here so you wouldn't need to worry," he told me obviously taking his job very seriously. I didn't feel like going through it with him too that I just couldn't bear Steph seeing me like this.

"You just want a chance to see my woman." I decided to go with a joke instead of a serious response.

"You never know, she might prefer giant black men with a gentle caring side." He laughed in return before heading out and promising to check on me in the morning. "I'll try and get here before you wake up in case they had to put the straps back on you."

I thanked him and wondered how personalities could be so different between Ben and the callous doctor who had obviously forgotten why he went to medical school in the first place.

When the door closed I looked in the box and smiled. There had to be twenty letters in there and one of them wasn't in a long normal envelope. It felt thicker and the size that could hold a few pictures. I checked the date and realized I had a few letters between where I had left off and where this one fell in the order of her sending them. I dumped them all out and began pouring over them trying to sort out the order. I got them in a stack and put them all back except for the three letters before the thick one I hoped had pictures. I was going to try and pace myself and only read these tonight, and then jump into the pictures tomorrow.

I opened the first one and couldn't help the feeling of peace that came over me from seeing her words on the page. It wasn't the same thing as talking to her, but it was a close second right now since I knew it was the best I could do.

Dear Les,

I did it! I know you told me I should take the whole thirty days before filing the paperwork you left with me to be sure it was something I wanted to do, but I decided that an extra twenty five days wasn't going to make a bit of difference so I dropped it off in person just to be sure it was processed. I don't know what that means as far as the guys finding out, or the Burg either for that matter, but I decided I don't really care. I wanted it, you told me I could have it, so I went for it.

Man I was proud of her. Of course I had no idea what in the hell she was talking about, but that attitude was the one I loved the most in her. That take charge, stand up for what you want toughness was damn sexy and I was mad I wasn't there to see it in person.

I got a skip today. He was a lower end bond arrested for public nudity (apparently he was a serial streaker). I did my normal speech at the door and he ran toward me instead or away from me like they usually do. He tackled me on the front porch, sending us both rolling down the stairs. When we hit the concrete at the bottom I realized he had me pinned to the ground and he seemed to think he had the upper hand. So I took a deep breath and used the moves you taught me that night to get him off of me and in a set of cuffs. It worked so smoothly I'm not sure which one of us was more surprised. Of course, he didn't want to walk to the car and it was further than I thought I could drag him, so I promised if he'd come along nicely I'd let his trench coat hang open when I took him in giving him the ability to flash everyone at the police station on the way to booking. He agreed and the rest of the trip in went smoothly.

She never ceased to amaze me. I didn't remember working with her on self defense, but I'd always wanted to. Knowing how few tools she had to capture the bad guys always made me nervous and the thought that she could get hurt because no one took the time to teach her a few tricks to keep her safe didn't sit well with me. I was glad to know I'd done something to really help her.

I don't know when you will read these letters, or if you'll ever get them, but I like to write to you at night. The way we would talk about anything and everything may have only lasted a few nights, but it created a habit in me that I can't let go of. I don't think I can go to sleep if I haven't shared something with you. I'm counting on you to come back so we can go back to our talks. Writing it down is helpful, but it's still just a weak substitute for the real thing.

Love,

Stephanie

I had to agree with her there. As much as I loved holding her letters, I knew I'd love holding her even more. Soon Beautiful…soon.