Thanks for all the reviews guys, and thanks to all of you who read the story. This chapter is a long one. I don't really have anything to say, except that it goes up and down all the time. I mean with the feelings and those things. But we'll see what it leads to. Enjoy this one, and remember to review, so that I get the motivation to update. Hope you like it.
Chapter IV - Elevator
When everything comes down to just one thing.
That thing slips away.
Meredith put her fingers on her lips. That kiss was something she would never forget, though it would be for the best if she did. But as they say, the more you wait, the better it gets when you get it. She drove away from Derek, leaving him with no one. Now just wait, he's the one with a wife. Meredith sighed.
"A wife."
She pulled up to her house and stepped out of her car. While she walked to the door, she could hear how someone ran down the stairs inside of the house. She saw through the glass door that it was Izzie, followed by a tremendously tired George, who ran towards her.
"Where the hell have you been?" Izzie looked very upset as she opened the door to yell at Meredith. "We went to your room to check on you, and your bed was empty. Hell Meredith, explain!" Meredith was a bit shocked, but understood why she was this angry. She was tired and whiny, off course she yelled at Meredith at this time. And she had come home earlier quite drunk, so who could blame Izzie for being worried? George by the way defended Meredith, or at least it sounded like it.
"She's a grown up woman, Izzie. Not a child." He turned away from them and shuffled off to his bedroom. He had been worried too, but was to tired to try and deal with it at the moment. Meredith walked in through the door and looked at Izzie.
"You really wanna' know?" Meredith raised an eyebrow at Izzie.
"Bring it on." Izzie placed her hands on her hips and waited. She tried to seem angry, but didn't really have the strength to be it anymore. She put her hand on her mouth to hide a yawn.
"He kissed me." Meredith held back for a second but didn't think it would matter anyway. "Okay, I kissed him back, but he's the one who's married, right?" Izzie sighed and rolled her eyes. Meredith hit her on the arm and tried to make Izzie concentrate.
"Izzie." Izzie looked at her and Meredith watched her carefully.
"Meredith, seriously. I'm tired..." Izzie let out a big yawn and turned away to walk towards her room. Meredith stared. She was a bit confused, first Izzie had yelled at her and wanted to know what had happened, and know it seemed as she didn't care at all. Maybe she didn't, or maybe it was the tiredness that pulled over her.
"Izzie!" Meredith slowly walked after her. "Say something. An advice. Give me something here!" Meredith stopped and waited for her verdict.
"Mer... A kiss is a kiss." Izzie shrugged and went to her room, leaving Meredith to think this one out alone.
Derek pulled up his car in front of the trailer. He hesitated for a minute before he walked in to his home. When he stepped in through the door, he felt that feeling. Something was wrong. He looked around and walked to the bed. Addison lay on it and stared into nothing. Derek doubted that she was going to argue tonight, as the same for him. It was late and both of them had work in the morning. Derek made himself ready for bed and when he came back from the bathroom, Addison had fallen asleep. Derek went to bed and he thought about that kiss until the sleep flew over him.
Meredith opened her eyes and looked around in the room. She looked over at the empty place in her bed and sighed. As she was kind of daydreaming, her pager went off. She took a deep breath before she looked at it and ran to the bathroom. Izzie stormed into the room and yelled something about food and the hospital. Meredith couldn't really tell what she said and she actually didn't care at the moment. She pulled a sweater over her head and put on a pair of jeans before she ran out of the room and down the stairs. She grabbed her jacket and car keys and went straight to her car. Finally, Meredith was on her way to the hospital, but she was going to be late.
Addison and Derek kind of ignored each other; neither of them was ready to talk. Derek walked towards the elevator and Addison took the stairs. Derek sighed and walked in when the doors opened. At the same time, Meredith ran towards just that elevator.
"Hold it!" She saw how someone held out a hand so that the doors wouldn't close and when she reached the elevator, their eyes met. Derek didn't smile and neither did Meredith. She walked in and let the door close behind her.
"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith mumbled to him.
"No problem, Dr. Grey." Derek knew this game. Pretend to be only professional. It was only about work. Meredith pushed the button to the level she was going to and Derek did it right after her. As hard as they tried to play this game, everyone in the elevator whispered and shook their heads to their intense behavior. The elevator reached Meredith's floor and she ran away. Derek watched her as she ran and wondered when they were going to end this game.
Meredith ran into Bailey on her way to the locker room.
"So. Look at this, Meredith Grey decided to show up." Bailey sounded irritated. Behind her stood all the interns. They smiled at her while Bailey pointed at the locker room door. Meredith met her angry look before she ran into the room and changed. After a minute or two, Meredith came out in her scrubs and her white coat. The interns and Bailey had waited and then Bailey started to walk and talk.
"Grey, don't be late next time. And now, a little delayed, rounds. Let's get going, people." She walked away with the interns right behind her. Cristina looked at Meredith.
"Izzie filled me up." She sounded like she knew that Meredith had done something.
"What?" Meredith tried hard to make it sound as she had no idea what Cristina talked about.
"Oh, don't try me. You've done something bad, haven't you?" Cristina smiled expectant and waited for her confession.
"You just said.." Meredith looked at Cristina, and met her shrewd look. Meredith sighed at Cristina's ability to always read when there was something going on. They reached a patient's room and Meredith looked up. There he stood once more.
"He's everywhere.." Meredith thought andsighed silently. She tried to ignore him while he had his eyes steadily on her. Izzie watched their suspicious behavior while George introduced the patient. Alex answered Bailey's questions and looked pleased with himself afterwards.
"Good work, Dr. Karev and Dr. O'Malley. Here's Mrs. Kiel's chart. You'll both scrub in on her surgery later this afternoon." Derek gave George the chart and smiled at them and the patient. He started to walk away, but didn't past Meredith. Instead he stopped in front of her.
"Can I talk to you, Dr. Grey?" Meredith looked a little surprised but was about to nod when Bailey cut her off.
"You can talk to my intern after rounds, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith looked up at Derek and met his sad look. She tried not to be affected by that look, so she ignored it and followed Bailey out of the room with the other interns. Derek sighed and started to walk down the corridor with his eyes on the floor. Out of nowhere came Izzie. She grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. Her grip around his arm was firm and she made him stand against the wall while she looked out for Bailey or Meredith. Derek got confused and quite upset.
"What are you doing, Dr. Stevens?" Izzie could hear at his voice that he became upset and was confused. Derek looked at his arm and tried to pull it back, but Izzie warned him with an angry look and started to talk.
"Meredith isn't a thing, a toy, you can play with. Her feelings for you were and still are strong and when you mess with them, who do you think have to clean it up." Izzie didn't really yell at him, she just talked angrily. Derek got frustrated and pulled away his arm from Izzie's grip.
"Dr. Stevens, listen to me.." He pointed at her with his hand but she pushed it away and looked at him.
"No! You listen!" She pointed at him. "When you do things like this, like kissing her in the middle of the night, you destroy her. Either you stand for what you do and what you feel, or you just let her move on with her life. Which in her case, not an easy thing." Izzie looked at his reaction. He just stood there, in shock. Izzie straightened up and nodded at him.
"Dr. Shepherd." She finished and slowly started to run away to catch up with the others. Derek watched her leave. He leaned his head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. What was he doing? She was right, and he knew it. He took a deep breath before he walked away. He had to come to conclusions soon, or it would be too late. Around the corner he met Addison, who had a disappointed look in her eyes.
"Addison." Derek didn't like that look. Something was up. It didn't hit him until a second or two that she could have overheard Izzie talk to him.
"Derek." She looked at him and really tried to pierce him with her look and force him to tell her by his own. But after all, both of them were to blame. Especially Addison, she'd actually slept with Mark while Derek had kissed Meredith. But a kiss means a lot.
"Did you.." Derek didn't get the chance to end the sentence. Addison had cut him off by her nod. Derek moved his eyes from her to the floor. Addison saw that he felt bad, but not as bad as she felt.
"I..." Addison began but was disturbed when Derek's pager went off.
"911. I have to go." He met her gaze and saw the sadness in her eyes. He stopped for a moment and sighed. Then he gave her a small smile before he walked away. Addison watched him leave her with the guilt.
"911" Bailey looked at her interns before she ran towards the ambulance entrance.
"What do we have?" Bailey looked at the injured woman from ambulance number one. The paramedics filled them in on everything. On the stretcher lay a woman in her late 30's. She had been involved in a car crash and had internal bleedings and a broken arm. Bailey pointed at Izzie and she nodded in response. Izzie ran after the stretcher and the paramedics. Derek met them and Izzie's look. He didn't have time so sort out what it meant, he ran towards the second ambulance. They showed him a 5-year-old girl and told them that she also had been in the car crash. She had hit her head hard in the crash and she bled from one of her ears. Derek nodded when he got the information.
"Let's take her to an ER." He turned his face to Bailey while he ran after the girl's stretcher. "I need an intern Bailey!" Bailey looked around.
"Okay, Grey, you're on it." Meredith hesitated but when she saw Bailey's piercing look, she turned away and ran after Derek and the patient.
A 5-year-old girl. They'd done everything possible in the ER, and now it was Derek Shepherd's turn to help her. The 5-year-old was prepped up and ready for brain surgery. Meredith entered the scrub room and saw Derek. He looked at her and sighed. He didn't know what he should say to her, but he knew he had to say something. Well, at least it felt like he had to. Meredith put on a cap and went to the sink.
"You wanted to talk earlier." She didn't look at him, she just started to wash her hands and Derek did the same.
"Uhm. Yes." Meredith leered at him carefully. He seemed nervous and insecure.
"Changed your mind?" She said coldly and took a soap and ripped it up. Derek turned to her. She was nothing like the real Meredith at the moment. She kept it short and insensitive. Some part of him knew that he had himself to blame for the treatment he got from her, but the rest of him just wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to be like it used to, but he had screwed it all up. He looked sadly at her and Meredith wrinkled her eyebrows when she noticed that he just stood there, staring at her. Derek let his glance fall to the floor.
"This may be unfair.." Meredith slowly turned her head to him. "But I have to tell you." Meredith wasn't sure if she should feel confused or nervous. Derek looked at her, right in her eyes. Neither of them moved.
"I don't regret the kiss." Derek looked at her."And I never will, nor all the other moments we've had together. And by that I don't mean to upset you, and I know it's at the wrong time, but I reallywanted you to know" He was serious and Meredith just stared at him, about to drop her jaw to the floor. Derek avoided her look, the look scared him a little. And when that look was on her face, he really regretted that he had said something about it in the first place. But he thought he didn't have any other choice, he wanted her to know. Derek took a soap and ripped it up just to keep avoiding her glare. When she suddenly started to talk loudly and angrily at him, he didn't know what it was leading to.
"That's what you have to say? And it may be unfair?" Meredith got upset. Derek looked up from the sink.
"Hey, take it easy.." She yelled at him and Derek didn't know what she would do next, but he was actually prepared for a punch.
"You..." Meredith pointed at him with her finger. Her body shook by frustration. She walked closer and he stopped wash his hands.
"You don't have the right." Meredith eyes glowed with a blend of anger and pain. A part of her wanted to hit him in his face because of the pain he gave her, but the other part wanted to say the same to him. She hated to be this confused, so she just had to control herself. She stood close to him, but didn't meet his eyes. She gave up and walked to the door. Derek shut his eyes for a second before he opened his mouth.
"Mer.." He turned to her and gave her that sad look again. He hadn't meant to hurt her when he'd said that. To hurt her was the last thing he wanted. The irony struck him hard and fast.
"I'll get you another intern." Meredith said coldly before she walked out of the scrub room. She saw Cristina down the corridor with Bailey at her side. Bailey looked confused when she saw Meredith walk up to them with an upset look on her face.
"Grey.." Bailey was about to say something but saw how Meredith shook her head.
"No. I can't." She turned to Cristina. "Cristina, Dr. Shepherd needs you in OR 3." Meredith walked off. A big smile grew on Cristina's face.
"Alright. Brain surgery." She felt lucky and looked at Bailey, who raised her eyebrows at her. "Don't get me wrong here, I stand up for her. But I mean, wow." Bailey shook her head at Cristina's suddenly happiness and at Meredith's behavior. Cristina walked of towards OR 3, with quick and impatient steps. Bailey sighed deeply before she went after Meredith.
"Dr. Yang." Derek looked at the intern Meredith had changed herself with.
"I don't know what you did, but this is great." Cristina started to scrub in and Derek sighed and looked down at the sink. They both got ready and went in to the operation room. Derek took adeep breath and tried to shake off all the feelings that had boiled up in him. He put on his gloves and went to table.
"Let's save this girl's life." The operation began.
Eyes looked down on them. Two of them belonged to Dr. Montgomery Shepherd. Addison sighed when she saw her husband start the operation. She was afraid of the conversation she had before her. How would he take it? She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair before she walked out of the gallery.
Meredith shook her head. He didn't have the right, not anymore. Suddenly, Bailey pulled her away on her way to the locker room.
"What do you think you're doing?" Bailey looked angrily at Meredith who didn't have the courage to meet her eyes at the moment. She didn't answer either. "I don't know what's going on here, but you can't let it get in the way and just leave a surgery like that." Meredith looked up at her.
"Der.. Dr. Shepherd..." She began.
"No, no, no. I didn't ask to hear about your love problems. Just don't let it happen again." Bailey walked away and Meredith nodded for herself. Don't let it get in the way. He could say anything. She could take it. Hopefully..
"The surgery was a success. Your daughter is going to be fine." Cristina nodded at the five-year-old girl's father. She was as always not in the mood to talk to the patients' relatives, but it was to late. The father wanted to give his thanks to everyone, and Cristina had to be the one who listened.
"Thank god. Thank you. And that doctor.."
"Dr. Shepherd." Cristina filled him in.
"Yes. Thank him." Derek walked in to the room at that moment and smiled at him.
"I'm Dr. Shepherd. I'm sure Dr. Yang has filled you in on how your daughter is doing. And as for your wife, she's in surgery right now." He tried to keep up the smile and kindness, but his mind wasn't on this matter. He was concentrated on her. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't drop it. The look on her face. Cristina noticed that something was going on and rolled her eyes.
"Oh, Dr. Shepherd. Yes. Oh, thank you for saving my daughter's life." The father threw his arms around Derek and started to sob. Derek was very surprised by the hug. He patted the man's back a little to comfort him, and felt Cristina's eyes stare at them. She smiled with relief when she didn't have to take that hug and left them silently. The father pulled away from Derek and sat down again. Derek smiled and nodded.
"Uhm, no problem." He walked away, towards the elevator.
Meredith had been sent to the pit as a punishment from Bailey. And she surely felt punished. She walked towards the elevator and stepped in. She pushed the level button and when the doors were about to close, the man she really didn't want to see came through them. Derek looked at her. The elevator was empty except for them. Meredith sighed and looked away when Derek tried to get her attention. He tried to say something but Meredith gave him an angry look.
"Don't."
Derek took a deep breath. He needed her to listen to what he had to say. He felt as he had to explain once and for all. He reached out and pulled the emergency button. The bell rang and Meredith shook her head with deprecation. Not now.
"Meredith, I never meant to hurt you earlier. That kiss, you, I miss everything about you. And when you listened to my problems, it felt good. That's why I don't regret that it happened. And.." Meredith stared at him with a piercing look.
"Start the elevator.."
"Are you listening to me?" Derek took a step back and saw how Meredith leaned to start the elevator. He stopped her and blocked the button. He took her hand and Meredith knew this was bad. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Derek moved closer to her. Why was he doing this to her? She felt him against her, his smell and his breath made her warm inside. She took a deep breath to remember that smell, and Derek moved even closer. He felt her body against his and he shivered with pleasure when he could smell her hair. They stood against the elevator wall and just looked at each other. Meredith would stay there forever, for once she felt safe and loved, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes to stop the tears from coming and pushed him away. He always made her cry when he tried these things. He sighed while he drew his hand over his face and looked down at the floor.
"This is wrong, bad, and.." She was rembelling.
"Meredith."
"No, Derek. Seriously, what do you think? You come here with your smile, your hair, your eyes and... Just you, all McDreamy-like and I'm hurt, vulnerable. It's easy for you to do this."
"Do what?" Derek looked confused.
"This elevator-thing." Meredith had an angry look on her face but inside she was just hurt. In so much pain because of him. But she knew that the pain wouldn't go away if she weren't with him. Derek nodded at her and was about to start the elevator, but Meredith stopped him.
"My turn to talk." Derek turned his head towards her and wondered if she was going to yell or hit him.
"Everything you do. The looks, the smiles and everything make me crazy. And then you kiss me, which I've longed for for so long, but it doesn't make it much more simple for me. You made your choice. I actually said pick me, but you chose her. And I don't blame you, you wouldn't be you if you didn't try and make it work. But by that, you don't have the right to keep being all Dreamy with me.." She took a deep breath and continued.
"Just stop it. I'm to messed up because of you already, I can't deal with this." Derek sighed sadly and understood exactly what she said. He was after all the one to blame for her pain in the first place. Meredith met his eyes and wondered why everything had to be so complicated.
At the same time, outside the elevator, a lot of people were angry.
"What's wrong with the elevator?"
"What the hell.."
"Make it work!"
The chief had tried to calm everyone down while he himself, didn't have a clue on what was happening in the elevator.
"Just calm down, we're doing our best to make the elevator work."
Around the elevator stood nurses, doctors and interns. Bailey's interns stood together next to some nurses.
"10$ it's the Shepherds in there.." Alex nodded towards the elevator doors.
"Dr. Karev." Addison's voice made him turn to her and he met her serious gaze. Izzie looked at George.
"Where's Meredith?" George shrugged and looked around to see if she was close.
In the background stood Cristina in company with Burke."So.. What do you think about a nice dinner tonight?" Burke had his eyes on a chart he held in his hands. Cristina turned to him.
"Yeah.. I.. Well, yes. Sure." Cristina smiled a little before she turned towards the elevator again. Burke smiled at her answer.
Dr. Webber got frustrated and turned to all the people who watched and whispered.
"Hey, this elevator will work in time. Go back to work!"
They glared irritably at him and walked away with slow steps. Burke, Addison and Bailey got back to work. The interns didn't notice that Bailey leaved. Alex turned to an intern that also stayed.
"20$ it's Shepherd." The intern turned to him with a raised eyebrow.
"With who?" Alex looked around.
"Could be a nurse. Or maybe Dr..." Izzie hit him in the head with the palm of her hand.
"Shut up, Alex." Alex looked angrily at her, but understood why she'd hit him. George noticed that Bailey watched them with a piercing look and her hands on her hips. He straightened himself and walked away to her. Izzie took his example and Alex got confused. He met Bailey's look and understood.
"Well, anyways.." He shrugged at the intern and started to walk towards Bailey.
Bailey sighed and shook her head.
"Where's Grey?" She asked while she looked down at the chart she held. No one answered and Bailey looked angrily at them.
"Well, get to work. O'Malley and Karev, surgery with Dr. Shepherd if I'm not mistaking." Alex and George nodded and walked away. But George wrinkled his eyebrows and turned around to look at Bailey.
"Where is Dr. Shepherd?"
"Okay." Derek looked down. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.
"Okay?" Meredith didn't really understand his suddenly statement. Derek took a deep breath.
"I'll stop it. Well, I'll try.. It's just.. When I look at you I can't help myself. Your smile, your eyes." He smiled mildly at her while he talked, but stopped himself. "But okay. If it hurts you, I'll stop. Just stop.." He nodded to confirm what he did at the moment. He was unsure if it was going to work, but he had to try for her sake. Meredith saw the sadness in his eyes and didn't actually want him to stop being Dreamy with her. But it hurt her even more when she realized that she couldn't have him.
"But remember, Meredith. You can always talk to me. Whatever it is, I'll help you." Derek wanted to make sure that despite of everything between them, he was her friend, and he cared a lot about her. Meredith smiled at him.
"I'll remember." She gave him a smile before sheleaned forward and started the elevator. Derek took a step forward and stood beside her. They exchanged looks before the elevator doors opened and they were met by a lot of people just staring at them. The chief sighed and walked up to them.
"What the hell happened?" He had an angry look on his face but Derek or Meredith didn't know what to say. Derek was about to open his mouth but Meredith stepped forward.
"We had an argument. About a patient. Sir." All the people around them heard and sighed in disappointment. After all their waiting, that's what they got for an explanation. They shook their heads in irritation. The chief looked suspiciously from Meredith to Derek. Both their looks meant, "Drop it!" and the chief nodded in response. He understood that this was personal, so he had to drop it.
"Just don't let it happen again." He walked away.
Derek watched him leave and then looked at Meredith. She gave him a nod and a smile.
"Dr. Shepherd."
"Dr. Grey." Derek smiled friendly at her and turned to walk away. Meredith looked after him for a second before she walked off.
Well, that wasn't really a cliffhanger, but I think it was a good way to end this chapter. But it's not over yet. If you have any thoughts, please tell me. And could someone tell me if my english works, beacause I'm a little worried about it. So until next time, please keep reviewing.