Author's Note: I know my chapters aren't very long, but that's because I'd like to try and update at least once or twice a week. If you'd like longer chapters, let me know. I won't be able to post as frequently, but they'd be longer.
Also, I use a song in this chapter that was released this year. I know that in "Glee" world, the timeline wouldn't match up, but I'll be taking liberties in this story with song releases and years. Let's just say it takes place "present day." So…just go with it.
Rachel spent Sunday night in bed staring at her ceiling and slowly watching it become light outside. It was Monday morning and the dread had started to kick in. She was on her feet ten minutes before her alarm went off. Her brain was a jumbled mess and if she hadn't had the same exact morning routine day in and day out for the last three years, she'd probably be wearing her sock as a scarf and her underwear as a headband. Thankfully, her brain was on autopilot.
Halfway through the two hundred strokes it took to brush her teeth, she stopped. The reflection in the mirror was suddenly fascinating. She watched herself closely, toothbrush hanging out of her mouth, as she moved her face from one side to the other. Without finishing the other hundred strokes, she rinsed her mouth out and wiped her mouth with her hand, slowly lingering on lips as she did so.
When she walked over to the chair next to her bed, she stopped. Confused, she looked around the room. Normally, she took the time to carefully lay out the clothes she would wear the next morning, but last night, she had forgotten to do so. Panicking, she ran to her closet. How on earth could she possibly decide what to wear in such a short amount of time? Breakfast was in exactly seventeen minutes. Flustered, she grabbed the first skirt she could find – a purple mini – and figured the black button down blouse toward the left end of the closet would suffice. Now where were those black tights? They weren't in the middle drawer of her dresser where they normally are. She couldn't possibly go without tights in this skirt, could she? She looked at the clock. Eight minutes until breakfast. Her whole morning would be completely thrown off if she took the time to look for the tights, so she moved on to her hair.
With thirty seconds to spare, she was at the kitchen table just as her dad put a bowl of steaming oatmeal and half a grapefruit in front of her.
"Enjoy, sweetie. I gotta run. Need to get an early start today." He placed a kiss on her forehead and was out the door. She hadn't heard a word he said.
Rachel pushed her oatmeal around for a few minutes, waiting for it to cool. After three spoonfuls and a few bites of grapefruit, her stomach told her that she was crazy if she was going to attempt to put anything more in it. Butterflies were taking up too much room in there.
By the time she got to school, her head was wrecked. Too many questions had been plaguing her. No matter how many times she replayed that kiss in her head, it always left her with the same questions. Why did it happen? Why was she obsessing over it? Was Quinn thinking about it? Was it planned? What does it mean? Is Quinn gay? Is that what she was trying to tell her? Why did it excite Rachel so much? That last question was the scariest of all of them and the one she tried to think about the least. There really was no reason why her body should have reacted that way, was there?
Once again, Rachel found herself at school anxiously waiting to see if she and Quinn could cross paths again. Sure enough, as she was passing the water fountain in the south corridor, Quinn was walking her way. Rachel took comfort in the fact that she was alone this time. Finn was nowhere to be found. As she got closer, she straightened up and pulled her chin up to at least appear somewhat confident. Her insides were screaming with uncertainty, but at least she looked fearless. The second her eyes met Quinn's, she flashed a genuinely friendly smile, being very careful not to show her teeth. Santana had once told her that when she smiled with all her teeth, it looked like she was going to swallow someone's head whole. Instead of smiling back, Quinn showed no change in emotion. At least not in her face. She simply looked away from Rachel and kept her eyes forward as she walked right past her with no acknowledgment that she was even there. Rachel stopped and closed her eyes for a moment. It hurt to look at anything that wasn't Quinn. She turned around and watched the blonde walk away without any sign of giving Rachel a second look.
Yup. It was going to be one of those days.
By the time glee club rolled around, Rachel was pacing outside the door. She had no idea if Quinn would even show up. That would require actually talking to Rachel and she obviously didn't have much interest in that. Trying not to make her pacing too obvious, she pretended to read a couple flyers that were hung up on the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could tell that Finn was heading this way. It was kind of hard to miss his lanky walk and the goofy look on his face. She looked over in his direction and sure enough, there was Quinn. Her hand was attached to his. The sight made Rachel shudder. This was going to be difficult, but it had to be done.
As the pair walked past Rachel into the choir room, she reached out and lightly grabbed Quinn's arm.
"Hey Quinn, can I talk to you for a second?"
By this point, Finn's hand became detached from Quinn's and he kept walking, stopping only to see why she had stopped until he saw Rachel. That was his cue to keep going. Rachel had Quinn somewhat cornered, leaning her hand against the door and blocking the entrance. However, the other girl seemed very reluctant to talk.
"What?" she replied curtly.
Rachel hadn't really practiced what she was going to say.
"Um…" She looked down, suddenly remembering who she was speaking to. She looked up to try to find Quinn's eyes. The blonde towered over her in her gun metal gray heels.
"I don't really have time for this, Rachel." She tried to move past the shorter girl, but was blocked once again.
"I just wanted to let you know that…it's okay. I'm not going to tell anyone. And if you want to talk, I'm here."
Quinn still wouldn't look at her.
"Are we done?"
Rachel had to use every ounce of strength she had to not touch Quinn's hand at this moment.
"I just want to make sure you know that you don't have to be afraid."
"Afraid of what?" Quinn didn't even let Rachel answer. She pushed past her and took a seat next to Finn.
That did not go the way Rachel had hoped. Embarrassed, confused and dejected, she took her seat and did her best not to cast the slightest glance over to her left. She didn't want Quinn to see the mortified look on her face. Apparently McKinley's most famous student really was a phenomenal actress. She almost had Rachel convinced that last night was nothing more than a meaningless fluke. Almost.
Something had to be done. She had to get through to Quinn somehow. She had to somehow let her know that she could be trusted and no matter the outcome, everything would be okay. The second Mr. Schuester stepped into the room, Rachel jumped up.
"Mr. Schue, I'd like to sing first if that's okay."
Mr. Schuester looked rather dumbfounded. "Wow, Rachel. I haven't seen that kind of enthusiasm from you in a while. I'd love to hear what you've got."
Rachel marched over and took her place in front of the glee club. Standing there with every ounce of conviction she could muster, she took a deep breath and prepared for the performance of a lifetime.
"This is a song I heard recently. I wanted to see if it sounds as good in here as it does when I sing it in the shower," she revealed coyly. "And maybe it'll inspire some of you."
Sure, it was transparent, but she didn't care. She was going to make Quinn Fabray listen to her even if it had to be through song. The music started and Rachel swayed along with the beat. As terrified as she was to do so, her eyes shifted over to Quinn, willing her to look back at her.
"You can be amazing Say what you wanna say With what you want to say I just wanna see you
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
And they settle beneath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave…"
Rachel kept her attention on the tall blonde in the second row. She could see the wheels turning in Quinn's head when she slowly realized the song was obviously about her. Rachel could pinpoint the exact moment of realization. Quinn nervously looked around the room and when she had run out of every other thing to look at, she finally locked eyes on the girl that was singing in front of her. Well, singing to her. Her face was completely unreadable, but Rachel couldn't worry about that at the moment. Perhaps she was coming on too strong, but she wanted to send a message. A message saying that everything would be okay. That she could trust her.
"Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down Say what you wanna say With what you want to say
By the enemy
Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing
Bow down to the mighty
Don't run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave…"
Rachel felt everyone watching her, but there was only one reaction she cared about. And just in case that one person wasn't aware the song was about her, Rachel took a step closer to the slowly unraveling girl in front of her. She sang loud and hard and put her whole body into it to try to get Quinn to hear what she had to say. Her eyes were cold, yet so strangely hypnotic. Rachel couldn't look away. Not now. "Innocence, your history of silence Say what you wanna say
Won't do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don't you tell them the truth?
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave…"
Once again, Quinn broke eye contact and Rachel died just a little bit inside. Every instinct in her wanted to pull Quinn up in front of everyone in hopes that she would sing along with her. But since she refused to look her yet again, she ran and pulled Brittany up with her. Brittany started harmonizing and dancing along with Rachel. Even though her new singing partner was beautifully helping her vocalize the song and having a great time dancing around, Rachel couldn't help but watch Quinn out of the corner of her eye, looking for any sign of movement from her. "With what you want to say I just wanna see you I just wanna see you
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave.
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you."
The song was over. The thunderous applause and cheers died down and Rachel took her seat while Brittany returned to her spot next to Santana. Meanwhile, Quinn didn't make a move. She applauded along with the rest, but there was nothing in her eyes saying that she remotely enjoyed the performance. Somehow, Rachel had a feeling she was about to experience the wrath of Quinn.
Once glee club was over, Rachel got up and walked out without stopping to talk to anybody. The more time that passed, the more she realized that maybe singing that song wasn't the wisest decision. But she wanted to give Quinn a chance to respond, so once she was out in the hall, she walked a little slower, hoping Quinn would catch up to her.
She did.
There was a sharp pain in Rachel's right arm as Quinn's hand clamped tightly around it and pulled her into the nearest classroom. The pain subsided when Quinn let go and angrily closed the door behind them. They were in the art room. It was dimly lit and smelled of fresh paint.
Quinn turned to face her, incensed. "What the hell was that?"
Rachel's muscles tightened. She was backed against the wall with a very intimidating Quinn hovered over her. And this girl was out for blood.
"I…"
Quinn irately tightened her fists and moved in even closer to Rachel. She was seething.
"Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?"
Rachel looked anywhere but at Quinn. It was just too scary to see the pained expression on her face, knowing full well she's the one that caused it. Instead, she chose to focus on the girl's shoulder. It was shaking with rage and panic.
"I was just trying to help you."
"By singing me a fucking song?"
"No one knows it was directed at you."
"You were staring right at me the whole time, Rachel!"
Rachel had never seen this side of Quinn before. Granted, she'd only known her a couple weeks, but she had only ever experienced a more calm and collected version of her. This was almost…scary. Which led Rachel to believe that she had, in fact, crossed a dangerous line.
"We were always taught to pick a focal point for each performance. I guarantee you no one even noticed." She watched as Quinn's shoulder shook more violently than before. She wanted to reach out. She wanted to offer some kind of soothing gesture to help calm her down. Knowing that would probably make things worse, she kept her hands at her side and leaned further back into the wall.
Quinn backed up, her white knuckles becoming pink as she unclenched her fists.
"You can't just do that," she huffed. "You can't just decide you need to help me and put on the spot like that in front of everybody. That is not okay."
She turned, her back facing Rachel. Her shoulders were still shuddering and Rachel could sense that she was trying to compose herself. Coming forward just an inch off the wall, she regarded the girl in front of her. She looked fragile, like even the slightest breeze could knock her over. Rachel wanted to offer something. Anything.
"Look, what happened yesterday—"
"Nothing happened!" Quinn turned around and charged back at Rachel. "How many times to I have to get it through to you? Nothing happened." Her eyes said it all. They were trying to convince Rachel, trying to make her see that her statement needed to be true.
Rachel searched those eyes for any sign of taking those words back. It was useless, so she conceded.
"Okay. Nothing happened," Rachel nodded. "Must have been a dream, or something."
Quinn's entire body loosened up, relieved to hear Rachel's words.
"Okay."
The blonde didn't move. She kept still, lingering in front of Rachel. Only a few inches of space came between them. Rachel wanted to scream. She wanted her voice to fill up the empty art room with the words 'It did happen.' She just wanted Quinn to at least admit it, but the last thing she wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable. She was torn.
Fuck it.
"A really amazing dream."
It was a quiet remark. Barely above a whisper, but she knew that Quinn heard it. How could she not? They were only mere inches away from each other.
The blonde didn't move. She kept still, lingering in front of Rachel. Only a few inches of space came between them. Rachel studied the lines and curves of her neck, following it down to where it meets her shoulders. The skin was exposed, like it was just begging to be touched or perhaps even something more. The stillness settled between them. Rachel tried to slow her breath and her heartbeat at the same time. She didn't want to give herself away. Obviously something was happening to her. Her body was trembling. Her insides aching. This was something completely new. She had never felt this way before. Never had another human being been able to elicit such a visceral reaction from her. Not even the star quarterback of the high school football team.
After that statement, there really was no going back, so Rachel made a bold move. She gradually moved her hand and brushed the top of Quinn's hand with her index finger. The taller girl flinched and pulled her hand away, but leaned forward in the process.
"You really don't learn, do you?" she asked.
"Maybe you could teach me something," murmured Rachel. What the hell was that? Why did she say that? Was she flirting with Quinn? After everything Quinn had just said to her. Why was she being so stupid and stubborn when Quinn obviously wants no part of it?
Quinn leaned against the wall closer to Rachel and looked her up and down.
She leaned in and whispered, "What do you want, Rachel?"
Rachel could feel the other girl's breath hot on her neck. She didn't hear the question. She had forgotten what words even are. All she could do was stand there and wait and hope that her brain would find a way to work again. She swallowed thickly as Quinn leaned over to her other ear.
"You want me to kiss you again, don't you?" Quinn huskily whispered.
Rachel wanted to say, 'I thought it never happened,' but the words refused to escape her mouth. All she could do was nod.
Quinn's hand slowly made its way down from the wall to Rachel's waist. Her hand gripped Rachel's left side, just above her hip. Thank God, too, because the brunette felt as though she were going to fall over at any second. The extra support might just prevent an embarrassing fall. She's pretty sure her legs were nonexistent at the moment. Solid ground wasn't a thing at this moment in this art room with this girl holding her waist.
Quinn breathed through her nose as she leaned down and brought her lips closer to Rachel's. Rachel obliged when Quinn used her other hand to tilt her head up. She could feel Quinn's mouth barely grazing her lips.
Oh. God.
Rachel's entire core was on fire, anxiously awaiting what was about to happen. She closed her eyes and braced herself as Quinn spoke.
"It was a moment of weakness, Rachel. I was confused. You need to get over it. It never happened."
Suddenly, the presence Rachel had felt before her was gone. Quinn let go of her waist, pulled back and walked out the door, leaving Rachel a complete mess. She stood there against the wall, quivering. She felt naked. Alone. Humiliated. Either Quinn was right and it really was nothing, or she really was a hell of an actress.
**The song featured in this chapter is "Brave" by Sara Bareilles