((This chapter is very fun. It was a pain to write, but I enjoyed it.))
Confessions of a Cheshire Cat
four. Living like a Duck
I was really regretting this. I mean, I was really regretting this. But something was keeping me from running at supersonic speed back to my bike, and pedaling the hell out of Lenalee's sight. Perhaps it was the fact that Lenalee was the fastest runner I had ever known. Or maybe it was the fact that I was weighed down by the large amount of money in my wallet (which was supposed to go toward rent but something had made me bring it to use on shopping… for girl's clothes).
"Hey, Allen! You excited?" Lenalee shouted as she approached me.
I slumped over. "I'm already hating it. Let's just get this over with."
"Don't be such a party-pooper. God, Al. Trust me! You'll enjoy this." She winked at me.
The worst part was that I knew she was going to be right.
-
Walking was actually the worst part of the shopping escapade, but even that wasn't so bad. And I had to admit it was extremely nice out. But I totally forgot about the weather when I noticed how big Branch Mall was. I mean, it was giant. I had never seen anything so big that was for the sole purpose of… shopping. It actually made my stomach turn a bit.
"Here we are. First thing! We need to give you breasts."
My head whipped toward Lenalee so fast that I think I broke my spine at first. "What exactly… do you mean?"
"Well, the frills on the uniform are expertly placed to hide your flat-as-a-board chest. I bet your Lavi is expecting a little something to be hiding under there." She smiled a girl's grin. "So I am going to introduce to you the wonders of the water bra."
Oh. My. God.
"No way. You are not going to let me wear one of those." I said, waving my hands in front of me.
"You're right. I'll make you." She laughed devilishly. "Because some girls are just as flat as you—"
"I'm a man! I'm perfectly built!" I interrupted.
"—we're going to have to get the smallest size possible." She instantly grabbed my hand and, much to my dismay, led me to Victoria's Secret.
The inside was just as I expected; full of underwear. Since I was straight (not gay!) this was quite… simulating, but I tried not to let my nose bleed. Lenalee instantly led me to the selection of water bras. I lurched forward as I felt blood rush to my nasal area, but I succeeded in keeping it inside my body.
"Victoria's Secret makes really good bras, so you can expect comfort." She remarked, holding one up and glancing around before she held it up to my chest. I took a leap backwards.
"What's wrong with you?" I exclaimed vociferously, calling the attention of the cashier, who seemed to be as frightened as me. Lowering my voice by at least twenty decibels, I added; "This isn't natural! Please don't make me do this! I'm begging you!"
"Hmm, maybe we shouldn't make your boobs too big, then Lavi will start to get suspicious." Lenalee murmured, ignoring me completely. I responded with a loud sigh and a slouch. "Mm! This one is good. It's very real-looking."
I mentally slapped my forehead. "Please, Lenalee."
"You're right, Allen. This one is a little small." She replied, setting it back and picking up a different one.
I gritted my teeth, and grabbed her right shoulder. "Let's get out of here." I ordered, but she shrugged my hand off and grabbed my wrist. Her grip was strong, and I was unable to break it as she pulled me toward a dressing room, where she pulled me in by my ear.
"YOW." I said, rubbing my now rosy earlobe. "You didn't have to be so rough."
"Like you said, you're a man." She growled. "Suck it up and put this one on." She thrust a bra in my direction, and I shyly took it into my hands.
"You know, that entire sentence contradicted itself— OUCH, okay I'll try it on." I huffed, ignoring the new-found pain in my stomach that Lenalee had caused with her fist.
I unbuttoned my shirt when Lenalee was looking away, and then slipped it off warily. With a bit of work and nose-bleeding, I successfully slipped on the bra correctly; without twisted straps. However, I could not latch on the snap in the back. I struggled, my hands grasping at my shoulder blades. After a few minutes of sad, failed attempts to secure the back of the odd garment, I was able to connect it and actually… it felt comfortable.
Lenalee turned around and burst into laughter. "Oh, Allen, you look so… feminine." She giggled between parted fingers. "Put your shirt on so we can see how it looks."
I quickly buttoned up my white shirt and straightened its collar. I looked in the mirror curiously, and nearly died. There I stood, and I truly did look like a girl; a terrifying image that forever burned itself into my mind.
I felt Lenalee's warm hand rest on my shoulder. "I'm pretty sure your boyfriend will love the new you."
I shook my head and snorted. "What are you talking about? He's not my boyfriend. He's not dating Allen. He's dating Alice."
"You're such a drag queen, naming your girl version…" She shook her head, and then told me to remove the bra. I did so, and I did not look forward to the next time I would have to put one on again.
We exited the dressing room, and it suddenly dawned upon me that it was strange to see a girl and a boy around the same age walk into a dressing room at a Victoria's Secret. I gulped as I noticed a short, orange-haired girl walk up to us with a very pissed-off look plastered over her features.
"Hey, cool it, kids." She warned us, shaking a fist at us. "Make sure you're behaving in those dressing rooms."
Lenalee was silent, so I took that as my chance to speak up and be manly (as if I didn't have enough chances.) "Um... What do you mean?" Unfortunately, nothing manly came to mind.
I felt something hard crunch against my right cheekbone, and I fell into Lenalee. In a few moments, the previously short girl was towering over me as I lay on the ground. "I know you're thinking about how short I am." (Although I wasn't,) "I'll have you know that I am much older than you think I am." She growled, grabbing me by my collar and pulling me up to her height. "I should have you kicked out of here for illicit behavior twice in a row. BAK, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE."
I silently asked myself if she was calling for a hen, but it was soon apparent that she was not. A flustered-looking man ran over to us, his strange hat bobbing up and down. "W-what is it, Fo? Have these people been misbehaving in my store?"
I had to bite my tongue to keep form laughing obnoxiously. A man owned a Victoria's Secret? But then again, I had no room to talk; seeing as how I was a man and I was shopping at one. I chewed on my cheek impatiently. "No, seriously, we had good reason to go in the same dressing room."
(The man who I presumed was) Bak's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Sorry, I get hives when I- when I…"
The orange-haired girl named Fo slapped the store owner across the face. "Toughen up!" The sentence sounded familiar. "Now, little boy, what's your explanation?"
Before I could speak, Lenalee smiled and answered politely. "You see, this is Allen, and he's a cross-dresser. He's got a date with someone who prefers him in his more feminine state, so we're looking for bras to give him more womanly qualities."
It was bad that it was all true, but the worst part was that Fo and Bak understood.
"I get it." Fo murmured, releasing me. "You're going through hard times. I'll let you go."
I blushed a million shades of red.
-
Lenalee stopped me by tugging on my sleeve as we passes a bookstore. "Hey!" She exclaimed. "I've been looking for a store that sold this book under thirty bucks. Yay!" She jumped up and down excitedly, and I secretly wondered to myself whether or not I would have to act like this on the date. I gulped, and tried not to think of all the things that could go wrong during it.
Wanting to think about something else, I encouraged Lenalee to enter the bookstore. I followed her willingly. "Why so happy, Lenalee? It looks like any other book to me." I examined the cover, tapping it a few times to see if it was good material.
She snatched it away form me with a scorned look upon her usually angelic face. "Don't judge a book by its cover, Allen. This is a really good book. Well, it should be, because I haven't read it."
I sighed in exasperation. "What could you possibly mean, Lenalee? You don't even know what the book is like? And you're already saying it's amazing?"
"Well, the author is really good. He has a different pen name for every book he writes, but it's so obvious when he's written a book because of his style. It's superb."
"Hmm, really?" I doubted it. A girl's definition of a good book today was basically a soap-opera on paper with a bunch of misogynistic undertones lacing the pages. I picked up a separate copy and read the first page.
The words were... amazing. The author used them in such a context that it made it seem as if there were several meanings to every words. And the way he described a simple object was, as Lenalee had said, superb. I was hooked, and I was only on the first page.
I snapped back to reality, however, when the cashier told me to "put the book down, or buy it." I chose the former. Lenalee, however, chose the latter.
The book was fifteen dollars here. Something that still seemed atrocious for a bunch of paper, but I digressed once I realized that other stores would be selling it for one hundred plus. If this author really had as many fangirls as I though, then maybe I should consider becoming a book store owner. I would definitely be able to pay my rent.
Lenalee eagerly skipped out of the book store. "Oh, Allen, you don't know how happy I am! I just love this author."
"Why don't you go to a book signing or something?" I suggested.
She grinned. "Oh, I love this part. Because nobody has ever seen the author and known it was him. Isn't that so mysterious?" She clasped her palms together over her heart.
I nearly heaved. "I don't know. It sounds like he's a masochistic bastard who enjoys torturing his fans."
"Hmm..." Lenalee ignored my statment and I groaned. "I wonder what he used as his pen name this time..."
I glanced over at the book's cover. "Deek? That's weird name to use."
To be continued...
((I'm sorry if Allen is OOC in this, but it's hard making an uptight Brit into a drag queen. Lenalee is also clearly OOC in this chapter. I'm also sorry if Victoria's Secret does not sell underwear. I've never been there. I'm also ALSO sorry that if someone were to have no breasts, they wouldn't wear a bra, but please humor me.
More sorries. -Sweatdrop- I had to cut it off here because I found this an apt ending for the chapter. Now you all have an idea of who the author is.
Please review.))