Disclaimer: I don't own Sweeney Todd.
"Poor Thayet," May Apple said for the umpteenth time. The darker Sues were really getting sick of her.
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" Jenalle snapped. "I'm trying to think."
"What about?" Alma asked thoughtfully, munching on a meat pie. Jenalle just got back to thinking, looking dangerously beautiful. Thayet hadn't even come to collect her things. May Apple had now resigned herself to dancing about the room.
"Stop it, you're distracting me," Jenalle said."
"Yeah, you're so fulla shit, May," Jolene added.
May Apple scowled. "Well, it's not my fault! There's nothing to eat on this show but damn meat pie!" Alma looked offended.
"My aunt Nellie's pies do not induce constipation! And nor do mine!" May Apple just rolled her eyes. Alma, who had taken it personally, jumped her fellow Sue and punched her in the face. Jolene smirked at this display.
"Enough catfighting, we got a challenge," Myn said, looking out the door. "Alma, leave the shitty girl alone, she's not worth it." Alma reluctantly extracted herself from the fight to join the others in reading the challenge, which was written in the same red paint on the window as before. Mary Sues, today's contest involves, ironically enough, the making of meat pies. The Sue who makes the most and the best meat pies wins immunity. Please report to Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pie Emporium at noon.
"Ugh. More meat--I mean...great! More meat!" Katyana said, not wanting to upset Alma.
"Do try and not eat the paint this time, Jo, that can't be good for you," May Apple said with a flip of her hair, regaining her Sueishly caring manner.
"Alan Rickman is soooo hoooot," Carmina slurred, much to the annoyance of the other contestants.
After hurrying down to the shop, the Sues were surprised to find a myriad of ingredients on the table waiting for them. "Welcome, Sues," Mrs. Lovett said with her warm smile. "The challenge is quite simple, you already know what to do. Well, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Todd and I've got work to do, so, off you get!" She flitted her fingers as she exited the room, leaving a multitude of incompetent Sues and a few knowledgeable ones alone in a kitchen to make pie.
"This is bogus!" Carmina said. "I never had to cook! Oh, I know I'm going to suck at this!"
"You'll do just fine," May Apple assured her. Alma, on the other hand, had attacked the ingredients and was already running back and forth, to the cellar and back up again, to prepare her delicious God-sent delicacies. One by one, she neatly folded each crust and filled it with meat. Jolene was doing a satisfactory job as well, though her hands were getting the messiest out of everyone, and by the time she had made a mere five pies, her dainty apron was spattered with meat and blood, making her look wild and sexily untamed.
May Apple was humming and working in peaceful solitude, and Katyana, who had decided to get creative, was deep-frying her pies in (what else?) beer. After minutes, though her stack of pies wasn't nearly as tall as Alma's or even Jolene's, they were all golden brown and aromatic. Desdemona, however, was having trouble.
"Oh my God!" she swore, "I can't do this! It's too hard." She looked tragically beautiful as she wiped a sparkling tear from her cheek. "M-maybe I can ask Mrs. Lovett or Mr. Todd for some help."
Alma shook her head, somehow able to be coherent when she was completely absorbed in making pies. "Aunt Nellie's busy," she said quickly, before looking over at Jolene's stack; although her cousin was very messy and bloodstained by now, her stack of pies was unimpressive when compared to her own or Katyana's.
"Yeah, and Mr. Todd's upstairs with a customer. In fact, it's my father," Jenalle bragged. "He's a very important man, my father is. He's got to look presentable if he's getting married soon." Carmina's eyes widened. Then, everything happened in a flash:
It started as Carmina shouted, "ALAN RICKMAN IS SOOOO HOT!" She made a run for the stairs, but the other Sues were in her way, and naturally she hit some obstacles, one of which was Alma, who swore loudly as her stack of perfect pies was knocked over, seeming not to notice that she too was floored. Dashing upstairs with nothing but inhumanly Sueish speed, she bolted the door to the barber shop down and jumped Judge Turpin, squealing with hormonal excitement. "OH MY GOSH! I LOVE YOU!"
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Judge Turpin demanded, wrenching Carmina off of him. "Well, I can see what kind of riffraff you allow in your shop...perhaps I'll take my business elsewhere. Good day, Mr. Todd." With that, he turned and bolted from a squeeing and obsessive Carmina.
Todd deadpanned, seething while glancing sideways at the perky, redheaded Sue. "I had him," he said after a long moment. "I HAD HIM, HE WAS RIGHT THERE, AND THEN YOU--YOU IDIOT!" He began to advance on her with the razor...
"I wonder what's taking Carmina so long...?" Katyana asked herself, walking up the stairs to listen to the door. Her stack of pies was quite formidable, even Alma hadn't been able to catch up (though that wasn't her fault). Within seconds, Katyana was listening in on the conversation of Mr. Todd and Carmina:
"Please, please don't cut my throat, Joh--Sweeney," she said desperately. "I promise I'll make it worth your while!"
The sounds of the removal of clothing could be heard. "That little bitch!" Katyana huffed. "Those aren't even her lines!" And with that, she marched off, angry at Carmina, and went back to her deep fryer.
Mrs. Lovett came out of the cellar in a flurry. "You--immunity," she told Katyana. "The rest of you. Vote," she commanded, passing out slips of paper and hurrying back to the cellar. Alma and Katyana voted for Carmina. Sweeney rushed down to count up the votes once every Sue was done voting.
"First vote: Desdemona," he read. "Next is Jolene, next Carmina, Myn, Carmina, Carmina, Jolene. Well, Carmina, it looks like you're leaving..."
"Where is Carmina?" May Apple asked, looking around.
"She's just around," Sweeney said vaguely. "I'll go and tell her to collect her things." All the Sues shrugged obliviously. Alma was trying one of Katyana's pies and giving her the thumbs-up, able to respect the creative cooking technique. Jolene was washing her hands.
"That's all for today, folks," Sweeney said into the camera before the end credits started rolling. "Tune in next week to watch another Mary Sue get devoured by the competition!"
A/N: Another chapter finished...although I've come up for some challenges in the future, I have yet to think of one for the next episode. Any suggestions are helpful. Sorry 'bout the short chappie. Ciao!