As we walked back to the house to meet Stefan, because we both knew he would be waiting Damon stopped me. I knew some speech was coming and I was ready for it. I just didn't know what to say. He held onto my shoulders with his hands and peered into my face with determination.
"Miss Elena that kiss was one of the best moments in my life. I know it has only been one afternoon but I would like to share more time with you alone before you go back home. Please say you wont spend all of your time with Stefan and away from me." His eyes looked sad.
I could not promise that I would not spend time with Stefan. I had to spend time with Stefan. That was the whole point to this but what I could promise him was that I would split my time up equally.
Defeated he replied, "So you do have feelings for my brother of some sort"?
I took his hands in mine. "Damon I do. I can't explain why I feel for both of you the way I do. It would be beyond anything you could ever believe but I will say that I want to never come between you. You two are brothers first and my time here is meant to get to know you both so I can." How was I to even finish this sentence?
"So you can what Miss Elena? The suspense is killing me". He proclaimed.
"So I can better figure out who I want to spend all of my time with. That is all I can say. This is all I can promise you for now. I'm sorry. I can understand if this is not something you are willing to understand." I walked away from him and sat upon the round fountain that centered the garden area we were in.
Damon came and sat next to me. "Please do not tell Stefan of our kiss and please do not tell me if you kiss him."
I swallowed hard. "It was very rash for me to do wasn't it? I'm not used to feeling so conflicted with my feelings and manners. I've felt confliction with guilt but being a lady well that is another story."
His eyes squinted as if he was examining me, "you talk sometimes as if you are from another time. Another place. Your actions towards me this afternoon were not anything I have ever known any lady to have done but Miss Elena you are nothing but a lady. It felt nice to put inhibitions behind us for a moment and just live in the moment."
He kissed my hand I think he understood exactly why I was here without ever letting me know the reason. We walked back to the house and upon the steps was Stefan waiting to greet us. His smile lit up as he saw my face. I smiled back and Damon excused himself saying he needed to go see to some things before dinner. But I knew he was giving me time alone with Stefan. He was sacrificing time with me, for me, to get to know Stefan. He will never know how much that truly meant to me. Any man in his right mind would have stayed and not allow his brother a moment. But Damon was not just any man and my love for him grew with that tiny gesture that in fact was very grave.
"How was your afternoon with Damon"? Stefan asked with eagerness.
I smiled, "pleasant. Thank you". He took my arm and locked it with his.
"Would you like to play some croquet"? He asked.
"Um, what is croquet"? I asked without realizing that if I lived in 1863 I would know exactly what croquet was.
He began to laugh. You say some bizarre things sometimes. It's charming. How about I read you some experts out of my poetry book"?
My cheeks were read with embarrassment, "that would be nice Stefan. Thank you."
It was different with Stefan. I was more modest. I was playing along more with the whole stuck in 1863 modesty thing. I felt less at ease trying to be a proper lady. Stefan was beyond more mature than Damon. Even though he was just seventeen he seemed like he was somehow thirty. Damon was twenty and I felt as if their ages should have been reversed.
Stefan walked me to the back porch where a sitting area was all set up for us with lemonade and pastries. He excused himself for a moment while he went to find his book. I hoped it wouldn't bore me. I was not one for reading out loud to others. But if this meant I could snuggle with Stefan out here on this porch with the warm breeze hitting our faces I would take it.
He quickly stepped out with a small leather book in his hands. I was already sitting propped up on the couch. He went to sit in a chair that I felt was too far from me.
"I don't bite Stefan." I said patting the space next to me on the couch. "I'd much rather you closer while reading then watching you from over there."
He smiled stood up and sat down next to me. " Whatever pleases you Miss Elena. This book has some of my favorite poems. I have written hundreds down in here. I'd like to share with you some of my most favorite that I have not shared with anyone else."
I smirked "why is that Stefan? Why are you sharing them with me? What makes me so important"?
He smiled that smile I love and said something similar to Damon "because I feel like I have known you for so long. Like this day was not the first time I laid eyes upon your face".
I exhaled deeply and chills ran down my spine. How is it that they both feel this way so suddenly only after just meeting me? I sat back smiled and he began to read.
The poems were beautiful. Very beautiful. But one stuck a cord with me:
Desire by Samuel Coleridge
Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.
The warm breeze began to get a chill as the sun began to set and dinner was approaching. Damon would be back soon. Stefan was a complete gentleman never trying to get too close or even sneak a stroke upon my hand that laid close to his leg purposely by me. I felt I would need to take matters into my own hands. After he finished yet another beautiful poem I took my chance.
"The wind is starting to pick up a chill." I began to rub my arms.
He began to stand up, "would you like me to get you my jacket"? He offered not getting my point.
"No I'd rather you not leave me thanks." I smiled.
He sat back down. I scooted closer to where he sat and he starred at me in disbelief.
"Am I being too forward Stefan if I ask that you kept me warm"? I waved a flirtatious grin.
He shook his head no and that nervous seventeen year old boy hiding beneath a mature facade shone through and I could feel him quiver at my touch. It was exhilarating to see him so vulnerable when the Stefan I know would have had my clothes off already.
I came closer and he wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head upon his chest to listen to his heart. There it was strong and sound. He was warm around me and the chill began to disappear as I took place between his arms. Being in his arms had made me feel safe in my other life so many times when I was afraid. A tear streaked down my cheek. He saw it.
"Are you ok"? He asked slowly pulling my face up toward his.
"I'm fine Stefan. I never felt better than I have today." And I wasn't lying. Laying in the arms of Damon and Stefan hearing the life that beat on in their bodies finally made me realize something that I knew but never really thought too much before.
That they once breathed and blood pumped through their veins. Their hearts had a steady beat and raced at the touch of a woman. They were once alive. As alive as I was. This made me sad. Sad for them and angry at Katherine. I knew each of them would not have it any other way. To meet me over a hundred years later had been to them the time where their life had actually began, but it felt almost wrong even selfish to be happy that they were vampires as I held each of them today as humans.
Bonnie stepped out on the back porch and cleared her throat. I almost forgot about her entirely while I was with them. I did do that allot. That is why I am in this mess. Each time I was with one I would forget about the other. They both had this affect on me and when I was alone all I was left with was guilt. But when I was with them I felt more love than anyone ever deserved.
"Bonnie". I said as I raised my head off Stefan's chest.
"Miss Elena, Damon is here and he has asked me to call for you guys to come to dinner. Mr. Salvatore will not be joining you guys tonight".
"Will you"? I asked not caring what either of them thought.
She smiled, "that is up to Mr. Stefan and Mr. Damon."
Stefan stood up taking my hands in his lifting me to my feet. "Whatever Miss Elena desires she may have".
I clapped and went to Bonnie and hugged her. "I desire her to eat with us".
I turned and walked Bonnie to the table where Damon sat looking very cheerful and friendly. He got up from his chair and walked me to mine. Again across the table from him. This time Bonnie sat next to me and Stefan sat across from Bonnie.
"So I take your day here was pleasant Elena"? Damon asked eying my reaction to his question.
"Very. Thank you for asking." I said politely picking up my glass to drink.
"So you will be coming over tomorrow I hope". Damon gleamed.
I chuckled low and decided to toy with him a bit. "If that is what you want Damon."
Stefan quickly interjected, "it's what we both want Miss Elena. Your company has proved far better than each others".
They all laughed. Even Bonnie.
"Then I will come again and I would like to spend time with each of you alone again if you don't mind. I don't have much time left and I'm afraid I have to spoil myself with alone time with both of you".
Bonnie kicked my leg under the table. They both smiled excitedly and neither caught the drift that when it wasn't their turn I would be with their brother. Or maybe they did and didn't care. Was it really so easy to get between the both of them? This scared me! I don't know Bonnie, I thought. Maybe 1863 was making me into a selfish monster. Maybe 1863 was making me more like Katherine then I ever thought possible.