Lover's Comfort

by Purple256

Lover's Comfort is the story of how Roxanne, the Dovahkiin, ended up in Skyrim and met the love of her life, Farkas, from the Companions in Whiterun.

4. Chapter 4

We went back out of Jorrvaskr and headed north to Driftshade Refuge. There, Vilkas and I cleared out the place of all Silver Hands and found all of the stolen fragments of the Wuuthrad and brought it back. I had never seen such fire, such will as I had that day in Vilkas. But unlike his brother, he spoke very little to me the whole time.

When we returned to Jorrvaskr, Vilkas said to me, "The others have probably prepared Kodlak's funeral by now. Let us go to the Skyforge to pay our respects."

I followed him up to the Skyforge and saw that the funeral was already prepared. Red Companions flags were stood up all around the forge and I saw that all of the other Companions, Eorlund, and even some other people in Whiterun were gathered around him, looking solemn and somber. In the center of the forge lay Kodlak's body on a pyre, with red flags lain all around it. I walked solemnly behind Vilkas as he took his place by his brother, Farkas' side, and I took my place next to Aela. She looked at me and acknowledged my presence, although did not smile. I noticed that she was the only one in our group holding a torch. All was silent among us. Eorlund, who was standing next to the pyre, spoke up, "Who will start?"

Aela boldly proclaimed, "I'll do it." She then stepped forward towards the pyre. I saw that her face was as solid stone. "Before the ancient flame…we grieve."

"We grieve," everyone echoed.

"At this loss…" Eorlund spoke.

"We weep," Aela answered.

"We weep," everyone echoed, including me this time, who had caught on to the ritual.

Vilkas then took a step forward and spoke, "For the fallen…"

"We shout," Aela answered.

"We shout," we all echoed.

Farkas took a step forward and spoke, "And for ourselves…"

"We take our leave," Aela answered.

"We take our leave," we all echoed.

There was then a brief pause when Aela looked at everyone, as if to make sure there was no more to be said, and then she walked towards the pyre. I watched as she tossed the torch she was holding onto the pyre, and the whole thing erupted in flames. I watched as Kodlak's body started burning up and I said silently, "Goodbye Kodlak. I wish I could have shared many more words with you but I hope you find rest at last." No…no, he won't find rest, I realized. In all the chaos that had ensued I had totally forgotten about my errand that I was to do for him. I still had the Glenmoril witch head in my possession. But what was I supposed to do with it? Can I still cure Kodlak even now?

Aela turned to address the audience. "His spirit is departed. Members of the Circle, let us withdraw to the Underforge, to grieve our last together."

I watched as the crowd began to disperse, but each Companion stayed behind momentarily to wait until everyone was gone.

Eorlund approached me. "Do you have the fragments of Wuuthrad, still?" he asked. "I'll need to prepare them for mounting again."

"I return them with honor," I said, handing him the fragments with both hands.

"Don't get too flowery on me," he said. "How are you doing, Miss Roxanne?"

"Oh, I'm doing okay. I just…I wish I could have spent more time with Kodlak. He was a great leader."

"Indeed he was."

"Who will be the leader now?"

"I do not know, Miss Roxanne. I imagine that you will work that out amongst yourselves. Miss Roxanne, I have a small favor to ask of you."

"What is it, Eorlund?"

"There's another piece of Wuuthrad, that Kodlak always kept close to himself. Would you go to his chambers and bring it back for me? I'm not sure I'm the best one to go through his things."

"It would be my pleasure."

"Thank you. I'll be here."

Before I left the Skyforge, I went up to Aela and gave her a hug. She smiled at me and said, "Thanks for what you and Vilkas did."

Vilkas was behind her and he took my hand in both of his. "Thank you for helping me do what needed to be done."

"It was an honor taking on the Silver Hand with you both," I said.

"Let us go to the Underforge now," Aela said.

"I will be there shortly," I told her. "Eorlund wants me to bring him another Wuuthrad fragment from Kodlak's chambers."

"Ah, yes, I had forgotten about that," Aela said. "Well, we'll be waiting for you."

"See you down there, Roxanne," Vilkas said, and I left them.

As I went down the stone steps, I caught up with Farkas, wanting to exchange some words with him, as well. But he just looked at me, frowned, and said, "Leave me," and kept on walking. I just stood there, stunned. What? What was that all about? Is he upset with me or just overcome with grief? I watched him walk away without ever turning around. Having no choice but to ignore him for now, I continued down to Jorrvaskr and went inside.

All was quiet in here, as everyone else was outside. I went down into the living quarters and saw that all was quiet down here, as well. I wasn't sure where Tilma was but I didn't want to bother with her at the moment. I didn't exactly want to be asked why I was snooping around Kodlak's things. I went into Kodlak's bedroom and searched under the bed and in every container. I finally found the tip of what looked like an old battleaxe sitting inside the top drawer of his nightstand on top of a worn-looking book. I took it and then picked up the book, curiously examining it and feeling the leatherbound cover in my hands. There was no title on the cover, so I opened it up. Upon seeing the shaky, uncertain handwriting writing about dreams of Sovngarde and nightmares of Hircine, it immediately dawned on me that I was reading Kodlak's journal. I immediately closed the book, hesitated for a second, and quietly placed the book back into the drawer out of respect. I don't think it is in my place to read his journal, I thought. At least in private, like that. I shall leave it alone. Eorlund was waiting for me to return anyway and the others were waiting for me to join them in the Underforge. I walked out of the bedroom and hurried back outside, all the way back up to Eorlund.

"You're back," he said upon seeing me arrive.

"I have Kodlak's fragment," I said, handing it to him.

"Thank you, Miss Roxanne. Your Shield-Siblings have withdrawn to the Underforge. I think they're waiting for you."

"Okay, thanks, Eorlund." I departed from him and went down the steps and entered the Underforge. In the main chamber- the same place where I was initiated and took on the beastblood, all members of The Circle were gathered and talking among themselves.

"You finally made it," Aela greeted me, with her arms crossed.

"My apologies," I said. "Did a small errand for Eorlund. I…I just want to say that I am very sorry about Kodlak. I just wish that I knew him as long as the rest of you had before he passed. In the short time that I knew him, I have come to realize that he meant a great deal to the honor of the Companions."

"Indeed he did," Vilkas agreed. "That is why my heart grieves, for his soul is in Hircine now instead of Sovngarde."

"Do not grieve over something you can't control," Aela said to him.

"It's not that," Vilkas said firmly. "It's just that the old man had one wish before he died. And he didn't get it. It's as simple as that."

"Being moon-born is not so much of a curse as you might think, Vilkas," Aela responded, her lips pursed.

"That's fine for you," he responded. "But he wanted to be clean. He wanted to meet Ysgramor and know the glories of Sovngarde. But all that was taken from him."

"And you avenged him," Aela said.

"Kodlak did not care for vengeance," Farkas spoke up.

"No, Farkas, he didn't," Vilkas replied. "And that's not what this is about. We should be honoring Kodlak, no matter our own thoughts on the blood."

"You're right," Aela admitted. "It's what he wanted, and he deserved to have it."

"Kodlak used to speak of a way to cleanse his soul, even in death," Vilkas said. "You know the legends of the Tomb of Ysgramor."

"'There the souls of the Harbingers will heed the call of northern steel,'" Aela recited from memory. "We can't even enter the tomb without Wuuthrad, and it's in pieces, like it has been for a thousand years."

"And dragons were just stories," we heard another voice say. "And the elves once ruled Skyrim." It was Eorlund. We all turned to him.

"Eorlund!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Here to shed some light into a seemingly hopeless situation!" he declared. "Listen you all…just because something is, doesn't mean it must be. The blade is a weapon. A tool. Tools are meant to be broken. And repaired!" He then held a battleaxe in front of him. It was Wuuthrad! And it looked as good as new again!

I saw Vilkas' eyes open wide. "Is that…? Did you repair the blade?"

"This is the first time I've had all the pieces, thanks to our Shield-Sister here. 'The flames of a hero can reforge the shattered!'" We watched as Eorlund held Wuuthrad in a battle stance and approached us. "The flames of Kodlak shall fuel the rebirth of Wuuthrad. And now it will take you to meet him once more."

"This is…beyond words, Eorlund," I said incredulously.

"You have truly outdone yourself, master smith," Vilkas added.

"Come, come," Eorlund shrugged off. "A smith is only as good as his materials. Now…" he then approached me with the battleaxe in hand. "As the one who bore the fragments, I think you should be the one to carry Wuuthrad into battle."

"Me?" I questioned. "Oh I…I certainly am not more worthy than any one of us here to wield this great weapon of Ysgramor."

"Nonsense, Roxanne," Aela spoke up. "You have proven yourself more than worthy to be among the Circle. I think such an honor befits you."

"I have no qualms with letting Roxanne carry Wuuthrad," Vilkas added. "Do you, my brother?"

Farkas hesitated with his arms crossed before saying tersely, "No, I do not."

What in the world has gotten into him lately? I wondered.

"Then I give you Wuuthrad," Eorlund declared, handing the weapon to me.

I carefully took the battleaxe from him, delicately sheathing it. It was heavy.

"Prepare to journey tomorrow to the Tomb of Ysgramor. For Kodlak."

"For Kodlak!" we all cried.

At that, Eorlund left. Then, the rest of us followed suit and we went back to Jorrvaskr to get ready for bed. What a crazy, chaotic two days it has been! It was amazing to think that I had been awake for almost forty-eight straight hours, but I only felt tired enough to fall into my bed and relish at the comfort for a moment before realizing that my beastblood was probably going to keep me awake much longer.

After about an hour or so of not being able to fall asleep, I finally got out of bed and went upstairs. If I can find the cure for Kodlak, perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea to cure myself of beastblood someday, too. It was very quiet and dark, and also hot. I stepped out onto the patio to cool off.

"Your beastblood got you restless, again?" I heard a stern voice say in the darkness. Surprised, I looked around and saw Farkas sitting on the steps, just as he had two nights before. I cautiously walked up to him. His back was facing me and he didn't turn around when he continued, "And I know now that that's what kept you up last time, too."

He doesn't sound very happy with me at all, I thought. I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this. "Farkas, I'm sorry. I know I should've told you sooner. I…I couldn't tell you that I had just been initiated into The Circle. When I was sworn in, Aela told me to keep it a secret from Kodlak. I thought if I told you then you would tell Kodlak."

He stood up slowly and faced me. I could barely see his face in the darkness as the clouds completely covered the moon, tonight, but I had no doubt that he wasn't smiling like he usually did. "Was it Skjor who told you to join? He told you to join, didn't he? He probably made it sound like it was the greatest thing."

"Yes…it was Skjor. But Farkas, I was going to tell you and Vilkas eventually. Really."

"That's not the point!" he yelled abruptly. "You shouldn't have joined. It's bad enough that Skjor didn't even consult me or Vilkas about it before letting you join, but you shouldn't have agreed so quickly. I thought you would know better than that, but I guess I was wrong."

I was taken aback by his intense reply. Why is he so angry about this? And why should he get to decide whether I should join, anyway? Skjor was his elder, after all. "I know I should have given it more time," I said firmly. "I was naïve, okay? But it's too late for that now. And not only that, Kodlak did find out. He wasn't very happy, either. He told me what should've been told to me long before."

"And what's that?"

"I know about the power, Farkas. I know how terrible it is."

"In the wrong hands, it is."

"I know. And I promise not to abuse it."

Immediately, he became animated. "How can you be so sure? You've only had it for a few days! I knew I never should have used it when you were with me." He then walked past me and made for the door.

I just stood there, shocked for a split second, before finally turning around and blurting out, "Kodlak told me what you did, Farkas. Many years ago…"

Farkas stopped in his tracks and turned around to face me again. This time I could see his face clearly. There seemed to be a mix of anger, disappointment, and sadness in his light blue eyes, which almost seemed to glow in the darkness of the patio. "So he did, huh?"

"Yes. I now understand why you resent your beastblood so much."

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Well…so he told you what I did. So what must you think of me now, then? Go ahead, tell me. Tell me that I'm a monster. Because that is what I really am."

"No you are not. You are not a monster. You were just naïve, like I was."

"And now because you took on these powers so quickly, you're going to make the same mistakes I did."

"I don't know about that, Farkas. I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know one thing. Kodlak asked me to fulfill his last wish. He asked me personally to find the cure for his beastblood. He had sent me on a mission to find it that day when Jorrvaskr was attacked."

"He did?"

"Yes. And I am going to do everything that I can to fulfill Kodlak's wish. That is why I am taking Wuuthrad to Ysgramor's Tomb tomorrow."

"And what are you going to do once we're there? How will you cure Kodlak?"

"I don't know. That's what I'm hoping to find out. I believe that we will all figure it out. We must figure it out!"

"So…you're going to cure Kodlak of his beastblood and finally give his soul rest. And you think this heroic task is going to justify all of the terrible things you will find yourself doing in the near future?"

"No. How can I justify something that I have not yet done, when I don't even know what I'm going to do?" He was starting to make my blood really boil now.

"Trust me, you will need it. And just know this: If you ever use your beast form on me and I live, I am not helping you find the cure."

Such rudeness! I was beginning to seethe now. "Fine!" I said, my voice raised. "I wasn't planning to use my beast form on anybody ever again anyway, but if you believe that I am destined for failure, then I shall not argue with you!"

"Fine!" he replied just as hotly.

With that, I walked brusquely past him and back into Jorrvaskr, slamming the door behind me. I went down into my room and sat on my bed with my arms crossed, just as I did when I was a little girl whenever I was extremely frustrated about an injustice that one of my siblings committed upon me. I am not you, Farkas! How dare you accuse me of doing things that I haven't even done or thought of doing yet! I don't care what you've done in your past but that doesn't give you the right to verbally assault me like that! After awhile, when I calmed down a bit, I began thinking, I know you're not really angry at me, Farkas. You've been hurt. You really need to truly forgive yourself of your past and put it behind you. And I need to put Kodlak's soul to rest. If I do that, then maybe there will be hope for Farkas and I and everybody else who wants to be rid of this foul curse upon us. I need to get my mind set on my most important assignment of all, tomorrow…

I finally was able to get a little sleep, after all. First thing in the morning, I got up, outfitted myself with my best armor and weapons, and went upstairs. I ate a light breakfast of bread and cheese and soon, Aela and Vilkas came up to join me, out of their beds earlier than usual. "My brother will be here shortly," Vilkas informed me. I really had begun to think that he wouldn't join us after all after our exchange last night, which would've been fine with me. I was still feeling hurt by his words. Finally, several minutes later, Farkas emerged from downstairs. "Sorry I'm late. I'm ready to go."

The four of us went outside and began making our way out of Whiterun and north to Ysgramor's Tomb. It was a long trek and took almost the whole day. When the sun was starting to pass directly overhead, the four of us sat down together off of the main path on some rocks for a meal break. There was a fast-flowing stream just behind us that was churning water so loudly that we didn't really say much to one another, except for Aela saying that she was going to try to catch some salmon. The rest of us began foraging around the immediate area for firewood. As I was picking up some small sticks a little ways away from the stream, I heard someone say, "Roxanne."

My fur bristled as I turned my head towards the voice to see Farkas standing there right behind me. I stopped what I was doing.

"I just want to say I'm sorry. About what I said to you last night," he said, his voice tinged with remorse. "I didn't really mean what I said about not helping you find a cure."

I paused for a moment before standing straight up and facing him. "It's okay," I said to him calmly. "I understood where you were coming from."

He looked down at the ground. "I guess…in my past, I had a big problem with believing in myself. And I still do." He then looked up at me again. "But you really seem like someone with integrity. I feel terrible for distrusting you so quickly and I'm sorry. I will never do that again."

Finding myself touched by his candor, I said, "I forgive you. I also hope that you can forgive yourself, though."

"I have. I guess I was angry because I was…afraid."

"Afraid?"

"Yeah…when I first got to know you, Roxanne, I…I really thought you were a good person. I still do. I really like you." He paused, suddenly appearing nervous. He cleared his throat and went on. "So when I first found out that you joined The Circle, I became worried. I didn't want…someone like you to get involved with that stuff. And I became afraid that before long, you might go through all of the hurt and suffering that I've been through. And I couldn't let that happen to you. I can't let that happen to anybody."

"Well, I'm touched that you thought that. But Farkas, what do you mean by…'someone like me?'" I asked.

"I don't know," he answered. "All I know is, when I met you, I noticed that there was something different about you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's in your eyes. The way you carry yourself. You seem to radiate…all that is good in this world. That's hard to find nowadays. And it's more than just belonging to a certain group."

"I've never heard anyone talk about me like that before. I'm far from perfect, you know. All I know is that I feel like I had disappointed you somehow. I felt really bad about it."

"No, you just didn't know. How could you? You were destined to join The Circle. You are one of our greatest warriors, Roxanne."

"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

He gave me a smile and we went right back to work gathering more firewood. We all then returned to our resting area, where we built a very small fire and cooked the salmon that Aela caught over it. We all said very little to one another the whole time because of how loud the rushing water behind us was, and also I'm sure each and every one of us were lost in our own thoughts about Kodlak and how we were going to go about curing his beastblood. Finally, when we had finished eating, we banked the fire, threw the salmon bones back into the stream, and continued northward into the snowy mountains.

As we trekked up the cold northern mountains, where snow was starting to fall, there was something that I was dying to ask Farkas. I waited until there was a moment where Aela and Vilkas had gotten a little ahead of us, and then I cleared my throat and said, "Farkas?"

"Yes?" It was snowing very hard now, and we had to almost yell at each other to hear over the cold wind.

"Did you get this upset when Aela joined The Circle?" I asked.

"Um, well, no…I didn't," he admitted.

"Hmph, how dare you give me such a hard time then!" I said in mock exasperation.

"I know, I'm sorry," he apologized. "But Aela's…different."

"Different? Different how?"

"I don't know," he answered. Then, he said something else but a loud gust blew his voice into the wind. I could've sworn he said something like, "…someone I care about…"

"What was that?" I asked when the gust quieted down.

"Nothing," he quickly said.

"No. You said something else."

"Huh? No, I couldn't talk because the wind was too loud. But…I have to say you've been a good friend to me. That means something."

"Well, you've been a good friend to me, too. You are the friendliest face I know at Jorrvaskr."

"I appreciate that."

Finally, we all arrived at Ysgramor's Tomb. We all went in. In the first chamber, there was a large statue of Ysgramor standing in the middle of it. Vilkas stopped and said, "This is the resting place of Ysgramor. And his most trusted generals. We should be cautious."

"Why do we need to be cautious?" I questioned.

"The original Companions," he responded. "Their finest warriors rest with Ysgramor. You'll have to prove yourselves to them. It's not that you're intruding. I'd wager they've actually expected us."

So potentially, we might have to battle with hundreds of strong warrior spirits? I thought. Oh, great…

"They just want to be sure that you're worthy," he went on. "Be ready for an honorable battle."

"Wait…aren't you coming, too?" I questioned.

"No, I shall stay here," he replied. "There is…too much grief in my heart to go on and find out what lies ahead. I leave you, Aela, and Farkas to go on ahead without me."

"Will you be waiting here when we get back?" Farkas asked him.

"Yes, brother, I will be," Vilkas answered. "Now Roxanne, put Wuuthrad onto the statue and the way ahead will be opened."

I took out the heavy Wuuthrad and put it onto the statue where Ysgramor's hands were. Suddenly, a stone door to our right opened.

"Good luck," Vilkas said to us and saw us off.

Aela, Farkas, and I moved on through the many corridors, and sure enough, we encountered many spirits roaming about the tombs. They were the ghosts of past Companions and they tested us by fighting us with which we honored with the tips of our swords and arrows. Eventually, we came to a huge open chamber with a pond in the middle. A couple of spirits were standing at the far end of it and Farkas and I forged ahead to attack them while Aela stayed behind to shoot them with her arrows. We did away with the spirits and we noticed that to our left, there was a narrow archway which was covered with very thick spider webs. I began hacking at them with my sword when Farkas suddenly shouted, "Wait!"

I stopped slashing and turned to him. He looked very nervous. "I-I can't go any further, Shield-Sister," he stammered.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Um…" he started, clearing his throat. He came closer to me and leaned in to say quietly, "Please don't laugh, but…ever since Dustman's Cairn…the big…crawly ones have been too much for me," he admitted.

"Oh…" I said, my voice trailing off for second because at first I thought he was joking. But the serious look on his face indicated that he most definitely wasn't. Trying to keep a straight face and contain my laughter, I almost responded with, "Big, tough guy Farkas is afraid of spiders?"But he looked so genuinely uneasy and afraid that I kept my mouth shut, for fear of seriously humiliating him.

"Everyone has his weakness, and this one is mine," he went on in a defensive manner. "I'm not proud, but I'll just go back and stay with Vilkas. Give my regards to Ysgramor."

"Okay…be careful on your way back!" I watched him quickly saunter off across the huge chamber. He exchanged a few words with Aela- I wasn't sure if he told her what he told me as I could only see her facial expressions. I watched as her eyebrows became raised with concern and then he left her.

I looked at Aela as she came up to me. "Man, those must've been some spiders you guys encountered if he's that afraid," Aela quipped. I could tell that she was almost on the verge of laughter, as well.

"Just…be on your guard. Whatever you do, don't let them bite you," I said. I had to admit, those spiders were frightening. But I learned to keep my distance when fighting them and they were relatively easy to kill. Poor Farkas, he just can't get a break, can he?

We hacked our way through the thick spider webs and finally entered the nest of the large spiders. Aela and I made quick work of them with her shooting arrows from a distance and me taking the risk of getting close enough so that I could stab their eyes with my sword.

We made our way through some more rooms and just as we entered another large burial chamber with a flame in the middle, Aela and I noticed something strange about it. "Do you see that?" she asked me.

I think I saw what she saw, too. The flame was glowing bright blue, and there was a spirit standing in front of the flame and as we got closer, we saw that it did not try to attack us. The blob suddenly looked up and saw us.

"Greetings, Shield-Sisters," its voice boomed. It seemed to be coming from all directions. But it sounded very familiar.

"Kodlak…is that you?" I questioned.

"Of course," the spirit replied. "My fellow Harbingers and I have been warming ourselves here. Trying to evade Hircine."

"But there's nobody else here," Aela said and she and I looked all around us. I didn't see anybody else, either.

"You see only me because your heart knows only me as the Companions leader," Kodlak replied. "I'd wager old Vignar could see half a dozen of my predecessors. And I see them all. The ones in Sovngarde. The ones trapped with me in Hircine's realm. And they all see you. You've brought honor to the name of the Companions. We won't soon forget it."

I decided to tell him about the lycanthropy cure. "Kodlak, we have come here to cure you. Vilkas said you can still be cured."

"Did he now?" Kodlak said. "I can only hope. You still have the witch head?"

"Yes," I said, searching around in my satchel. "Yes, I do." It was all dry and shriveled up now.

"Excellent," he replied. "Throw it into the fire. It will release its magic, for me at least."

Obediently, I took the Glenmoril witch's head out and placed it into the fire. As it burned up, the flame glowed very brightly and Aela and I watched in horror as Kodlak's spirit writhed and twisted and suddenly, a bright red blob came out of him. When it materialized, we saw that it was a wolf spirit! It began to attack us.

"Vanquish it!" Kodlak cried.

Aela and I attacked it and killed it, finally. It fell over, dead, and then vanished into thin air.

"At last, you have slain the beast inside of me!" Kodlak said after the ordeal was over. "I thank you, Roxanne and Aela, for this gift. The other Harbingers remain trapped by Hircine, though. Perhaps from Sovngarde, the heroes of old can join me in their rescue. The Harrowing of the Hunting Grounds. It would be a battle of such triumph. And perhaps someday, you two will both join us in that battle. But for today, return to Jorrvaskr. Triumph in your victory. And Roxanne…lead the Companions to further glory."

And with that, Kodlak vanished.

Aela and I exchanged surprised glances. "Did I hear right?" she questioned. "Did he say you were to lead the Companions?"

"He did indeed," I said incredulously. "I…I'm floored."

"You've earned the right," she said proudly. "Your strength and honor are apparent to all. And it's my honor to be first to address you as Harbinger."

"Why thank you, Aela," I responded. "I promise to lead and serve you all as valiantly as Kodlak did."

"Let's go tell the others!" she exclaimed, and we left the burial chamber. On the way out of the tomb, we found the twin brothers near the entrance, still by the statue.

"So what happened?" Vilkas asked us.

Aela and I told them everything. We told them how we encountered Kodlak's spirit and what he said to us. I told them that we finally cured him of his beastblood and that he named me the new Harbinger. At this, Vilkas said, "So. Harbinger! If you had told me a few months ago that some outsider I had never heard of would lead the Companions, I might have slit your throat. But I've seen what you can do. And heard of the love that Kodlak had for you. The trust. Let's hope you can show that his heart was not deceived. Good luck, my friend."

"So you're the new Kodlak," Farkas said. "I don't know what that means, but I hope that it goes well and that I can serve you well."

"I will serve you with all of my loyalty, as well," I said. I then left them as they all wanted to stay for a bit, and made my way back to Jorrvaskr.

The next day was going to be my first full day as Harbinger of the Companions. I spent the morning studying Kodlak's old books. I thought back to our last conversation together in his room and I felt good that I was finally able to fulfill his last request. However, there was still one thing bothering me. I had meant to tell him about my secret, but I never got the chance. And now he was gone. I had to tell the rest of the Companions before too long. I decided that I would make an announcement at lunchtime.

When lunchtime came around, everyone gathered together at the table and ate some good food. When everyone was mostly done, I decided to come out with my announcement before people started heading off to do other things. I stood up out of my chair, cleared my throat, and said, "May I please have your attention?"

The conversation around the table began dying down.

"Shh! The Harbinger speaks!" Aela rasped.

"There is something that I have to tell you," I started, feeling my knees start to shake a little. "There is something you all must know about me, your leader."

Things really got silent now. I took a deep breath and finally came out with it. "I am not really a Khajiit."

There were gasps here and there, and a din started up. I didn't really know where to go from here.

Vilkas' voice broke through the din. "So what are you, then?"

It grew quiet again. "I am a Nord," I proclaimed, answering his question. "I am Roxanne Phillippus and I hail from the land of Ceredia."

"But we don't understand…" Torvar started.

"I come from the Ihanik clan, a family that was steeped in centuries of battle and fighting tradition. In that sense it isn't that much different than what I am a part of now, the Companions. But we Ihaniks were a bloodthirsty bunch. We did not know true honor and mercy. We were especially thirsty for the blood of the Spagos, another clan in this same land. Ever since I was a babe, I was ordered to hate the Spagos, and to tell you the truth, to this day I am not sure if such a hatred was justified. But my siblings and I were only taught to kill every Spago we saw. It wasn't easy, though, as they were a family that was very learned in magicka. So one day, one of my brothers, Wendel, devised a plan to overtake them. He was able to steal one of their spellbooks and by performing the ritual prescribed in it, he turned me into a Khajiit. This was in order for me to sneak into their palace and steal all the rest of their spellbooks. But after my parents found out what we had done, they threw us out. Wendel and I were exiled, and we decided to make our way northward. Unfortunately, he met his end prematurely in the wilderness between here and Cyrodiil. But with little time to grieve, I went on and I ended up here."

"No wonder," Njada said. "I didn't think you sounded like you came from Elsweyr."

"Oh no, I am sorry," Aela said.

"That is what I wanted to tell you," I finally said, and got up from the table and went out into the patio. When I was out there, I walked over to the overlook and looked upon the entire land of Skyrim. It was a beautiful land. I wonder if what I told them will change anyone's opinions about me. I stood there for a long time, leaning over the short stone wall, feeling both relieved and melancholy at the same time- relieved because my secret was finally out, but also melancholy because it was then that it started to sink in that I really had no hope of ever regaining my true, physical self again.

Just then, I heard Farkas' voice. "Hey." I turned around, surprised to see him standing there. "Oh, Farkas…hi," I replied.

"You don't mind if I join you out here, do you?" he asked me.

"No. Go ahead."

The sun was starting to set, and it set the whole land below aglow.

Farkas stood next to me and admired the land below, as well. He then spoke, "I just thought I'd say to you…that I don't think any differently of you than I have before."

"I'd understand if you did, but…thank you…for that sentiment."

"Would you like to go have some drinks at the Bannered Mare? Right now?"

I realized that I had completely forgotten about our raincheck. I wasn't really in the mood but I decided that I should at least let Farkas take me there. I could tell that he wanted to make a nice gesture towards me, which I admit, was appreciated. "Sure."

We walked over to the Bannered Mare and went inside. It was hot in here, and the air was filled with smoke and the smell of hot food and sweat. It was also kind of noisy. In the middle of the big room, Mikael, the bard, was playing his lute and singing, and Nord men and women were laughing and shouting from the tables. Farkas and I walked over to the bar and sat down. "Hello, Roxanne," Hulda, the bartender greeted. "Hey there, handsome," she said to Farkas. "What'll it be?"

"Two bottles of mead, please," he said.

As she reached under the counter to get the mead, she said, "Where've you been, Roxanne? I don't see you here anymore."

"I'm staying at Jorrvaskr now," I answered.

"Part of the Companions now, huh?" she asked, presenting the bottles to us and then putting two tankards onto the counter.

"Yep, she's been a great addition to the family," Farkas declared. "And now she's Harbinger."

He said family. What a comforting word, especially coming from my favorite Companion.

"Harbinger, wow!" Hulda marveled, opening the bottles and pouring the mead into the tankards. "Following in Kodlak's footsteps, I see. Good luck, my dear."

"Thanks," I said.

"Shall we toast?" Farkas asked.

"We shall!" Hulda replied. She then bent down to get another bottle to pour herself some mead.

Farkas then raised his tankard, and Hulda and I followed suit. "To Roxanne, the new Harbinger of the Companions!" he exclaimed. We all then clinked our tankards together and chugged. The cold, sweet mead ran down my throat, refreshing me. Immediately, I felt better. Hulda tended to other customers and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gaudily-dressed brunette Nord woman walk up to Farkas and ask loudly, "Hey there, Companion. Buy me a drink? I've also got a room if you want to talk." Her lips were a bright, cherry-red color.

"No thanks, can't you see I'm busy?" he replied, gesturing towards me.

Without even turning to look at me, the woman just smirked and turned around and walked away.

"Sorry about that," he apologized, appearing embarrassed.

"You are quite the ladies' man around here, aren't you?" I remarked.

I saw the light skin on Farkas' face flush a bright pink. "The Companions get a lot of attention everywhere we go. Some wanted, some not."

"And was that wanted or unwanted?" I teased.

He chuckled. "Unwanted. It gets old after awhile. No doubt you're going to have men falling at your feet when they find out who you're associated with."

I laughed. "Yeah, right. Over this?" I pointed to myself, referring to my furry, feline body.

"You never know," he said in a more serious tone.

"Hmph," I said bemusingly and turned back to my drink, finishing it.

As we ordered another bottle from Hulda and drank that, Farkas asked me questions about my family and my past, and I divulged. After finishing our second bottle, we decided to head on back to Jorrvaskr. As we walked back, I couldn't help but feel a little perturbed. I tried to figure out what exactly was bothering me, but all I knew was that the feeling started with Farkas' reply to the question about my body. What did he mean by, "You never know?" I know I'm strange-looking- not human, so does that mean he was agreeing with me on that fact or what? When we arrived at Jorrvaskr and went our separate ways, I went downstairs to tidy up Kodlak's room- now my room, and found myself wondering, Does Farkas find me attractive at all? Why am I even wondering such a thing, anyway? I mused over this for the entire time I was in my room and then started to wonder if I was developing an attraction towards Farkas, myself. No, that's silly. We're just friends. In fact, we're more like brother and sister now. But still, there was no shaking the fact that my feelings for him were starting to change as we had gotten closer, and I could sense it. And with that came a deeper sense of urgency to keep it from developing further.