Chapter four:
Her Mother's stare was cold. The sitting room of the second-class lounge was littered with blankets and unworn donated clothing. Rose started for the bedroom which she had occupied since their arrival but Ruth was very much aware she hadn't slept in the bed the evening before.
She counted the seconds until her mother spoke.
''Rose, what is your game?''
She rolled her eyes, she had counted seven.
''I'm sorry?''
Ruth rounded up closer and ushered her into her bedroom. She clicked the door closed behind her. Ruth was physically tired, she looked older than her years and yet she still managed to have a razor sharp tongue.
''Where have you been? I have warned you, this is not a game…''
''No, this is a ship full of innocent people who has endured such loss. I had to help in any way I possibly could.''
Rose removed her coat and she shivered.
''And Mr. Dawson?'' Rose narrowed her eyes at Ruth.
''He is resting in a corridor in steerage. He sleeps on the floor surrounded by crying children and broken families.''
Ruth allowed a gasp to escape her mouth, she delicately pressed her hand to her lips knowing full well where her daughter had been. ''Oh Rose…you fool.''
''Not a fool. Never a fool, Mother. You are the fool.''
Ruth was horrified, never in her life had she been spoken to in such a manner least of all by her own daughter. thorough privacy.
''Rose, stop behaving like a child! You have to be careful.''
Rose laughed. ''Of what mother? Cal finding out I didn't sleep in his bed last night.'' She snapped with her voice raised as she removed her shoes and kicked them to the side of the dresser as though they were worthless. ''So that he couldn't ravage me, or attempt to. That was his reason for the outburst at breakfast two days ago!''
Ruth covered her mouth. ''Don't be so disgusting.''
She laughed pathetically as she held onto the upholstered chair for support. Her anger growing more evident. ''Why mother? Because it's the truth. I don't love Cal.''
Ruth stepped closer to her daughter. ''Do you think I loved your father? We were sensible. We raised one child to be a well behaved lady – or so I thought. Unfortunately, her father was as much as a handful.''
Words like that would have stung Rose just a few months ago but now she felt strong enough to rise above them. Of course her mother would speak ill of her father. ''Well be lucky you didn't have more.'' Rose raised her voice. ''Be glad you don't have a houseful of sons to breed like some damned cattle as I'm expected to do so.''
Ruth glared at Rose. ''I wouldn't expect any woman to do that.''
''Well then tell that to my husband in practice.''
Rose yanked open the wardrobe doors and browsed through the selection of dresses. She tried to distract herself from the headache of a conversation which her mother was forcing her to have. She could feel her mother silently judging her.
''But we are women. Our choices are limited.'' Ruth attempted to calm the situation. ''You need to accept the fact that you are to be a married woman.''
Rose pulled out a plum coloured dress and hung it onto the wardrobe as she pulled out the odd crease before admiring it once again. She knew that her mother hated her choice in dresses, her attitude towards many things and the way that she behaved.
''No mother. You have to accept that I am not happy.''
Ruth realised that there was no reasoning with her daughter. She was ungrateful for everything which had ever been handed to her on a plate. ''What will you do? My God lady, you need to wake up and realise that this is not a game.''
''No, you need to realise that I will not marry Caledon Hockley. Not for you. Not for anybody.''
A knock sounded at the door ensuring all conversations stopped immediately. Ruth glared at Rose for long enough to realise that this conversation would have to continue some other time. Ruth slowly and hesitantly opened the door. She didn't want this conversation to end at this moment but it could not fall upon unwanted ears.
Trudy stood at the door.
''Come on in Trudy. You are just in time.'' She met her mother's gaze. ''I was about to call you for my bath.''
''Yes.'' Trudy quickly felt the tension in the room. She went into the en-suite bathroom and immediately began to run the water.
''Excuse me mother.''
Rose went into the bathroom and closed the door, breaking eye contact with her mother as she did. As soon as she did, she sighed and leant against the wall. She needed support from something right now. She rolled her head against the back of it and tried to calm her racing heart. Trudy tried to avoid gaze but she immediately knew something was wrong. She had encountered arguments between mother and daughter before but they hadn't seemed quite as intense as this.
''Is everything all right?''
Rose pressed her lips together before nodding her head. ''Yes. I do believe I have gained some clarity.''
Trudy unbuttoned the back of Rose's dress silently. ''The bath is running for you, Miss.''
Rose silently thanked her maid. Silence fell over them once more. She thought of her life for a few moments. She had been born into high society and from birth she had been expected highly of. Her Mother and Father had been married for almost a year when she had arrived. Rose's childhood had been spent mostly around the housekeeper, the nanny and of course maids. She had been a curious child, always one to want to play in the dirt rather than sit with her dolls. Her Mother rarely interacted with her and her Father had been away on business most of the time. They had taken trips to New York City occasionally and spent time with extended family at parties and when she was a bit older she had been introduced to society. Caledon Hockley had taken a sparkling to her at first sight at a party in New York, she had been sipping champagne just weeks after her father's death and he had asked permission to court her and within weeks he presented her with a large diamond ring at his family's Hampden estate in February. Her father had died leaving bad debts and the family were close to losing their home and this engagement would save the family name so at just seventeen she had taken the heavy weight upon her shoulders. Initially she had been attracted to Cal, he was handsome and charming but to be engaged was a large commitment and one she felt suffocated by. As soon as they had become engaged he had invited her to his bed on more than one occasion. She wasn't ready to give herself to any man but within weeks she knew she would have to share her body with him.
As she lowered herself into the hot water, Rose felt the ache of her body. She had this luxury and yet the other survivors hadn't even had the facility to wash their hands. The water seemed to be tinged red. She felt a hot tear escape her eyes as she felt as though she could scream from the pain. She reached forward and grabbed the lavender soap. She lathered the bar before running it up and down her skin. Finally, she laid down in the bath and allowed all the dirt and impurities to wash away. Her hair was half in the water and half wet but she didn't care one bit.
She could hear voices outside and as stopped splashing the water for a moment before she could make out that the voices belonged to Cal and Trudy.
''But I need to speak with her.'' He insisted.
''Mr. Hockley, Rose is taking her bath. She is very unwell.''
''But I must see her.''
''No, sir…She is very unwell.''
Then the door clicked and Rose gasped. It was locked. She couldn't remember locking it but she was relived. Her stomach tensed and then relaxed. He couldn't get to her.
''Rose?'' Cal shouted through the door. Rose reached forward and turned the tap on to allow the boiling water to run into the tub. She could no longer hear the voices and could pretend as though Cal wasn't there. It was drowned out slowly. She felt so fixated on watching the steam rise from the bath into the air. Her pain seemed to wash away just enough for her to breath properly again. Her head throbbed, her body was sore. She thought of Jack laid alone in the corridor. She had agreed to meet him at dusk for a walk out on deck. She closed her eyes for a moment and as the water soaked her hair, she drifted back to the night of the dance. He had held her so close to his own body. She fixated on his smile, those eyes which spoke volumes to her, without even uttering a word and the gentle touch of his hand which she welcomed immensely. Even when he had touched her face, he stirred something within her. He had faith in her, faith which she knew she could never have in herself. He had wanted to free her…
She opened her eyes the steam covered the room. If only she could help him too, give him a hot bath to soak the coldness in his muscles and to ease the loneliness which she knew he felt. A tear escaped her eyes. Her choices were not easy. Oh, how she wanted to help those in need. The people who had lost everything and yet she was laid here with everything. The people on the ship had lost their entire belongings, everything which they owned they had carried. Rose had lost what luggage she had travelled with and that was the cause of her mother's tears. She remembered the look of disgust which the third-class passengers had tossed at her when she had gone to speak to Jack the morning after he had saved her. She had been everything which they hated and even now in death, they continued to suffer more so. She gasped, the pain in her stomach becoming more apparent. Jack was alone in the world; he was one of them. Even through losing everything he remained gentle and caring. His presence calmed her and just by thinking of him, her deathly pale world seemed to bloom with small bits of colour.
''I have nothing to offer you, I know that but I am too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember?''
His words echoed around. What had he been offering her?
Could she really exchange one life for another and to become a woman who gave up her fiancé, her family and her fine things in order to live a simple life with a man she had barely known two days?
As soon as she was dry and had slipped into a robe, she unlocked the bathroom door. Outside in her bedroom it was silent until she found Cal sat on the made bed with his back to her, her stomach dropped. She pulled the robe tighter around her body.
''Cal, please. Allow me to dress before proceeding with any-''
He turned quickly at her voice. ''But you are dressed in appropriate clothing for this conversation.''
She rubbed her head. He stood calmly and walked around the side of the bed. ''One tells me your bed wasn't slept in last night.'' She said nothing as his eyes bore into hers. ''This warm bed which people given up for you, for us.''
''Yes, I decided to spend time with those in need more so than us.''
''And Dawson?''
She pressed her lips together. She wanted to fight past him and not explain herself but somehow she found the strength to remain calm.
''Mr. Lovejoy is no longer with us and yet you still have me followed like a child.''
He smiled, stepping closer. ''Your mother told me.''
She felt her lips part. Her mother had told Cal where she had been. She felt the bubbling of anger inside. The heavy weight of her engagement ring which she wanted to discard of in that moment.
''My Mother has no right to speak to you of our private conversations, although I shouldn't expect any less.'' She began to run her fingers through her wet hair.
''I thought your disobedience had ceased, obviously I was mistaken.''
She could no longer hide her own overwhelming temper. ''I am not the one who left his family at a time like this in need of Bourbon.'' She pointed her finger directly at him. ''I care about those other people; they have suffered enough. I don't care for you prosecuting me for such things on a daily basis. Now I may be your wife soon but you don't now and never will own me.''
Cal watched her. His fiancée. His eyes were cold for a moment and then came a hard slap across the face. Her head flung to the side as he dealt it with such force. An urgent knock came at the door just as Cal grabbed Rose by the shoulders.
''Not now we're busy.''
Trudy hadn't heard and instead allowed herself to enter. She caught Cal holding Rose with such force her feet were almost off the floor.