Warning: Dark themes and swaring.

After Ichigo left I tried to at least stick my hand in the still hot water in the tub before it drained but just putting my hand near the heated liquid made a flash of what the pain had felt like shot through my system and I couldn't keep my hand over it for more than about three seconds before I had to pull it away. 'What the hell is wrong with me it's just water….It's been over five years since he did that to me so why is it now that I'm afraid of water?'

I growled low in my throat and turned the tap on in the sink to its lowest heat setting. I stuck my hand under the running warm water and flinched away the moment it hit my skin. "Come on it's not even hot…" I tried again and still I flinched away from it. "Come on…" I begged myself. I couldn't be like this. Why was I so afraid of even just slightly heated water. "Why?..."

Sighing in defeat I turned off the tap and tip toed down stairs to grab a container I could use. Filling it up with ice from the fridges ice maker I tip toed back up the stairs to the bathroom. I didn't want Ichigo to hear a bunch of strange noises and get either worried or curious and come down. He would probably freak out if he knew I intended to bathe with ice water. I didn't want him to worry, he didn't need to I was fine I just couldn't…I could get through this on my own. I would get through this on my own. I wasn't going to break now. I was free damn it!

Closing the bathroom door quietly behind me, I grabbed a few towels from under the sink and laid two of them down on the floor so that the water wouldn't run anywhere. I set the container in the sink and filled it with the warm water before placing it on the ground and grabbing a hand towel which I throw in with the water as the liquid started to cool off. 'I have to do all this just so I can fucking bathe…" I sighed and stripped out of my clothes leaving them on the counter so they wouldn't get wet.

Taking a seat in the center of the laid out towels I tested the water in the container next to me with my hand and when I didn't flinched away grabbed the hand towel and started scrubbing. The coldness of the water made me hiss and wince when I ran the basically freezing towel over the more sensitive areas of my body. As I did this my mind wandered back to my first years with Aizen at Las Noches.

'I want you to kill Shuhei Hisagi in your fight Grimmjow.' Aizen ordered leering down at me. I was ten and he wanted me to kill someone? I probably wouldn't even be able to land a hit on him who ever this Shuhei was. I my look quite a bit older than I am but taking on fully grown professional male fighter was still a difficult challenge and one I tried to avoid. 'If you don't you will be punished severely…'

I grabbed the bar of soap and rubbed it into the cloth after having gotten most of myself wet with the ice water. Again each time I brought the cloth to my skin I would hiss at the cold of it. Again my mind wondered back and I let it. Why? Because I thought that maybe then I could figure out why now I was faced with the fear of coming into contact with even slightly hot water.

'How old are you? You look too young to be in this place.' My black haired opponent inquired looking at my with confused gray eyes.

'Ten…' The man's eyes widened and he backed up. 'What wrong Afraid you'll lose just cuz I'm a kid?' He shook his head but still backed up.

'No I'm not afraid to fight a child if I have to but I don't have to fight you and I refuse to fight a child. I could never forgive myself if I brought harm to one so young.' I glared at him angrily but inside I was grateful, if he backed out of the fight I wouldn't have to kill him and Aizen couldn't punish me because I wasn't even able to fight him.

I thought wrong then, Aizen didn't care that Shuhei had backed out of the fight he gave me an order and I failed to follow it the reason didn't matter and so he punished me for the first time.

'Get in the bath Grimmjow.' I starred wide eyed at him then back at the bubbling water, the boiling water. 'I said get it the bath Grimmjow.' He ordered harsher this time but I didn't move and shook my head.

'It's boiling, I'll get burned if I go in there.' I reasoned my body starting to shake in fear. There was no way out of here Aizen had ordered all the doors locked and there were men with guns lining the walls of the room.

'That's the point now get in the wate-'

'No!' I yelled and backed away from the water and Aizen. This guy was crazy thinking anyone would willingly get into that water.

'You will get in that water Grimmjow.' Aizen smirked down at me as four men come up behind me, each grabbing a limb. 'And you'll be in there longer now since you wouldn't get in yourself.'

I shivered not from the cold of the cloth and water on my skin but the fear that was running through me from the memories re-playing in my head.

I dunked the cloth in the water again and began to work on my back, hissing loudly as the cloth ran over the still open slashes on my back, the pain throwing me back into the memory again.

I screamed as the four men throw my into the scolding water and splashed around trying to get out of the water burning me but the men had grabbed hooked poles and were pinning my limbs down, holding all but my face under the burning water.

I screamed and begged to be let out. Apologized for not fulfilling his wish but he just stood there smiling, enjoying my pain, my suffering.

I trashed under the men's hold on my limbs having given up on begging and just trying to get out on my own but still it was useless and not long after all I could do was scream. The trashing had worn me out and even then if I had kept going all it did was cause me more pain.

To me my time in that burning water felt like hours but once Aizen finally told the men to pull me out saying that 'three minutes was enough for now'.

I placed the clothe back into the container and just sat there starring blanking at the large tub before me.

I couldn't move, everything hurt, it all hurt so much. I was breathing heavily almost hyper ventilating. I glared at Aizen as best I could through the pain. I hated him, more than I had when I first met him. I swore that I would kill him.

'Maybe now you'll do everything you can to follow my orders like a good little boy.' He smirked down at me and I tried to retort but the pain kept me silent as I tried to will it away. My body was starting to feel numb and my vision was spotted with black.

I thought I was going to die then but I woke up an hour later in pain and screaming as so pink haired asshole harshly rubbed something all over my skin.

I shook my head trying to get the memories to go away now, I had had enough. I got up and grabbed a towel and dried myself off.

Wrapping the towel around my waist I grabbed the other towels and headed down to the laundry room to throw them in the wash so that Ichigo wouldn't have to deal with them tomorrow.

"Grimmjow?" I spun around my startled gaze landing on spiky orange hair and warm chocolate brown eyes. "Don't worry about those I'll get them in the morning." He stated calmly offering me a small smile but his face looked a little pale. 'Did he see?'

"Something wrong Ichigo?" I asked ignoring Ichigo statement. His eyes widened a fraction before he chuckled and shock his head negative.

"No just tired that's all." He lied, I could see it in his eyes that refused to meet directly with mine.

"Bullshit." His eyes shot up to mine in surprise. "I'll be fine past is just the past Ichigo." I assured and he nodded.

"What did he do to you Grimmjow? Why can't you take a normal bath? Why were you crying? What did Aizen do to you?" He continued with those types of questions for a few more minutes before calming down a little and looking at me waiting for an answer.

"Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to…" I stated firmly and stepped past him. "Go to sleep Ichigo. It's nothing for you to worry abo-"

"ENOUGH!" Ichigo screamed. I turned to look at him over my shoulder, his head was down and his fists were balled up tight at his sides the knuckles turning white. I had never seen him so upset before and it shocked me into silence. "Don't sit here and tell me that I don't have to worry! You were fucking crying curled up in the fetal position Grimmjow how the fuck am I not supposed to worry?!" He yelled chocolate orbs glaring at me though orange bangs.

"FINE! Fucking worry Ichigo but what good will to do?! NONE! That's what so just drop it!" I roared back and a fist keep flying at my face. I caught it. "I can still crush you Ichigo! Do NOT pick a fight with me about this. It's none of your business what happened to me. What happened happened so stop trying to fucking protect me!"

"FINE THEN GET OUT! PROTECT YOURSELF THEM GRIMMJOW!" He roared back pointing towards the door.

"Fine!" He yelled stomping up the stairs and dressed before storming right out Ichigo's front door. "Nice seeing you again!" I yelled over my shoulder in spite.

GrimmjowXDJaggerjack: Well I hope you liked this chapter and I know its was rather dark in theme but I still hope I did a good job.