This has taken a bit longer than expected to put up. I wrote most of it a couple of afternoons ago and haven't had the chance to finish it til tonight. Also, when I was writing it, I realised that I deviated from the movie slightly. There, they go to school the next day, here they don't. So for the sake of this story, let's just say the fire happened on a Friday night. Anyway, I hope you like it!
My mum wasn't even home when I got there, all she'd left behind was a note explaining that she was out on a date with I-don't-care-who and that there were some leftovers in the fridge. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to show her I'm still alive by checking in with her, when she's out almost as much as I am. Still, I guess it's good to know she cares enough to at least tell me where she is, even if she has given up on checking in on me for the most part. Overall though, we just barely live up to our last name, our last name, from my dad. I really don't know that much about him at all, he died not long after I was born, so it doesn't upset me when I think about all the things I missed out on with him, like him walking me down the aisle or whatever. If anything good came out of his death though, it's the fact that it's what first brought Needy and me together. When we were kids, there used to be a support group for single parents held in the local community hall that mum would go to, dragging me along with her. It had a dingy little café thing attached to it and I'd be the only kid there most weeks, left to amuse myself, as almost all of the others were old enough for school. After we'd been going for a while though, I noticed a new girl who looked like she'd start crying any minute, and decided that this sad looking blonde girl would be my new friend, after all, it's really hard to play Barbies by yourself.
Walking through the house to my room, I thought back to how I went over and introduced myself to the newbie, standing over near the café all on her lonesome. It turned out she was there that day because her dad got called in to some cleaning job and she was sick, so the only place she could go and be semi-supervised was with her mum, who was working in the shitty café at the time.
'My name's Jennifer and this is Perfect Prom Betty', I said, holding the doll in the girl's face.
'I'm Anita, but you can call me Needy, that's what everybody else does', the girl replied, pushing my arm away gently. We were both nearly five and around the same height, but we were opposites in practically every other way. Where my hair was dark and straight, Needy's was blonde and wavy. My clothes were bright and new, while hers were worn and faded. She had a dad, I didn't. There was something about her though that drew me in, even though we were so young. I like to think it was her eyes, back then they reminded me of my favourite crayon colour, and even though she wears glasses now, they can't hide the fact that they're still the most intense shade of blue-green I've ever come across, hell, they shit all over that crayon! We've been inseparable ever since that day and our mothers, only too happy to please their only children, would let us play together whenever we wanted, no matter what the plans might've been for the day, or what the weather was doing outside. We practically became the sisters neither of us had ever had. I guess looking back now, it'd probably seem like we were sitting just a little too close to each other, or holding hands for just a little too long, but to us, we were just doing what kids do and didn't realise or even care that our friendship was already running so much deeper than we'd thought possible.
Dumping my before clothes, I went over and collapsed on my bed, tired from doing nothing at all. Except showing Needy what I'm all about last night, I smiled at the memory of Needy's hands all over my body and mine on hers and couldn't help the warm tingle that made its way through my body. Yesterday we were completely normal teenagers in a completely normal town, doing completely normal things and in a split second, everything changed. As stupid as it sounds, it's like the fire sparked something inside of me that suddenly made me see things differently, like, if it didn't happen, Needy and I would probably keep on living our lives the way we always have. She'd still be dorky, normal Needy and I'd still be perfect, popular Jennifer and we'd still be biffs, just like always.
As I lay there, I thought of another way my dad dying made Needy and I closer. Her dad died when we were fifteen, and even though I couldn't relate to the pain she was feeling then, I knew what it was like to live without having a father around. Sure, I don't know what it's like to have a dad at all, but as I was growing up, I found out pretty quickly that just having a mum wasn't the usual family situation. It was also the first time I'd seen Needy cry over something serious, and by that I mean serious serious, not getting a paper cut serious. On the day it happened, Needy wasn't at school, which was strange; up until then, I don't think she'd missed even half a day. It had something to do with her parents saying that the only way she'd ever get out of going, was if she was on death's door. When I got home that afternoon, my mum met me at the door with a hug, which was also strange; she only did that if she was super excited about something, or if something majorly fucked-up had gone down. Putting two and two together, I came to the conclusion that Needy must've been in trouble and started seriously freaking out right there on my front porch. I eventually calmed down enough for mum to tell me about Needy's dad and how I was the only person she wanted to see, and that mum was going to drive me over there as soon as I was ready.
Up until last night, walking up the stairs to Needy's room to try and comfort her that night was the most nervous I'd ever been. I had no idea what to say or do to at least try and cheer her up a little, but as soon as I opened her bedroom door and saw her sitting on her bed, her shoulders heaving and her breathing all uneven, I had to force myself not to run over to her and wrap her in my arms. Walking over to her bed slowly, I placed a hand on her shoulder and felt her twitch at my touch.
'Leave me alone! Get out!' the pain in her voice scared me and I backed away, thinking she didn't want me there. I stepped on a creaky floorboard as I turned and Needy's head jolted up, 'God! Jen, I'm sorry. I didn't realise it was you, please don't leave'. My heart all but broke when I saw the sadness in her eyes and I knew then and there that I wanted to be the one to make it go away, after all, it's what best friends do.
'I'm not going anywhere Needy. I only packed for tonight, but I'll stay as long as you want me to', as I spoke, I went over and sat next to her, placing my hand on her shoulder again, before moving it to rub her back slowly. 'Do you want to talk about it?'
'I do, but not right now. I think I need a break from crying for a while'. I nodded my head and gave her a small smile, letting her know that I'd be ready when she was. We sat there for I don't know how long, Needy sniffling every now and then, and me still rubbing her back. After a while though, I heard Needy clear her throat, and I broke out of my own thoughts to listen to her.
'Jen?'
'Hmm?'
'Do you ever feel sad about your dad dying? I mean, have you ever broken down like me?' Her words came out softly, almost like she wasn't sure if they were questions she should be asking me.
I was trying to think of a nice way to say it, but I figured just telling her the truth would be the best thing. 'No not really, I mean, I never even knew him. I try not to think about him too much, I guess that would probably upset me more if I did. You can't miss what you never had right? I get what it's like to grow up without a dad though and that used to upset me more. Kids calling you a loser just because you don't have a father isn't fair, I never had one to begin with'. The entire time I'd been talking, Needy's red and swollen eyes had begun to fill with tears again.
'He had a heart attack at work. They tried to save him, but he was already gone', she forced the words out between sobs and I couldn't hold back any longer. Moving myself so that I could lean against the headboard, I pulled Needy towards me so that she was sitting between my legs, her back against my front. Linking my fingers with hers, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, kissing the top of her head as she rested it back on my shoulder. I've never been much of a believer in God, but at that moment, holding my crying best friend close to me like that, I was filled with both anger and faith. I was angry at Him for taking our dads away, mine before I even got a chance to get to know him, and Needy's when she already had; but I knew that He created Needy and I so that we would be in each other's lives for times like this and for that I was eternally grateful. Neither of us went to school that week, our mums filled our teachers in with what was going on and nothing more was said, no questions asked. It was just assumed that if Needy was out, then I was too. We stayed in her room, me listening to her talking about her dad whenever she wanted to and her laughing at my attempts to make her smile again. At night, we would fall asleep in each other's arms, drifting off to our promises to always be best friends forever and to be there no matter what.
It's funny how you can pinpoint significant moments in a friendship like that, like our first meeting thirteen years ago and the death of Needy's dad. I'm sure we would've found our way in to the other's lives at some point, but I don't think we'd be where we are now if things had worked out differently. I know what happened last night has changed the two of us forever, but I don't think I want to risk what we've built up over so many years by rushing in to something more. Looking over at my bedside table, my eyes landed on a photo of me and Needy that Chip took about a year ago. It was on the porch outside Needy's and I was leaning against the side of the house with her in a fake headlock. I was trying to look menacing, while Needy was supposed to look scared; instead, we both ended up bursting out laughing, wide smiles plastered on our faces. Later, while Needy was downstairs making out with Chip before he left, I was searching through her camera for the photo on the porch, when I came across another one I didn't even know Chip had taken. This time we were sitting on the steps leading up to the front door. My face was tilted down, but you could see that the corner of my mouth was turned up in a smile. Needy's chin was resting on the top of my head, her eyes closed and a serene expression on her face. My right arm was circling Needy's waist, my left arm resting in my lap, my fingertips almost touching her thigh. It looked like Needy's left arm was on the step behind us, but like my left, her right arm was in her lap, only her fingers were outstretched and reaching for mine. The whole picture was bathed in the golden glow of late afternoon sun and it looked for all the world like the two of us were joined together. I remember feeling a mixture of anger and guilt towards Chip over that picture, anger at him for capturing such an intimate moment between us, and guilt for the same reason. I can't imagine what it must've looked like to him, to see his girlfriend attached to her best friend like that, I can only hope that he didn't take any notice of it.
Thinking about that photo was all the proof I needed to know that I didn't want to fuck things up between us. Sure, I'd love nothing more than to be with Needy, but right now, I really don't think it's the best thing to do. I mean, she's got Chip to think about and I guess, as bad as it is, I've got my reputation to hold on to. I meant all the stuff I said last night about being sick of the guys around here and the way I'm seen by them; the attention might be good at first, but the shine wears off really quickly these days. That said, I can't just change who I am and what people see me as overnight; I know it's shallow, but it's true. At the same time, Needy is the only person I've ever know to see past my looks, it's almost like they don't even matter to her, and I know if I was with her, I could let whatever insecurities I have left go. I wish I could say that I'd drop everything in a heartbeat just to be with her, but it doesn't work like that, not for us anyway; besides, as much as I might want her to, I can't just expect her to give Chip the flick for me. Sighing, I rolled over on to my side, making up my mind to talk to Needy tomorrow about our situation. I'm pretty certain neither of us will hit the jackpot with whatever decision is made; we've just got to hope that we can at least come out even.
As of right now, I've got a pretty clear idea of how this story's going to end. That said, I'm still happy to read any suggestions you guys may have. Thanks to all of you out there who have been reviewing, adding this to your favourites, or just plain reading! I have to say, this is probably one of my favourite chapters so far, I guess I'm finding delving into Jennifer's mind really intriguing. More coming soon!