The Private Log of Medical Doctor Jajun Kellar

After the court process had finished I was working in A&E when the boys mother came in on the transport. I watched as she was lowered to a bed. I finished up with my patient and walked over to the medic. "She collapsed in the middle of the markets. You know how her species produces the sound relevant to their state? She was producing a low mournful sound accompanied by a hissing." The medic handed me a file and left, with one last look at the woman. I went to her side and frowned, her skin was cold to the touch. Lifting her eye lids I noticed that her eyes were the colour of a dead sea. I knew that for her species, it meant that they had given up the will to live. I called the Triage Nurse over and asked her to take the woman to room 12, level 4. Room 12, it was the room I had put her son in.

I sat there holding her hand. I refused to leave her side until she was dead. I knew that sounded silly, but I needed to do it. My consultant had taken all of my patients, something I was very grateful for. Today I was resting, my head against the edge of the bed, her hand gripped in one of mine. I knew that today there was someone from the Senate coming around the hospital, I also knew that if I saw another Blue guard, I would loose all control. It was near mid day when the Politician came to Level four. I heard the hospital chief giving the tour. "And this is level four, long term stay. I know I won't have to go into great detail, as you were here recently."

"Yes." My eyes flickered open, I knew that voice. The Politician was the Chancellor. I felt someone touch my shoulder and sat up to look at them. Adi stood there, in front of the chancellor. I also saw Qui-gon and a young man, perhaps 25, standing in front of media crews.

"What is wrong with her?" The chancellor asked.

"She has lost the will to live." I answered softly. "After losing her child, she had nothing left." The Chancellor looked pale, then asked: "She had no other family?"

I shook my head. "They were all killed during the plague. She stayed strong for her son, now she has no one to be strong for, no ties to keep her to this galaxy."

"Chancellor, if we may continue with the tour." The chief called.

"Adi, will you please stay here?" he asked Adi softly. She nodded and the chancellor left.

Three hours later, I noticed that her hand seemed to have stopped pulsating like it had been the past few days. I shook my head slightly. Adi rested a hand against my shoulder. "So she passes." I whispered, trying hard to not let the tears fall from my eyes.

"I'll tell the chief." Adi told me softly, giving me at least ten minutes to mourn. And mourn I did. I had never cried as hard as I did then. Even at my brothers funeral. I guess it was a releasing of emotions from five months of battles.

Standing at her funeral, which was extremely small, I knew that in my heart she would have preferred death to remaining. It was why I didn't fight to keep her alive. But even as I let her pass, part of me went with her. I was standing next to the young man, Obi-wan and his friend, Siri. They were Adi's and Qui-gon's padawans. And though they hadn't known the woman, they had felt her passing. She had gone to her family. She was finally at peace.

I handed in my resignation today. I don't know where I'll go, but Adi asked me to work in the Temple as a medic there, or teach conventional medicine to the students, but I think I just want to get out of the medical system all together. When I told my parents that I was resigning, they cracked. My parents had always wanted me to become the head of a medical institution, and I had followed, but now I realise that it was their dream, not mine.

-13 years later-

I spoke to Trixie last night. She and five others are being sent out as Battle field doctors. She told me that she was terrified, and that I was lucky I had left the medical field when I had. Truth be told, I didn't feel lucky. I felt awful. Trixie told me not to be silly, that I was doing an important job. I was still a doctor, but I was on a remote planet, in a remote town that had to medical facility. I was the only doctor outside the major cities, and there were only two of them, cities. I was needed here more than on the battle field anyway. But I still felt guilty somehow, as though I was escaping some dark fate.

Trixie's brother called me yesterday. The garrison Trixie had been working at had been targeted by the Separists. She had died instantly. I gave a small sob at hearing this, thanked him and signed off. A mother had come in with her child and I walked over to them, a smile on my face. I had another life now. One away from the politics of Coruscant, one with a future.