A/N: Sorry for the absence. I have been dealing with some health stuff that has hampered my writing but at least here is the next installment. I hope you enjoy. Also, I am working on an AU Rizzles story that I hope you will all give a look.
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The shower had been nice. Between the warm water with all the lovely jets that Maura's sci-fi shower had and Maura's wicked tongue, Jane felt much better as she laid on Maura's bed with an unusually quiet doctor in her arms.
"Maur...you ok?" Jane asked quietly, not wanting to disturb her love if she was dozing. Maura had worked really hard to make it up to Jane during their shower so Jane couldn't blame her if she needed a quick nap.
Jane heard and felt the slight hum that came from delicious body draped over her. Not believing this for a second, Jane readjusted Maura so that she could see her face. "Maura, what's wrong?"
"Just thinking" came the whispered reply. Jane knew a thinking Maura Isles was a dangerous Maura Isles. Now, adjusting herself so that she was seated with her sore back against the headboard and pulling Maura back to her but leaving room so they could look into each other's eyes, Jane said "Maura, please tell me. I love your brain but when you spend too much time in it, things can go a bit crazy. So, you wanted to talk. Let's talk." Jane said with a warm smile on her face as she rubbed Maura's arms.
Maura took a deep breath and looked into the brown eyes that she loved to get lost in. "I am worried about us" is what finally came out. Jane felt her heart clench. Did her stubbornness last night ruin the best thing in her life? Jane started to internally panic and then heard the lovely voice of her doctor "Jane, I am worried that we jumped into all this so fast without really talking. I know you like to jump head first into things but I am not like that and it scares me that I got so caught up in you, in us, that I didn't do my due diligence." Jane saw the tears starting to form again in the corners of Maura's eyes.
No, this would not do. A crying Maura broke Jane's heart and thinking quickly she placed both hands around Maura's face and looking deep into those green eyes she never grew tired of swimming in regularly, said "Maura, please stop blaming yourself. We both got caught up. We should have done our due diligence. Maur, we are in this together and it's up to both of us to work through these things." Jane wanted to make sure there was no room for Maura to misunderstand. "You are irresistible, doctor" Jane said with a smirk that caused a slight blush and a giggle from Maura, "and because of that, I've been too distracted to really think about anything other than doing. Besides, you know talking isn't my strong suit. But, that doesn't mean that it should all fall on you."
Gazing into Maura's glassy eyes, Jane ran her thumbs along Maura's cheekbones. "Maur, I love you and what happened last night, well, that wasn't me showing you how much I love you. That was me being prideful and stubborn and in allowing you to hurt me, I hurt you. I am so sorry, Maur." Jane was getting a little teary eyed herself.
"Jane, oh my sweet Jane, I love you and I'm sorry I didn't notice. When I am in control it's my job to pay attention and I didn't. I got so caught up in how it felt to get you to submit to me after your earlier display of willfulness, I forgot the trust it takes for you to do that" Maura said with full adoration in her eyes. Jane felt her heart clench for a completely different reason this time. Maura loved her. Really and truly loved her. Jane had allowed her pride to hurt the only person in her world who she would die a thousand deaths to protect.
Kissing Maura lightly on her lips, her cheeks, her eyes, Jane said "I trust you. Completely. More than I thought I ever could trust another person." She took a moment to let Maura see the sincerity in her eyes. "I think we should go over what we really want from each other, especially in terms of our more, um, intimate activities" Jane said shyly.
Maura smiled a glorious dimpled smile at Jane and leaned her forward against Jane's. "Intimate activities? Really Jane, is it so hard to say sex! Or even bondage play? We have been having both for months now and you still can't even say the words?!"
Jane felt the blush those words caused creeping up her chest into her face. "Maur! You should just be happy that I like doing much more than talking" she said while sticking her tongue out at the cheeky doctor.
Maura laughed, a full body laugh that sent a wave of warmth through Jane. This is how she liked her doctor. And her heart swelled knowing she was the cause. "Maura, I'll go first to show you that I mean business" Jane said with faux seriousness. "As far as what my limits are, you know that I am still uncomfortable being fully restrained...because of…" Jane started. Maura placed her fingers to Jane's lips to stop her from saying the name.
Kissing Jane softly, Maura said "I know my love. That is why I try to only restrain you with commands more than anything else. Last night, you seemed okay with the scarves though...were you not ok..?" Maura was getting worried again and Jane had to stop that instantly.
"No, babe, that part was great. I really liked everything. If you remember what I said before I was disobedient, I told you that it was in an ultimate state of bliss. You do that to me Maura. And overall, you have been doing that. I guess, I just can't help getting into an ornery state after I have been that vulnerable. I was submissive to you for awhile and after being in that state of pure bliss, I kind of forgot we were in the middle of play. So when you reminded me of it, it hurt my pride and I acted out. And, well, you know what happened after that…" Jane trailed off embarrassed, looking away from Maura's probing eyes.
Maura tilted her chin back so Jane had to look into her eyes. "Darling, don't be embarrassed. Now that you have said that it makes perfect sense. I need to be more aware when I'm in control and restate the terms of our play. I too was so happy last night and when you acted out, it hurt me. It made me feel like I had not been a good domme. I felt like you were trying to top from the bottom and that could not stand."
Kissing Jane's nose lightly, Maura continued "I suppose I was also a bit riled up because something else has been bothering me." Maura paused, looking down at their entwined hands. She couldn't even remember when that happened, it was just something that came so naturally to them.
Jane looked at Maura with real concern in her eyes. "Maura, what else is wrong?" Jane said hesitantly. Jane felt an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach, suspecting what was going to come out of her lover's mouth.
"Jane" Maura started and stopped, seeming to be trying to pick her words carefully "we have been in a relationship for a few months now and still we haven't told anyone." Jane felt that uneasiness in her stomach turn to full panic. Before she could get herself totally worked up, Maura continued "Darling Jane, I have waited so long for you to be mine and the fact that I can't tell anyone or show the world that makes my more dominant side very anxious. I believe that is why I got so out of control last night. You don't acknowledge what we have in our lives outside our homes and for you to not acknowledge my role here just sent me over the edge."
Jane's heart was beating in her ears. She was trying to taken in the words Maura has said but she was still internally panicking at the thought of coming out to her family and friends. It wasn't that she was ashamed of Maura. Quite the opposite. Jane was unbelievably proud to call Maura hers. There were times she wanted to scream it from the rooftops and grab Maura and show the world that the beautiful, genius was off the market and all hers. No, what sent Jane into a panic was the thought of being judged by the world for who and how she loved.
Jane must have been to silent as she went through her thoughts because Maura was getting antsy again and tried to move off of Jane. The distance growing between their bodies brought Jane out of her panic and she moved to envelope the woman who was her life, her soul back into her arms.
"Maur, I'm sorry. I know it has to be tough on you not to be able to claim me in public. Thank you for being so patient with me. Believe me, I want to claim you just as badly." Jane said with a devious smirk. This caused Maura to relax and giggle as Jane tickled her side. Taking a deep steadying breath, Jane whispered "I'm afraid Maura. I'm afraid of being judged for loving you and for how I love you. I just don't want to have to deal with how others will treat me because of what they might figure out once we tell them we are together. Like today, if they had known, they would have, rightly, guessed that you were rough on me. I couldn't handle those comments, Maur. And not just because of my tough guy image, but because it would give them a peek into our bedroom and I don't want anyone else here but us."
Maura's brow was knitted in what Jane could only assume was thought. It worried Jane. Would Maura really understand? Or had she hurt Maura by saying she didn't want others to know about them? Just as Jane was getting herself all worked up again, Maura turned to Jane and gave her that smile that always melted her heart.
"Jane, I understand. You are okay with everyone knowing that you are whipped but you don't want them to know that I actually whip you" Maura said cheekily. Jane's draw dropped and a gasp escaped before she could even help herself. "Maura!" This caused the doctor to be reduced to giggles as Jane resumed her tickling.
"Jane, Ja, stop, stop" Maura got out in between giggles. "Not until you take back that comment about me being whipped." Jane said while still dragging her fingers along Maura's side, threatening more tickling. "I would love to Jane except you know I cannot lie" Maura said with a huge grin across her face. Jane huffed and feinted like she was going to tickle Maura again but instead scooped her up and twisted so that she was laying on top of the giggling doctor.
"I'll show you who's whipped Doctor Isles" Jane said in a deep husk as she leaned down to pepper kisses along Maura's neck, moving her body so that their centers were aligned. Maura let out a deep moan. Jane knew she was wrapped around Maura's finger, but that wasn't going to stop her from showing her doctor what her own fingers could do with Maura wrapped around them.