I think you lost what you loved in that mess of details.
They seemed so important at the time
But now you can't even recall any of the names, faces, or lines.
It's more the feeling of it all.
Well, winter is going to end, I'm going to clean these veins again.
So close to dying that I finally can start living.

Gail sat back down on the bed, pulling her legs up cross-legged. She started twirling her hair, nervously, as Andy pulled over a chair closer to where Gail was. Gail was beginning to think about the whole thing again, she was going over everything in her head, everything she didn't do right, how she let this happen, but she knew in the back of the mind she did everything she could, but she couldn't help blame herself. Then she wondered if she contracted anything from that scumbag, just the thought of it made her want to take another shower. Why didn't she clean herself up better when she was in there? All she could feel was his hands, his breath, her stomach churned. She felt the bile rising up and jolted to the bathroom, nearly scaring Andy to death, she tried to close the door on her way in but it was left open a crack, all Andy could hair was Gail wrenching up her guts, not that she had anything to throw up, Andy walked in, and held her hair and rubbed her back. Andy knew just from the little Gail told her what a horror it was, but she was beginning to realize this was going to be a long road, she can't imagine what it must have been like, it made her sick just thinking about it.

Gail sat back on the cold hospital floor of the bathroom and looked at Andy as if to say thanks, she put her head in her hands and began to cry. She couldn't stop it anymore, she couldn't help it, she was broken, she was damaged, no one can fix this she thought. Why didn't he just kill me? She began to cry harder, so much harder it made her dry heave into the toilet bowl.

"Gail, Gail? It's okay, it's just me here, Andy. We're safe, you're fine. You're going to be fine. I'm here." Andy said as she held her friend, in a way Andy was almost scared but she couldn't help but be brought back to the thought to what that bastard did, she wished she had killed him herself, but it had to be Sam, the hero. She realized she had not fully explained what had happened to Gail, maybe it would make her feel better knowing he was gone, or it could upset her more, but right now it was worth a shot.

"Gail, the man who had you… His name was Robert McGrath, when we entered the house with the warrant, he pulled a gun on us and Sam was forced to shoot him. He never even lasted a minute before he was dead; he was pronounced before the medic came down to help you. I just thought you should know; he'll never hurt you or anyone ever again."

"I wasn't the first." Was all Gail said.

"What do you mean?"

"He said I was one of the lucky ones. Well, if I behaved right I was. But he said I was lucky to 'have' him." Gail said, with a disgusted look painted across her face. She looked like she was about to puke again and Andy just rubbed her back, trying to do anything to comfort her.

"I'm so sorry, Gail." That was all Andy could manage to say to her, she was definitely not lucky, she was lucky she survived, but everything that happened- she would not tell her she was lucky, her life had just been flipped upside down, she deserved to be upset, angry, whatever she felt, she needed to feel those things to get past this, that Andy knew.

Gail finally stopped crying so hard, enough to pull herself off the bathroom floor with Andy's help and go back to the hospital bed. Gail just lied down and closed her eyes, Andy sat back in the chair hoping the doctor would hurry up so they could get out of the hospital and get her home and comfortable.

It was almost as if the doctor read her mind, because at that moment she walked in, Gail popped up into sitting position, you could see the anxiety on her face. She couldn't read the doctors face, so she didn't know what to expect. The doctor fiddled with her papers. "So, Gail, it looks like right now you're in the clear. You are a little dehydrated, so I suggest plenty of fluids along with small meals. It's crucial you keep up with your nutrition or you are really just going to feel worse, trust me on that, and you don't want to end up back here I'm thinking. So, is there anyone you live with, that can help you out and be there for you right now?"

"Um, yeah, I'm actually going to stay with Andy for now." At this point Gail was thankful Andy had offered, so it never made it awkward, and she never had to find anyone to stay with or explain she would be fine on her own to the doctor. It was just one less thing she had to talk about and think about.

"That's good. She seems responsible enough, I'm glad you have a friend to be there by your side, it's not something I would want to go through alone and the company is always nice anyhow. So I will get your discharge papers rolling and you should be out of here in no time. The nurse will be in soon and then you'll be free to go, we'll call if anything else comes up. In the meantime- rest, eat and drink plenty." And with that, the doctor was gone.

Gail breathed a sigh of relief; finally this part was almost over. She realized then how tired she was, she just wanted to sleep, but she had a feeling she wouldn't be getting much of that anytime soon.

"So I'm going to call Sam and get him to bring us to my place, maybe we can get some food, watch a movie or something. I don't know, it's up to you, whatever makes you comfortable. You still have some of your clothes and stuff at my place, so did you want to pick anything else up on the way?" Andy asked, heading for the door to go call Sam.

"No, I'm fine, thanks Andy. I wouldn't have made it through this without you." Andy smiled back at her and opened her phone as she stepped out of the room dialing Sam's number.

Once Andy was out of the room, she sighed, this was probably the most draining thing she had ever done and the worst part was how guilty she felt for not getting there on time. She snapped out of her thoughts as she heard the phone ringing, then Sam picked up.

"McNally! What's happening? Are you guys okay, is Gail okay?" Sam blurts out into the phone faster than Andy can think.

"Um, she's getting through it. We're done here now though, I think we're just going to go back to my place and I was going to ask Frank for a week off or something so I can just stick around at home with Gail, I think she'll need it. But anyways, do you think you could give us a ride?"

"For you two, anytime. Also, don't worry about Frank, I've got it covered."

"Thanks Sam, see you soon." She heard him hang up, just the sound of Sam's voice made her feel a little bit better.

Just as she hung up she saw the nurse go into Gail's room and she followed closely behind. Gail signed the forms and the nurse left again.

"So, you ready?" Andy asks, what a silly question.

"Never been more ready. I hate hospitals." Gail says, rolling her eyes.

Andy laughs as she helps Gail up, puts her arm around her shoulder and they walk out to the main doors of the hospital. Sam wasn't there yet.

The silence was so empty between them as they waited. "So, Sam is on his way, he's just going to come and drop us off at my place. We could pick up food on the way if you want? I don't really have much stuff to make anything at my place, as you probably observed."

Gail laughed, "Yeah, I did notice that actually. That sounds good though." Truth was, Gail had no stomach for food, and she didn't even really want to think about eating, let alone do it. But she knew there was no getting around this with Andy, she was going to be like her mom for the next few days, the mom she never really did have. That brought Gail to the thought, she wondered if her mom had heard about what happened, and how she would explain or tell her what happened if not. Maybe she just wouldn't, but she would probably hear from somebody or find out eventually, and most likely soon.