Things are about to get interesting...

CHAPTER 4 – Don't You Want Me

KURT POV

Saturday arrived, bright and sunny. Blaine's parents were supposed to leave at 8:00 am so I planned to arrive at his house, no later than 10:00 am. I wanted as much time with him as I could get.

I rang the doorbell to the kitchen entrance at exactly 10:05 am. When Blaine opened the door, I stopped breathing. His hair was wet and I could see little rivers of water rolling down the side of his face. His normally, super gelled curls were free and messy. He was wearing jeans and no shirt. I caught my breath. He looked so damn sexy but, he didn't even notice the affect he was having on me.

"Hey Kurt! Come on in. I just got out of the shower. I need to grab a shirt." And he disappeared up the stairs.

No, he really didn't need to grab a shirt. He could stay that way all day. I stood still, trying to calm my breathing. Was 10:10 in the morning too early to start seducing someone?

He bounded back down the stairs and arrived in the kitchen wearing a white t-shirt. I really had to work on the boy's wardrobe. "Kurt? Are you okay?" I was still standing by the door, just staring at him. "Oh, yes. Yes, of course! Good morning." I moved over to him and kissed him. He kissed back but quickly broke away from me.

"Did you have breakfast? Do you want some coffee?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Great, then come on upstairs. I want to play something for you. Wes sent me this great song last night and we are thinking about using it for regionals. I probably shouldn't be sharing it with you but, I value your opinion."

I followed him upstairs. He hit play on his CD player and music filled the room. He started doing a little dance, singing along to the song. I watched him until I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved to him and slid my arms around his waist and kissed him. He kissed back but tried to pull away. This time, I held on to him and kept kissing him. He tasted so sweet. I moved my hands slowly up his back and down again. After a few times, I moved my hands past his waist and down to his ass. He abruptly pulled away from me.

"Kurt," he let out a small laugh, "um, what are you doing?"

I smiled at him. "I'm kissing the most beautiful boy in the world." He looked embarrassed.

"What did you think of the song?" Song? What song? Oh.

"Um, it was fine." I moved towards him again. He backed away.

What the hell?

He sat down on the bed, looking slightly uncomfortable. "Well, do you think it would be a good song for regionals?" I joined him on the bed. "Sure." I reached over and caressed a curl across his forehead. "I love when your hair is loose. You look so...hot."

He abruptly stood up and started fooling around with the CD player. What was wrong with him? Why did this always look so easy in the movies? I stood up and moved behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and nuzzled his neck. He smelled so good. He turned around and gently pushed me back.

"Kurt, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" I was starting to get irritated.

"Why are you all over me this morning?" His words felt like a slap to my face. I backed away from him, suddenly feeling foolish. My face felt flushed.

"I just wanted to...be closer to you. I've missed you." Why should I have to explain this?

"We are close Kurt. You're my best friend." Best friend?

"I thought I was your boyfriend." I was starting to feel a little panicked. Had I missed something?

Blaine sighed. "You are my boyfriend." He looked at the floor. "Look Kurt. I really care about you. You are my boyfriend and my best friend and I love our relationship. Let's not mess things up."

"What do you mean, mess things up?" He didn't say anything. He took my hand and pulled me to the bed to sit next to him.

"Listen Kurt. I think you are gorgeous and talented and smart and I love hanging with you and being with you. You are like, everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. You make me happy. I don't need anything else."

"But, " I started slowly, "don't you want more?"

"More what?"

Really? He was going to make me spell it out?

"More...hugging...touching...intimacy."

"Oh." He looked at the floor. "Not really."

Suddenly, I felt bad. Maybe he wasn't ready for this. Maybe I was moving too fast.

"Blaine, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. It's just that, we've been together for...months and while I absolutely adore kissing you, I wanted to move forward a little. I'm sorry."

He kept staring at the floor. Finally he looked up at me. "Kurt, please don't take this the wrong way but...I just don't have those feelings for you."

"What?"

"I'm not sexually attracted to you." My head started spinning. I stood up. What was he saying?

"Blaine, I'm confused. Are you telling me you are suddenly not gay?"

"No, of course not." He pulled me back down to the bed. "I just don't want to do...sexual things with you. I want you in every other way. Just not sexually. At least, not right now."

My head was numb and my thoughts felt like they were trying to squeeze their way out. "So... you want me to be your boyfriend but you don't want a...physical relationship?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Blaine, that doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does. Everyone always says that sex ruins a relationship. This way, we don't have to worry about that."

Who says that? I was feeling completely lost and confused. "Blaine, we don't have to have sex. I mean, it would be nice...I was kind of hoping we might get there...one day but not right now. But, don't you want to do...other things?"

"No."

Well, damn.

"Listen Kurt. I want to be with you. I really, really do. I just don't want to be intimate with you."

I could physically feel my heart crack and my self-worth plummet to the floor. My boyfriend was telling me that he didn't find me sexually attractive. I could feel the tears welling up but I was determined not to cry. I already felt like a pathetic, unattractive fool.

"So, what you are saying, is that you don't really want to be my boyfriend. Just my best friend."

"No, "Blaine was shaking his head vigorously, "that is not what I am saying. We 're still boyfriends. Boyfriends who have a chaste, celibate relationship."

Chaste? Celibate? What teenage boy uses words like that? I didn't know what to say. I felt the need to get out of there. I could feel the devastation mixed with total embarrassment creeping up on me and taking over and I didn't want to drown in front of him.

"Okay." I stood up. "I'm gonna go."

"No! Kurt, don't leave. Please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was just trying to be honest. Please, don't leave. I still want to spend the day with you! Please? Nothing's changed Kurt, honestly. I still want us to be together."

Physically, I didn't leave but I was mentally gone for the rest of the day. I felt so deflated. Blaine, however, seemed even happier than before. He chatted nonstop about music, movies, shows he wanted us to drive to Cincinnati to see and on, and on. I half listened but he didn't even seem to notice. My head was a confused haze of depression and disappointment.

My boyfriend didn't want me.

Not really want me, the way I wanted him.

What kind of relationship was this?

What was wrong with me?

BLAINE POV

I'd known this day was coming but, I still hadn't been prepared. I just didn't know how to explain things without revealing too much or, more importantly, without hurting Kurt's feelings. So, despite my best efforts, I had hurt his feelings. I felt horrible. I could see the pain on his face but, I didn't know what to say to make it go away. I couldn't give him what he wanted. I loved being with Kurt. I wanted our relationship. It's just that sexually...I was already promised to another.

I dialed the number.

"Hello Blaine."

"Hi."

"How was your day with your boyfriend?"

"It was fine. We had fun."

Silence. Was he going to make me beg? He knew why I was calling.

"My parents won't be home for another couple of hours..."

He laughed. I hated sounding so desperate.

"I assume you want me to come over."

"Yes."

"Yes what, Blaine?"

"Yes, please come over."

"How badly do you want me to come over?"

He was going to make me beg. I didn't care. I needed him.

"Really, really bad. Please?"

Silence.

"Please, Jeremiah. I'll be a good boy if you come over. Please come see me. Please?"

"I'll be there in 30 minutes."