Splinter sat alone in the infirmary, his hand wrapped tightly around the chilled limp one of his son. April and Mikey had finished doing what they could to help Donnie and had interrupted Splinter's meditation to tell him that Donnie was going to survive. Upon hearing those words, the distressed father felt as if gallons of poison were released from his soul, freeing him of a heavy despair that he feared he would never escape. Upon hearing the news, he had only announced that he would now like to sit with Donatello alone and kissed Mikey's temple on his way out.

Kirby O'Neil had delivered the medications that would be needed and had returned home, telling April to keep him updated. She and Mikey had remained inseparable throughout the whole thing and had now joined Raph and Leo, the four distraught teens finding solace in each other. That left the poor father with his damaged child, taking a moment of his own to stay with him.

For twenty minutes now, the man had sat in a chair with his hand tightly holding Donatello's and his eyes rested on his child's sleeping face, unshed tears sitting there. He hadn't been able to move his glance from Donatello's form, finding the highest form of comfort by every beep that came from the heart monitor. Once one becomes a parent, they understand that there is no fear or pain greater than the thought of losing a child. When his child was the one who did it to himself, who felt lost and unloved enough to take themselves away from life, it only made that pain multiplied.

Whenever one of his boys wound up unconscious in the medical infirmary, it was typical from a battle that had gone too far or when an enemy struck a lucky hit. All of those times, Splinter had stroked his son's forehead while his sadness streaked with anger, hatred at whoever had harmed his child. This time, there was no one to blame other than himself, he and those around him, who had failed to save Donatello from these demons.

Seeing his child lying unconscious with cords hooked up to him and stitched wrists, Splinter had never hated anything more than he hated himself.

Although he hadn't ever told anyone and tries to never recall the time himself, the man knew what it was to be hopeless enough to wish for death. He remembered a time where he too was questioning whether his existence should continue and whether he should end it.

Almost seventeen years ago, Hamato Yoshi had lost everything he ever had. The only things that he loved and cherished were ripped away from him, all at once. He was alone in the world, no family or loved ones on his side. His wife and daughter were gone, his parents were gone, his brother wanted him dead. The only choice he had was to flee the place he had grown up in, escape the village that he so fiercely loved for the past 26 years of his existence.

During the months that he lived in New York by himself, there was no time when the man had been more hopeless. He lived alone with nothing to care for, nothing to do other than sleep and eat every day. He had no one to talk to, no reasons to continue living.

The only reason he decided to buy pets in the first place was so he would have something to care for, some kind of light responsibility to keep at least one purpose to his life.

Never did he expect that he would be adopting four baby sons.

He had been reckless when he followed that shady man into the alley, knowing that his life would be on the line. Truth was, it may be an excuse to finally escape with a little more honor, the excuse of being killed when trying to protect the city rather than dying due to giving into heartache.

When that substance had first hit his skin, the burning more intense than any pain he has felt before, he thought that it was his final moment. In all honesty, he was happy with the fact that he was going, that he would be reunited with his family and would no longer have to wallow in his grief.

After discovering the alternative outcome, one that he never would have imagined, his acceptance melted away really quick. Upon first seeing that his hands had become paws, the black fur covering his body and the tail dragging behind him, he decided it would be easiest to end in then and there. And just as he was slinking away into the darkness, intentions of slitting his throat with the broken glass that had broken off the canister, he was halted by the cry of an infant.

You couldn't imagine his shock when he had noticed the mutant infants, the tiny beings that his pets had been reborn into. He recalled Leo holding Mikey with Raph sheltering them, trying to protect his brothers. The only one who didn't hide in the protective huddle was Donatello, who had begun crawling over in curiosity.

When Yoshi had picked the baby up, his cries automatically silenced as he is pressed against his chest, a surge of love shot through him that he thought he would never feel again.

When he had taken those babies as his own, soon loving them as his own sons and raising and protecting them from this evil world, a giant hole in his heart was filled forever. His little ones had given him reason to live again, an importance stronger than none he could ever imagine. Without him, the innocents would be subjected to a lifetime of suffering from those who didn't understand. No one would be there to keep such precious children alive.

All starting with the curiosity of infant Donatello as he crawled into Splinter's arms.

Yet there he was, one of the children who had given him reason to live again, feeling the same type of haunting despair, attempting to take his life. If he had lost his son, he wasn't sure if he would be able to go on.

Seeing the boy so small and sick made him want to take him away from this entire world and hold him close, never letting him out of his grasp. Every parent wishes they could shelter their child from the world and its evils, especially when the world would be particularly unfair to his own. Once the world turns back at them, hurting them in the way you spent all of your life fearing, it was a pain so surreal that it couldn't ever possibly even be explained.

Splinter hums an old lullaby that he had sung to the boys as children as he strokes his son's face, his finger sliding delicately across the solemn face. A single tear drops down as he continues to stroke his boy, hoping that somehow, his unconditional love can be felt.

"I am sorry, my son," he whispers. "I have failed you as a father. I didn't do enough for you to understand how much I love you, and now I suffer the consequences. You are so intelligent and kind and beautiful, my Donnie-Bo. You are a wonderful young man and you deserve to be happy. I will bleed myself dry for you to be happy. I have done you wrong and I will never forgive myself. I am sorry, my son."

Splinter swears he feels a slight squeeze to his hand, his son burrowing his face further into his neck. After Donnie had stirred he still did not awaken, but he had reacted to his father's words.

A small smile spread across Splinter's face, kissing the top of Donnie's head and snuggling closer to him.

"Sensei?" the small voice comes from the other side of the door, Splinter slightly raising his head.

"Come in, Michelangelo," he replies, his youngest carefully sliding in and kneeling on the other side of Donnie's bed.

"How is he?" Mikey asks, running a finger up his brother's arm.

"Seems to be same progress, but he stirred just a moment ago. I believe it will not be a very long time until he awakens. Why have you left the others?" Splinter replied.

"Everybody was really messed up and at first we were all just hugging each other and crying and stuff. Then Raph bursts up and says he's gotta get out of here, that he'll be back soon but needed to take a run topside. Leo went into the dojo to try and meditate and April went into Donnie's room to take a moment for herself," Mikey explains.

"And they are all safe to be on their own, yes?" he asks, feeling most certain fear of anyone being alone at this time.

"Yeah, I think so. It's all just been a lot and they needed to sort their thoughts, since this came so suddenly. Raph will be fine, you know how he always runs off when he's upset. Same thing with Leo and meditating," Mikey continues.

"That is understandable. As we know this time is…most troubling," Splinter says.

Mikey gets up from his place and scoots onto the side where Splinter is, sitting in a tight ball near Donnie's legs.

"Sensei…what are we gonna do when Donnie wakes up? How are gonna know how to help him and make him get better?" Mikey asks.

"Just as we saved him physically, we will have to make do with the skills that we already have. You have shown most potential Michelangelo; your determination assures hope for your brother. You have been very brave."

Mikey smiles, gazing at Donnie once more. "Do you think he'll be proud of me, Sensei?"

Splinter feels a rage of sadness and affection shoot through him again, and he wishes he could wrap his baby from all darkness's in the world. Much like he had failed to do for Donatello.

He slides off Donnie and onto his knees, holding open his arms for Michelangelo to crawl inside. Mikey immediately reacts to the motion and cuddles tightly into his father, burying his face into his fur.

"He will be most very proud of you, my son."

April had wrapped herself into the blankets of Donnie's bed, pushing her face into his pillow with silent tears streaming down her face. She had never been in Donnie's room more than a couple of times, since he spent a lot more time in his lab. His room was relatively small, only containing a few special belongings and his bed. April admired each of his things like they were the most precious jewels she would ever see, all a part of her Donnie. The drawings he had kept that Mikey had made over the years, his first blueprints or plans for fun inventions, stuffed animals or toys he had kept from childhood. There was large scattering of photos, containing a variety of Donnie with each of his inventions, he and his brothers, training milestones, he and April.

Now she had the selfie that the two of them had once taken, Donnie making a silly face and April laughing on the side, and she held it as close to her chest as was humanly possible. She couldn't keep her eyes off of it, wondering how things have gone so quickly.

That was when she noticed the pieces of paper scattered along the small desk. Curiosity getting the best of her, she couldn't help but get up and take a view at them.

"I always thought life was so interesting. I am so fascinated by each of the atoms and fibers that make up the complexity of this existence, of what we have. I strive to make the world a better place, to protect this piece of art that has been left here. So why is it that I'm starting to hate living so badly? Maybe it isn't that I hate living, but that I hate myself. I am only an error, the aftermath of an accident, an abomination that is not built to exist in this world. So why should I?"

"I loved mirrors because they are quite interesting in purpose but I hate them because they allow me to see myself. I hate my skin and my body and hands. Every time I see myself, I am reminded that I am a miscalculation, a product of a reject batch. No one would ever love a faulty creation."

"My family is the only thing I ever had. We were all apart of each other, all making each other live. But they do so much better without me. I never fit in, was always an extra piece of my brothers that they could always do without. I am a misfit even in family, where else is there to go?"

"I don't understand. I thrive off of my knowledge and I find it so easy to understand but this I will never comprehend. Does she love me? Am I an experiment, a test or a dare for fun? Why did she make me think she loves me, why did she make love with me only to disregard me afterwards? What does this mean? Why am I so in love with the torture that she gives me?"

"I hate the sick feelings of loving to see my own blood. It makes me comforted to rip my skin and I love to see the blood that comes out, to feel the warmth pour from my body. It reminds me I am a living thing, and I am in power of myself. Am I psychotic? Am I too dangerous to be around my family?"

"I'm going to do it tomorrow night. I am finally going to be free, to escape here. They are going to hurt for a minute, then they are going to be better. They are going to have a life free of me, a life that is good. I will not hold back the team, my selfishness will not hold back April, she will finally be able to be happy. I will finally be gone. I will disappear like a brush to the wind and I will become a part of the stars, a contribution to this creation that I always did appreciate."

Those were only six out of hundreds of the short entries written on the papers, some of the papers distorted by either tear stains or dried blood. April threw down the papers and burst into tears, unable to read anymore. She rushes back to the bed and wraps the blanket back around herself as she sobs, trying to believe that somehow all of this could be one sick nightmare.

She hated herself for what she had done to Donnie. She was so selfish and thoughtless and now it had resulted into this. She had feelings for her best friend for a long time, but she was always too afraid to accept them. With all of the chaos going on in her life, she didn't want to add a relationship to complicate it all. She wasn't ready to accept everything and was just taking time to sort things out before making drastic decisions. The night Donnie came over and they had been drinking, she didn't have the right mind to stop herself and she had given into her feelings. She had done what she had always wanted to do, express her love for her Donatello. In the morning, when she realized what had been done, she panicked immensely and feared that things would never be the same. She hoped that forgetting it had ever happened would prevent things from changing again.

Now, look what she had done. She had manipulated his feelings and led him to suicide.

It was in that moment, while she stared at Donnie's smiling photographs and melted into his scent off of the blanket and pillows, that April decided she would be the one to fix this.

Raph ran through the streets as fast as he could, unsure of where he aimed to go but sure that it needed to be far away from here. Every time that he felt he was going to explode he tried to run away, tried to prevent his emotions from taking control. This time around, he wasn't sure if he had ever felt so distraught. Not ever on his late night runs, anyway.

He couldn't quite comprehend what had happened, but his heart completely understood the cold hard facts.

His little brother Donnie had tried to kill himself.

The blunt fact caused the teen to collapse where he stood and break into sobs, tucking his face into his knees. Raph knew that crying all by himself wouldn't do any good in the long run, that he needed to talk to someone. He needed someone to comfort him, to hold him and make him think that everything was going to be alright.

Raph reached for his phone and began to dial his best friend, praying to God that he would answer the phone.

He felt himself let go of his breath when the phone was answered, Casey's tired voice surging through it. "Raph dude it's 5:49 in the morning. What gives?"

"Ca-Case," Raph tries to say, mustering the strength to hold a conversation.

Casey immediately became alert at his best friend's sobbing voice, the voice of the Raph who hardly ever cried. "Whoa buddy, you crying? What's wrong?"

"I ne-need you to come he-here. I'm on 37th al-alley," Raph says.

"I'll be there in 5, hang in there," Casey says, hanging up and bursting out of bed, anxiety surging through him. There was no telling what could have happened, and to make Raph cry like that, it must have been something bad.

Casey ran up to the alley as fast as he could, noticing Raph balled up in a corner. "Raph?! I'm here dude, what's wrong? Are ya hurt?" Casey says, sliding next to Raph and examining him for injury.

Raph fiercely wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath, looking into Casey's concerned eyes. "It's D-Don," he starts.

"Don? What about Don? Is he okay?" Casey urges.

"He tri-tried to kill himself," Raph finishes, and Casey gasps.

"Wh-what?" he replies, trying to get through the shock in order to comfort his hand.

"Was watching a movie with Fearless, all the sudden Mikey starts screaming for help. So we run to the bathroom where it was coming from and we see Don and oh god, Case. His wrists were slit and there was so much fucking blood, all over him and all over Mikey. April gave him blood and Mike stitched him up and he's gonna be okay but Casey, my little brother tried to kill himself!" Raph exclaims and collapses into Casey's arms, sobbing into his shoulder.

Casey holds Raph close to him and rubs his back, eyes wide with shock. "Shh Raph…it's gonna be okay. Don's gonna be okay. He's smart enough to get through this and we can all help him get better!" he comforts.

Casey has a feeling that is unfamiliar to him, one that hurt the inside of his heart. Was it sorrow? Was it pain for Donnie? The one that he had once hated, now causing pain to his heart?

The two are interrupted as Raph's phone begins to ring, the face of his baby brother appearing on the screen.

"Mi-Mikey," he answers, pushing away his tears. "I told you I wanna be alone right now."

"You gotta come home, Raphie," Mikey answers, "Donnie's waking up."