Kiss
I remained on the couch for the rest of the night, unable to sleep. My mind kept replaying what had happened a few hours previously.
"Alec." he corrected softly.
"Alec." I repeated.
I felt his lips brushing mine.
My lips still tingled from the contact. I raised my hand to my mouth, remembering how soft his lips had been.
I shook my head firmly, leaping to my feet and beginning to pace. What was wrong with me? It wasn't like I'd never been kissed before. It wasn't even like he'd never kissed me before. It wasn't like me to lose my head over something like this. I didn't get hung up on guys. Not when I had so many more important things to worry about.
But this wasn't just a guy. This was Alec.
I stopped pacing abruptly, realizing that I had actually just thought of him as Alec and not 494.
Shaking my head again, I resumed pacing.
I didn't even notice when Kira woke up until she spoke.
"What's wrong?"
I jumped and spun around. Glancing quickly at a boarded-up window, I saw that sunlight was streaming through. I had lost track of time, also not like me.
"Nothing." I lied.
Kira gazed at me levelly, unconvinced.
"494." I admitted.
She sighed and shook her head. She looked at me sadly. I knew that she thought that my fixation with 494 wasn't right. I knew she thought it was unhealthy for me to be so obsessed with the man sent to capture us, the man I had once hated. Maybe she was right, but I couldn't help it.
"Don't start with me again, Kira." I said before she could say all the things I knew that she would, "I need to be alone."
With that, I left. Kira would be angry with me, I knew that. But I didn't care. I really did need to be alone.
I sought out a tall building and climbed to the top. I was slightly concerned that the dilapidated complex wouldn't support my weight, but it held. I watched as the sun rose over Terminal City, keeping my mind a pleasant blank.
"613."
I turned my head on my bunk to look at 772.
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
"Fine."
We lapsed into silence for about five minutes before 772 spoke up again.
"Was it 494?"
My jaw clenched.
"Yes."
"Was he as good as they say?"
I tried not to be furious with her.
"Did you miss my limp?"
"Of course not. But you fought him, right?"
"Of course I fought him. I didn't throw myself on that rock."
"How was he?"
"Shut up, 772."
I rolled over on my bunk, turning my back to her.
"Was he fast?"
"I'm going to sleep. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay, 613. I'm sorry."
I grunted angrily.
"It was just an exercise, you know."
I ground my teeth together and didn't respond.
I took a deep breath and dispelled the unbidden memory. Even back then Kira hadn't understood my feelings for 494. She hadn't understood why I was furious with him. And as time passed, she continued to not understand my growing hatred.
"What's the matter?" 772 whispered to me as we stood in line, waiting for our turns on the shooting range.
At first I didn't reply. I had just completed more extra PT, yet another punishment for my inability to keep up with the rest of my unit. My body just wouldn't function like I wanted it to. And it was all 494's fault.
"613?"
"It's that 494." I growled finally.
"What are you talking about?"
"It's his fault that I can't meet the standards."
"What?"
"He didn't have to damage me so badly. All this is his fault."
"You're being irrational."
"I hate him."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. Nevermind."
Kira and I had always been very different. It was really rather strange that we were such good friends. I had always been irrational, stubborn, incompetent yet persistent. She had always been logical, intelligent enough to be flexible, competent but not outstanding. Kira had always been the average soldier at Manticore and had worked to maintain that status. She had never wanted to stand out. I, on the other hand, strove to be exceptional, but constantly found myself on the other end of the spectrum.
"Fancy meeting you here."
I tried not to show my surprise at 494's presence. I continued to stare straight ahead, remaining seated.
"What're you thinking about?" he asked and I felt him sit next to me.
"Who said I was thinking about anything?" I replied.
I glanced at 494 quickly. He smiled slightly, looking out at Terminal City just as I had been.
"It's what we do. We go off alone and think. Max climbs the Space Needle. Joshua busts out the painting stuff. You come up here."
"What do you do?" I wondered out loud.
"Me? I sit in my apartment and turn up the tube."
"Doesn't the noise bother you?"
I was avoiding the topic and we both knew it.
"Nah. It's just background fuzz." he paused, "So, you were thinking?"
I sighed. I knew he wouldn't let me avoid the question for too long.
"I was thinking about 772, Kira."
"Cheating on me?" he joked.
The joke fell flat and he shifted uncomfortably. I decided to speak to ease the tension.
"We've never really understood each other, but we've always been friends." I explained, "She doesn't understand why I just don't forget about you."
"Why don't you?"
"I've tried." I admit, "But I can't. I don't know."
"Well, right back at you."
"What?" I asked, looking at him.
He held my eyes for a moment before looking back out at the horizon.
"I've tried to forget you, too. Can't." he shrugged, nonchalantly.
"Forget me?"
"Every time I thought about you it reminded me of how close I was to becoming a traitor. Like my twin. And it reminded me of my feelings for Rachel. Something I've tried very hard to forget."
"I'm sorry."
"For the millionth time, don't be." 494 said adamantly.
The silence that followed was very uncomfortable.
"So, how'd you meet up with 452?" I asked the first thing that came to mind.
494 laughed quietly.
"Actually, I met her in the breeding program."
My eyes widened in surprise.
"She had just gotten herself captured and reindoctrinated. I knew I was in for trouble the minute I got the assignment. I mean, she'd been out for ten years. So, I walk in and tell her what's up, explain my orders, and what does she do? She tries to kick my ass! Then, she goes and name's me Alec on account of my smart alec remarks. So, I gave up on her, of course. I mean, she mistakes me for my twin, attacks me, and then names me? Clearly, psychotic. But orders are orders, so I came back later only to find that she was trying to escape again. Apparently, she'd been staying up all night and digging loose the bricks under her bunk. I caught her as she was sneaking back in from God knows where. So, I report to Director Renfro and she cooks up this plan to get Eyes Only. You know, the guy with the cable hacks. He was on an anti-Manticore campaign and she was worried the higher up's would go berserk if he did something stupid like give away the location of Manticore. So, she threatens Max, telling her she'll burn the place to the ground with everyone inside unless Max tells her how to find Eyes Only. Meanwhile, I do as I'm told and help Max to break out. Brilliant plan, you see. She knew that Max would go straight to Eyes Only when she got out, plus I had gained Max's trust. Which gave me the opportunity to inject her with a virus that would kill Mr. Computer Geek if they touched. Now that I look back on it, I kinda wish I hadn't been the one to do that. She's never forgiven me. But what could I do? I was following orders, you know? Anyway, I tell her she has to turn Eyes Only over to Manticore and turn herself in, too, to get the cure for him and she proceeded to beat my ass. She goes running back to Manticore to get the cure and finds the place going up in smoke. She somehow manages to free everybody and find Renfro just in time for her to tell her to find Sandeman in she wants to get rid of the virus. Max snags the antidote and high-tails it out of there just in time to save Eyes Only's life and be all heroic. That's kinda Max for you in a nutshell, all dramatic and heroic. She's got this 'the world is all against me, but I'm gonna save it anyway' thing going for her. She's frustrating and confusing like that. Always yelling at me and saying 'I'll kick your ass, Alec' or 'You're a lowlife, screw up, Alec' or 'Why are you always ruining my life, Alec?' I ruined her life. She's the one who dumped me on my ass on the outside. Not that I'm complaining, but geez. You'd think she'd be a little more sympathetic. Especially, after all the crap I've done for her. But no, the only stuff that matters is the stuff I do wrong." 494 stopped suddenly, realizing, I supposed, that I was still there. He offered me a sheepish smile, "Kinda got a little caught up there."
"Sounds complicated."
"You can say that again."
"So, you poisoned her and she didn't kill you?" I wondered at that.
"Nah, that's not Maxie's style. She might've hated me, but she's no murderer. Besides, I was starting to grow on her."
I gazed at him skeptically. He grinned.
"Actually, I split after that, figuring she might kill me. I was crashed at this motel when I see a bunch of young X's. I barely dodge the police who bust down my door and pick up the trail of those X's. They're following a signal to regroup. I tell them the signal's a fake, that Manticore wasn't attacked. Try to convince them that whatever is left of Manticore wants them dead, wants to cover their tracks. They don't listen. Meanwhile, Max sees the same signal, figures her fellow Manticore's are in 'dire peril,' and comes to the rescue. She saves the group I found and they take her back to the barn I found them in and was currently laying low inside. Just my luck, the X-7 with them turns us in and we get caught in a big fight with White's men and a bunch more X-7's. Maxie gets her little self caught and infects the teenage X's with her heroic vibe. They decide to go off and save her, which, of course, is just suicide. There was no way those kids could pull off the job alone. So, I follow them, feeling a little heroic myself. Okay, so maybe I owed her one. Either way, I freed Max and helped her to change the signal to tell all the transgenics to go to ground. We barely made it out. We got lucky and this other transgenic White had captured saved us. That's when I decided to go with Maxie back to Seattle. You know, check it out, see the sights, see if I can figure out why she's so gung ho about this freedom thing. Been here ever since." 494 finished with a simple gesture at the city stretched out before them.
His tone of voice indicated that he didn't really care much about any of it, but I knew better. It was obvious that he felt strongly about 452. He wouldn't have stuck around if he didn't.
"She's pretty special, huh?" I asked.
"Who, Maxie? Yeah, I guess. Considering she's supposed to be the savior of the world or some crap like that."
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Sandeman encrypted some message into her genes that showed up as some ancient doodles. Translated they said something about the meek getting the planet or something and she's supposed to be 'the one.' Don't ask me. All I know is that if she's some savior, we could sure use her."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, things have gone crazy around here. Ordinaries hate us. Cops have been finding new ways of hunting us down. Apparently, they're tracking us by our body heat. X-5's run a little higher than normal or something like that. People are forming gangs to keep the streets clean of 'trannies.' Friend of mine was killed about a week ago." he paused to dispel the pain that was becoming evident in his face, "That's why we have to be so careful. Speaking of which, if you two are going on the outside, you need to get rid of those barcodes. We jacked some tattoo removal crap. Hurts like a bitch, but it'll do the trick for at least a few weeks. It's risky out there. We try to get some ordinary friends of our to bring us stuff, but there's a lot of people here, you know. But the less you're seen the better."
"You weren't too worried about being seen last night." I reminded him.
"Yeah, that." he rubbed the back of his neck, "I shouldn't have been doing that. Don't do as I do. I was just...going stir crazy, you know. Had to get out, do something...or someone. Don't tell Max."
I was surprised by the fact that his last sentence was a plea and not a command. I nodded mutely. I hadn't realized it was so bad.
"About that kiss." 494 said, keeping his eyes straight forward.
"What about it?" I managed to ask, careful to keep any emotion out of my voice, making it sound like I didn't care.
"I wasn't thinking."
"Of course not."
"It didn't mean anything."
"Nothing."
"Never even happened."
"Exactly."
I'd barely gotten the word out of my mouth when 494 whipped around and began kissing me. This time it was heated, passionate, closer to the kiss he had given me months ago. Only this time I responded, lifting my hand to the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair as I kissed him back.
"I don't...know why...I'm doing this." 494 said against my lips in between kisses.
"Me...neither." I responded.
"We should...stop." he suggested, without making any move to do so himself.
"Probably." I agreed, also not making any attempt to do so.
Suddenly, a loud tapping noise assaulted my ears. 494 and I both froze and turned our heads to the side. An irate looking Kira stood before us with her arms crossed over her chest and her foot tapping angrily.
"I've spent about half an hour looking for you." she said, her voice clipped.
"I told you I wanted to be alone." I replied, knowing that wouldn't help my case.
"You don't look alone."
"Damn. I was hoping I was invisible." 494 mumbled.
"You." Kira's eyes locked on 494, "You have been nothing but trouble for her."
"Yeah, sounds like me." he agreed with a hint of a grin.
"You've done nothing but hurt and confuse her."
"I didn't mean..."
"Bullshit."
"You two are a lot alike when you're mad."
"Shut up."
Kira spun on her heel and looked like she was going to storm off, but she stopped at the edge of the roof.
"I know you think that you're the one who has to protect me, Jess." she said, her voice low, "But right now I really think that you're the one who needs protecting."
With that she disappeared over the edge of the building. I stared at the spot she had last occupied.
"She thinks you need to be protected from me."
494 tried to sound amused, but I detected the hurt in his voice.
"She doesn't understand."
"I don't even understand."
"She remembers only who you were in Manticore. She remembers your reputation. All the stories we heard about your missions. but you're not that person anymore. Are you?" I looked at him questioningly.
"Yes and no. Not completely. Not anymore. But he's still there. Ready when I need him. 494, the good soldier." he made a face.
"Alec?" I asked after allowing him a moment with his thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"About that kiss."
"Yeah?"
"It was good."
He beamed.
"But you're still not my type."
I grinned as I stood and left a mystified 494 on the rooftop. I was pleased that I had been able to comeback with an "Alec-like" remark.
Now I just had to find Kira and try to make amends. Best to do it now before she had time to sulk.