Note: i'm right in the middle of my exams so excuse me for my late update ;-) my motivation though came from darkenedpettals review… cause I know how irritating it can be when you want to know but the author won't budge ;-)

Chapter 4: A restless man in sleepy-land

I looked down and the landscape started to twirl and spin before my eyes in a way that I cursed the same light bulbs I had adored ten minutes ago. So if you're ever stuck in a situation like this, don't ruin the moment by looking down!

I was quite annoyed by Gippal and his constant delaying but in a way I felt comfortable in this moment in time, this moment of not knowing. Every single one of us will get this feeling once in a lifetime. It's like the silence that comes right before the storm, right before the bullet or right before a broken heart. It's one of those moments in which you think you heard the words came out of his mouth two seconds before he actually did. As if you knew, in a way, what was coming.

'Rikku, I'm moving to Europe in three months from now' whow, such a delay and then BAM he spills it all. What an anti-climax. Time stood still for a moment as if we both needed time to analyse his words. I blinked, pinched myself and blinked again but nothing seemed to wake me up.

'Is this one of your mind games?' I frowned my eyebrows and began to think of reasons why he should possible go to Europe when he has a life here. Sure, it's not always happy good life but neither will it be in Europe… right?

'No' Was all he could say. No reason why, no excuses, just a 'no'. He turned back into the Gippal I once knew. The one that explained himself to no one, certainly not to a girl.

'Well, ever thought of telling me why?' It was as if he needed a moment to figure it out himself but then he rose his head to meet my eyes halfway.

'I'm tired of Spira, Rikku. It's all the same, same things to do, same people to meet. I feel like there's more to life and as if this country doesn't want to see it. It feels like every one around me is… asleep' he grinned. His speech seemed to be pulled from a movie scene. Then again, everything about the story between me and Gippal seemed to be pulled from a movie scene.

'ASLEEP?' I yelled out. 'Have you forgotten Sin, Vegnagun and all of the other enemies we've fought? You won't find those kind of things in Europe you know…' At least I hope he wouldn't.

'You fought Sin and all of those other things, Rikku. Your life may be here but mine is still trying to find it's place. I feel restless and there's nothing here to calm me down. There's nothing here that binds me to this place.'

That was like taking a bullet. Hearing him say that he had nothing to stay here for. Nothing… that includes me I guess. Since when have I become part of the nothingness? Sure, he never felt the way I did. I knew that… but… wasn't our friendship enough? Or at least… All those times that I cried about the fact he only kept coming back for one thing meant nothing now. Now I wished that he would be coming back for that… or anything else for that matter. I would even be jumping around the place if he decided to stay for one of his other girlfriends. I'd rather have him in my life and with someone else than not in my life and.. well probably with someone else too! I was losing the love-game with a 2 to 0 score in favour of Gippal.

'So… when will you be back?' I asked, trying to play it cool.

'Normally in a year or so… but you never really know I guess.' He smiled at me as if he had just told me he had won the lottery. He seemed so happy that I felt obliged to feel the same way too. But I just couldn't do it.

'But.. haven't you got a girl? What has she got to say about this? Is she coming with you?' In a way I didn't wanted to know the answer. If she would go with him, I'd kill her before she ever make it to the airport.

'I do, but she knows about my plans and I've made them before I ever met her. And no, she's not coming. I'm going alone.'

I tried to cram some kind of logic into this story but any way I turned the facts, they just didn't make any sense. Who wants to leave a perfectly good life for some uncertain destiny on their own for god sake! What if something happens… would I even know it? The wheel started moving again and I felt that my time was running out. In a few minutes we'd be back on solid ground and it'd be time to go home. Time to separate and be alone with thoughts I didn't want to have in the first place.

'Why are you telling me this? I haven't heard from you so long, why tell me?' not the most subtle question, I know. Secretly I was hoping for some movie scene in which he would ask me to run away together or something like that. But that never came.

'I just didn't want to leave in a fight. Come on… we've always had our ways of squeezing ourselves back into each others lives… I couldn't leave in one of those fazes in which we don't speak to each other now could I?' He winked at me. I felt like this whole night has been nothing but entertainment to him. Just one of the days he has left in this boring country that he has to try and fill up with some sort of activity. I guess I just was on his list of things to do today.

The time it took to get back to the car seemed much longer now. Not a word was said. Normally it was always me who filled up those empty spaces but now I just couldn't bring myself to it. Gippal started whistling as if everything was the same as ever. I guess for him they were…

We pulled up at my driveway and I knew this was the moment. Inviting him in or letting him go not knowing if I'll see him again before he leaves. My heart was pounding and it felt as if the whole world could see. Gippal stared at me, waiting. He always leaves the door-game to me. If I invited him in, that'd be fine with him. If I didn't… I guess that'd be fine with him too. I never really tried that option. Would this be the first time that I did?