Disclaimers in Part 1:
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Donna woke late, or late for her, it wouldn't be considered late for most normal people to get up at 5:45 in the morning, but as Donna's usual wake up time was 5:10 she had definitely overslept. She lay in bed for a few moments, simply staring up at the ceiling, a feeling of nervous apprehension combined with nausea rolling around her unsettled stomach. At first her groggy mind was unable to pinpoint the exact reason for why she was feeling so – oh, that's right. It all came rushing back to her: working on the bill, drinking too much at The Hawk and Dove, drinking even more wine at home, going to Josh's apartment, kissing Josh. Kissing Josh! She shot up straight in bed and froze, eyes wide, naively hoping that the whole night had been a dream, but she knew better. God! She had really kissed Josh, okay, so Josh had kissed her first, but there had been definite reciprocation on her part.
What had she been thinking traipsing off in the middle of the night to return Josh's things? It had definitely been alcohol-fueled decision making at its worst. She had kissed Josh. No matter how many times she said it, she almost couldn't believe it had actually happened. Remembering the kiss, Donna flushed, feeling a wave of heat wash across her face, causing her to drop her head into her heads, groaning in abject mortification. She would never touch a drop of alcohol again. Okay, let's not be too hasty she thought to herself. From now on, only alcohol on special events and holidays, that sounded like a reasonable plan.
Donna flopped back on her bed with a sigh and willed the universe to strike her dead, or at the very least cause some sort of snowstorm that would force the government to have to shut down for the foreseeable future, so she wouldn't have to go into work today...or for the next few months and face Josh; especially after the way she had left him last night.
After the kiss, and the horrible realization that they were both drunk, Donna had spied a cab pulling up to the curb to drop off a passenger, seeing her chance to escape, Donna had mumbled a quick goodbye and had jumped into the cab before Josh even had a chance to say anything.
Well, there was nothing she could do to change the past now. Turing around to take a peek out of her bedroom window, Donna could see only a beautiful blue clear sky, so the chance of some freak storm saving her was out of the question. If she hurried, she was pretty sure that she would still make it to the office before Josh. She pushed back the duvet and padded to the bathroom. She quickly undressed and jumped into the shower. Twenty minutes later, she was dressed and out the door. The weather was actually quite nice, cool, but not unbearably cold, so she decided to take the Metro and walk the rest of the way to work.
Flashing her White House ID, Donna strolled into the bullpen, schooling her features into one of neutrality. No matter how confused she was about her kiss with Josh, she was a professional and she refused to be affected by her indefinable relationship with her boss/best-friend while at work. Donna took a deep breath, sending a silent prayer to the fates on high (as Toby liked to say) that Josh was not in yet so she would have some time before engaging in the inevitable awkward conversation that was sure to follow thanks to their drunken indiscretion from last night. She knew she couldn't avoid him for long, but at least she hoped she could avoid him right now. Opening the door to his office gingerly, Donna was relieved to find it empty, it was a huge mess, but it was empty. Releasing a sigh of air, Donna focused on the task at hand, organizing the disaster area that masqueraded as Josh's office before checking phone messages and faxes.
"So, she lives."
Donna whirled towards the sound with a small gasp.
"Sam," she said with a smile.
"I was afraid we were never going to see you again. You sure can drink a lot. For a girl anyway." He smiled warmly.
"Don't be jealous just because I have an iron stomach," she joked slightly while her stomach rolled in a decidedly uncomfortable manner, not that she would ever let Sam know that.
"Well, I'm just glad you had a good time." Sam paused suddenly, "You did have a nice time right? I mean the thing with Josh going for a drink with Amy -"
"Sam," she cut him off, she knew he was just trying to cheer her up, but she couldn't talk to Sam about Josh. If she started that conversation, she knew she would tell Sam that Josh had kissed her last night and she wasn't prepared to open that can of worms at this particular moment. "I had a nice time last night. Anytime you want to get me drunk, I'm in."
"Who could turn down an invitation like that? Anyway, I was just returning the favour from when you took me out drinking after I found out about my father. I also had a nice time last night it was fun. You, Donna Moss, are a lovely person and an amusing drinking partner."
"And, of course, it is your amusement that is of the utmost importance, Sam."
Donna stiffened as the irritated words sailed into the office. She tried to remain calm as Josh walked into the room.
Sensing her nervousness, Sam winked at her before turning a wide, open smile towards Josh, "Of course it is, Josh."
If possible, Josh appeared more irritated. He turned to Donna, spearing her with his brown eyes. A bright blush involuntarily rose in her cheeks and she forced herself to look at anything but him.
"Where's my schedule?" Josh demanded abruptly.
"There's no need to be rude, Josh." Sam protested.
"I don't tell you how to talk to your assistant, so I don't think it's any busy of yours how I talk to mine," Josh replied curtly. "Now, I need to talk to Donna. Alone."
Donna's heart began to pound like a jackhammer in her chest. God, did he want to talk about last night? Here? Now? Why couldn't he just be his usual oblivious Josh and pretend the whole thing had never happened? They could just chalk it up as being another odd moment in the series of odd moments between them.
"I'll talk to you later Donna," Sam said, offering Donna a bright smile.
She couldn't help but smile back. Things were so easy with Sam, if she was smarter she would have fallen in love with him instead.
Josh waited for Sam to close the door to his office before waving Donna into one of the visitor's chairs, then walking around to seat himself behind his desk.
She lowered her head, pretending to be enthralled by the file folder in her hand, it was important for her to appear as though it was business as usual.
"I want to talk to you about the state dinner tonight. I need you to get me 5 minutes alone with Senator Hobbes. I don't care how, but I need it to be just him and me, no one from his staff. Can you do that?"
Donna quashed the sting of disappointment forming in her chest. She didn't look up, instead she turned her attention to her hands, clenched together in her lap, desperately trying to forget that hours ago those same hands had been wrapped around his neck in an intimate embrace. Now, she felt like wrapping her hands around his neck in different manner altogether.
She wasn't being fair. She had been dreading the possibility of talking about the kiss all morning, so why should Josh be any different? Probably because she wasn't sure what it had meant to him. He sat before her, all business, seemingly entirely unmoved by their kiss.
She cleared her throat and said, "No problem. I'm on it."
"Is that my schedule in your hands that you are wringing the life out of?" he asked in a soft tone.
"Oh, yeah. Here," she leaned over slightly and placed his schedule in front of him. "You have staff in 15 minutes, and then you have meetings on the hill all afternoon, but make sure you are back here in time to change for the dinner tonight. I went to the cleaners and your tuxedo in hanging in the closet." She felt more comfortable when she could focus on work.
"You're still coming tonight? You have a freshly stolen dress for the evening?"
Her cheeks pinkened again, she felt as though she hadn't stopped blushing since last night. "Yes, Josh. I have a dress."
"Okay. I'll see you later then."
"Okay."
He held her gaze, looking into her as though he could read her mind. Eventually he turned away and looked down at his schedule as she slipped out of the room, softly closing the door behind her.
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Donna was going to be pissed at him. He had been screwing up the whole day. He had a plan, a great plan really (it had nothing to do with inflation). He was going to walk into work, call Donna into his office, apologize for kissing her in the alcove to his apartment building (he wasn't going to apologize for the actual kissing, no, no, that had been great, but Donna deserved more than a drunken fumble outside in the middle of the night), then ask her to officially accompany him to the state dinner this evening. Instead he had walked in on Sam and Donna laughing and smiling and some neuron in his brain had snapped and instead of being alluring and apologetic he had turned into snarky, jealous Josh. And now, despite Donna's reminder, he was going to be late coming back from the hill.
"Josh!"
"Hey, Chris."
"Shouldn't you be getting ready for that dinner thing tonight."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going."
"If you're late Donna is going to kill you."
"I know."
"Oh, sorry. This is Casey Reed, he's starting a new internet site, reporting on politics, it going to be non-partisan, but I'm doing my best to change his mind about that."
This was the guy. This was the guy who had offered Donna a job. This was the guy who was trying to take Donna away from him.
"Hi, nice to meet you, but from the look on your face I don't think the feeling is mutual," Casey joked with an outstretched hand.
Josh stared at Casey's open hand, finally given into the manners taught to him by his mother, and shook it, "So you're the guy who offered Donna a job. She already has a job. With me."
"You offered Donna a job? Are you crazy?" Chris turned to stare at Casey.
"It wasn't my intention to cause any trouble. I have known Donna for a long time, a job came up at Capitol Scoop and I thought she would be perfect for it." Casey explained.
"Well, she's not taking the job, so good luck finding someone else."
"Really, when I talked to her last, she said she hadn't made up her mind yet," Casey trailed off.
"You're obviously confused. Donna is happy with her current job and she has no intentions to leave, so stop poaching my department," Josh snapped back. He turned without another word and continued his walk back to the White House.
Donna wasn't leaving, Josh told himself. She had turned down the job. Okay, while she hadn't actually told him that she wasn't leaving, one would think that sort of information would pop up during the natural course of conversation. Wouldn't it? Yes, things had been strained, but not enough for her to make a huge life decision (that would affect him too) without at least talking to him first, right?
He needed to get back to the office and talk to Donna.
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As much as Donna enjoyed these state dinners, especially when she got to dress up in a new gown, stolen or not, Donna loved the feel of wearing something new, (even if it would only be hers for a few hours before she had to return it to the store), after awhile all these functions eventually blurred into one long endless night of eating, sucking-up, drinking and dancing and because she was still attending in a professional capacity: work.
However, the room was beautiful. Every inch had been polished until it shone, from floors and windows to the enormous crystal chandelier and wall scones that held thousands of twinkling candles (how that was not a fire hazard she would never know), to the marble columns that lined the length of the room. The guests were dressed to the nines, eager to see and be seen at one of the more glamorous social events of the year.
Normally Donna would be mingling with the guests or staffing Josh, but as he had yet to arrive, she wasn't feeling in a mingling mood. Keeping her head down to try to limit the number of people she would be required to stop and acknowledge while they made small talk, Donna made her way over to a waiter to grab a flute of champagne.
She was almost at her destination when she heard her name being called by a vaguely familiar voice.
"Donna."
"Cliff, what a surprise!" Donna plastered a too-bright smile on her face and turned towards the man who unintentionally had turned her life upside down. She hadn't spoken to him since the day he had called her to meet him at the library.
"Yes, I guess it is. I'm not usually invited to these events." He smiled back at her, although his smile appeared to be genuine.
She paused, waiting for him to elaborate on his presence at the White House, but when he didn't offer any additional information she said, "It's nice to see you again."
"It's nice to see you too. You look quite lovely this evening," Cliff leaned in towards her.
"Thank you," she replied politely.
"Would you do me the honour of a dance?"
The unexpected invitation gave Donna pause. Should she be dancing with the man who only months ago had read her most personal thoughts? Who almost had her charged with perjury? She absently wondered if Emily Post had rules regarding this sort of thing.
"Oh, I, ah -" she stumbled.
"Donna! There you are," Margaret appeared out of nowhere and grabbed Donna's arm. "I ripped my dress and I need your help to repair the hem."
A wave of relief rushed through Donna. "Of course, Margaret." She offered Cliff what she hoped looked like a regretful smile, "Maybe we can dance later?"
"Sure."
Donna took Margaret's arm, and the red-haired woman starting chattering about how she had ripped her dress, something about Leo and shrimp. Donna wasn't sure because she was only half listening. Why did Cliff want to dance with her? They hadn't spoken in months. Usually when the man you're dating forces you to hand over your diary or else you'll be held in contempt of congress, it is sure fire way to end a relationship.
"Oh, look, your boss finally decided to show up. Leo's not going to be happy he was late."
Donna's heart skipped a beat, she turned around looking for Josh in the mass of people, but she couldn't seem to locate him. She turned back towards Margaret and gave a small yelp.
"Josh! Jesus you scared me. Where have you been? You should have been here an hour ago." Donna decided to focus her attention on his lack of punctuality until she could get her breathing under control.
"There was a thing on the hill that I couldn't get out of," he replied, never taking his eyes off of Donna. "Come dance with me?"
"What?" Donna blurted out, what's with everyone's sudden need to dance with her?
"Dance?" he repeated slowly, "I know I'm late but people still dance at these things right? They haven't forbidden dancing in the hour that I was late?"
"Umm, I can't, I have to go help Margaret fix her dress," she explained weakly.
"You don't mind if I have Donna for a while, do you Margaret?" Josh directed the question towards Leo's long time assistant.
"Not at all, in fact I think I see Ginger near the dessert table, she should be able to help." Margaret answered, while walking towards her fellow red head leaving Donna alone with Josh.
Donna stood still, feet planted on the floor, refusing to be led onto the dance floor. "I don't feel like dancing right now, Josh. I'm thirsty."
"I'll get you drunk later, come on."
Josh pulled her into the centre of the room, as he guided her across the floor, Donna saw Margaret standing next to Ginger, both of them offering a little nod of encouragement.
Desperate to lighten the mood, Donna asked, "So how's your thing?"
"My thing?" Josh asked with a smirk.
"Grow up, Josh. You said there was a thing on the hill and that was why you were late."
"Ah, that. Senator Mitchell would not shut up about the new highway bill," he paused slightly before continuing. "And then when I was on my way back I ran into Chris Wick, he, ah, had someone with him. Someone you know. Casey Reed."
Refusing to allow herself to be flustered, she asked calmly, "Oh, what did he say?"
"That you hadn't turned down his job offer yet, even though I thought we had discussed this already. You're not going anywhere."
"It wasn't a discussion Josh; a discussion involves two people expressing themselves in a calm and respectful manner. That was not what happened. What happened was you tried to placate me by giving me the job title I already have and basically laughed the job offer off."
"Well then, how about this? I don't think you should leave because this administration needs hardworking, caring people like you."
*Do you need me?* The question hung is the air unspoken. She wanted to ask him if he needed her, but was too afraid of the answer. He obviously needed her as his assistant, but as more? She wasn't sure. Months ago she knew the answer would have been no, there was empirical evidence to support that, but now after their kiss last night she wasn't sure.
"Okay," was the only word that left her mouth. She wasn't willing to make promises about staying at the White House to Josh because she still wasn't sure she would be able to keep them.
"Okay," he parroted back, also apparently unwilling to force a commitment from her either.
They continued to twirl around the ballroom, and Donna was thankful for the companionable silence that fell between them. She lost herself in the dance, in the sound of the music, in the sway of their bodies. She closed her eyes briefly, keenly aware of the feel of his hand placed gently around her waist, and the brush of his thighs against her own as they swirled across the floor. She opened her blue eyes to find brown ones staring back at her.
"I was hoping we could talk about something else."
A knot of anticipation formed immediately in her stomach. This time, she forced herself not to look away. If they were going to talk about the kiss, she wouldn't shy away from him like she had earlier that day in his office.
"Did you set-up that meeting with Senator Hobbes?"
Donna swallowed her disappointment.
Unaware of her thoughts Josh continued, "It's really important that I talk to him tonight."
"Yes, the meeting is set, after the dessert course he will meet you in the mural room."
He nodded, satisfied with her answer. Suddenly a flash of nervousness crossed his face; he opened his mouth to speak –
"Josh! Where the hell have you been?"
Leo came storming towards the dancing pair.
"I was -"
"You know what? I don't care. Did you arrange the Hobbes meeting?"
"Yes."
"Then what the hell are you doing dancing with Donna? Let's go."
Josh gave Donna what she thought was an apologetic smile and then took off into the crowd with Leo, leaving her standing alone on the dance floor while couples twirled around her.
If this wasn't symbolic of the relationship she had with Josh, she didn't know what was. Her alone, while he ran off to play politics with Leo to try and save the world. It was all too much. Last night she had been so determined to cut all personal ties with Josh; yet, one drunken kiss later and she was more confused than ever. She had to stop the power he had over her. She needed to think about the job offer, not in terms of how it would affect Josh or the administration but how it would affect her. She also needed to have a personal life that didn't include Josh Lyman.
And she needed to start tonight.
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The bar was busier than she thought it would be. It looked like most of the guests from the state dinner had made their way over to Wilson's for a night cap.
As she took a seat at the bar, she could almost hear her mother's disparaging words railing against the kind of woman who went to a bar to drink alone. A loose kind of woman that's who, her mother always said. Donna closed her eyes in an effort to block out her mother's voice echoing around her head. The bartender came over to take her drink order. She automatically went to order a whiskey sour but then changed her mind. New Donna equaled new drink.
"What can I get you?"
"I'll have a scotch."
Unknowingly Donna was being watched by another patron in bar. He saw the bartender return with the drink and Donna pay for it. When the bartender left, he leaned forward to watch as Donna lifted the glass and took a long whiff of alcohol. He couldn't see her face from his angle, but he saw her physically recoil with a single harsh cough, shaking her head as if to clear it.
"That's what you get for ordering whiskey without the sour."
Donna nearly dropped the glass. She turned towards him and he rose to join her at the bar.
He gave her credit for quickly recovering from her surprise. "Do you have a homing device attached to me somewhere that I don't know about? Like the way they microchip lost dogs?" She didn't wait for a response before she continued, "It doesn't matter, I'm done for the night, work is finished and I am here on my personal time now, Josh."
"I'm not here to drag you back to work," he stated simply.
"Good, do you think I could convince you to find your own table and pretend you never saw me?"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, what kind of a gentlemen would I be if I left a lady alone?"
"Do you really want to get into a conversation about the kind of man you are?" She asked unkindly with a small laugh. The question had come out sharper than what she had intended, but she refused to apologize and put herself on the defensive.
He leaned forward, lowering his voice, "I get the impression that you're pissed with me about something."
"I'm not," she bit off quickly.
He knew she was lying but he decided to let it go, the last thing he needed was to get into a fight in a public place with Donna.
"What are you doing here?" his words were quiet, and were delivered with warm sincerity in his brown eyes.
"I came for a drink."
"You could have come back to the office for a drink; if you wanted scotch we could have raided Toby's office. Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not safe for a woman to go out drinking alone? Someone might slip something in your drink or take advantage of you - "
"Take advantage of me, you mean, like for example unexpectedly kissing me in the middle of the night in front of their house?"
The harsh tone in her voice surprised him, she knew she was angry, he just didn't suspect it was about their kiss, "You're right, please accept my ap - "
"Don't you dare apologize," Donna voice shook as she interrupted him. "I'm not a child, Josh. I can make decisions about who I kiss for myself."
She stopped short, she had been upset at him all day for ignoring their kiss, but now, she couldn't stand to hear him talk about regretting it. In those moments last night, when his body had been pressed against hers, and his lips had been on her mouth, she had let herself feel loved and desired. She wasn't going to let him ruin it with an apology.
In the silence that fell between them, Donna finished the last of her drink. She could feel a trail of fire down her throat, "Now, that I have finished my drink I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow at work."
She stood and grabbed her purse off the bar, he stood with her. "I don't need a chaperone. I'm a big girl; I have been taking care of myself for a long time."
"Donna, I'm making sure you get home okay, so let's not fight it."
She refused to argue with him, refused to let him further ruin an evening that was supposed to be the beginning of her taking control of her life. She exited the room into the cool winter evening, knowing that Josh didn't take his car to work that day she looked up the street searching for a cab.
They had no problem getting a cab; he opened the door for her and slid in beside her. They travelled in silence until Donna yelled, "Wait, oh shit, I forget my shawl. We have to go back."
When Josh remained silent she asked, "Didn't you hear me?"
"I heard you."
"My shawl."
"I heard you," he repeated.
"But we have to go back, I can't return the dress without the shawl, I won't get my money back." She protested loudly.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter; I can't afford this dress, Josh. I have to take it back."
"I'll buy the damn dress."
"Josh, you can't do that..."
"Donna, I don't want to hear another word about your stolen dress or your lost shawl for the rest of the evening, can you do that please?" He asked frustration and irritation apparent in his voice.
"Okay," she said quietly. She was unsure when their roles had switched and Josh had gone from playful to angry with her.
After several minutes of silence, Donna tried again, offering what she hoped would be a conversational olive branch. "How was the meeting with Senator Hobbes?"
Josh turned his head words the cab driver and mouthed, 'not here', so whatever the meeting had entailed it wasn't for public consumption yet.
Donna looked out the window and realized that they had arrived at her apartment; she opened the door and leaned over to thank Josh for the ride when he surprised her by also exiting the car. He gave the driver some cash and then the cab pulled away, leaving them alone of the street.
"You just sent away your ride," she joked lightly, while a ball of nervousness was busy coiling itself in her stomach.
"There are other cabs in DC," he pointed out logically, "I want to talk about the Hobbes meeting."
"So you're inviting yourself up?" She said with a raised eyebrow.
"I guess so," he responded and walked by her, bouncing up the stairs to her building.
This night just keeps getting stranger, and stranger, she thought to herself.
TBC