Chapter Four

First Kiss

"You have to tell her eventually."

"She'll figure it out soon enough, even if you don't tell her."

"This is Lily, we're talking about. She's not going to care."

His friends' words came carefully floating back to him as he slowly started drifting back to consciousness. He felt short of breath, like he was trying to breathe through a straw. His entire body ached, his muscles screaming in agonizing protest with each miniscule movement. He let out a low, miserable moan that seemed to drag it's way up out of his dry throat.

"Easy, Moony," came a soothing voice. "Just hang in there. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will be here soon."

Confused, Remus squinted his eyes open. With an effort he blinked away the blurriness, bringing the familiarity of the Shrieking Shack into focus. Mercifully, a cloak had been draped modestly over him.

What really got his attention, though, was the three figures – one huddled over him and two others sitting back a ways – in the room with him. Ever since James, Sirius and Peter had become illegal Animagus in order to accompany him during his monthly transformation, they had always been gone before he woke up in the morning so as to not risk being caught by Madam Pomfrey.

"What…?" he murmured.

James started to reach out, as if he were going to touch his shoulder, but then seemed to think better of it. "We couldn't leave you just yet," he said, answering Remus' unasked question. "We wanted to make sure you were still with us when Madam Pomfrey gets here."

Remus' furrowed his brow, still confused. Then he took in James' appearance. He looked more ragged than he usually did. It was the first indication that something was off. There was blood on his sleeve. Remus found himself focusing on that. Whose blood was it?

Almost as if Remus had spoken his question out loud, James answered. "Don't worry about this," he said, making a dismissive gesture toward his arm. "It's just a scratch."

"The wolf was a bit… enthusiastic last night," came Sirius' voice, dry humor in his tone.

Drawn by the sound, Remus' eyes wandered to where he sat with Peter. As his gaze rested on his friend, his eyes widened in horror. Sirius was sitting with his back up against the wall, shirtless with his cloak draped over his shoulders. The reason he wasn't wearing a shirt became immediately obvious. He had the fabric balled up in one hand and was pressing it up against one side of his forehead. The white fabric of the dress shirt that was part of their school uniform was stained with blood.

"Sirius?" Remus croaked.

"It's not as bad as it looks, mate," Sirius assured him with a lopsided grin. "Head wounds always bleed a lot."

"Yeah, especially when they're gaping head wounds," Peter pointed out from where he sat next to him, eyeing him uncertainly.

Sirius waved a hand in dismissal.

"All joking and head wounds aside," James said, "you really do need to talk to Lily about your furry little problem before the next full moon, mate. The wolf was clearly agitated last night. You know that your stress translates to a more violent wolf."

"I'm sorry," Remus murmured, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling guilt spreading through him.

James frowned at him. "I just don't like seeing you put yourself through all this for nothing. Mark my words, Lily isn't going to care that you turn into a werewolf once a month. She'll take it in stride and you'll both be better off."

This had been the debate of the Marauders dorm for the past week: whether to tell Lily about Remus' "furry little problem." The two of them had been on several successful dates over the course of the past month, but Remus still felt terrified that he was going to ruin the whole thing when she found out what he was. The stress of this decision had clearly agitated the wolf last night and not only was he worse for the wear, but he had hurt one of his friends in the process. He knew that James was right. He knew he had to unburden his conscious before the next full moon. In any case, it wasn't fair to let Lily go along thinking that he was a perfectly normal, human boy when that was so far from reality.

Suddenly there was a noise coming from the other side of the room.

"We'll see you in a little bit," James said with a reassuring smile. Then he was on his feet, running over to Sirius in order to help Peter get him onto his feet and a second later the three had disappeared into another room.

Not half a second after they disappeared, Madam Pomfrey was climbing up through the trap door. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Remus," she said as she hustled over to him. "I was held up with another patient. Now let's see to you, shall we?"

Madam Pomfrey went about her usual routine of cataloguing his injuries. Remus let his mind drift, not caring to pay much attention. He knew from experience that it could have been a lot worse had his friends not been with him last night to try to keep him in check.

The matron patched up most of his smaller injuries there in the Shack before conjuring a stretcher and levitating him onto it. She would take care of the rest of his injuries back in the Hospital Wing. His shoulder and collar bone had both been shattered and he had several particularly deep scratches along his side that would need her supplies from the Wing in order to see to.

Only a few minutes after they arrived back in the Hospital Wing, James, Sirius and Peter showed up with a story about how Sirius fell out of bed and hit his head on his bedside table. Madam Pomfrey clearly didn't believe this story – which wasn't surprising considering the other Marauders hadn't even bothered to try and change into more believable sleepwear – but thankfully she didn't push the matter. She was used to the Marauders coming to her Wing under odd circumstances. Instead she set Sirius up in the bed next to Remus and pulled curtains around both beds, sealing them off from the rest of the Wing.

Sirius' injury was easy enough for the matron to take care of, but then she insisted that he stay in bed until she could determine whether or not he had a concussion. Remus' injuries took much longer to put right. By the time Madam Pomfrey was finished, Remus was exhausted and drifting in and out of consciousness.

The sound of soft voices floated around him, and he allowed these to comfort him as it was proof his friends were near. As he was coming back to consciousness an indeterminable amount of time later, a distinctly feminine voice reached his ears. At first he assumed that it was Madam Pomfrey. But soon he began to recognize the voice. His stomach fell as he pried his eyes open and looked around for the source. It didn't take him long to spot Lily Evans standing next to his bed, looking down at him with concern.

"Lily?" he said, shock in his voice. He did have every intention of telling her the truth about him, but not now, not like this. "Lily, I…" His mind couldn't come up with a coherent excuse for his current appearance.

"It's okay, Remus," Lily said with a smile. "I know I'm not supposed to be here, but when I didn't see Potter, Black and Peter at breakfast I got worried. I just had to make sure you were okay."

"I… I…" Remus stuttered, still trying to come up with some sort of explanation. "You see, what happened was…"

To Remus' surprise, Lily laughed lightly. "Take a deep breath, Remus. I already know."

"You… know?" Remus said. He shot an accusatory look at James and Peter, who sat between the two beds, and even Sirius would was now sitting up in his bed.

James held up his hands in a defensive manner. "Don't look at us, we didn't say anything."

Lily shook her head. "They didn't," she confirmed. "I figured it out on my own."

"How long have you known?" Remus asked.

Lily smiled sheepishly. "Since last year. We had that question about identifying werewolves on our O.W.L.s and it just… clicked."

Remus swallowed. "I… I'm sorry I never told you," he said in a small voice. "I was afraid of what you'd think of me."

Lily carefully perched on the edge of Remus' hospital bed, reaching over and gently taking his hand. "Remus, this changes nothing, I hope you know that. I've known all along what I was getting into. I just wanted to wait until you were ready to tell me."

And just like that, it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Maybe next time you could just put the poor bloke out of his misery," Sirius pointed out, though he looked far from cross at this development. "Save some innocent bystanders from getting on the wrong side of his pent up stress over the matter."

But Lily and Remus barely heard him. Remus was looking up into her stunningly green eyes, marveling at the idea that he was lucky enough to have a girl like her. Not only was she so beautiful it made his heart ache, but she was clearly sincere when she said his condition didn't change anything.

He gently tugged her toward him, and she happily obliged. She leaned over and very carefully, her lips met his, and the rest of the world seemed to melt away. He felt so terribly human in that moment. And he couldn't be happier.