Thank you so, so much for your support on this Fiction. I'm having a great time writing it but a lot of things are still up in the air, especially who if anyone Lexie will end up with. That being said, she does have some history with someone. I just haven't decided if that's going to be her future as well or if it will go a different route. In any case, there will be some resolution to the past between them and we will just have to see where that goes. Enough rambling, and onto::::

Chapter 4

"Missing the old times now?" Jax asked as I stumbled away from the pool table after wiping the floor with Tig and Bobby. I laughed and shrugged my shoulders, refusing to admit just how much I'd missed it. It wasn't just the booze and the party, there were parties everywhere. No, what I'd missed was my family, both blood and chosen. I'd missed knowing that Tig was going to say something inappropriate at any given time. I'd missed Bobby's booming laugh and the way his cheeks would blush like a little boy. I missed belonging without having to try.

"Can I ask you something?" I made my way around the bar as Jax nodded. I grabbed two glasses and poured a couple fingers of whiskey in each. "Do you know?"

"Know what, Lexie?" Jax seemed like he'd rather not answer the question, which told me he also knew what the question was. I slid one of the glasses over to him and climbed onto a stool. "Yeah, I know she's back. I saw her in the driveway one day when I was riding over to Bobby's."

"I guess that was awkward." I said, raising my brow as I took a drink. He laughed and shook his head. "Jax, you know she's back in town and you haven't spoken to her?"

"How do you know she's back, Lexie?" He turned the questioning back on me. I twisted my mouth and ran my thumb around the rim of the glass.

"We ran into each other at a work thing in Chicago. A, uhm, well a couple years ago. I've kind of been keeping in touch with her since then. Sorry." I felt like I'd betrayed him, the only brother I had left. He laughed and took my drink, finishing it off himself.

"You're drunk, Lexie. I don't care that you've been talking to Tara. She was your friend." He said with a sincere smile. I felt relieved and twisted my seat around to the left and right.

"I'm not drunk, Jackson Nathaniel Teller. The room is just a little blurry." I said with a sly smile. He laughed and grabbed the back of my seat, stopping my twisting abruptly.

"There's no way you're riding on my bike this drunk." He said, shaking his head. I stuck my bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout.

"Jax, come on. I don't want to stay here." I whined, squishing his face with my hands. He jerked my arms down and gave me as hard of a glare as he could muster before he started laughing. I sighed dramatically. "FINE!"

"Do you need me to tuck you in?" He asked sarcastically. I shot him a bird and muttered under my breath as I planted my boots on the floor carefully. "At least who isn't here?"

"What? Oh. Clay. He's home with Mom so I don't have to deal with him trying to parent me or some shit." I said, coming up with a lie quickly. I didn't even realize what I'd said before he questioned me. Jax didn't seem to suspect anything, thanks to my already rocky relationship with Clay, so he walked me to the small apartment-like dorm that he'd always stayed in before I left. Judging by all the stuff in the room, he was staying there again after leaving Wendy to. I turned back and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I've missed you."

"Love you too, little sister. Get some sleep. I'll let Mom know you're staying here." He said, pulling the door to as he walked back out towards the party that was starting to fade away. I ran my hand through my hair with a big yawn, aware of just how tired I really was now that I was away from the party. I climbed into the bed, wrapping my arms around one pillow and resting my head on the other. I laid there in the bed, looking around at all of the club memorabilia and listening to the unmistakable sound of someone hooking up down the hallway. I sighed and rolled over onto my back and stared at the American flag hanging above the bed. I closed my eyes, trying to block out the vision of Hank's casket. It had been covered in a pristine American flag. I knew it would have been given to me if I went to the burial; his mother probably received it in my absence. I bit my lip as tears escaped through my tightly closed eyes.

After a few hours of restless sleep, I gave up and fixed myself some coffee before heading up to the roof. The sun was just rising and the sky was a beautiful swirl of navy, purple, pink and orange. I felt a smile creep over my lips as I tried to remember the last time I'd actually watched a California sunrise. I'd seen plenty of sunsets but I was usually sound asleep at daybreak when I was growing up. It was more likely that I would have seen a sunrise while sneaking back into the house than after waking up early.

I took a deep breath and held it in for a moment, enjoying the silence around me. It would be another couple hours before the garage opened for business and probably another hour or two after that before the clubhouse started stirring. The garage was almost always staffed by prospects and non-members on Saturdays due to the hangovers and late starts that Friday night parties almost guaranteed. I finally let out my breath as my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I considered ignoring the call.

"Good morning, Martha." I said, setting my coffee down beside me. I heard what sounded like a single motorcycle in the distance.

"Morning? Come open the door, Alexis. Haven't you heard me knocking?" She sounded agitated and I could hear lawnmowers whirling in the background. Our neighbors always mowed on Saturday mornings, weather permitting.

"I'm not there. I came home for a little while." I regretted saying home no sooner than the word left my lips. It wasn't that I didn't consider Georgia home but that was before losing Hank. Hank was what made Georgia my home.

"Home? You are in California? Alexis, there are cousins and grandparents here. You just left? What am I supposed to tell them?" I turned my face up towards the sky and gathered my thoughts. I wanted to tell her what I really thought, that I didn't give a damn what she told them. I wanted to tell her that I was hurting to. I wanted to tell her that I left because I couldn't bear to be around anyone that reminded me of Hank or our life together. Instead, I dropped my head and bit my tongue.

"You can tell them I appreciate their support but I need to be alone. You can tell them whatever you need to, Martha. You're more than welcome to go inside if you need anything. I need to go." I knew she had a key and was probably already standing in our living room after hearing I wasn't there. The lawnmowers had seemed to quiet during our conversation. I ended the call before things could take a turn for the worse. The motorcycle that I'd heard in the distance was getting closer. I grabbed my coffee and walked towards the road, curious who would be riding in at this time of day. The bike crested the small hill up the road and the sun behind him made the scene look like some painting that Mom would have hanging on the wall. I stepped back when he got closer to the lot and sat back down with my coffee as he rolled through the gate before walking his bike back into line with the others. He didn't seem to notice me yet, so I turned my eyes back to the horizon that had faded to a light blue with subtle hints of purple.

"Did you sleep at all?" Jax yelled up to me from the parking lot. I stood up, surprised that I had been up on the roof so long, time seemed to have gotten away from me. The lot below was bustling with club members getting ready to head out somewhere. I shook my head and pushed my hair away from my face knowing I probably looked like hell with last night's outfit bed head. He shook his head with a smile and motioned towards the garage. "Mom's here so she can give you a ride home whenever."

I nodded and caught a glimpse of the rider of the bike at the end of the line looking up at me. He didn't move to come closer or say anything but neither did I. It wasn't the time or place. There was some history there that didn't need to be yelled to the rooftops. As soon as I saw him rolling in with the sunrise, I knew that we would have to talk before I left for Georgia. There was no avoiding it this time. When I had come home for Christmas with Hank that year, we'd exchanged a couple glances but never said more than quick hello's to one another and that had been the first time we'd talked since my sophomore year of college. Hopefully we could clear the air between us before I left. We made what I believed was eye contact as he rolled out after Tig, I couldn't be sure because of his dark sunglasses.

"Hey sweetheart. It looks like you were able to have some fun last night." Mom said as I walked into her office. I nodded, feeling a little ashamed in how drunk I'd gotten. I was paying for it with regret and a headache that hadn't eased any since I'd woken up. She motioned towards the water dispenser by the door that led out to the garage. "Trust me, it will help."

"I hope so. Coffee hasn't helped at all." I said, filling a paper cone with some water before sitting down. I sipped on the water as Mom gave one of the mechanics some hell about being behind on a repair that needed to be finished by the end of the day. She was as fierce as she'd always been. She was getting anything but soft with age.

"What do you want for dinner tomorrow?" I furrowed my brow, wondering what was talking about. "Lexie, it's the first time you've been home for a family dinner in years. What do you want?"

"I don't know, Mom. Spaghetti? I've missed your sauce." I said, knowing she would appreciate the compliment. She smiled and starting jotting down a list of what I assumed she needed from the grocery store. "Are you heading out soon?"

"Not for a couple hours, baby. Do you need something?" She asked, focusing on her paperwork again.

"I was wanting to go home and shower, maybe go see Tommy and Dad." I diverted my eyes away from her, not wanting to see the sadness that I already felt in my heart. I heard a cabinet drawer open and then the jingling of keys.

"Here, baby. It's parked around back, black Mustang. It was a tow that no one ever came looking for. Gas tank should be full." I took the keys and gave her a small smile, knowing she understood my need for some privacy. I was expecting to see a beat up, neglected clunker in the back lot but the Mustang was surprisingly well cared for. It was older but it was clean and ran strong, not that I ever doubted the mechanical soundness of it. I had to walk myself through driving a manual again but once I made it to the gate, it was like I never took a four year break from driving one. Atlanta traffic and manual transmissions just didn't go together so the Nissan Hank and I bought to replace my old Jeep was an automatic.

I tossed the keys and my bag on the table by the door before going down the hall for a shower in hopes that it would ease my body aches. I started the water and let it warm up as I stripped out of yesterday's outfit. I ran my hand over my only tattoo, a Celtic tree of life on my right side, and thought about Hank's reaction when he first learned I had a tattoo. He'd been blown away that my Mom hadn't thrown a fit when I got it done. His mother certainly had a lot to say about it when she saw it. Hank had invited me out on his parents' boat during our first July 4th together. I thought Martha's eyes were going to pop out of her skull when I took my bathing suit cover off to get into the water with Hank. My tattoo isn't small, I'd give her that but she commented on it all day. Years later, Hank told me that she had tried to talk him out of dating me for a month after that. He said that he told her I was the one and he didn't care if I had a tattoo on my forehead. We had barely been together a month. He had always been sure about us though, ever since our first date.

When I stepped out of the shower, my finger tips were wrinkled and the bathroom was full of steam. I toweled my hair and dried my skin before padding into my bedroom to find something to wear. For some reason, I wanted to look nice for Daddy and Tommy. I finally settled for a pair of dark jeans, a white, lace top and my leather jacket. I finished drying my hair, threw some clear mascara on and headed out to the cemetery that I used to visit at least once a month before I went to college. I thought about getting flowers on my way over but I knew neither Dad nor Tommy would have ever wanted them.

I spent a while at Tommy's grave, telling him how Mom and Jax were doing and then what I'd been up to since I visited him last time I was in Charming. I told him about the hospital and some of the surgeries I'd done, knowing how much he would have loved the gross ones. I promised to come see him again before I went to visit Dad's grave before the sun went down and the cemetery technically closed.

"Hey, Daddy. I'm sorry it's been a while since I came to visit." I said, running my hand over the top of the cool, marble headstone. I felt my breath catch in my throat and closed my eyes, wishing he was there to give me a hug and tell the most common lie a Daddy ever tells his little girl, that everything was going to be okay. "I graduated medical school, Daddy. I'm going into trauma surgery. I want to make a difference. It was hard, before I left there were two motorcycle wreck victims. The rider didn't make it to the hospital but his wife just had a couple broken bones. I told the woman about you. I like to think it helped her a little."

"Hank's gone now to. He was trying to save a family from a house fire and he got burned really bad. His buddy said that they'd been ordered out of the house but he could hear someone crying and he turned back to get them. The doctors don't even know how he managed to get the little boy to the door before collapsing. Everyone back in Georgia is calling him a hero. I guess he is but I can't help being mad at him. He was supposed to come home safe. I asked him to before every shift. He always promised and I was stupid enough to believe him. I'm so mad at him for leaving me." I was letting it all out, everything I'd been holding back, everything I'd felt too guilty to tell anyone else. "We were talking about having a baby in a couple years. We were going to name him Thomas if it was a little boy. Now I'm just alone. I'm just a widow who isn't allowed to be sad because my husband was some damn hero."

I heard a twig snap behind me and spun around, swiping at the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, trying to pull myself together. He took a step forward and tucked my hair behind my ear before pulling me into a hug. I pressed my cheek against his leather covered chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. He smelled like mint, smoke and leather just like he always had. "You didn't answer my question."

"Because you wouldn't like the answer." He said in the same, husky voice I'd known for years. I nodded and let myself stand in his arms for a few more moments. When I stepped back, his dark eyes were looking down at me with a softness I'd rarely seen from him. I dropped my eyes to the ground and looked away from him. "Lexie."

"Happy, I can't do this tonight." I said, turning back to meet his eyes before walking back to the car. "I'm sorry."