AUTHORS NOTE: Wow, I'm loving all these great reviews and favorites! Sorry about this chapter taking so long, but I couldn't use my computer! Also, I keep getting distracted, by wanting to write other stories! BUT, I promised myself I would finish this one first! : D soooo, here we are, another Emmett chapter! I love Emmet, and it's like his misfortunes write themselves! Well I hope you all love this chapter, and Pleeeaase keep up the reviews! And thanks again Bellarinaa for you amazing ideas! ILY BFF!
9 hours earlier…
Emmett ran out of the house screaming "GARBAGE TRUCK MAN!! WAIT! WAIT!" and ran down the road, in the trees so no humans could see him, following the garbage truck to the dump where he could get back Carlisle's and Esme's prized possessions. He watched as the truck dumped the contents, and then as soon as it drove away he began sifting through the disgusting contents.
"EMMETT!" he heard a voice screaming "MY PHONE! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU KILL MY CELL PHONE!?" Emmett gulped, he had forgotten about Jasper. He dumped another bag, just as Jasper arrived. Jasper began chasing Emmett around the garbage hills, and then picked up various sharp objects and began hurling them at Emmett's head. Emmet picked up a piece of wood and used it as a shield, and then at the same time both boys froze, because they realized that Jasper was throwing Esme's cutlery collection, and Emmett was using Carlisle's painting as a shield. "Oh shit," they both said in unison, and then continued with "Shit, Shit! SHIT!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I'M TELLING! NO YOU'RE NOT! IT'S YOUR FAULT, SO I'M TELLING!" and started wrestling in the smelly, dirty, nasty, yucky garbage. Then they both realized that they were wrestling in smelly, dirty, nasty, yucky garbage and Jasper exclaimed, "O.M.G! GROSS EMMETT! Now I'm all covered in garbage and my hair is messed up! And my clothes!"
Emmett rolled his eyes and replied "God Jasper, you are so gay."
"I am NOT gay Emmett" retorted Jasper
"You said O.M.G instead of Oh My God." Said Emmett "You are GAY!"
"I know you are but what am I?" Yelled Jasper
"I'M NOT GAY!" Yelled Emmett, furious at Jasper "DON'T EVER QUESTION MY MANHOOD!" "You arreee gaaayyy!" taunted Jasper.
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!
"AM NOT"
"ARE SO"
"NO!"
"YES!"
"NO!"
"Are not!"
"YES I AM"
"Hahahahaha! You just admitted it!" laughed Jasper, pointing at Emmett. "Emmett's gaaayyy! Emmett's gaaayyy!" "I am going to KILL YOU!" roared Emmett and began chasing Jasper. They ran down the roads, Japer frantically looking for some place where he could hide, to escape the wrath of Emmett. He saw the Mall, and ran through the doors closely followed by his brother, who was determined to follow through with his plan of revenge.
Inside the Mall, Jasper ran for the giant crowd of people, hoping to lose Emmett, but his plan backfired as Emmett's bulk had people moving out of his way, faster then Jasper could push them aside. Jasper saw an opening in the crowd and jumped through, but Emmet was on his heels, and tackled him, causing the two to fall into a summersault, and the two rolled through a Ring of Fire. Both boys jumped up screaming, because they had caught on fire, but the crowd laughed, thinking it was part of the fire tamer's act. More then likely that assumption was made because, usually when you catch on fire, you STOP, DROP, AND ROLL. Not run around screaming and trying to smack each other. At the same time, Emmett and Jasper saw the fountain, and began running towards it. With a splash they both jumped in, soaking themselves and anyone standing within 50 feet.
Sitting in the fountain, Emmett looked at Jasper, and began laughing because his shirt was so burnt it was falling apart. Jasper smacked him and said, "Shut up Emmett! This is all your fault!" "Nuh uh!" replied Emmett shaking his head. "Yeah huh!" yelled Jasper, "Catch me then, and prove it!" yelled Emmett, and with a satisfied laugh, he jumped out of the fountain and began running.
Emmett sat at the frozen yogurt stand, licking his Strawberry Rainbow Sprinkle Unicorn Sundae, thinking he'd lost Jasper. He got up and began walking, thinking he'd check out the crafts store before heading home, but as he walked through the doors, he suddenly stopped moving. "What the HELL?!" he yelled realizing that he was stuck in Super Sticky Glitter Glue. He fell backwards, and dumped his ice cream all over himself. "Jasper, get YOUR ASS back here and UNSTICK ME before I get out and beat the SHIT out of YOU!" he bellowed, receiving startled glances from parents with children, before they quickly pulled their child away. Many continued on to say "Now see, that's why I punish you when you act badly, I don't want you to turn out like that horrid man!"
Jasper jumped out from behind the door, laughing gleefully. "I got you Emmett! Hahaha!" "Jasper, I am going to kill you." Said Emmett dangerously "You made me drop my Strawberry Rainbow Sprinkle Unicorn Sundae!" Jasper started dancing, chanting "nah nah nah nah nah! You can't get me!" when suddenly he stopped, and realized that in during his happy dance he had accidentally stepped in his Super Sticky Glitter Glue trap. Jasper whimpered and said "Now Emmett, don't be too hasty!" Emmett growled and stood up, ready to pummel Jasper, when he realized that he felt more of a breeze then he should have on the lower half of his body. He looked backwards and saw that his pants had remained on the ground when he stood up, which meant that he was only standing there in his boxers. Unfortunately for him, they happened to be a pair Rosalie had bought, bright pink silk that said, "Sexy Man" all over them.
"Wow Emmett," snorted Jasper, trying to contain his laughter "Where did you get those lovely boxers?" Emmett reared back and then sank his fist into Jasper's gut, causing him to go flying, but his shoe remained behind. After all, it was Super Sticky Glitter Glue. Emmett pulled his feet out of his shoes and jumped out of the sticky mess, sticking his tongue of at a very dazed Jasper before running off.
Emmett ran as fast as he could without attracting attention, which was pretty hard considering he had no pants on. "Hey Sexy Man!" called a couple of high school girls, giggling as they walked past. Emmett looked around for a store where he would be able to purchase a pair of pants, but seeing no "Big and Tall" or "Mr. Big" stores, he was forced to make a purchase that would have him ridiculed for days at the Cullen household. With a resigned sigh, Emmett walked into Miss. Pretty for Big Girls.
Jasper sat on the mall bench, whistling, happy because he had just purchased a replacement phone for the one Emmett had so wonderfully crushed. Luckily for all the girls who passed by, he still hadn't replaced his shirt, and was completely oblivious to all the stares he was receiving, in admiration of his nicely sculpted chest. He got up, and began walking to the nearest exit, which was through the hardware store.
He walked down the aisle and was almost out the door when he realized noticed a color pallet posted by the exit. He looked and realized that the store carried the exact color that Alice wanted to paint her room with, so he walked to the paint aisle and was reaching for the can when he felt something drip on his head. Jasper looked up just in time to see yellow lemon paint come splashing down on his head. "W.T.F!" he yelled and turned around to face lime green come splashing out at him. Jasper tried to escape the oncoming attack of vibrant colors, but it was too much, and finally the floor became so covered in paint that he couldn't move without falling. Finally the paint stopped and Jasper looked up, wiping the paint out of his eyes. Out of the corner of his eye, Jasper saw a huge shadow moving away, and growled "Emmett, of course." He tried to get up to chase after him, but by the time he had managed to get out of the aisle, Emmett was long gone.
--
Emmett knew he was close, he could smell Jasper, but he couldn't see him. He crawled around the perfume display, and then rolled past the makeup counter to the rack of clothes, hiding. Crouched behind a clothing display, he knew that his body was visible, but all he cared about hiding were his hands, which, at the moment were creating a smoke bomb out of powdered eye shadow. Beside him was a sizable amount of other makeup products that he grabbed during his roll past the makeup counter, ready to be used to humiliate Jasper to the best of Emmett's abilities.
Jasper laughed silently, at his brother's feeble attempts to hide himself, thinking "Who in their right mind, would think that a man over 6 feet tall and weighing over 200 pounds, could hide behind a 3 foot clothing display? Well, I'll catch him by surprise." He looked around for something to use and then saw the makeup counter. Jasper crawled along on his stomach, and when he reached the counter he grabbed supplies, then once he returned to his base, behind the bench next to the change rooms, he began creating a plan to humiliate Emmett so badly, that no one would ever forget it
2 hours later…
Both brothers had completed their plans, and were waiting for the other to attack for the past hour, neither one wanted to jeopardize their plan by attacking first. Finally, because he had the patience of a 3-year-old child, Emmett attacked. He jumped up with a roar that would put a lion to shame, and threw a packet down on the ground sending powder up into the air, obstructing Jaspers view. Jasper looked around wildly, trying to predict the next move, when he was hit in the back of his head with something cold. He turned around to see Emmett aiming again with what looked like a giant missile launcher, but by the second glance he realized it was only lotion bottles.
"SPLAT!"
Jasper was hit full on, in the face, but he recovered faster then Emmett thought he would, flinging nail files like they were darts. As the smoke from Emmett's eye shadow bomb cleared, Jasper shrieked, and then fell down, laughing so hard that he began crying. "Y-you-re wearing a-a- SKIRT!" he snorted gleefully, rolling on the floor. Emmett jumped on him and began trying to stab him in the eyes with a mascara brush, yelling "THEY ONLY HAVE BIG AND TALL STORES FOR WOMEN HERE!" Jasper, who was trying to make Emmett eat lipstick, shoved it into his mouth during the middle of the rant, and Emmett jumped up spitting, then threw another eye shadow smoke bomb. Jasper stood up, trying to rub off the mascara, succeeding in giving himself raccoon eyes. Suddenly Emmett jumped on his back like a monkey, and began smashing his face between two containers of blush. Jasper threw him off, and looked in the mirror. Seeing that his cheeks were now "Very Berry Cherry Red Blush", he decided it was time for some revenge. With expert precision he shot fake eyelash glue at Emmett, gluing his eyes shut. Then he quickly dusted his eyes with "Midnight Sparkle Blue Eye Shadow" and was going to add more, but Emmett stopped that progress quickly, reaching out and grabbing Jasper in a headlock, while he unglued his eyelashes. Then he quickly put glitter and lip gloss on Jasper, and as he was adding the final touches he felt someone grab his ear, and saw Jasper's ear being grabbed as well.
The store manager, a little old lady, and probably about 50 years old pulled them both up. She looked sweet and kindly, but was marching them with the attitude of a Drill Sargent, and yelling about calling their parents with a voice to match. "Well! Neverin all my years of working here have I ever, EVER, seen such disgraceful behavior! Why you should be ashamed of yourselves! Why if my boys ever acted like you did, well I give them a whopping! Their asses would never be the same! Wouldn't be able to sit on them for a week, earliest! Why I have half a mind to put you boys over my knee and spank you myself! Teach you a lesson!" She reached a bench and pointed. "Now sit your fannies down, and if I hear so much as a peep form either one of you… Ohh-h-h-ooo!" and with a cackle that would have scared even Carlisle, she marched off with the fake phone number that the boys had given her.
Jasper and Emmett sat on the bench, waiting for her to come back. "What are we going to do?" Jasper whispered. "I have no clue- Wait a minute! I have no idea why I didn't think of it before!" exclaimed Emmett, "Cuz you're stupid! What is it?" asked Jasper, but before Emmett could reply, the woman marched up, shaking her fist. "Now, when I want to order Chinese food, I'll call Chin-Wang's China Train! What are your REAL phone numbers!?" "Power's!" Emmett whispered, and Jasper's eyes popped open, and he shook his head. Then the old lady stopped in mid sentence, and said "Awe, poor boysies! Did I scary-wary-ware you? Oops-a-diddles-lee-doodles! Now, off you go, but not before you let me give you a smoochie-woochie!" And after that surprising remark, she gave both boys a big slobbery kiss, and then waved to them as they walked out.
"Jasper, don't you think that was a little much?" Asked Emmett disgustedly, wiping off his mouth. "Well I panicked!" said Jasper defensively, "and I felt stupid for not thinking of it before!"
"Well you should have thought of it before!" yelled Emmett.
"Why do I always have to be the smart one?" Jasper yelled back.
"It's you power Dumb Ass!"
"So? And don't call me a Dumb Ass!"
"Why not? Who's gonna stop me?"
"I will! Uglyface!" and with that Jasper pushed Emmett into the fountain. "Oh yeah? Stupidhead!" said Emmett as he got out, and he pushed Jasper into the girls bathroom. As he heard shrieks and then what sounded like an old woman hitting Jasper with her purse, followed by one of those klaxon horns that paranoid old women carry around, to set off when they are being mugged. With a satisfied grin, Emmett went onto the second level, as he was running past the stores, he saw two familiar heads standing outside a hair saloon. He was about to stop and say hello, when he heard Jasper behind him, yelling obscenities. Instead he said, "Hey Bella, Hey Alice!" waving as he ran by. By then Jasper had pretty much caught up, but he stopped, kissed Alice on the cheek, and then roared "EMMETT CULLEN I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" then he took off
As the pair walked out of the saloon they saw Emmett run by soaking wet, barefoot, wearing a skirt, and covered with makeup. He was closely followed by Jasper, whose face was also covered with makeup, he was covered with various vibrant colors of paint, and missing his shirt and a shoe. "Hey Bella, Hey Alice!" gasped Emmett, waving as he ran by. Jasper skidded to a stop, gave his wife a kiss on the cheek, roared "EMMETT CULLEN I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!" and then chased after him, leaving his wife behind shaking her head.
Emmett kept running, and he reached the mall theme park, he ran into the Hall of Mirrors, hoping that he could lose Jasper, but he was right behind him. They both kept running, but then one after the other they smacked into a mirror, thinking it was a hallway. As they got up, they took a good look at each other and themselves in the mirrors, then fell down laughing. When they both had finally calmed down, Jasper said "Wow, that was hilarious, and you know Emmett, today was actually kind of fun." "You're right, it was fun," replied Emmett " You aren't that bad Jasper, you almost kept up with me! Maybe next time I'll let you in on one of my adventures!" "Sounds like a plan," said Jasper grinning "Now all we have to do is sneak home without anyone noticing us!" "You're looking at the master of not being noticed!" said Emmett, pointing at himself. "Yeah sure," said Jasper rolling his eyes "Nobody notices the guy so tall he has to duck to get through doorways!"
Emmett and Jasper stood outside the house, looking for the quickest way in. All the lights were out, so they didn't think anyone was home, but Emmett still wanted to be "throughout" and sneak in through the window. They climbed up the trellis, which barely supported their weight, and then in through the window to see Esme walking down the stairs. She gave them the once over and then asked in a concerned voice, "Why are you wearing makeup? You're both married, to women!" The boys looked at each other and then said in unison "It's a loooong story!" and then bolted upstairs. As they ran Jasper hissed, "I thought you were the "Master of Not Getting Noticed?!"