Disclaimer: I do not own Brothers and Sisters.

Warning: This fic is a love relationship between two males. It contains references to random, anonymous but consensual gay sex, HIV and AIDS status, homosexual slurs and strong language. If this makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I will not be offended if you don't.

A/N: For this chapter Saul's thoughts are in italics and Russell's in italic bold.

Chapter 3: Russell

Saul stood nervously in the seating area of La Bouna Cucina while waiting for Russell to arrive. He was standing because 1: he was too nervous to sit and 2: he thought no matter how well he was dressed, if he paced the area anymore, someone would think he was trying to rob the place. He was dressed in the outfit his niece and nephews had chosen. He at least felt confident in that. In his shirt pocket was a pretty, fresh blue orchid.

Nora had called him that morning to reassure him that meeting Russell was a great thing. He asked her if he should bring flowers. He thought it would seem like a nice gesture. Welcoming, calming- an icebreaker to say the least. She told him she thought Russell's favorite flower was a blue orchid. But she couldn't be sure. So Saul only bought one, just in case it was the wrong one. The flower was resting in his pocket for fear the fragile gift would wilt in the warmth of his nervous hands.

He wished that someone had had a current picture of Russell so he could recognize him when he walked through the door. But no one did. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to be pleasantly surprised then. Emphasis on pleasantly, he thought. Saul was facing the window looking out at the marina so he didn't see Russell enter the restaurant. Russell paused as he noticed a well-dressed man whose gray hair was turning white in places. He wore glasses and had a slightly worried look on his handsome face. He hoped that this lovely gentleman standing there was waiting for him. Here goes, he thought. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the window.

"Saul?" Russell asked softly. "Saul Holden?" Saul turned around to face the voice that called his name. As he did, he was nearly speechless at the sight of gorgeous man standing in front of him.

"Ye…Yes?" He stammered.

"Hi, I'm Russell Daniels." He said, extending his hand for Saul to shake. Saul shook his hand and was at a standstill for a moment. He was overwhelmed at the sight of this African-American man. He looked as if he could have been Broadway star Brian Stokes Mitchell's twin brother. His skin was flawless, glowing and the color of honey. His soft, curly black hair was graying a little at the temples. Beautiful brown eyes smiled at him. The extended hand was attached to an arm that was attached to broad shoulders. The baritone voice, distinct and not booming was delightful to Saul's ears.

"Hi…uh…I'm…Sa… Saul Holden." Why am I stuttering? What is wrong with me? Saul smiled and then realized that he was still holding on to Russell's hand. He embarrassingly but disappointingly, let go. "I'm sorry for stuttering and staring. I'm not usually like that. It's just…it's just when my family said you were attractive, they didn't say how much." Pleasantly surprised indeed.

"Same here. Scotty described you as handsome and everyone else said you were cute. I'm so glad that their words don't even come close to the vision before my eyes right now." Saul could feel himself blush under his beard. He looked down smiling and remembered the flower in his pocket.

"Oh, this is for you. Nora thought it was your favorite but she couldn't remember." He handed him the orchid and noticed that he had a purple peony in his pocket.

"It most certainly is. Thank you. That sister of yours is something else, isn't she?" He said, shaking his head at disbelief in Nora's antics. He replaced Saul's welcome gift in his shirt pocket with the orchid. "This," he said, sliding the peony in Saul's shirt pocket "is for you."

"My favorite. Thank you, it's beautiful. She got us both huh?" They chuckled a bit. "I forgot to even ask how you were doing today."

"Much better now that we've met."He replied, smiling lovingly.

"Me too." Russell couldn't help but notice the gentleness emanating from Saul's voice. His demeanor was so intelligent, shy, sexy and strong all at the same time. Saul's lips were a little pouty and so kissable and Russell loved the way he was dressed. This man was more than handsome, he was positively beautiful! Now I'm the one who's staring, Russell thought.

"Shall we see if our table is ready?" Russell asked, offering his arm for Saul to take so he could be escorted to their table.

"Yes." He said proudly taking Russell's offer.

The host showed them to their table outside on the patio. The ceiling fans above assisted the gentle breezes floating from the marina. Their waitress immediately came to the table and offered them the wine list as she filled their water glasses.

"Saul?"

"Oh, no wine for me thanks. It has a weird reaction to some of the medicine I'm taking right now. I don't mind if you do."

"Well, I don't want to drink alone so maybe I'll have a sweet tea?"

"Sounds great; make it two please." The waitress replaced their wine list with the food menu and proceeded with the daily specials. She left to get the house salad, tea and bread for the table.

"Have you been here before?' Saul asked, scanning the menu.

"No, first time. You?"

"No, but Kevin and Scotty have. I was trying to remember what they said they had." He thought a few seconds. "Oh well, it's not coming to me. What do you think you want to try?"

"I think the Chicken Milanese sound good. So does the Chicken Marsala. What about you?"

"I'm between the Chicken Cranberry Risotto and the Beef and Mushroom Risotto. When Scotty and I were researching risottos for the restaurant, there were so many recipes that we came across but we just didn't like them. We even tried some from other places."

"So what did you decide on?"

"We have a seafood, plain mushroom, and creamy chicken. Three types of lemon- plain, chicken and shrimp."

"Sounds good. I'll have to try it out one day."

"Wednesday evenings are a good time. I mean we have customers but it's not a waiting room like on other days."Saul went back to his menu and Russell couldn't take his eyes off him. The waitress bringing their drinks, bread and salad interrupted his view. The garlic aroma tickled their noses.

"I hope the garlic taste isn't as strong as it smells. I like it but too much isn't good for conversations."Russell commented.

"It's not good for kissing either. But it's very good for the heart. Justin says if both parties eat garlic then it cancels out. His medical opinion, I guess. I don't know." He mentioned kissing. Hmm, interesting. Wait, am I blushing? I never blush. The waitress asked for their orders. Saul ordered the Beef and Mushroom Risotto and Russell the Chicken Marsala. As she took the menus, Saul noticed that Russell was staring and that he quickly averted his eyes.

"Russell, are you ok?"

"Yes. I was always told it was impolite to stare, but I can't help it. I can't stop staring at you. You have a very lovely smile." Saul smiled and blushed again.

"Thank you."

"So how is it that you aren't in a relationship right now? I can't see any man in his right mind resisting you, not wanting to get to know you."

"Ah, now there's an explanation I haven't thought of. Men not in their right minds. Well, it's a long story actually. Not sure it's entirely appropriate for a first date though."

"I'm a great listener." Russell replied. Just then, Saul's reminder alarm on his phone vibrated that it was time to take his meds. He took his small travel pill bottle out of his pocket and took his meds with a few sips of water. He would have preferred to take them with the tea, but they work best with milk or water. He also would have preferred to take them when Russell wasn't looking. "If your sinuses are bothering you we could have gotten a table inside." Russell said, thinking that it was the reason Saul didn't want any wine.

"Oh, no my sinuses are fine." Ok, maybe I should just get it over with. He's gonna know eventually. He sighed. "Um…I don't know if Scotty or Nora told you this, but uh…few months ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. And the medicine regiment I'm on right now doesn't allow for alcohol. I think in a month or so, I can have two glasses of wine a week." Saul held his breath, trying to read Russell's face. Maybe he will finish the date just to be polite. Maybe he won't call. Maybe he'll get upset with everyone for setting him up with someone who is HIV positive. Without realizing it, Saul was nervously tapping his fingers on the table. Russell reached out, took Saul's worried hands in his own, and stilled them.

"Are you taking care of yourself?" He asked with serious compassion in his voice, face and heart.

"Yes. I'm finding easier ways to remind myself to take my meds. They don't make me so nauseous anymore. Eating a snack or meal helps a lot too."

"Good." He replied, holding Saul's hands a little tighter. "Because I don't want you getting sick before you learn to live with it well. Or before we get to know each other." It was then Saul noticed that his hands were in Russell's.

"This doesn't scare you away?"

"No. Should it?" Saul shrugged.

"I…I…don't know. I didn't know how you would feel about it."

"It doesn't bother me as long as you are taking care of yourself. If you're not then you and I will have a problem." Saul smiled.

"OK. I really didn't plan to talk about this on the first date though."

"I don't mind. It's a part of who you are, your reality. And we are supposed to be getting to know one another right?"

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

"I'm glad you told me though. It means you trust me to know the biggest thing in your life right now."

"Your status?"

"Negative. I get tested every three months. Before every semester, we have to submit a physical report. I'm all set for the fall semester." He could see the concern in Saul's face. He brought Saul's hands to his lips and kissed them in reassurance. "It's gonna take a lot more than HIV to scare me away from getting to know you." Saul smiled a little. "And if it's for us to cross those bridges, we will when we get to them, ok?" Saul's cheeks pinked a little at the fact that Russell knew he was already thinking about future intimacies and safety precautions. "Now how about some salad before our food arrives?"

"Sure." He replied, as he took the plate of salad Russell offered.

As they were eating the salad, Russell wondered how Saul became HIV positive. He wondered if it was a former lover, crazy lifestyle, horrible accident. But he couldn't see Saul making one night stands a regular part of his life; he was going to reject that line of thinking until Saul proved it to him. Maybe Saul would tell him what happened, one day.

"I used to hate first dates because they were such a question and answer chore. But I've grown to appreciate them because I'm learning how to be better at it." Saul stated.

"And how else are you going to get to know the person if you don't ask?"

"Right. So let me ask you this. How is it that you know a big chunk of my family and we've never met?" Russell chuckled.

"Our paths have crossed, but I don't think we were ever introduced to each other. And we were probably in relationships, so there may not have been a reason for us to meet. I do remember seeing you at William's funeral though. You were sitting with Nora, trying to comfort her."

"You must have come to the house while I wasn't there. I definitely would have remembered you."Saul stated.

"I probably did."

"I wonder where else we were together and didn't know each other."

"I was at Robert and Kitty's wedding. I've been to several parties at Ojai. I've been to charity events hosted by Nora and Ojai. I've even played a few of them. Quite a few actually. I was at Kevin and Scotty's wedding."

"Really?" He was shocked. "How did I miss you there?"

"There were a lot of gay men there."

"Yeah, but none that looked like you." Russell smiled at the compliment.

"You were probably running around being the father figure for Kevin."

"Probably. Did you meet Kitty or Robert first?"

"Actually, I met Robert's brother Jason. I quickly discovered that a friendship would work better for us. He introduced me to Robert while he was campaigning. Robert needed some background music for TV and radio commercials. He didn't want to pay extra money for the music licenses. So I wrote a few little jazz ditties and recorded the tracks in my home studio."

"That was you?"

"Yep. He liked my playing so much that sometimes he would hire the band I had at the time to play functions, fundraisers mostly. Kitty would come and talk with us or sit with us when she got tired of listening to all the politicians. I remained friends with them. Jason, not so much."

"I didn't date Jason but Scotty did and from what I understand it made the relationship he was trying to start with Kevin a little rocky."

"He and I fell out a few years ago. He wasn't a very trustworthy person. He did some terrible, disrespectful things regarding some close friends of mine and I felt I didn't need him in my life."

"We rarely see him and I'm not even sure Robert trusts him that much anymore either." Just then, the waitress brought their orders and refilled their tea glasses. Russell tried his Chicken Marsala and offered some to Saul to try.

"I met William and Nora a long time ago. I think it was 1980. I was playing with a jazz band that was hired to pay an Ojai Christmas Party. I had been out of grad school for a year and was a working musician. I was really trying to decide if I wanted a doctorate degree. I had a teaching degree but I didn't go right into teaching. I guess I wasn't really ready."

"So why get a teaching degree?" Saul asked, enjoying his risotto.

"Because it's a noble profession and so many of my family members were educators. I felt like I had to. At least I could choose what I wanted to study. I meet the Superintendent of the Pasadena City Schools at that party and he told me of a summer jazz camp program that they had received a grant for but didn't have enough to get a big name jazz celebrity to be an artist in residence. He liked my playing and asked if I wanted to be a part. I said yes. That was summer of '81. Ojai was a private funder. They provided food for the camp, lots of fruit.

Nora came once a week. Usually on Sundays and sometimes all five kids would be in tow. We had concerts on Sunday afternoons. The parents were invited to come and listen to their children's progress. I wonder if the program is still going on."

"When did you last work with it?"

"1991 I think. '92 was the summer I spent playing jazz in Italy."

"You've been to Italy? I hear it's such a beautiful country."

"You worked for a wine company and you've never been to Italy? Oh Saul, you'll have to go. I saw so many breathtaking places, met some amazing people, and had some awesome food. One of the best experiences in my life."

"I've always wanted to go."

"Maybe we'll go sometime." We? Did he just say "we"? Saul felt butterflies in releasing his heart. This date was going better than he thought.

"You've known all of my nieces and nephews pretty much all of their lives, huh?"

"I guess so. Well, only Justin was a baby. I think Sarah and Kitty were teens then. Before the end of the summer, the superintendent hired me as a high school band director. I was in charge of the jazz band, spring symphonic band and teaching music theory. I enjoyed working with the kids. But after 10 years, I wanted to teach on a college level. So I applied to University of Southern California Los Angeles. I was applying to be a class piano professor but after they saw my doctorate and jazz experience they offered me the Professor of Jazz Piano position that wasn't even posted yet. I've been there ever since."

"You really like it?"

"Wouldn't trade it for the world. I get to be around jazz everyday- playing, teaching, listening. Our chair of department is retiring after the spring semester and I hear I may be up for the promotion."

"Sounds awesome."

"I know it looks good on the resume and it's an impressive conversation starter, but I don't think I'd have much time to teach. I prefer playing to paperwork. So I'll have to think carefully if it's offered to me."

"I can understand."

"Did you enjoy working at Ojai?"

"For the most part." He said taking a sip of his tea. "I wish we didn't have to close it but eventually it was unavoidable. I had been away from it for a while, but it was my life. You know they said you should never work with family, but we seemed to all be ok. Sure, we argued but we didn't fall apart. The hardest time besides closing it was all the mess with Tommy." Russell nodded.

"I wonder how come I never saw you when I was there. Was you office near Sarah's?"

"No, closer to William's. When were you there?"

"Sarah always asked if I could provide music for the ads. Sometimes she won out during arguments with the ad department and I would get to provide music from my studio. That's one of the reasons I still got to play there, band or no band. She was always trying to convince them that I was a less expensive but more quality alternative." Saul laughed at that.

"We probably passed each other in the halls. Just like we have been all along."

"Probably so." Russell replied.

They continued their lunch, laughing and talking about all the times they were probably in the same room and never paid attention to each other. Their waitress noticed that they were finished and she brought out one of the restaurant's famous desserts, Chiedo Lampone. Translation- raspberry wonder.

"Excuse me Miss, we didn't order this." Saul said. The waitress placed a note on the table.

"Courtesy of the couple sitting just inside the window." She said. Russell looked at the note.

"Let's see what it says. 'Nice to see two of our favorite people about to fall in love. Enjoy dessert and each other. Tomas and Carlos Rojas.'"

"Do you know a Tomas and Carlos Rojas?"

"Yes, they own the Gallery on the Lane."

"Yeah, on Ocean Foot Hills." Russell nodded. "This Disney song used to get on my nerves but it's proving true for us, it's a small world after all." They both laughed. Saul turned to find the two men sitting in the window and he and Russell waved in thanks. The couple nodded that they were welcome. So, they see something we haven't discovered yet. Very interesting. It was so unexpected. Saul handed Russell a spoon.

"Shall we?" They each tasted a spoonful of the dessert. The outside was a sweet but not too sweet puff pastry creation. Raspberries surrounded the base of the pastry. Those that spilled from the top were swimming in a sweet, smooth raspberry vanilla sauce. The dessert was dusted in powdered sugar. Underneath they assumed that it was filled with whipped cream or custard of some kind.

"Oh my god. Is that white chocolate I taste?" Russell asked. Saul nodded.

"Mmm, oh yes mixed with the raspberry sauce, a little caramel and toffee."

"This is too thick to be custard or cream." Saul tasted again and knew the familiar taste. "I can't quite place it."

"Cheesecake. White chocolate and toffee caramel cheesecake topped with sweet raspberries. This is beyond genius." He said, cherishing the flavor. "I'm gonna have to play around with this recipe and see if I can recreate it."

"This is amazing. I've never had anything so good." Each spoonful was just as delicious as the first. Their faces fell in disappointment as they finished the awesome dessert. Saul sipped his water to cut some of the lingering sweetness. Soon the waitress came back to check on them. Russell asked for the bill and reached in his pocket for his wallet.

"Oh no sir. Your lunch has been taken care of."

"Really?" Saul asked.

"First we get free dessert and now free lunch. Who paid for it?" Russell inquired.

"I believe the gentlemen who made the reservations."

"Gentlemen. More than one?"Saul asked.

"Yes sir. There were two of them. They requested that I be your waitress for today." They looked at each other and said together,

"Kevin and Scotty."

"Well can you at least show us the bill so we can leave a proper tip? You've been most excellent." Russell asked.

"No, sir my tip has already been taken care of. Nothing for you two to do but enjoy your lunch."

"We did, thank you."

"Shall I refresh your tea or water?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine." Saul stated.

"So am I am."

"If you need anything else, please let me know." She smiled and continued to her other tables.

"What shall we do now? I'm not ready to go back home yet. I'm enjoying myself too much." Saul said.

"How about a stroll in the park? It's just down the street. We can drive down there and walk to the docks, maybe sit under a shady tree." Russell suggested.

"I think that's a great idea. I want to go to the men's room first."

"So do I."

Saul stood in front of his car as he waited for Russell to find a parking place. The breezes were still pleasant but he was getting warm so he rolled up his sleeves a little. As Russell approached where he was standing, he noticed that they both still had their flowers in their shirt pockets. Saul didn't want his to wilt in the car before he got it home. He was guessing Russell felt the same.

"I'm so glad it's a nice day out." Russell said.

"Me too. I never liked heavy summer rain storms." The men observed the other people enjoying the park that day. There were several afternoon boat parties going on. Children playing, families on picnics, couples walking hand in hand.

"Which dock shall we walk to?" Saul looked around at the three docks.

"Down to the right?" Russell nodded in agreement and they started walking. As they started, their hands bumped and without thinking about it, one set of fingers sought the other and held on. Russell glanced at Saul to see if holding hands was ok and Saul's smile told him it was. They walked to the dock talking about anything and everything. They were observing people and talked of possibly making plans to attend the fireworks spectacular on July 4th.

"I've never seen it."

"Oh you have to. There really isn't a bad place to see them here. We watched from the parking lot one year. That was about as far as we got in the park. But the best way to see them is by boat, dock, or the picnic area further down there." He said pointing to his right.

"Well, I'm not playing with the symphony this 4th so we should definitely make plans to be here." He leaned his back against the railings of the wooden dock, rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie. "It's warmer than I thought it would be."

"It's just the sun." Saul said, leaning the opposite direction on the railings so he could see the boats and small yachts on the water. "Maybe I'll have enough money for a boat one day."

"You really want one?" Russell asked. He turned to see what Saul was looking at.

"Doesn't everybody?" He chuckled. "It's a status thing I guess. I'd probably have to hire a driver. I don't really want to drive, I just want to be on it."

"Maybe you should rent one and see what you think."

"Maybe."

Saul loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. Kevin and Scotty would probably have a fit if they saw him do this. The warmth of the sun and the breeze extended the scent of Saul's cologne. If he and Russell had hugged then he would have been able to smell it. But now he could. Russell leaned a little closer and took a deep breath, cherishing the scent. Saul felt the presence and looked to his left, smiling. He wasn't sure what he was feeling but he liked it. He liked being that close to Russell. I guess feels the same. I wonder what he's thinking.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Saul asked.

"I was just admiring the scent of your cologne."

"Right. You must be thinking about more than that."

"Busted." He chuckled. "Ok, if you really want to know..."

"I do." Saul said, turning to face him.

"I was just wondering what kind of man you want and need in your life."

"I keep wondering that myself. I've never really been in a relationship before so I'm not sure. Kevin and Scotty made me make of list of likes and dislikes but I'm not sure if that's the same thing."

"So, there is a part of this conversation that is probably part of what you thought was inappropriate for a first date huh?" Saul winced.

"Yeah. But you need to know. It's a lot to take in at one time though. I can tell you that I've never had a boyfriend before. I've dated, tried to date, but never had a relationship with a man." This really caught Russell's attention.

"May I ask why?"Saul shrugged, trying to think of a good answer.

"Lots of reasons. I didn't always lead the life of man who wanted to be loved. I mean deep down I did, but my actions didn't show it and being HIV positive has shown me that I basically wasted lot of time. I'm just hoping that it's not too late for me to find love. Prince Charming probably has Alzheimer's and forgot all about me."

"If there is a Prince Charming for you, who is he? What do you need him to be for you right now? Not you a few years ago, but you right now and in the future." Saul thought about what he had told his family.

"I need him to be patient. I've been through a lot of changes in the past few months and I know there are more to come. I need him to be patient and flexible. I need him to be kind, caring, loving, and a gentleman. He has to be respectful. A compassionate man. Intelligent, open-minded." As he spoke, Russell got the feeling that Saul had been hurt and that he hurt himself most of all.

"Is that all?" He asked, taking Saul's hand in his.

"I mean I could always add good looking, great kisser and great in bed but that kind of got me in the situation I'm in." He meant it as a joke, but regretted it as soon as he said. He didn't want to talk about his past so soon. And it showed on his face. He turned his face as tears welled up in his eyes. He had just realized that about his life and had yet to forgive himself.

"Saul?" Russell spoke softly, trying to get Saul to look at him again. "Is this how you became positive?" He nodded as the tears silently fell and his stomach started to knot.

"I used to sleep around a lot and had a lot of one night stands. Many unprotected. I was young and stupid and now I'm paying for it. I've just recently come to terms with it." He said softly through his tears. "I'm still trying to forgive myself for my actions. Much easier said than done." He sighed and thought. "You know, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I'm not as ready to date as I thought. I'm sorry Russell." He turned to leave but Russell was still holding his hand.

"Saul, wait. Please look at me." He pleaded. "I meant what I said a while ago. You being HIV positive doesn't scare me off. Neither does your past. Everything in our past had made us who we are now and our present determines our future." He stepped closer to Saul, putting his hands on Saul's waist. "And here's another Disney analogy for you. Remember when Rafiki hit Simba on the head with his stick?" Saul nodded. "He asked Rafiki why did he hit him and he replied, doesn't matter, it's in the past. You can either run from your past or learn from it. And when Rafiki swung again, Simba ducked. He learned from it." He turned Saul around so that he was facing him. "You've been running long enough. You are finally brave enough to want something different in your life. So stop running and accept this new thing."

Russell brought his hands up to Saul's face and slowly began to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Brown compassionate eyes met teary brown sad ones behind glass. How can I reassure him that I'm ok with who he is now? To help him forget the hurtful past and encourage a wonderful future? Suddenly he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Saul's, capturing the bottom one as they kissed. Saul pulled away surprised and not sure what to think. Russell moved his hands from Saul's face to let them rest on his waist. He kissed me! Oh my god, he kissed me!

Saul wanted to say something, tried to say something but couldn't. So he did the only thing he could think of to do: kiss Russell back. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Russell's. As his eyes closed, he felt himself being pulled closer to the man as their kiss deepened. Tongues asked for permission and it was granted. This kiss was sensual and yearning yet filled with understanding and compassion. Saul had never felt this way before. His heart was fluttering and his stomach began to unknot. Through Russell's embrace, he could tell that he was serious about what he said, how he felt. Saul's past did not matter to him; only the present and what they could do to shape their future.

Russell reluctantly pulled away for air and looked at Saul. He was still at a loss for words. All he could do was rest his head on Russell's shoulder and embrace him. Russell didn't mind the embrace, he welcomed it. I hope he understands just how serious I am. My heart feels a connection to him that I've never felt with any other man, no matter how long we were together. What is it? Is this love and first sight?

A/N2: I don't know if this dessert is a real dessert. It just sounded good as I was writing this. The name is Italian for raspberry wonder, according to Google Translator anyway. If you speak Italian and know otherwise, please let me know and I will change it. However, if I can find a real recipe like this or even close, I will let you know.