Chapter 4: There she goes
Tokyo, December 2007
Azusa joined the two at the hospital on the second day, who exploded at them for not informing her sooner, but her outburst was understandable, and they could only meekly apologise. On the third day, Mugi left without warning to find Ritsu, and on the fourth, it was Yui's turn, while Mugi disappeared to fetch Sawako, Nodoka and a few closer friends, she would have involve more people but Mio had specifically told that she would rather not bother as many people as possible.
Alone with Mio was a nerve racking experience for Azusa, it was not just the imposing sight of the splint that enveloped Mio's right hand and the bandages and plasters on various parts of her face, but also the smile Mio always carried. Mio was hurt, far more than Azusa initially thought, but the pain came not from the injured fingers but from the heart, hiding it with a smile that was an obvious lie. When the doctor who identified himself as just 'Isshi' came to brief Mio and her friends on her status, Mio did not cringe on the sight on the x-ray slides, nor wince on hearing broken tendons and ruptured blood vessels, and would listen patiently and asked the right questions, acting as if the one injured was not herself. The doctor must have saw through her act, when Azusa excused herself to get a juice, the doctor caught her outside in the corridor, and asked if Mio always acted like that.
After telling the doctor that was certainly not the usual Mio, Azusa took this opportunity to ask her own question, the question she had no chance to ask Mugi or Yui, the question she could not ask him when Mio was around, "Isshi-sensei, will she be able to continue playing guitar?"
The doctor was obviously not familiar with musical instruments, as he had to hold an invisible air guitar just to visualise it, and it was only after Azusa reminded him that Mio was left-handed that he switched hands and played some invisible strings with his right hand. Putting his hands down, he glanced down to look at the worried Azusa in the eyes, and after some consideration, he said, "That would depend on Akiyama-san's determination, and her therapy she has to go through. As mentioned, she has torn flexor tendons on all her fingers except for the thumb, and recovery from that can be challenging, and hard to say at this point of time. Though full recovery is possible from past cases, there are some patients who despite intensive therapy still experience numbness, the lost of flexibility, or the inability to perform more delicate action."
The doctor remained where he was, patiently waiting for any further questions from the girl who had obviously lost herself in her own thoughts, just when he figured there were no other questions to be answered, Azusa looked up and asked, "Does she know?"
"She didn't mention anything about playing music, but she did ask about the chance of full recovery, and I told her the same thing."
The answer did not make life easier for Azusa, after the break, she returned to the stool by Mio's bed, to witness the lying smile again, just what was she smiling for?
'Does Mio-senpai knows that she's just hurting the people around her?'
Picking up the TV magazine which they had been reading together before Isshi's visit, Azusa opened it up to the pages where they were before the interruption, and spread the pages across Mio's laps. Together, they discussed the articles, and commented on the celebrities, everything returned to normal until Azusa caught a peek as to what the next page was offering. She could not be sure, but she spied a guitar, her mind recognised it as a taboo topic, but her hand was not registering her command to stop, and was already flipping the page over, she quickly forced herself to flick back to the previous page before the full picture was shown, but was caught by Mio's left hand.
"Please don't do that," Mio said casually while gently lifting Azusa's hand from the magazine, then smoothened the pages so that the picture of a singer posing with a guitar was revealed. "You don't have to do that for me, Azusa. I'm okay."
It was not okay for Azusa; it was true that Azusa admired Mio for her maturity and beauty, but this was certainly not the same Mio Azusa fell in love with, this new Mio was anything but mature, like a stubborn brat who refused to admit she was wrong. Ignoring the magazine, she got up and sat next to Mio on the bed, knowing the position she imposed on the injured Mio whom had one hand strapped onto the stand to elevate it would be uncomfortable, she cuddled Mio and buried her own face in Mio's hair. She selfishly hoped that Mio would complain about the pain, but nothing came, only Mio's free hand that stroked her own black hair. Azusa knew tears were coming out, and nothing could stop them.
"Mio-senpai… Please stop smiling like that…" Azusa mustered between the muted sobs.
"Azusa…"
Azusa could not see it, but she knew Mio was smiling.
"Please cry for no one but yourself, please be the old Mio-senpai! Please forgive Ritsu-senpai!" Azusa pushed herself back up and yelled, and what she saw surprised her. Mio was indeed smiling, but her eyes were also wet. "Mio-senpai…"
"I should be the one apologising."
"Mio-senpai…?"
"I'm not blind and deaf, I know Ritsu has not been visiting me, and I know why. I was conscious before the surgery, and I said many mean things to Ritsu, all of which I regret now. I know that there was no one to blame for the accident no one could prevent, it was a matter of luck, and I merely received the short end of the stick. When I was thrown off the bike, I subconsciously tried to cushion the fall with my hands, odds were that the angle and the force were against me. My fingers touched the ground first, but the impact propelled me further and over, and the weight caused my fingers to bend further than they should. But I blamed her for everything, I said I hate her, I said I don't want to see her ever again, and now it's coming true, she's not coming back."
Azusa was speechless, somehow this felt like a confession, and she did not know how she should respond or whether to say anything at all.
"Azusa, my weak self chased Ritsu away, if I can show Ritsu that I've recovered, that I can play my bass guitar again, then she will know that she has no reason to hate herself, that she has no reason to hate me."
Mio was not angry at Ritsu, only at herself. No one was innocent; there were only degrees of responsibility.
x
Sapporo, January 2013
The intercom announced that the plane would be landing in ten minutes, and reminded the passengers to have their seatbelts fastened. Unlike the middle school teacher who was fast asleep on their local flight from the main island of Honshu to their destination, Hokkaido, Nakono Azusa who was sitting beside Yui was very much awake. It had been a few days since Yui's initial call to Azusa, and after a long lengthy lecture about keeping secret, Azusa moved on to educate her friend that Hokkaido was another island, and what they needed were air tickets, not a land vehicle. The discussion soon involved Mugi, who should have joined them in this flight, but was called away by her father at the last minute to attend a meeting, which in her own words as a 'redundant board meeting with all the big shots where my opinions don't matter'. Not wanting to waste any more time, Mugi pushed the two to go ahead with the plan, and to make it up to them, she said that she would visit Mio instead.
Azusa was dead tired, she barely caught any sleep with the 'live' performance she and other members of HTT Ni did last night, and not to mention the overtime she had to do to make up for the leaves she took to have this trip with Yui; but with Mio's words fresh in her mind, her brain was in turbo, she could not forget what Mio told her back then at the hospital when they were alone. Azusa shared with the girls what Mio told her, and from Yui, she learnt that Yui tried to pass this to Ritsu through the phone, but the first few times she would just abruptly hang up the phone before she could finish the sentence, and next few attempts were met with denials. That would mean Ritsu knew to an extent that Mio was no longer angry with her, but she continued to act otherwise.
After the plane touched down at the New Chitose Airport, a minor crisis happened when Yui 'misplaced' the notebook with Yui's address, and after overcoming another slight incident that involved 'losing' Yui's luggage, they finally got themselves a taxi after a remarkably long queue. The seat inside the vehicle was not by any means the most comfortable, but Azusa felt that for once she could finally rest, but she only had to close her eyes for a brief moment before Yui shook her by the shoulders.
"Azu-nyan, wake up, this is as far as the taxi can go, we will have to go there by foot."
Azusa had no idea how long she had slept, but she knew that it did not help at all, and in fact reinforced the fatigue in her. With her heavy eyelids still threatening to pull her back to sleep, Azusa forced herself out of the taxi, and joined Yui in retrieving the luggage from the boot. Having in mind to stay for two days at most, both girls kept their respective belongings to the minimal for easy travelling, pulling their wheeled luggage down the road, Azusa saw shops and stores lining the street, and in a short distance their destination. Yui only had Ritsu's home address and the name of the place she worked in, a quick search before coming to Hokkaido revealed its address; figuring that they might as well dine there, both girls decided to catch Ritsu there.
They were instantly greeted by a friendly waitress the moment the automated glass doors slid open, who soon guided the pair to a table by the windows, and presented them the menu. The family restaurant served anything from hot waffles to hamburger steaks, but it was still too early for dinner, so Yui opted for an ice cream float, while Azusa chose black coffee. Just before the waitress turned to leave, Azusa asked if a Tainaka Ritsu worked there.
"Ahh, Tainaka-san, she's should be in the kitchen. I'll go take a look."
Once the waitress was gone, Yui adopted her 'teacher mode' and said with a disapproving stern look, "You look so dreadful, with those eye bags of yours. You shouldn't have played the gig last night, Azusa. You could have told us that HTT Ni had a performance on the same night we're flying."
"Couldn't help it, we already booked the slot, and Ritsu-senpai is just as important to me, I won't back down if this was the only time the two of you were free…"
"Boo…" Yui protested with a pout. "Anyway, Azu-nyan, please stop drinking so much coffee, especially black! It will give you dark skin!"
"I don't know where you heard that, but that's not true, and I get tanned easy anyway, so by your logic, I should be drinking more milk."
"Of course!"
"I don't suppose you heard all these from your students?"
Yui instantaneously gasped and flinched as if Azusa just uncovered some sort of dark secret. Azusa chuckled softly to herself, satisfied that some things never change, Yui was still as gullible, and thinking back, Mio would still make a fuss about food with high calories, while Mugi was still crazy about commoner's lifestyle. Even if she now had a second band, there would always be a place in her heart for the original HTT.
But changes in them were inevitable, whether in looks or in personalities, Azusa wondered how different Ritsu would be by the time they finally met after six years. Banishing the outlandish thoughts of Ritsu wearing tattoos and facial piercing, she started looking around the restaurant, and as if on cue, a head popped out from the kitchen, only to disappear back, even if it was for a short split second, Ritsu appeared as she remembered, down to the hairband that pushed her hair back. Fearing Ritsu would actually run, Azusa bolted up from the seat, but the returning waitress was in her way to make the sprint to the kitchen.
"One ice cream float, and one black coffee," the waitress said as she set down their orders. "Tainaka-san said she's paying for your tab."
"What about Ritsu-senpai?!" Azusa asked, after resisting the urge to push aside the waitress.
"Tainaka-san said that she's busy, and will meet you here after the dinner hours."
The two spent their time idling, mostly talking about Yui's class, since Yui learnt all she needed to know about HTT Ni from Ui anyway, until Azusa ordered another cup of coffee, which earned another lecture from the middle school teacher. When dinnertime came, they did not eat much, they had more than enough to worry about than their own stomachs. Finally, the customer population started to dwindle, leaving the two and the staff who were clearing up, eventually, the restaurant emptied itself of costumers and staff, and when the ceiling lights switched off one by one, the girls panicked, worried that they were forgotten and Ritsu had escaped them. When the lights were down to two, the one in the kitchen flicked off, and a figure in the shadow came walking out to join them under the remaining light next to the windows.
"Ricchan!"
"Yui!"
They greeted each other as if nothing had changed, and truly, Ritsu didn't change much in terms of appearance since they last met, and just when Azusa had this feeling that she had been forgotten, Ritsu turned and said, "Who's your boyfriend?"
"My hair isn't that short!" Azusa retorted violently.
"I'm just joking, Azusa," Ritsu laughed. "I already heard from Yui about you chopping it short, she said it looks good on you, but I still want my ponytail Azu-nyan!"
Ritsu had just played a joke on her, that should be something the normal Ritsu would do, but something seemed off to Azusa.
"So you're a cook now?" Azusa asked instead.
"Just an assistant cook, can't help it when this is a family business, and I'm still an outsider after all, recommended by a friend of a relative." Pulling a chair from the other table, she sat down at the end of the table even though there were still plenty of spaces beside the girls.
"Ritsu-senpai..."
Ritsu immediately cut Azusa off with, "Azusa, you can stop calling me 'senpai', we are no long high schoolers. I heard from Yui that you did great with the light music club, and even formed a band from it. HTT Ni, isn't it? And you actually produced a CD with a few songs in it, must have made good money from that."
"That was a year ago, and we gave it out for free, but it was well-received. Actually, I brought along one copy, let me get it!" Azusa said excitedly as she spun away to dig into her bag for it.
"It's okay; I won't have the time to listen to it anyway."
Even though Azusa's hands already found the case by blindly groping around the contents in her bag, she did not immediately turn to face Ritsu. Clutching the edge of the CD case that was originally made for Ritsu and Mio, included inside was an instrumental song HTT Ni had never played in public before, it was the song HTT was supposed to perform on the night of the accident. Azusa closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning and slammed the case in front of Ritsu, saying, "Take it."
Ritsu's expression told her that she was caught surprised, but the same could be said for Azusa herself.
"Scary..." Ritsu mumbled, and submissively accepted it, though she did not even cast a single glance at.
"Ricchan!" Yui shouted suddenly, the reason she had been mostly quiet was probably thinking on how to start, to tell Ritsu about their reason of coming.
"What now?" Ritsu yelped. "Don't startle me like that; what's wrong with you two?"
"Mio-chan is getting married!"
"Woah, you're serious? What about Sawa-chan?" Ritsu exclaimed, but it was obvious that she acted like they were talking about a stranger, not someone whom she had known since childhood.
"What about Sawa-chan?" Yui asked in return.
"She's going to be left up in the shelf if she's still not married by now."
"Ritsu-senpai! Don't divert the conversation, we are here because of Mio's marriage, and we want you there," Azusa picked up with a raised voice.
"Who's the 'we'?"
"Me, Yui-senpai, and Mugi-senpai, she's busy and can't come, but she shares the same feeling as the two of us, we all want you back."
"Just you three?"
Yui tried to salvage the situation by saying, "Mio-chan invited everyone, from middle school to her colleagues!"
"I see, I guess I'm invited, by definition, I'm under 'everyone' after all."
"You know what we mean, stop twisting our words around! Ritsu-senpai, it's true that if she really wants to find you, she would have, but she's a coward, she is afraid to face you, like you are afraid to see her. What are you trying to accomplish hiding here? Why are we the ones fighting your battle? If you are truly sorry, go see her, nothing is going to be done by doing nothing!" Azusa snapped and slammed her palms against the table, but she was quick to return one hand to pinch her nose bridge. "Sorry, Ritsu-senpai," Azusa apologized.
"Azusa …"
"She hasn't had much sleep lately-" Yui tried to cover for Azusa, but Azusa was just as quick to continue where she left off.
"Ritsu-senpai, I'm sorry that we got off a rough start after our… reunion," Azusa mumbled, one hand still over her face, partly to massage aching eyes, partly to hide her tears. "We are going to the hotel, get some sleep, and let's talk again tomorrow, maybe you can introduce us to a café somewhere for tea, like old times," Azusa said as she stood up, while turning away from Ritsu.
"Azu-nyan," Yui called out as she found herself trapped between following Azusa and leaving Ritsu.
"Tomorrow," Ritsu said while remained seated, reassuring her that she should follow Azusa who was already out of the door, that she would be here, same time, same place. "Let's meet again tomorrow, Yui."
Yui hurried after Azusa after a hard nod, giving Ritsu some much needed breathing space. Even if it was just a while, Ritsu needed to be alone. When was the last time she saw Azusa crying, too long, the last time was when the four of them graduated from Sakuragaoka Girl's High School. Yui, Mugi and herself were always the crazier bunch, and it had always been the more-serious Azusa and Mio who tried, and failed, to keep rein on them. The old times. How long had it been since she was looking forward to a Christmas? Looking down, she realised that she been clutching the CD case ever since it landed in her hand, how long had it been since she listened to some music? Too long.
Random facts:
- each chapter is named after lyrics from different songs, no prize for guessing it right
- 'Isshi' means doctor, I know, not a very creative name
- the 'Ni' in 'HTT Ni' means two or second
Next chapter: Ritsu makes her smile