I aint got no money. I aint got no car to take you on a date. I can't even buy you flowers. But together we can be the perfect soul mates—Baby if you strip, you can get a tip. 'Cause I like you just the way you are.
When it's been nearly a year and a half since I've had a boyfriend and even longer since I've been in a meaningful relationship, I think I'd actually settle for a stripper. Dinner and a show, right? But I am not a sharing person. Having to let go of my boyfriend every night so he can 'shake it fast' in front of unknown people, is what I can't do.
Today is Brunch Sunday, and my parents are over to pick up Kelsi. I decided not to bring her, because I really won't know anyone there. In a way, I'm actually excited, but also kind of nervous. Anyone can tell that I'm not that sociable of a person. And by anyone, I mean Ang, my parents', Jake, and Mike. I haven't really spoken to anyone else. It's not that I haven't had the opportunity, but with Lauren as my only example of venturing outside of the group, I think I'm fine with my friends.
"Oh. That's the dress you're wearing Bella?" Renee enters my room, stealing a peek at the dress I got yesterday. "You better put that on in the back of your car, B. Your father will just about shit himself if he sees you in that".
"What? Why?" I stammer. I happened to think my dress was classy.
"It's not exactly…mommish" she says. You're one to talk, mom.
"And what exactly is mommish, mom? A sweat suit with a hat on my head? Oops, better not let my hair show. God forbid, I actually look like what I am." I throw the dress down on the bed, conflicted yet again.
"You're old, right mom?" I ask, plunking down besides my dress.
"I don't like to think so. Why?" she says, sitting down beside me.
"I don't know. I just figured that in all your years of living, albeit a little recklessly, you'd have gone to a brunch or two."
"Well, you're right. I remember going to a brunch at your Grandma Mae's house. I showed up in leather pants and she kicked me out. She wouldn't speak to Charlie for a week," mom laughs, and stares off dreamily.
"Okay," I say, stretching out the word, "I don't think leather pants are the way to go."
"The dress is really pretty Bella. I recommend wearing a long coat on your way out" she stands up, pats my knee, and rushes out of my room.
Seconds later, my phone buzzes. I reach over to grab it and read the new text message.
Wear the dress Bella! - Alice
I stare at the text, confused. I turn around to glance out my window. No one. What the hell?
Are you psychic? - Bella
Would you believe me if I said I just had a feeling? See you soon. - Alice
After having gotten over the shock of Alice, I say "fuck it", and begin to primp myself up for the brunch.
"Have fun Bella," mom hands me a digital camera.
"What would I need this for?" I stare at her confused, and look down at the camera in distaste.
"For the guys," she winks at me.
"Mom! I am not taking pictures of random men, and it's a brunch. Don't women only show up for those?"
"She's right Renee" Charlie pipes in, "I would have sawed off my left nut to get out of one of those."
"It's really that bad dad?" I ask, suddenly discouraged. He shakes his head, but that doesn't hide his grin.
"How am I supposed to know what the guys look like if she doesn't take pictures?" Renee asks, her shoulders slumped.
"I would simply describe them, if you asked. And a camera mom, really? Even if I was as weird as you are, I'd just use my phone to spy on guys". I say, and hear a gasp behind me. I guess I forgot we were outside. Standing on her stoop, is the lovely Ms. Cope. A frail, gray haired, old woman that hasn't said a word to me. Even though, I'd been living in the neighborhood for months now.
"Hi, Ms. Cope" I wave, gingerly. I hear Charlie snickering behind me, when Ms. Cope just continues to stare at us. Some neighbor she is. After three long minutes and no reply, I slowly turn back around, facing my parents'. I reach out for a sleeping Kelsi, and stroke her cheek.
"We'll see you later Bells," he steps forward to give me a hug, slipping something in my purse. I pull it out and stare at him with the same bored look that I use every time he does this.
"Keep the pepper spray dad. It's just a brunch," I hand it back to him and trudge to my car.
As I sit in the car, I stare between Rosalie's paper and the gorgeous two story house in front of me. A very modern house, decorated in tan tiles, with a cherry oak door. After nearly ten minutes of contemplating whether to leave my car or race out of the driveway, I hear a light tap on my window. I hop out of the car and hug the only encouragement I had to do it.
"Alice! It's so great to see you," I say, hugging her tightly.
"I told you I'd see you soon," she beams.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, pulling away from the hug.
"I'm married to Rose's cousin Jasper," she says.
"Ah. You didn't know that I'd be here, did you?"
"Actually no. I just pulled up behind you". She says.
"Come on," she grabs my arm, pulling me towards the house.
Rose is the first to greet me when we enter. I am immediately pulled into a hug.
"How do you two know each other?" Rosalie pulls Alice into a hug as well.
"We met at J&M Designs. She's works for the company" Alice beams, latching onto my arm with so much enthusiasm I want to shake it out of her.
"Really?!" Rose squeals, and my eyes go wide. "I love that store. You must get the best discounts."
"Eh. They're not that bad" I shrug. They are awesome.
An hour into the brunch, I have been introduced to everyone here. There's Tanya, Alice's cousin, who apparently has a very healthy sex life, and is not afraid to talk about it. Charlotte, a spunky brunette, who has a one-year old daughter named Bree. We've agreed to have a play date Friday. Emily, Alice's aunt, who is just as exuberant as her, but drinks a hell of a lot. Her words are starting to slur, and she doesn't stay in one place for a long amount of time. Also, there's Irina, Tanya's bitchy twin. Esme, Alice's mom, who is extremely kind, caring, and for five minutes, I thought she was my mom too. Lastly, there's Makenna. A strawberry-blond 28-year old woman with my sense of humor. This brunch is going surprisingly better than I thought it would.
When we've all gathered at an expensive-looking table, my stomach picks this moment to growl.
"The food should arrive soon dear," I don't think I've ever met a woman as sweet as Esme Cullen.
"Drink up bitches! Free cocktails all around," Emily presents us with a slightly large jug of purplish liquid.
"Bella," Alice leans in and whispers "Don't drink it". She subtly points towards Emily's jug.
"I was a walking stink bomb for a week," Tanya pipes in, her nose scrunches up. "Not good for my libido."
"Wanna try it Bella?" Emily asks, "One taste and you're hooked for life". Tanya snorts, and Emily glares at her. "Poor Tanya couldn't handle it".
My phone rings and I use it as an escape, darting into the bathroom to take the call.
"Bella. Hey, your dad wanted me to check up on you."
"Hey mom. Everything's fine," I say.
"Send me the pictures of the boys!" she practically screams in my ear.
"I didn't take any pictures mom, and there are no boys!"
"Don't make me steal your phone when you get back Isabella Marie."
"Theft is a crime mom. Dad could arrest you for that". I shift my position on the toilet, resting my elbow on the nearby sink.
"Ooh. That'd be fun." she purrs into the phone and this time I actually gag.
"Hanging up now…"
"Bye Bye Bella". The dial tone sounds, and I turn off my phone. No more interruptions. I'm having fun.
My elbow accidently pushes down on the lever thingy, and right before the flushing sound begins, the door flies open. I come face-to-face with those familiar green eyes, until they leave me yet again.
"Wait!" I rush towards Mr. Restroom, in a frantic hurry to explain myself.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was in there," he says.
"It's fine. I wasn't really going. I was talking to my mom" I say and he stares at me comically, "On the phone! My mom's not even here".
"I know what you mean," he chuckles.
"So what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be taking a piss?" I say, teasingly.
"Nope. I only do that on Friday's" he says, and I smile.
"Me too. But really? Are you crashing the party?" I find myself smiling up at him as I cross my arms against my chest. I don't miss the way his eyes move down to what my arms are covering. I knew I had great boobs.
"My best-friend's fiancée is hosting this brunch. Are you crashing this party?" he grins, teasingly.
"Hey" I poke him in the chest, "I was invited. You're the one walking around without a name."
"I lost it!" he smacks his forehead, "God. This is the third time this month".
I laugh, and say, to make this easier, "I'm Bella."
"Edward," he shakes my extended hand. Multiple squeals and shrieks burst out from the dining room, and we head in that direction.
"Emmett! Get this thing off me," Rosalie shouts. I laugh as the scene unfolds. A big, burly man, wearing a black wife beater, that, in no way conceals his bulging muscles, flashes his pretty dimples and laughs at the muddy puppy making its way into Rosalie's lap. Standing beside the one called Emmett, is a blond man with his arm wrapped around Alice. I assume this is Jasper.
"Isn't he adorable Rosie? Jasper and I found him in the back, digging in the bushes" Emmett says, flashing his prominent dimples.
"Sure. But I think he'd look so much cuter on the floor" Rose says with her hands up in a tense pose. Almost as if she'd just been busted by the cops.
By the end of the party, I'm sad to go. After being introduced to a Texan Jasper, the party really began to pick up. Tanya is showing Charlotte how to successfully give a proper blow job, demonstrating on a cucumber. Esme is having a discussion with the other girls and Jasper and Emmett, so that left Edward and I together.
"So Edward, what do you do when you're not pissing in a hospital, or forgetting your name?" I ask, perched on Rose's very comfortable couch.
"Well Bella, after wrestling tigers and saving pigeons from flying to Guatemala, I sleep and watch TV at my place."
"I'd call us the same; just add in a six-month-old baby and we'd be exact," I say, afraid to look up at his face to see his reaction to the whole I-have-a-kid thing.
"As long as you keep her away from the tigers," he chuckles. I look up at him and smile, extremely relieved. Which is weird considering the fact that we've kinda just met.
After that thought, he asks about Kelsi and I flash him a couple of pictures of her at her cutest. Edward admits that he's a doctor, and I make a mental note to replace the 'Mr." in Mr. Restroom with 'Dr'. An hour and a half later, the brunch begins to end. I receive hugs, and exchange numbers with everyone. Even Edward. Did the little person in my head wink?
"Can I call you later Bella?" he asks as we walk side by side to the door.
"Call, text, you are a doctor after all". I say, and he smiles, and heads towards his car.
Alice sidles up beside me, "So you and my brother, huh?" Her brother!
"Oh Alice, I didn't know you and Edward were related." I say as we reach my car.
"It's more than okay Bella. You and Edward are gonna be great together," she reaches out and hugs me.
I stare after her, once again, confused but not completely creeped out this time. Our newfound friendship is evolving.