CHAPTER 4
Dinner was never as pleasant as it could be with Nora orchestrating. Pam had only been half-surprised when her husband rolled up to Nora's home. While she never made a point to dress down she felt a little overdressed for a household visit to her sister in laws. She glared at the driver who rolled to a stop in the driveway behind a maroon BMW. Nora lived as a homemaker sickening Pam and on a smaller level her brother as well. She invited them to dinners and parties she hosted, because as a homemaker with no children, she had time to plan for events. Their status in the community was of little consequence to the breadwinner who could only be bothered with fifteen minutes at a time showing his face. Then he'd find an excuse to disappear leaving Nora to her art.
"Wonderful dress," Nora gushed.
Pam replied, "thank you, you've got something to do with that amazing smell don't you?"
"Guilty."
Their significant others used less adjectives resigning to a short handshake and monosyllable greetings.
"You guys really didn't have to dress up for dinner," Nora pointed out.
"We do if you ask us too," Eric answered dryly earning him a playful slap on the shoulder.
"People don't get dressed up for anything anymore. Henry and I went to the movies the other night and this man's pants filled with holes. I saw his underwear, for 2.9 seconds I knew more about that man than I ever want to know about a practical stranger."
"Honey that was over a month ago," Henry sighed like the audience to a story they heard too many times.
Nora more affected than her husband, who would have rather let it go, glared, "it's a sign of the times Henry."
"Before you know you're going to start every sentence with 'in my day'…"
She pouted, "you know what I mean."
"We live in a country governed by a little piece of paper called the constitution. As much as it offended you to see it, that man had every right to go where he went with holes in his pants."
"Please tell me us well educated well dressed Louisianans can't come up with better conversation," Pam broached.
Nora wrung her hands relenting to the not so subtle hint to change the subject, "fine."
Mouthing a silent thank you to Pam Henry took a seat and suggested the others follow suit. Nora excused herself to check on dinner taking requests for drinks for her return. Pam knowing she wouldn't be able to carry each drink out alone went to join and help. She received her sister in laws thanks for her trouble.
"How's the banking business?"
"The same," Pam answered aware Nora never brought her up job without making a point.
"Do you like it?"
"I've worked there for almost eight years now," Pam sipped from her glass of red wine.
Her answer earned her an imperceptible sound that the blonde may have perceived as thoughtful.
"I've never held a job for that long. Henry doesn't believe in me working, extra money, what would I do with it when I want for nothing."
Pam nodded picking up her husband's beer and her glass. Nora mirrored her actions with her glass and her husband's tumbler. When they joined the men in the common area, they'd resigned themselves to the television instead of talking. Nora visibly perturbed immediately turned it off announcing prematurely that dinner was ready.
Pam asked if Nora tried a new recipe when she bit into the sweet juicy meet she carved and deposited in her mouth. Nora went on a tangent out the new chicken recipe, as Pam knew she would, and that saved them a good fifteen minutes of awkward silence. Henry, a quiet man with glasses; excused himself to do work was anyone's guess when he stood from the table to leave. Nora continued speaking missing a beat and Eric following him with his eyes studied his brother in laws back uninterested in the process of elevating the taste of the skin on chicken.
"The import business doesn't have decent hours?" Eric asked interrupting her.
"He works with a lot of clients in different time zones."
Eric drank from his glass unconvinced before he excused himself for the bathroom. Pam could expect to see him at the close of the evening when he was ready to go.
"Men," Nora sipped from her glass awkwardly uninterested in her meal. Pam nodded silently under the studying gaze of her sister in law. "We've never been close," the brunette observed, "I always thought of that as a shame that we never bonded in the way real sisters bond."
"We're not real sisters," Pam helped.
"Still," the brown-haired woman was determined to make her point. "Eric was a lot of things growing up, but I don't think I could jump up and tell him things, secret things, things I could only tell a sister."
Pam didn't trust where this line of conversation was headed.
"Do you trust me?"
The blonde-haired woman paused before she answered startled by the question and the desperate sincerity in her tone, as if something hinged on Pam's answer.
"Is everything okay, with Henry I mean?"
The dying smile fell hesitantly before brightening artificially, "of course, I have almost everything I want."
Pam decided not to ask what the brunette was missing, steering the conversation to mundane waters much safer than the tides they tread on earlier. Nora didn't have the same enthusiasm to change the subject. It looked particularly painful for her to talk, but Pam didn't pay her any much attention which was one of many mistakes she made during the course of the evening in regards to handling Nora's cry for help.
The younger woman couldn't say, she wasn't as vulnerable to say the words out loud. She had hoped Pam would ask, but the question had come up once and never again and Nora had hoped a continuous stream of concern would flood their interaction, but she was wrong. Perhaps no one cared about her at all, perhaps she deserved it because she wasn't the easiest person to get along with.
She stood to gather the dishes left behind. A wonderful dinner she looked at the large chicken she insisted on cooking and the side dishes. There would be a lot of leftovers and Henry would eat in his office and she would eat at the table alone. She didn't want for anything materialistically, but what was the point when the one she wanted to share it with gave her everything and expected to amuse herself. Was she unfair to want more? She pondered this while she soaked her dishes she scraped in the trashcan side tracked by the sharp line of a knife she ran along her wrist.
Nora stood for as long as she could stand watching the white suds tint red and the water adopt a similar color.
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Naomi checked her dress in the mirror gauging the intensity of her lipstick unsatisfied with it she went into her purse to apply more. She inhaled and exhaled several calming breaths before she steadily applied her lipstick and returned the cap staring at her lips. Dinner had gone well, nothing too extravagant, just two people in love enjoying their time together at a moderately expensive restaurant trying to bring class to their small town of Bon Temp. The setting was perfectly romantic and she'd only get once chance doing this right, if she ever got the gumption to do it at all.
Breathing again she looked at each partially opened stall to ensure she was indeed alone before reciting, "Tara, I love you and I think it's time we take that huge leap of faith called marriage." He nose wrinkled from her statement.
Running a hand over her worried brow she pursed her lips staring into her bag before her eyes rose to meet her gaze in mirror once more.
"We've been together longer than some people have been married, I'd like….if we….I know you don't care for conventional things, what people think of you, but this is about us. This is about letting everyone know you're taken and you're mine."
The door swung open startling an already jumping heart to pound a little faster. The new occupant didn't even glance in her direction hopping into the stall closest to her. Having felt she took up an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, she gathered her purse and started towards the table where the light of a candle danced on the creases of her forehead.
"I was about to come in there after you," Tara's frown alleviated with Naomi's return.
The dark haired woman shrugged, "do you want desert," Tara shook her head in answer.
"I'm stuffed," she patted her stomach playfully. "This was a good idea getting out like this," Tara shared sincerely; "we haven't gone on one of these in a long time."
Her girlfriend's approval put a smile on her face, "you don't know what today is."
Brown eyes slightly widened in modest panic almost making Naomi laugh as she saw her girlfriend go through the dates in her head. It was an unfair statement to make, but she'd jumped into it. Easing her girlfriend's mind she helped, "it's not your fault that you don't know yet."
Tara was considerably confused.
"I haven't asked you yet, so this day wouldn't mean anything, but I hope it will," Naomi sighed, a small smirk dancing on the corner of her lips. "This is as good a place as any to ask," she chose the restaurant for this exact reason.
"Baby….?"
"I love you."
"I love you," Tara smiled in return.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you type love you," Naomi clarified.
Tara went silent sensing her girlfriend didn't need more interruptions on her end.
"I'd have a head full of gray hair waiting for you to ask," Naomi presented a single ring, "and my expecting you to ask sends all the wrong messages when I want this so bad. We haven't seen much of each other lately, and I miss us, I miss you and this isn't some desperate attempt to put a conventional leash on you. I like the idea of calling you my wife, we joke about it with each other and to our friends, I say…" her eyes dropped to her ring. "I say let's take this one thing serious, be my wife."
"Are you crazy?" Tara whispered astonished.
"Tara…."
"You got any idea what you're trying to get yourself into? It goes all downhill after 'I do'," she briefly thought of Pam and her relationship with Eric and then all the other relationships, bound by marriage and blessed by God, that suffered for whatever reason. What she and Naomi had wasn't perfect, but it worked for them. Tara liked going home to her girlfriend enjoying the hour or so they had together before the reality of their responsibilities settled in.
Naomi's tone hardened, "you don't want to marry me?"
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"That doesn't make sense."
"I don't need a ring to justify my expectations for the future."
"I think our futures might be slightly more different than I thought."
"No, that's not what I'm saying," she watched Naomi's hand balled into a fist clenching the offered ring. This night had gone so well and now it was crashing around her as Tara insisted on defending her answer.
"Do you want to see other people?"
Tara was growing frustrated, "I like what we have, it's easy, it's so damn good, this asking for marriage doesn't make sense. It feels like you're asking for something you already got, me. No, it's not wrapped in some damned bow and we don't have diamond rings telling the world what we have, but those people are just compensating for what's not missing for us."
Naomi warring with what she wanted studied her girlfriend. It had never occurred to her that Tara might be afraid to commit. It had never occurred to her that there was something lacking in their relationship, which is why she proposed. The woman was a walking mural of contradictions and for some reason Naomi thought she'd gotten it right, that Tara might be hesitant at first, but eventually she'd ease into the idea and she would get her way. She hadn't expected a well thought out defense to her girlfriend's objective.
Tara saw the disappointment. If she could will it away she would, but it meant making compromises she wasn't all together comfortable with. Marriage was a huge step a giant leap in an unknown direction that threatened their happy home. Yes, she stepped out on Naomi from time to time, but it didn't mean she loved her any less.
The remainder of the evening moved deliberately and in slow motion. Tara paid for dinner even though Naomi had asked her out and planned to pay. The latter woman wasn't in the mood to fight her girlfriend and let her spending the rest of the of evening inside her head with suspicions plaguing her all the while. Tara started conversation in her head, but nothing sounded right so she kept quiet enduring her internal struggle gracelessly. She drove the car in the direction of her home with no objections from her contemplative passenger.
When they arrived home they went about their evening routines deciding to be very polite about brushing up against each other accidentally rather than playful. Tara leaned against the headboard waiting for her girlfriend to join her. Naomi was taking her time in the bathroom perhaps thinking if she stayed in their long enough Tara would be sleep by the time she got back. It wasn't the case.
"Hey," Tara greeted her when she finally exited after a long thirty-six minutes.
"Hi," Naomi answered sitting at the farthest end of the bed from Tara focused on applying lotion to her arms and legs.
"Need help?"
The brunette shook her head and the loose hairs free from her haphazard bun swung and folded on her shoulders. Everything about the night leading up to the question had the makings of a very eventful night in each other's arms. Now, Tara wasn't sure if she was in the mood or if any advances, even to hold her, would be appreciated.
Tara's phone buzzed from an incoming call. When recognized the number immediately sending it straight to voicemail setting the ringer to silent.
"Who's that?"
Tara shrugged noncommittally, "I don't recognize the number," she lied.
Naomi slowed her process threading her fingers and clasping her hands as she moisturized her hands.
"I broke something and I don't know how to fix it if you don't tell me."
A lost stare hit her hard like a cold slap to the face and she felt bad for the indifference she felt for marriage fueling her perception that it was an unnecessary thing.
"I'm just a small town girl who thought she'd get married one day is all. Who'd have thought the woman I wanted to do that with abhors the idea."
Tara wanted to crawl to her girlfriend, but she stayed at the headboard.
"We're going to go around in circles all night if we keep this up."
Naomi nodded putting her lotion away getting under the covers and turning her back to Tara waiting for the other woman to turn out the light. Tara stared at her back in a trance from the rise and fall of her lover's back. Her stomach plummeted when Naomi made no move to reach for her hand and guide it inside hers. The woman cuddled notoriously whenever she could and when she didn't demand it Tara felt very cold from change of routine.