Part 4:

"Natsu… you're back. Are you…ermm…okay?" Erza asked, breaking my concentration on what I should do. I looked up and watched as my best friend walked in, with his gaze fixed on the same spot I had just been earlier before. After Mavis had…left I had come back in and just sat back down to watch the guild try and cope.

I am seriously tired of this…I just want it all to end.

I started to think that if somehow I died in this form maybe I could leave, but that just brought up the conversation I literally had fifteen minutes ago with Mavis on how Natsu needs me.

Natsu needs me.

I have to get rid of that look that haunts his face.

I am so tired of that as well…I sighed as Natsu started to walk towards my spot. He sat in the chair next to me, still keeping his gaze on me. I could see his eyes. They were searching for me with a hopeful look in his eyes this time…instead of that hopeless look that I seriously hate.

He continued to search for what I assumed…well me until he smiled widely and glanced back at Erza who had asked that earlier question, which had practically announced him to me.

"Yeah Erza…I think I might be fine, but…I really do miss her, ya know?"

The whole guild fell until a hush of silence just like how I stiffened. I understood why they became so quiet…it was the first time since he openly said that he missed me and another statement where he practically confirmed that…that I was gone.

It was the first time any of us had really heard him well… admit it.

"Yeah…we all miss her too…flame brain…" Gray agreed, breaking the silence. Almost instantly, everyone in the guild nodded simultaneously.

"Hey everyone?" Natsu asked, pushing the guild back into its silence. He was just so quiet and solemn that you had to listen. He didn't wait for a response either as he continued on.

"I think…I think that we should write letters to Lucy and read them out loud one day…kind of like a longer eulogy or something. Because I mean…what if she's still here? What if she can't move on until she hears good byes from every single one of us?" he asked.

Everyone, including me, was stunned into an even more eerie silence.

Since when did Natsu get so…thoughtful? And shouldn't it be me that's helping him?!

"That sounds like a really good idea," Levy stated, speaking up. I glanced towards her, shocked that she was speaking at all. Since my death she has barely spoken, and now she actually spoke up in an awkward and stunned silence. Even more surprising was the fact that she kept speaking.

"I didn't get to say a few things to Lucy before she left and what if Natsu is right? What if somehow…Lucy is still here, and maybe she needs to leave. I mean…I would like Lucy to still be here, but maybe…maybe that's just a selfish wish of mine…I really wish I could just speak to Lucy again, and if we did this…I kind of feel that maybe she would be listening," she said, before breaking off to cry.

How badly I wanted to say that yeah… I'm right here and I'll be able to hear every word. But…but I couldn't. I was stuck here, in this form, unable to leave, until I did something.

How does one even cope with that tragic reality?

How was I still coping with it?

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall, but suddenly I sensed Natsu lean towards me. I opened my eyes in shock and stared at him.

He was looking right at me.

"Don't worry Lucy… I…I think I know that you're here, or at least…I sense you. Honestly, I'm glad that you're here because if you weren't… I would be going insane right about now. But Lucy… you deserve to pass on, no matter how much I want you stay, but let's spend as much time together as possible, okay?" he asked, whispering.

Damnit.

Now I knew more tears were coming.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned into him, smelling him. He stiffened like last time, and I could feel him smile. I peeked up at him, and smiled too, ignoring the traitor tears.

"Okay," I whispered against his shirt.

"When should we hold this letter reading Natsu?" Mira asked loudly. Natsu glanced towards her as I clung onto him, smiling and crying.

"I think it should be tonight actually," he said. "I think that maybe in about five hours we should all get up on that stage and read our letters one by one, and put Lucy's chair in the middle of the audience so it would seem like we're reading to her, ya know?" he asked.

Everyone nodded.

"Okay so then it's settled. We'll read tonight," Erza stated.

Everyone nodded again.

As did I.

"Hear that L-luce…tonight, okay? Be there if…if you're even actually here," Natsu whispered, leaning into me slightly. I sniffed and nodded.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world Natsu…geez…I am such a crybaby, because you probably can't even hear me right now…isn't that just sad?" I muttered. He gave no response, but instead he stood up and started to walk off.

"I need to go write my letter now!" he exclaimed, pushing his hand into the air. Some people cheered and agreed just as enthusiastically but just as he was about to leave I saw him turn to glance at me again, and my whole body froze.

He walked out, but not before I determined that he…he had just been crying. I swear…I swear I saw tears on his face when he turned to look at me.

Oh Natsu…

I put my head down on the counter and sighed, watching everyone scurry around looking for paper. I also noticed Happy follow Natsu out, and I shortly wondered how their relationship was going.

I just feel as if I have caused so much pain…

and damnit I still can't remember how and why!

How did I die?

Why does it just seem like a big secret, and why didn't Mavis tell me anything more?

Where was Mavis anyways?

She just… disappeared.

I sighed, closing my eyes, pressing my cheek against the cold wood.

I wonder how tonight was going to go…

…...

It was happening. It was actually happening. The letter reading was here. They had already moved my chair into the middle of the audience and here I sat, in it watching everybody clamber on stage. Every single one of them was holding a letter, and so many of them looked so solemn that I was seriously considering just ditching, but no…I needed to stay. I needed to hear this. More than that… I wanted to.

"Are we ready?" the master asked, following everybody else as he got on stage. Apparently, he had heard about the reading, and instead of writing his own since he was the one who wrote my eulogy, he invited some others from the other guilds.

I'm still not sure how they all got here so fast, but well who cares, right?

"I think we are Master," Erza said, looking towards the others. They all agreed with her, and muttered their content.

"Who will go first?" Master asked.

"I think I want to go…" Wendy muttered, stepping forward, and then catching herself as she almost tripped. I smiled a bittersweet smile as she stood in front of the microphone and started to read.

"Dear Lucy…I miss you so much, b-but I know that you can't c-come back. You were like an older sister and you always supported me. You were always smiling, and even when you weren't, you managed to find a way to make sure others weren't suffering. I really loved you as one of the best friends I've ever had, and I really wish you were still here, b-but…b-but…I'm sorry, I can't go on…I…I h-h-have to get off…" she stopped talking as she ran off the stage, crying.

I was already crying. I had been ever since she said "I miss you so much".

"Okay my turn I guess," Gray said, as he walked forward.

I smiled as he started.

"Hey Lucy, I hope you're doing all right, because right now we're all going through hell. Lucy…like Wendy I miss you so much and I really wish that…that you didn't… leave, but we all know that you have and hell Luce…why'd ya have to leave so fucking early?! Why couldn't you have stayed, so that we could all go on missions again, and you'd find a way to complain about something like always. You'd help out with Natsu, and me so we wouldn't fight, and you were the one who could always be so…fucking optimistic! Damnit Lucy, I wish you were here. I wish you didn't die. You were such an amazing person and I'm so glad that I met you. You were amazing Lucy," he finished.

Damnit. Now I'm sobbing.

I couldn't handle this. I can't handle this. This time it was Juvia who walked forward, and hell I could barely hear her as she talked about me. Damnit. All I can hear is a thumping sound. What is that? Is that my heart?! B-but I don't have a heartbeat! Damnit. The tears won't stop.

Juvia was done. This time it was Macao. He was crying through his smile as he talked, and I forced my eyes shut as everyone took turns.

"I miss you Lucy…"

"I wish you were still here…"

"You always made us laugh…"

"You were such an amazing friend…"

The words echoed in my ears, and I brought my legs up to my chest as I rested my chin in between my knees. Why couldn't I shut if off? This was torture. I didn't want to be the "dead friend". I looked up. Now it was Levy.

"—and we'd always fangirl over books. You never thought I was weak and it was so—"

No…no. Why did Natsu want this? Why did I want it?!

I just couldn't stop crying, and right now I was glad that they couldn't hear my broken sobs echo throughout the guild.

It wasn't fair!

It wasn't fair!

It just wasn't fair!

Damnit!

Levy had finished and I barely noticed that they were only like three people left. Now it was Hibiki up there. Damnit. I couldn't even hear him over my sobs, and everyone else's letters echoing in my head.

Damnit.

Why couldn't I stop crying?!

Hibiki had finished. Now it was Happy. He was sobbing, just like me. Wait…who was left? I glanced to the right through me tears and saw it was Natsu.

Damnit.

I already knew his letter was going to kill my heart. This pain…this loneliness…it was driving me insane.

I loved every single one of them, but if I had known that I was going to die and watch the people I loved cry, I regret loving them.

No… don't think like that.

Without them…I would have still been miserable at my dad's. Maybe I would have already been married off to some forty-year old man who was supremely rich to keep the family business "going".

No.

I will never regret coming here. I love Fairy Tail and I always will. Even if I'm… d-dead.

Happy was finished and I watched as the whole guild fell silent as Natsu walked up. It was almost as if it were in slow motion as he crumbled his paper and opened it again. He looked up and focused his gaze right on me, making my whole body shake from more tears.

No. Shut up Lucy. I want to hear what he says. SHUT UP! STOP CRYING!

I did. I'm not sure how, but the tears went on hold.

I had to hear what Natsu was going to say. He opened his mouth and he started. It was so quiet…everything stopped so I could hear what he was going to say.

"Hey Luce. You know what Luce? This is my fault. I'm the one who showed you this place and let you in. It was all me, and if it wasn't for me, you would still be alive."

No no no no no... Natsu stop thinking like that!

He laughed and continued on.

"You'd probably hit me though…if you caught me saying something like that. However…Lucy I am such a bad person."

What?

"Because I'm so glad that I met you. Everything about you was so amazing. Your smile…it was beautiful. And even though you ate like a pig, no matter how much you denied that you did, it always seemed to add better characteristics to you. Even though Happy and me would always sneak in, and though you said you hated it, we knew you loved it. We did too. That's why we kept doing it. We always wanted to protect you Lucy. We knew what you had gone through as a child, but you were always smiling. You were so optimistic and that's a reason that we all loved you. Why I loved you."

"Yeah, that's right. I had fallen in love with you, and even though my heart hurts so much right now, I don't regret falling in love with you. Your smile, your laugh, your personality, your eyes, your weird habits, your optimism, your everything."

You were just so beautiful. And every time you were hurt, it was hard to believe that anyone wanted to hurt such an angel. I had to protect you. When you were crying, I wanted it to be me that brought a smile back to your face. When you were laughing, I wanted it to be me that caused it. I wanted to be there throughout everything, and I wanted it to be me who you told everything to."

I just loved you so much, and because of it, it feels as if right now my heart is burning. I feel as if my heart has died, and that it's broken. I just want you to be here so much Lucy. I want to feel your hugs again, and I want to see those beautiful brown eyes of yours. I want to smell you and I want to hear your crazy-ass screeching when I come in through the window. I want to sleep besides you again and I want to be the cause of that blush you always wore. I wanted to do so much more with you, and even though I played stupid about some things, I wanted to maybe even marry you, I mean…if you would accept me."

And no matter how much I wanted all of these things, you were the one who protected me in the end. You were the one who saved my life, and I feel as guilty as hell. Why couldn't it be me who protected you? Why did you have to die doing the very thing I was living for, because hell Lucy! Now I don't know what to live for! What the hell do I do now besides making you smile and making you feel safe?! What?! DAMNIT LUCY WHAT DO I DO?!"

I just feel so lost right now, but I'll try Luce, and I mean really try to smile again, but right now…I can't. I can barely even manage a fake smile! You had always been there for me, and hell I do think that you're still here, forced to watch us, so I did this to show that we were always there for you. It's just…you were such an amazing person Lucy, and sometimes I could have been the densest idiot alive, but I had known you for almost five years until you…died. But it doesn't matter if you died in person, because you're always going to be here. In our hearts. In our souls."

You will always be here, and we will never forget you. I will never forget you. I love you Lucy and I will miss you for my entire life. Bye now," he finished.

The world has stopped turning. My breathing has stopped. Nothing mattered to me except what Natsu just said. He had said so much…he loved me?! That little idiot, I loved him too! Damnit. Why was it like this?! And he said that I died protecting him?

Did I?

I closed my eyes.

Oh yeah…now I remember.

I remember everything.

Great timing.

*Hi how are you? Are you crying? Are you sad? How about that cliffy? How did that make you feel? Well I think that either the next chapter is going to be the last one or either the one after that. I am so glad you are reading this tragedy, and I hope that you are enjoying it as much as I am writing it. Thank you for reading and damnit, leave a review! I love you guys.

Bai guys.

-DiAnna44 ;)

My FanFiciton Twitter Account: /TheDiAnna44#

My FanFiction Facebook Page- DiannaFanFictionWriter