Warnings: Science babble: read at your own risk.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Kishimoto and affiliated companies do.

A/N: Okay, so that took a bit longer than I thought it would... and the next chapters probably will too, since I'm going back to school tomorrow. =( I learnt the hard way with my last fanfiction not to push myself to meet a certain word count or update schedule, so it'll probably be a bit sporadic from now on. Anyway. Read and enjoy.

Chapter 4

"Did you know," I asked the hallway in general, disregarding that there was only myself and Ibiki present, "that breathing out slower than you breathe in triggers the parasympathetic nervous system? It slows heart rate, increases intestinal and gland activity, and relaxes muscles in the gastrointestinal tract! It's very good for getting to sleep, or for calming down after a panic attack. I actually haven't had a panic attack in years! Last time was-"

"Did you know you talk too much?" Ibiki countered dryly, cutting off my rambling.

I blinked under my blindfold. "Do I?" Briefly, I considered this, and decided that, "Huh, I do, don't I? Sorry about that."

We walked in silence for a while after that, occasionally passing condensed patches of air that I dodged without any input from Ibiki, who was technically guiding me.

"Hey, sir," I started again, a little more subdued, "do you think I'll be able to get home?" I thought I'd be able to get home, but maybe I was just being overly optimistic again.

Of course, if I'd wanted reassurance, Ibiki was… not the ideal person to ask.

"I think you've got bigger problems to worry about, kid," he advised, moving his hand from my shoulder to grip the back of my neck, which- eep! I flinched, hunching my shoulders instinctively to try to brush him off.

"Not the neck!" I squawked, shoulders almost up to my ears. "Gosh darn it, feels like my skin's frigging crawling off!" I shuddered and shook myself like a dog, trying to chase off the sensation of icy spiders climbing my spine.

Ibiki, the ass, put his hand right back on, and started pushing me forcefully forward. Gah.

"…I'm touch-repulsed, okay?" I whined, hunching miserably. "This is cruel and unusual punishment…"

Then again, Ibiki is the Head of Torture and Interrogation, I allowed. "Aaand, I probably shouldn't have told you that, should I?"

Ibiki didn't reply, so I fell into silent musing again.

An indefinite amount of time passed – in which I peacefully contemplated multiple aspects of my own psychology in relation to MBIT personality type, lack of sleep, and potential insanity – while I trotted along at a steady pace. A number of times, I felt other people passing by, so near-soundless that I could barely make out the whisper of cloth over the sound of my own breathing and that annoying sticky noise that always happened when you walked barefoot.

(Side note: my feet are cold…)

"What I don't understand," I began abruptly, "is what the motive behind this is."

More than anything – more than the Naruto world come to life, more than the yet-unsolved mystery of how exactly I resembled a human bomb (and no, I hadn't forgotten that) – the question niggling at the back of my mind was, simply, why?

"Why me?" I asked, continuing my train of thought aloud. "Why now? What does… whoever did this hope to achieve?" If my hands hadn't been cuffed in front of me, I would have been gesticulating wildly.

"I mean- well, there's three options, I guess. Either they want to help you – in which case they definitely should have brought someone else. You know, I never actually watched the show, I just…" I shrugged awkwardly, "read a lot. Wouldn't they have been better off kidnapping, like, a hardcore fan- or, heck, Kishimoto?"

No, I decided, "It doesn't make sense. So that leaves… intent to harm or random accident."

Ibiki was silent. For all I knew, he'd already figured this out and was ignoring me. But, hey, I was discussing this for my own benefit, not his.

"For the former, how? Unless we're talking me getting captured by some… enemy nin, and getting tortured for info – which would definitely suck, just saying, let's avoid that- and… what was I saying?"

Attention span of a teaspoon, yes. For a moment, I actually stopped walking, until a firm shove on my neck pushed me forward. Half distracted, I cast around in my mind. Three reasons-harm-incapable- ah, that was right.

"I'm a civilian," I emphasised, trying to explain without gestures how very much this was not making sense. "Okay, so I can fight, a bit, but that's just taekwondo- eh, taijutsu," I clarified offhandedly. "One little fireball and I'd be…" appropriate analogy for dead-burnt-blackened-crusty-chicken! "…roast chicken."

But, no… "Maybe I'm looking too far," I said, changing tracks. "Maybe they think if… that me telling you about…" stuff-future-things-no good word, eugh- "…things… works in their favour somehow." Motivation? I wondered. "Someone who-" was on the losing side in the anime "-lost. Before. But how would they know to change things? And who would…" be able to do this?

Madara, I thought instantly. Madara had space-time jutsu. Pein, Obito-Tobi, Itachi (but... good side- to aid Konoha?), Kagu-name?-horns-pale-rinnegan-myth-mother of?-

It could have been anyone with Sharingan or Rinnegan, and possibly even without either of them. I just couldn't remember enough of canon to recall whether or not people without those eyes could- wait-Minato-Hirashin-seals-any seal master-seal?-MUST CHECK ALLEY!

I twitched nervously, nearly vibrating with the sudden need to sprint to the alley where I'd woken up and search for seals. Why was I wasting time here? I could be home by now! I just need-

No- I managed to get a grip on myself and re-evaluated the situation –bad idea-not possible-ninja-fast-strong-cuffs-tunnels-will get lost-Ibiki- I had a sudden mental image of Ibiki's heavy scowl -mad-less likely to help-better this way-patience-eugh-fine. With the faintest pout, I allowed myself to be led onward without protest.

(In the privacy of my mind, I entertained myself by imaging scenarios in which I made a run for it, heedless of the consequences. They were incredibly satisfying.)

…

By the time we stopped walking, I'd almost- almost- gotten used to the weight of Ibiki's hand on my neck. As long as he didn't move it. And I didn't think about it too much.

(It still kind of creeped me out.)

"Ibiki," a wizened old voice greeted, and then my blindfold was slipped off, leaving me blinking like a newborn faun in the watery sunlight. "And our mysterious guest."

Oh, I preened, 'mysterious guest', I like it.

And then-"Wow," I said, blinking for an entirely different reason. Wow.

Without permission, my feet took me to the window, big floor to ceiling ones that let in all this lovely natural light and had the most gorgeous view I'd ever seen. The anime didn't do it justice; Konoha was like a rainforest in full bloom. The houses were simple, Japanese-style villas with red tile roofs, and the streets were just beaten dirt.

But the trees! God, the trees!

In that moment, I very much sympathised with the Lorax, poor guy: trees were a beautiful, beautiful thing to be protected and cherished and oh my god I needed a picture of this, why was my phone in a different dimension?

But- I sighed happily. "It's real. It's really real…"

I made no attempt to hide the raw wonder in my voice, the hint of childish glee that came with being a fangirl somehow, ridiculously, totally improbably standing in the fictional world I'd grown to love.

And, gods, "…This is awesome!" I exclaimed, spinning to face the room with an undoubtedly absurd grin and words spilling over my lips as I fought to hold in the high-pitched squealing of my inner metahysicist.

"I can't believe I'm actually here! Just- what are the odds?! This shouldn't even be possible! I'm- Jesus, I'm breaking the laws of physics, here! I mean, I know there's all the Multiverse theories- bubble theory, parallel theory, infinity theory-" I knew I was babbling and I don't even care "-and Murphy's law, and stuff like the Kardashev Scale, 'cept that's not directly relevant, but- gods."

I had to stop there to breathe, unfortunately.

"This is- amazing," I finished helplessly. "There are no words to explain-"

All of a sudden, I had an awkward recollection of the situation. "…Um. Sirs."

Here I was, having a total fangirl moment in front of a professional torturer and the most important guy in the village. I smiled sheepishly.

"…Hi?"

A/N: So much science babble... this is heaven. XD