A Future Awry

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Spike or any part of what has come to be known as the Whedon-verse. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own it. No one said I can't play with it though.

The chapter title "Starstrukk" and the included lyrics are borrowed from the 3Oh!3 song by the same name. And yeah, it's supposed to be spelt that way… *shudder *

Chapter Four: Starstrukk

"No one is ever going to take us seriously again, you realize?" Angel pawed through the collection of tabloids that currently resided on his desk.

Spike was leaning back in his chair, balanced precariously on its back legs, he stared at the ceiling tiles. "That requires them taking us seriously in the first place, Peaches." He spared his business partner a glance and snorted, "And with your forehead that's just unlikely."

Angel sat down heavily. "Have you wondered," he paused, as if testing the words in his mouth before he said them, "Have you wondered what Buffy must be thinking, seeing these?"

"Don't think she'd ever read this garbage."

Angel stared at the bleach blonde pest he'd come to consider his friend. "They're everywhere. On the racks at the supermarket. Headlines on television…"

Don't get your panties in a bunch," Spike drawled. "'Course I've wondered." There was a long silence. "She doesn't know I'm alive. Any idea how big an ass-kickin' I'm due for?"

Angel didn't reply, his face a stoic mask. "Do you think she got married?" He said finally, his voice soft. "Think she… had kids?"

"And the white picket fence you always dreamed she'd get?" Spike snorted. "No. Girl always liked a little monster in her man. Normal wasn't in the cards for her. Even with us out of the way."

"She might have." Angel sounded defensive now.

"And I bet she'd make a smokin' MILF," Spike continued, rolling his eyes.

"You shouldn't talk about her like that," Angel said quietly.

Spike glared at him, letting all four legs of his chair return to earth with a heavy thud, "Last time we saw her, she was doing her best to shimmy next to the Immortal. Far as I'm concerned, don't matter how we talk about 'er."

Angel was quiet for a long time after that one. "I really hate that guy," he finally muttered, tossing a notebook around the desk. "Why won't the phone ring?" he demanded.

Spike shrugged, reaching for the remote to the small television set they'd set up in the office several years back now.

"Miss!" a reporter's voice cried on screen, the picture zooming in and out of focus upon a young woman shopping somewhere in L.A. "What's your opinion on the recent claims about the Slayers and the secretive Watcher's Council?"

Silence permeated the office as the young woman turned to face the camera and smiled, her honey-blonde hair bouncing around as she tossed her head. "Well, I dunno," she drawled, "As a former slayer myself, I'm gonna say that everyone's being a little hard on them. I mean, just a few years ago the majority of vampires and demons were evil killers." She paused, a small laugh on her lips, "If I'd known all we needed to do was give them some public exposure to make them go from killing to coexisting, I'd have done it years ago!"

"Former Slayer?" the reporter mouthed to the cameraman, one eyebrow raised. "Well, back to you, Harmony!"

The picture cut to Harmony Kendall going ballistic behind her entertainment news desk. "That's Buffy!" She cried. "That's… no! Don't let her walk away. That's Buffy! Don't you know what this means?"

The picture cut back to the reporter, who was cringing and holding her ear. "Stop yelling!" she shrieked. "Miss! Is your name Buffy?" She cried out to the young woman she had just interviewed.

"Yes," the young woman replied, pausing mid-stride.

"I'm a reporter for E!Talk with Harmony Kendall…"

"Harmony?" Buffy's eyes widened for a moment. "Harmony?" she repeated, a smile breaking across her face as she waved at the camera. "How are you, Harmony? Love your show!"

The picture cut back to the news desk where Harmony was batting her eyelashes. "Hear that? Buffy's a fan!" She stared at the camera for a second, her face going blank. "Oh, you mean I'm on right now?" She tossed her hair. "So stay tuned, folks!" She exclaimed. "Tomorrow night we'll be interviewing Buffy! The ex-Vampire Slayer!"

"She… hasn't aged a day," Angel said finally, as the spunky new Japanese correspondent began to chat with Harmony about the new electronic flip-flop fad filling the streets of Tokyo on the television screen.

"She said former," Spike added, his features dark, "What the hell did she mean by former?"

Angel reached numbly for the telephone on their desk. "You know how I told you that I talked to Giles that one time about three years back?"

"The time with the Snub'lack demons in New Mexico," Spike nodded, his gaze still on the television, as if willing the screen to turn back to the long-time object of his affection.

"Remember how I told you he wouldn't even tell me how Buffy was doing? Dodged the question with all his Watcher-isms?" Angel said, rummaging through the drawers of the desk before pulling out a worn-looking address book.

"Givin' 'im a call, are you?"

"Yeah, I think it's about time someone let us in on what's going on."

Buffy stood in a boutique, her eyes running over the price tags. "Dawn, I can't afford these…" she murmured, her fingers itching to touch, but keeping well away.

"Buffy, please," Dawn rolled her eyes, "I'm buying. I told you that already."

"And you can't afford these either!" Buffy exclaimed, only to find Dawn looking at her with one eyebrow raised.

"Uh yeah, cause lawyers don't make megabucks," she drawled. "Do you have any idea how much money some of these demon families have? Some of them spent their time making money, getting good at making money, and then making more, rather than trying to bring about the end of the world." She smiled, "And they know how to treat their lawyers really well, too."

Buffy skirted the topic, "I'm still not sure how you ended up a big-shot lawyer."

"Big mouth." Her sister replied, "Or so you always told me." She rummaged through the racks as if she were at a discount clothing store. Pulling one particularly racy little dress from the rack she held it out to Buffy. "Here, go try this one on. Looks like something you would have worn in high school."

Buffy stared at the tiny sheath dress. "Looks more like something Glory the skank-god wore."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "You're a vampire now, dummy, you're allowed to skank it up too now!"

Buffy shrugged, taking the dress and slipping into it in the changing room, while debating eating one of the cake slices that sat in the waiting section of the change area. One of the pluses of being an immortal vampiress? Eat anything you like. It had been Rebecca who had pointed that one out. Along with all the other positive things about being a vampire. Buffy sighed, without Rebecca and Dawn, she would never have made it this long. As it was, every night left her wondering why she didn't just stay up to watch the sunrise. She knew now she had taken it for granted.

"I don't know about this," she said, squirming as she walked out of the change room. Mirrors were a waste of time for her, so final say would be completely in Dawn's hands.

"Oh yeah, that's more like it," Dawn said with a wide smile and a nod, "You know what? Don't even change out of that one. It's what you're wearing to your interview tonight."

Buffy craned her neck to try to glimpse her back. "But I'm not sure it even covers my butt!"

Dawn smiled, "Buffy, the impression you're gonna make? No one's gonna care."

Buffy looked up at her sister, an expression of worry on her face. "I thought I was the demon?" she mused helplessly, taking in the evil grin on her sister's face.

"What?" Dawn smirked, "Aren't we trying to get back at Angel and Spike for years of mental torment and emotional upset?"

Buffy sighed, "And there you go reminding me…" She smiled devilishly, "We getting our hair done next?"

Dawn smiled, "And there's the Buffy I know and love!"

Buffy walked onto Harmony's set a vision in black and red. "Buffy!" the talk show host cried, "It's actually really great to see you! I was like, all afraid that by now you would be all, you know, old and wrinkled and…" she paused. "Oh. My. God!" She shrieked, "You're a vampire! A vampire! This is so fantastic! The greatest Slayer ever, a vampire! Its like… both sides of the story!"

Buffy smiled patiently. "There's something else you should really know, Harmony," she began, bracing herself for more shrieking, "I still have my soul."

Harmony stared at her for a long moment. "And… and you're letting me break the story?" Tears rose in her eyes as she walked slowly towards Buffy. She wrapped her arms around her in a ridiculously tight hug. "I'm so sorry I was so nasty in high school. Can we be, like, best friends now?"

Buffy gave a tight smile, her arms coming up to gently pat Harmony's back, even as an evil little thought rose up like a snake from the demon she shared her body with. "Only if, you can, you know, help me with something?"

Harmony stepped back, confusion on her face. "Help you with what?"

"You see, someone never told me about his return to the living… and I'm… what's the word? Out for vengeance?"

Harmony nodded slowly, "So like, national television, personal secrets divulged?"

"That'd be perfect," Buffy replied.

Harmony nodded sympathetically. "Kinda hard to get him out of your system, isn't it? I mean, you'd think with the bleach that you'd be able to just walk away."

Buffy smiled at her new best friend. It was amazing what being a vampire did to your standards.