After my rant last chapter, I decided the other 'guests' deserved a shout out too. For those I can't reply to personally, thank you for taking the time to review. I'm glad that you are enjoying the story; it's always nice to hear when someone is looking forward to reading what you have written.

To the guest who asked about the keys ("… don't understand the significance of her spare key being on his spare keys. Until he asked for them back she was carrying them with her so she had both his and her spare keys. That's not the same as her giving him her keys. Or am I missing something? She felt they belonged together I get but if she doesn't "give" her key to Sam, it's only meaningful to her. From his point of view it still seems like she never gave him a key.)

This was my thought process and I'm sorry that it wasn't made clearer:

Andy put her key on Sam's key-chain because she was carrying around his keys anyway. She doesn't have a car so really she only needs her house key; she put it on Sam's for both convenience and because she probably liked seeing them all together and feeling like it was a merge of sorts. I don't think that was her spare key; I think that was the one she actually used.

As for not giving Sam her spare key, I sort of alluded to that in one of the chapters. I think she offered Sam the use of the spare key more than once. I don't think she was confident enough to say I want to give you the key to my house especially with his habit of dashing out in the morning and 'what's the hurry' type comments. With Sam's keys, he gave them to her to use (maybe when they drove home from Tommy's in the middle of the night) but when she told him she was meaning to give them back he said to keep them. I think that she told him to use her spare key multiple times hoping that he might say something so she could tell him to keep them or that he just would. Knowing her she probably meant for him to take them but didn't make it clear enough that she wanted him to keep them.

When Sam asked for his keys back, my assumption is that in her anger, frustration, whatever, she simply forgot hers was on there. It was upsetting so she just wanted to get it done. To me the significance is not that she then somehow gave the keys to Sam, the significance is that when he finally found them, he realized that to her it was a merging of their lives, they were a set. Why didn't she ask for them back when she realized? When she got home, she would have definitely figured it out and probably had another good frustrating cry like at the beginning of that episode because she couldn't easily open her door. She's not going to call him back that night so she probably picked the lock or called a locksmith or there's a super with a master key. After that, I really couldn't say why she didn't ask for them back, perhaps the final test; when Sam actually takes them and gives them back to her she knows it's over? I'm not sure; I hadn't really thought that far ahead. As for the spare key, I added a key chain with meaning for Sam to show that she did intend for them to be his; she had hoped he would keep them. Perhaps that's why it was still in the tray at home because to her they were for him. In my mind, she had another one made for her because she still didn't want to use 'his' and didn't want to ask for the other one back.

I hope that makes sense.

When I thought about the last chapter, I realized that I put in all these extra details that now need to be addressed. (Sam delivering the gifts to his family, Rookies exchanging presents, TO's enjoying Andy's thoughtfulness [you'll see], Sam talking to Tommy.) I've tried to speak to most of the items but mostly in passing so I hope it doesn't feel too rushed; I wanted to continue to fool myself that this would be a SHORT story.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the conclusion. I had hoped to get it out before Christmas but hello…over 8000 words… sure it's going to be a short one :)

As always, thank you to SairsJ for looking this over.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Traci was a little touched that he even thought of that and she offered him a small smile. "My mom has him," she confirmed, "so it's all good. I'm really lucky to have her; I don't know what I'd do without her really. She helps with Leo, she's there when I need to cry, listens when I need to talk…"

Sam cleared his throat. "Nash..."

She hunched up her shoulders and offered him a sheepish smile as she braced herself for the backlash to the mini sermon she just realized she had been giving. He surprised her again though when she caught a quick flash of the dimples.

"I got it the first time," he muttered shaking his head.

Traci watched him walk across the living room and then disappear through the doorway before she drained the rest of her water and set the empty bottle on the counter. She couldn't hold back the smirk; it almost felt like progress and she practically skipped across the apartment.

By the time she got back into the bedroom, the mat was bundled back up inside the bag and sitting at the end of the bed. Sam was already pulling more items out of the box.

He had set aside some specialty coffees and when he told Traci he was pretty sure they were Claire's brand, she offered to take them and wrap them too.

Sam extended a muttered thanks but kept it to himself that it would have been the only way she was getting them this year.

The small smile playing on Traci's lips should have told him that it went without saying. "What else ya got?" Traci asked trying her best to suppress a giggle.

Sam held up a board game, a video game and a DVD. "Looks like some more kid gifts. You got any more that I don't know about?"

Traci tilted her head to the side and gave him a heavy dose of eyebrow.

Sam just shrugged his shoulders but she caught a slight twinkle in his eyes that belayed the innocent act he was trying to put on. "Just wondering."

"Sure you were," she grumbled good-naturedly, more than happy to put the sad part of the evening behind them. "Could they be for Shaw's kids?"

Sam furrowed his brow. "The board game maybe, but they have three girls. That DVD is definitely not for one of them."

"And there's nothing written on them?" Traci queried.

Sam flipped each of the gifts up and around but found nothing. "Nope."

Traci inched her body around the furniture and over to the box. She reached in and started shifting things around.

"What are you looking for?"

"Aha!" She crowed.

"What is it?"

Traci pulled a lined piece of paper from the box. "Her list, of course."

Of course. Sam shook his head. This was McNally; there had to be a list. "So what's the verdict?"

He watched Traci's mouth move as her finger traced down the paper and she skimmed through the list. "Oh no," she moaned.

"What?" Sam was confused. It was a Christmas list; how bad could it be?

Traci met his eye. "It says on here she got her dad hockey tickets."

The disappointment made sense now. "Not much chance those'll be any good," he agreed.

Traci reached back into the box and felt around till she found an envelope from Ticketmaster. "Looks like they're for a game in February," she explained shrugging her shoulders. "They might still be good."

Sam held out his hand. "Give them to me; I'll take care of it."

Traci blinked a few times in surprise. "Are you sure? I mean, have you uh…"

Sam dipped his chin down and leveled a glare in her direction. He held out his hand. "I said I got it."

Traci clenched the tickets against her chest. "What are you going to do?"

Sam stared back at her with his hand outstretched, but she wasn't giving an inch. "Nash."

"Sam, I'm just not sure… I mean does he know…"

Sam blew out a breath. "I don't know. I know she doesn't see him every day, but I'm sure she must have…"

Traci was nodding more to herself than him. "I can do it," she pledged. "I'll just get him a Timmy's card or…"

Sam immediately started shaking his head. "Andy would never get her dad a gift card… ever. Let me take them. I'll see if I can exchange them for Raptors tickets or something."

Traci seemed to like that idea. "Okay, you take these and then bring me…" She stopped short at Sam's look of displeasure. "What? I'll just take care of it with the other ones."

"It's fine," he assured her. "I've known Tommy a long time."

Traci scoffed. "Pretty sure that's not going to mean much to him after..."

Sam flashed his teeth, quick and gone. "I know that. But I just… I need to talk to him about a couple of things."

Traci studied his face; something wasn't quite adding up. Her eyes grew wide. "You think he knows something."

"What?"

"You think he might know something about Andy; don't you?"

Sam shrugged.

"Do they do that?"

"It's not unheard of," Sam claimed. His sister had gotten a few calls over the years. Of course it was always after he insisted that they be made. He was just hoping Andy would think to do the same to ease her father's mind.

"What if he won't tell you?" Traci supposed. "Maybe Oliver should..."

"Nash," Sam cautioned.

Traci stopped and waited for him to continue.

"Even if he won't tell me, I just… I'd like to talk to him," he confessed.

Traci quickly realized that Sam was hoping to start making amends beginning with Andy's father. "When does he get home?" She asked, finally handing over the tickets.

Sam reached out with a relieved smile. "Oliver said Boxing Day. I think… it's probably hard to be home without…" Sam took a deep breath. "He has a girlfriend."

Traci snickered, a little at Sam's apparent inability to express himself but mostly at the memory her friend had shared. "Andy told me. Talk about a surprise."

"Definitely not what I was expecting," Sam admitted with a chuckle.

"Well good for him," Traci lauded.

Sam nodded before clearing his throat to get them back on track; he'd had enough of Tommy's love life that night. "So what does the list say about these presents," Sam queried, gesturing to the three that had been abandoned on the bed.

He watched Traci furrow her brow. "I don't know."

"What do you mean? They're not on the list?"

"No, they're there," Traci confirmed. "It's just… no names."

She held up the paper when the crease took over Sam's brow.

"See, the first one says boy, about 14, riding a skateboard and then Emerica Stay Gold DVD next to it. Second one says girl, about 12, dancing around a board game, then Apples to Apples and…"

Sam ripped the paper from her hand and read the last one on his own: 'boy, about 10, concentrating on video game – Batman Lego for Wii.' He dropped down onto the bed and stared at the paper; he couldn't believe it.

His reaction caught Traci off guard. "Sam, what is it? Do you know who they're for?"

Sam swallowed hard before finally lifting his eyes away from the page. "Is there anything else?"

"Sam?" The question was inherent in her tone.

"Just… is there anything else, like maybe for adults?"

Traci looked into the carton again and pulled a box of sealed envelopes out along with a gift card. "Her Christmas cards are here and looks like a gift card for…" She flashed the card up at Sam. "Have you heard of this restaurant?"

He nodded but remained silent.

"What's going on Sam?" Traci asked sitting down on the bed beside him. She extended her hand out toward him but then pulled it back hesitantly.

"They're for my sister's family," he answered softly.

"You have a sister?" Traci asked almost incredulous.

"Yes, Nash, I have a family," Sam snapped.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…"

"No. I'm…" Sam shook his head and relaxed his voice. "I shouldn't have." He took a deep breath. "I have one sister."

"With two boys and a girl," Traci surmised. "But why aren't their names on here?"

Sam sighed. "Andy uh…" He pressed his lips together for a second. "I never got a chance to…" Sam took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "She never met them."

Traci was surprised that Sam's family had never come up but her curiosity was for another time. "So, do you think Jerry told her?"

Sam was already shaking his head. "No."

Traci's face was knotted in confusion. "So if you didn't… how could she…"

Sam knew there was no way she could puzzle it out on her own. "Last time Sarah was here she brought one of those frames, the ones that have spots for a bunch of different pictures. She had already filled in all the spots because she knew it would sit empty if she didn't."

"Okay…"

"There's a bunch of different shots," Sam explained. "One of my nephew on his skateboard, one of my niece beating me at a game last Christmas, and…"

"Another nephew playing a video game," Traci finished for him.

Sam nodded and huffed out a quick breath in amazement. Andy didn't even know their names, had never even been in the same room with them. Yet she'd gone out and picked out gifts for each of them, really good gifts. He didn't know why it surprised him; it shouldn't have because that's just who Andy was.

And he loved her for it; he really did. So how could he have been so willing to let it all go?

It was stupid really, but for as long as he could remember it was the Swarek mantra: You don't let people get too close. They get too close, they find out what's behind the mask. Secrets don't come out all neat and tidy and when it came to him and his family that meant it usually ended in pitying looks and offers of charity. He couldn't stand it if she looked at him that way.

So he tried to keep her at a distance, let her see only what he wanted her to see. But then Jerry died, and it took all his efforts just to keep moving. He didn't have the strength to fight his feelings for her too. How was he supposed to hold her back when all she would want to do is get closer, help him, fix him?

When he thought back to that night now (a little more objectively), he could recall her sitting with Traci and he knew she wasn't trying to fix anything. No, it was genuine sadness she felt. He could picture her squeezing Traci's hand so tight as if it might join the two of them together and allow her to take some of the burden onto her own heart so it might lessen the grief on her friend's.

But back then he just couldn't see it. Experience told him that when you let someone in like that they eventually leave and then you're left trying to figure out how to make it on your own. So he always got out first; kept hold of the control. Unfortunately, this time, when the hurt of losing Jerry faded a little, he realized the hurt of losing Andy was still there. So he tried to 'reinvent himself'. Get back the power, be a new man, one who didn't miss her, one who didn't… And he was damn good at pretending because he had years of experience. But then the guise dropped when the shooting happened in booking; the real Sam had to know if she was okay.

But then she reminded him that he wasn't that guy anymore. So he tried again hoping it would get easier the longer he played the part. But then she had to put her hands around that damn bomb and he knew. He knew that he could try and fool himself all he wanted, but deep down in the biggest compartment of his heart she was still there and he didn't have any choice in the matter.

He meant it when he said he wished he was more like her, where caring was something you did freely instead of always holding back and waiting for the other shoe to drop. The people he cared about most in life he lost, and he couldn't bear to lose her.

She forgave her father, was in the process of forgiving her mother, was putting the past with Callaghan behind her. And he's pretty sure she would have forgiven him if he hadn't made that stupid joke. He could only hope that she would be willing to give him another chance.

Traci watched in silence as a myriad of emotions crossed Sam's face, the regret clearly standing out amongst them all. She refused to let him dwell. "And the gift card?"

Sam blinked a few times before his thoughts returned to the present. "Oh, it's for a restaurant in St. Catherines; that's where they live."

Traci offered him an encouraging smile. "So a night on the town for your sister and her husband, that sounds good. What do you usually…"

Her question was cut short when she felt Sam stiffen beside her. She turned to see him lost in thought once again.

Sam was looking straight ahead but wasn't really seeing anything. He didn't want to admit that he and his sister hadn't exchanged gifts in a long time. Sure the kids got something from him and there was usually something for him under the tree that was from the kids but Sarah orchestrated it all. And the two of them, they hadn't come right out and shown their affection for each other in a long time, awkward hugs notwithstanding. It started when they were younger, when Sarah couldn't stand being touched at all and they couldn't really afford to buy anything. By the time they could, well old habits die hard and Sam really didn't see the point. Christmas was for kids… He huffed out a soft chuckle… and apparently for McNallys.

"That's okay," Traci interjected, "none of my business."

Sam offered her a small smile of gratitude before gesturing to the box in her hand. "So, cards?"

"Yeah, looks like she's got them all done. Names are on the front and envelopes are sealed so I'll just take them in with me tomorrow and hand them out." Traci started to giggle.

"What?"

"Remember her cards last year?"

Sam thought back, but the only thing he recalled about that time was his disappointment that she had left after everything they went through. If there were any cards on his desk when he came back, he was pretty sure they ended up in the trash. "No, I uh…"

"Right." Traci grimaced a little in embarrassment. "You were… anyway I don't know how she does it but last year she gave out these cards with Mrs. Claus on the front and she was checking off Santa's list for him…"

"Sounds funny?" He offered reluctantly, not really seeing the point.

Traci passed him a quick glare of annoyance before continuing. "The resemblance to Superintendent Peck was uncanny. Gail couldn't even look at the card without shuddering and Oliver…" Traci giggled again. "Oliver was pissed for a week because Andy penciled him in on the naughty list. It's too bad she wasn't around to see it."

Sam's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "So she brought them in while she was suspended?" He tried not to let it upset him, after all he was the one she was forbidden to have contact with.

"She dropped them off with me before she left; I'm pretty sure she buys them on sale right after Christmas and then does them up early the following year," Traci explained. But she could see that Sam was still bothered by that time they spent apart so she felt like she needed to clear something up for him. "She didn't just do it so she could keep being a cop."

She wanted to say more but the look on Sam's face told her that now was not the time. It was more important for him to work through it with Andy anyway. Traci cleared her throat. "Do you want to take the cards for Oliver and Frank and Noelle?"

"Um, no, it's okay," Sam declined. "So is that it?" He asked, his tone taking on a forced lightness. He knew she had said there was nothing for him there, and Nash hadn't said anything about finding something else for him at Jerry's, still he couldn't stop himself from hoping.

Traci dug around in the box a little more. "Hang on."

Sam looked up expectantly until she pulled out a little onesie that read 'My dad is the sergeant but I'm the boss'. Traci smiled. "This is obviously for Olivia, but…" She pulled a second onesie from behind the first. "There's two here."

Sam laughed when he saw the dark t-shirt with almost glowing eyes peeking out but Traci was at a complete loss. "Ninja? Then who's this one for?"

Sam was still snickering. Trust McNally to remember his barb to Noelle about baby names. "That's for her too," Sam confirmed taking them from Traci's hand and placing them in the bag with the rest of the gifts. "Noelle will love it."

Traci looked at him skeptically; she wasn't so sure about that but Sam obviously was so she let it go. She'd definitely have to ask Andy about it when she got back though.

"Anyone else on the list?"

Traci checked the paper once again. "Nope." She peered into the box. "And the rest looks like it's just some general stuff."

Sam stood up then and started to move the box back into the closet but when he got it inside, it didn't quite fit.

Traci watched him push and pull the box around a few times. "What's wrong?"

"Something's in the way," he answered, voice muffled from behind the large carton.

He reached around the container and pulled out another box. "Looks like this one fell in behind," he explained and slid the box in question out behind him as he fit the bigger one back in place. He turned to grab the smaller one to fit it back in but the writing caught his eye.

When he stopped short, Traci wondered if something was wrong. "What is it?"

He looked from her to the box. "It's from a poker store."

She looked at his hopeful gaze. "Is there anything on the outside?"

Sam turned it around in his hands but couldn't see anything other than the necessary marking from the company and the post office. "Not that I can see." He started to pull it open.

Traci didn't like where this was going. "Sam, I don't think…"

He waved her off. "The box is already open; I just want to see what it is."

"Sam," she warned.

"I know okay," he snapped, but then he took a deep breath and calmly added. "I remember. I just wanted to see it and make sure someone doesn't miss out." They both knew he was hoping that someone was him but Sam still tried to cover his tracks. "I think her dad still plays maybe this was her backup to the hockey tickets."

Traci looked skeptical.

"Please," he pleaded throwing in the dimples for good measure.

Traci shook her head but couldn't keep the smile from her face. "Oh my God, put those away. Fine, alright. Just give it here."

Sam pulled the box away from her and closer to himself. "No, I found it."

Traci's grin was getting bigger. "Seriously?"

His only response was a glare as he proceeded to pull the Styrofoam from the box; it was barely budging though. "Grab onto that while I pull the box," he ordered.

Traci latched onto the packing and as he pulled the box free, she moved to lift the Styrofoam form that was protecting the contents. "Hey," he protested reaching out for the treasure.

"It's a case," she announced waving his hands away. She read the sticky note affixed to the top. "It says…" She looked up to Sam in confusion, "'Oliver's Retirement?'"

Sam's face fell along with his hands; he was hoping it was hidden behind the big box for a reason. "Are you sure?"

Traci looked at him sympathetically, the hope obvious in his tone. "That's what it says," she confirmed.

"But he's…" Sam's head tilted to the side in contemplation, "that's a long ways away."

Traci shrugged her shoulders. She knew Andy was a planner but this went way beyond that. She flipped the latch and lifted the lid; it was a full set of poker chips. She pulled one out and gasped.

"What?" Sam plucked the chip from her hand and studied it. He couldn't believe it; they were incredible. The words 'Fifteen's Finest' were printed along the top with a replica shield in the middle. The value of the chip was written inside the shield where the badge number would go. They looked… wow. Sam absolutely loved them. He could just imagine all the guys when they saw them.

Traci watched as he picked up each denomination and looked at them in turn. She could see the awe.

His voice was only a whisper when he finally found it. "That's a great gift. Oliver, huh?"

Traci tilted the lid back down to remove the sticky note and hold it up for him to see. "That's what it says."

Sam's eyes became unfocussed for a second as he voiced his thoughts aloud. "I know she likes to plan but… wow."

His gaze was then pulled to the personalized playing cards he found in the middle of the case. They matched the chips almost to a T, the only addition was a black scroll along the bottom with the words 'TO SERVE & PROTECT' on it.

Traci was too busy to notice his latest find as she searched through the inside of the cardboard box and around Styrofoam protector.

Sam didn't even realize she was in her own world until he looked up. "What are you looking at?"

Traci was studying something in her hand.

"Nash?"

"They weren't going to be for Oliver," she whispered.

Sam's eyes darted around the room. "What do you mean?"

Traci closed the box back up and showed Sam what she noticed when she had pulled the post-it note away. There was a small indentation on the top with some glue residue still stuck in it. Obviously something had been removed. Traci took the object in her hand and fit it perfectly in the rectangular depression. It was a small piece of gold plating.

Sam swallowed hard. "Can I…"

Traci handed the small piece of metal over wordlessly and watched Sam's eyes skim over the writing – 'To one of Fifteen's Finest. I'm all in.'

Sam couldn't even think let alone speak but he could feel Traci's eyes studying his every move. He cleared his throat once and then again but still he didn't dare open his mouth. He knew his voice would crack and every emotion he was trying to tamp down would echo loud and clear.

Traci decided to save him from himself. "I'm guessing she couldn't return it since it's personalized," she shrugged.

Sam nodded dejectedly but still didn't say a word.

She could tell Sam was doing his best to remain stoic but the pain in his eyes couldn't be denied. So she said what she knew he couldn't. "I miss her."

Sam nodded again. God, did he ever.

He guessed his loss would be Oliver's gain though. That thought stopped him short. No. It wasn't a loss, not yet anyway. If he conceded that the set was for Oliver that meant that he was giving up and there was no way that was going to happen. Not until she looked him in the eye and told him it was over.

"Shaw's really going to enjoy that poker set," Traci stated trying to draw Sam out.

Sam surprised her when he almost smirked. Yeah, when he's at my place, he thought.

"Sam, I…uh…"

Sam replaced the chips and cards, closed the lid, and stuck the engraving plaque back on the front. There was a spark in his eye that hadn't been there in a while.

"Sam," she warned again.

What he said was "There are a lot of birthdays and Christmases before Shaw retires." What he meant was I'm not giving up without a fight.

He slid the set back in the box and took it to the closet to put it away.

"I think one will probably be enough," Traci answered assuredly.

Sam appreciated her support but brushed it off. "Okay, so I guess we're done here," he announced as he backed from the closet.

"I guess so," Traci agreed looking around the room wistfully.

"Hey."

"What?"

"I was thinking that the place could probably use some cleaning…"

"Don't they have someone do that?"

"They're supposed to but with budget cuts… she'll be lucky if they come in once. It's been months already and you can see no one's been here."

"You'll call me?"

"I, um… oh,' Sam stuttered, "I just thought if you wanted to borrow the keys you could…"

Traci's back stiffened as her feminist gene kicked into high gear. "Because I'm the woman I should be doing the cleaning?"

"Nooo," he answered patiently. "I have no problem cleaning; in fact, I'm going to stay for a bit and do some now. The garbage stinks enough already. I was just… I thought since I have a key, you might want to come back some time, maybe check on things. But it's fine; I can take care of it."

Traci shook her head, offering him a sheepish grin. "No, it would be nice to come back. Maybe do some cooking for her freezer or something."

"Just let me know."

Traci nodded and when Sam didn't say any more, she started to pick up the garbage bag and the mat.

Sam reached over to take them out of her hands. "I'll carry these down for you."

"It's okay; you don't have to," Traci declined.

Sam tossed her a lopsided grin. "I got it."

After loading Traci up and waving her away, Sam headed back upstairs. He packed up the garbage and threw it in the bin. After a quick dusting, he found some old sheets to throw over the kitchen island so at least it would be clean when she got home. He reminded himself to bring a few more over next time he stopped by. He then closed the window Traci had opened to air things out.

Glancing around, it definitely looked and smelled better already. He picked up his keys and headed to the door resisting the urge to pull the poker set out again. No, the next time he laid eyes on it, it would be because she gave it to him. He looked around one last time before locking up and heading home.

First thing the following morning, Sam and Traci were called to a crime scene. They met directly on site and it was noon before they could even think about heading back to the station.

Traci went right to the barn while Sam stopped to grab them something to eat. He had just walked in through the back when Oliver met him on the stairs. He slapped Sam on the back. "Thanks, buddy. This is great; just what I needed. I'll check with Zoe and see what we can work out."

Before Sam could voice the question, Oliver laughed and walked away. Sam was still shaking his head when he entered his office. Traci glanced up quickly but then did a double take when she saw the look of confusion. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Sam answered reluctantly. "Did you promise Oliver we'd help him with something?"

Traci furrowed her brow in thought. "No, I barely saw him this morning."

Sam gave a quick shrug and decided he'd ask him after he ate. He had just unwrapped his sandwich when Noelle popped her head in with the baby. Apparently she had dropped in to have lunch with Frank. "You're a peach, Sammy. Frank's going to check his schedule and let you know."

She was gone before Sam could even form a response. He hadn't asked Frank anything that would affect the schedule. He was already booked to work Christmas so that couldn't be it, unless he was going to make Sam work on Christmas Eve too. Sarah would probably kill him though. "Are we getting called in?"

Traci waited until she'd swallowed her last bite. "Not that I know of. I hope not; we've got a big supper planned on Christmas Eve. And I already have to get up early enough to be in here for the afternoon shift on Christmas Day."

Sam downed the rest of his lunch quickly and then tried to decide who to hit first Oliver or Frank. He was still trying to puzzle it all out; he didn't think he had forgotten anything. There was no hockey and he wasn't really big on watching basketball except with…

Sam had just walked down into the bullpen when Frank came from one direction and Oliver the other. "What are you doing on New Year's Eve?" They both blurted at the same time.

"No way, forget it Shaw."

"I asked first."

"Are you kidding me? Come on, I'm working straight through till then."

"Hold it!" Sam yelled.

Both men stopped and stared at him for a second before Oliver leaned in to put his arm around Sam. "Sammy, buddy, brother…"

"Oh brother is right," Frank moaned.

"What the hell is going on?"

Frank looked between Sam and Oliver before settling on Sam. "Your offer to babysit? Noelle and I want to go out on New Year's Eve and since you offered…"

Sam's chin dropped down. "Since I offered what exactly?"

The dawn of realization came over Frank's face as he started to chuckle. "Welcome to the Party," Oliver teased.

"He doesn't…"

"Not a clue…"

"Would someone care to enlighten me?" Sam interjected.

Frank held up a finger indicating Sam should wait a minute. He went back into his office and came out with a Christmas card. "You may want to read this."

Sam snatched the card from Frank's hand and looked at the front. The card was cute; there was a picture of Santa being clocked with a radar gun and the officer who was going to let him off easy looked suspiciously like Epstein. Sam was starting to get the picture as he opened it up. The sentiment was your standard fare, but then he read the personalized message spelled out in Andy's signature scrawl. 'Merry Christmas, Frank, Noelle and Beautiful Baby Best. Next time you need a night out just let one of us know; we'd be happy to watch her for you. From Sam and Andy."

Sam looked up wide eyed.

"And since McNally's not here…" Frank implied.

"And she did say let ONE of you know…" Oliver continued.

Sam blew out a long breath in resignation already knowing the answer but still having to ask. "You don't want to wait till she gets back?"

"Nope!" Frank grinned.

"Uh, I…" Sam turned to Oliver defeated. "And you have one too?"

"You betcha!"

Sam just shook his head. "Great. Well, I'll let you two fight it out to see who gets me on New Year's."

"Seriously?" The two men echoed.

"It's the least I can do," he retorted. They didn't need to know that he wasn't doing it for them.

"You're a good man, Sammy," Oliver crowed, patting Sam on the back once again. "Sh… we're lucky to have you."

Sam pushed his hand away. "Yeah, yeah, just make sure you don't rent any princess movies that night and there better be food too."

Oliver was nodding in understanding. "I hear you, Sammy, but I can't promise anything; I'm outnumbered man. I'll do what I can to make sure they get a good one though. I think you'll like Tangled." His eyes got wide. "No wait, Brave just came out; have you seen Brave?"

Sam jerked his head back and looked at him like he was crazy.

"Right, yeah, yeah, sorry."

Sam just waved him off and headed back up to his office. He was sure they'd let him know what they decided.

When Traci asked what was up, he couldn't help but string her along a little. "They're fighting over who gets the pleasure of my company for New Year's Eve," Sam embellished.

Traci looked at him skeptically. "Oh… kay."

Sam just chuckled to himself. He wondered if Andy had any idea the havoc she was playing on his life right now. She wasn't even there and she still turned his world upside down.

Christmas came just over a week later. Sam and Traci had the afternoon shift and as usual, he arrived early. Sitting at his desk waiting for parade, he found himself thinking back over the last few days.

He left straight from work on the twenty-third to spend Christmas Eve with his sister and her family. Sarah had been pleasantly surprised the week before that, when she called Sam to ask him how much he wanted to spend that year and he told her it was unnecessary. Her shocked silence lasted all of three seconds before she asked if he had been visited by three ghosts lately. Sam smiled at the memory.

When he got to their house and she did in fact see gifts and not just gift cards, she grinned and gave him a one-armed hug. "Wow, Sammy, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you had an actual girlfriend."

Apparently Sam's poker face had been a little slow on the draw because her eyes went round and wide and she almost gasped. "Sam?"

He held her eyes for just a second as he replied. "No, I'm not seeing anyone right now." It was the truth and she could see that but she was also pretty certain that hadn't always been the case.

Thankfully, he was able to avoid any further discussion with the boisterous arrival of her kids. And for the rest of the night he made sure to keep at least one of them in the room with him at all times.

The next morning was Christmas Eve and Sam waited 'til he heard multiple voices before venturing from the guest room. He had been up for a while and the look on his sister's face when he came into the kitchen told him that she knew it too; usually he was up even before her. But he just shot her a smug grin and sat down next to his nephew and immediately asked him about his latest video game. Sarah dropped a cup down in front of him and told him he knew where the coffee was.

Once everyone finished with breakfast, Sam helped Sarah's husband with some odd jobs he needed done around the house while Sarah started to prepare for their early supper. They ate about four to allow them time to open presents and get Sam on the road before it got too late. Sam wasn't the only one who inherited the cooking gene so as usual, the meal was delicious.

They had barely finished dessert before the kids were begging to open gifts. If Sam hadn't had to rush away, Sarah would have laid down the law but as it was she didn't want to hold him up. She made sure everyone knew that only gifts from Uncle Sam were to be opened and the rest would have to wait until morning. After all the moaning and groaning was done, they quickly dispersed into the living room.

Sam still couldn't believe the looks on their faces when they opened the gifts. He had heard Shaw muttering for the last month about how hard it was to buy gifts for his girls as they got older but McNally seemed to have the knack. When his oldest nephew opened up the DVD, he just about screamed. Sarah was in complete shock at his reaction and muttered that she only hoped that he'd be that happy with what she got him. The other two put on a very similar display before the two boys disappeared to enjoy their presents. Sam, Sarah and her husband were left to play Apples to Apples with his niece. Sam smiled to himself; he had to admit that the infamous Swarek sarcasm definitely gave the game an interesting edge that had his niece rolling her eyes more than once. He had actually had a lot of fun, and Sarah seemed extra happy too. She told him later that she enjoyed seeing him like that.

When he left last night, Sarah gave him a hug that wasn't nearly as awkward as the one coming in. They weren't generally a touchy feely family; for a lot of years, just the thought sent Sarah into a panic. And by the time she had gotten past it, it was just something Sam didn't really do. But she still tried every time and for once, it almost felt comfortable until she pulled him in tighter and suggested he bring 'her' next time.

Sam closed his eyes as he pulled away. "Sarah, I told you…"

"I know just… do what you have to do okay."

Sam was broken from his reverie by the clearing of a throat. Traci was standing in the doorway to their office grinning at the contemplative smile on his face. "Good Christmas?"

Sam huffed out a quiet breath. "Yeah… what about you?"

His phone buzzed before she had a chance to respond. "Hang on."

He read the text from his sister. 'Thanks Sammy. Can't wait to go out for supper; I can't believe you did that. Get her back.' Sam shook his head.

"What?" Traci was standing behind her desk still watching him.

"Nothing. My sister just liked her gift."

"She didn't open it while you were there?"

With the kids' excitement, Sam had truly forgotten about it and when he did remember he just thought it would be easier if he wasn't there. Again, it was just something they didn't generally do and she was already curious enough with everything else. "I forgot about it with the kids opening theirs."

Traci nodded in understanding. "That happens at Christmas. I love watching Leo probably more than getting anything myself."

"He like the tent?"

"He loved the tent." The wistful look in Traci's eye belied her words.

"But?"

She gave a quick shrug. "Then he got a little sad that Andy wasn't around."

Sam knew the feeling well and that coupled with the loss of… He wondered if she showed Leo the mat too.

Traci refused to let them get pulled under by the sadness though. "But then my mom brought out the hot chocolate and cookies and he snapped out of it pretty quick. My mom makes great cookies."

Sam nodded; Traci had been nice enough to share the baking over the last couple of weeks. "Glad we pulled the afternoon shift then?"

Her smile was fully back. "Definitely. Last year, Leo set his alarm for five o'clock in the morning just so we could do presents before I left. It was nice to relax and have a leisurely brunch before coming in." Traci started to laugh. "Oh…and have you seen Epstein yet this afternoon?"

Sam swiveled in his chair and scanned the bullpen before turning back to her. "No, why."

She looked out just as he came around a corner in his uniform. "Damn it."

Sam turned again and spotted him. When he looked back at Traci, she was pulling her new name plaque out of her bag. Sam smiled at the gesture and when she looked up, she returned his grin.

She sat down in her chair and chuckled softly as she leaned back. "Chris and Dov and Gail came over after work a couple of nights ago and he was pouting the second he got in the door about Andy having his name and how he'd have to wait until she got back… whenever that was," she muttered in an almost perfect impersonation. "The boy's Jewish for heaven's sake, but he's worse than the rest of us put together. It was so great though when they realized there was something from her in their stockings. That's when he clued in that he just might be getting his gift. From then on he was practically vibrating and Gail was having a field day with him. I think it was a nice distraction for her to have another outlet for her mean, but it didn't even faze on him." She looked up at Sam with a guilty grin. "We made him wait till last to open it up but you should have seen his face when he did." She was shaking her head. "He never took the jacket off the rest of the night. And oh my God, when he pretended to sell me a..."

She looked up at Sam wide eyed but he just laughed.

"When he pretended to sell you a…"

"He, uh, may have re-enacted a little bit of the sting we did last year," Traci stuttered. "You know when you…"

"Yeah, I got it," he assured her.

"I think Gail has it on her phone," she offered, the excitement back in her voice.

Sam huffed out a disbelieving breath. "I'll pass."

Traci just waved away his gruffness. "Anyway, it was just nice. We all miss her but it felt like she was there with us you know? I just felt like I didn't miss her quite so much."

Sam pursed his lips together. He would give anything for that feeling but he knew of only one way to stop missing her.

The day passed uneventfully as it generally did at that time of year. He and Traci got caught up on most of their paperwork and lined up some interviews for the ensuing week.

At the end of the evening, Sam found himself walking by Andy's desk on his way to the locker room. There were a number of cards sitting haphazardly across the top and her stocking from the rookies was propped up against her phone. He stopped to wonder who had her name for the bigger gift but the mystery was solved almost immediately. "Nick had her name," Traci whispered on her way out.

Of course, he did, Sam thought ironically. He was torn; it was obvious that she loved Christmas and he wanted her to have at least one gift, but the idea of her celebrating alone with Nick didn't sit well with him.

His wallowing was stopped short by a sharp elbow to his side. He looked up to see Traci nodding toward the locker rooms and Sam had to laugh. There was Epstein in all his Swarek-like glory strutting out like he was ten feet tall.

Traci elbowed him again and flipped her chin at Dov. "You know you want to."

Sam rolled his eyes at her but she wouldn't give up. "Come on, please?"

Sam shook his head and chuckled as he walked away.

But when he paused beside Epstein and nodded to the new jacket she knew he had said something. "You're a good man, Swarek," she yelled across the room. "I don't care what anyone says."

Sam waved her away with a grin and her laughter echoed off the walls. And when Dov grabbed Chris and started practically bouncing up and down the second he walked out, her laughter only grew.

The smile was still on her face as she opened the door to her car.

The Penny was closed for the holiday but it wouldn't have mattered to Sam; he just wanted to get home. It had been late last night when he made it back and sleep didn't come easy as his sister's words played over and over in his head.

When he finally lay down, he thought about how different things could have been this year, should have been this year. How taking Andy to meet his family probably wouldn't have seemed like torture to her. And he had to admit, for the first time in a long time, Christmas felt like more than an obligation and he had her to thank for it.

As eventful as Christmas was, it was now but a memory for Sam. Another month had passed. Decorations at the station had been taken down. Cards had been thrown out or taken home. Only two desks held any reminders of the holidays and Peck had refused to take Nick's stuff for him. Sam and Traci had both been back to Andy's, but they never seemed to decide when they were at the station and could take her items for her… until today.

Sam had been uneasy since he got there first thing in the morning and he looked like he hadn't slept in a week. It didn't surprise Traci at all when he announced that he had taken the following day off. When he had talked to Andy's father just after Christmas, Tommy hadn't heard anything and as far as Traci knew, there was still no word. Sam appeared to take it all in stride; telling Traci that Andy liked her rules and probably wouldn't have thought to ask to get a message to her father. But she could see that the longer they waited, the harder it was for him to keep up the pretense.

And she wasn't the only one. Oliver made it a point to ask Sam out to the Penny or over for supper at least once a week, but some nights he just knew it was a losing battle. So when Sam begged off from the Penny claiming that he just needed to get some sleep, Oliver clapped him on the shoulder with a "Sure Brother, sure. Maybe next time."

He and Traci stood at the window of her office and watched together as Sam picked up the stocking and cards from Andy's desk and headed straight for the door. Traci turned to Oliver. "You know what tomorrow is right?"

Sam woke up early the next morning and slipped from her bed to head straight to the kitchen.

It was January 27th and he knew exactly what he needed to do.

He made all of her favorites before loading up a tray and taking it into her bedroom. He sat on top of the covers and dug in. Her present sat atop her pillow waiting.

It was almost noon before he pulled up outside the cemetery.

A.N. I have marked this complete as my plan has been to stop here since the beginning. I thought of the ending the day after I posted the first chapter; I knew it was right when tears came to my eyes right along with the idea. I'm sorry I didn't bring Andy back but I thought it was more powerful this way - Sam showing his commitment to her even when she wasn't there. I hope it was clear though that he was fulfilling Andy's birthday wish – breakfast in bed and meeting Jerry later.