Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing

"It is quite the peaceful night," Walter signed contentedly to himself. Integra had gone to bed and the two vampires were quietly occupying themselves. He was just about to head to bed when a large bang erupted from one of the kitchens. The aging butler rushed to see what could have caused such an explosion. It didn't take long for Integra to join him, wrapped in a house coat. The old butler opened the door to see the kitchen almost completely covered in batter of some kind with a blackened oven still smoking. The small table had been turned on its side and made into an impromptu shield.

"What the bloody hell happened?" Integra exclaimed. At her voice, Seras poked out from behind the "shield". The two humans looked over at her and knew this was not her doing. Wherever Seras is, Alucard isn't far away, Integra sighed, "where is Alucard."

"Over there, over there, and up there," the fledgling vampire pointed to the various places her master landed; in three large chunks was Alucard, slowly oozing off of the walls and reforming himself.

"What were you doing, you git?" Integra demanded once Alucard reformed himself.

"Baking," the master vampire answered.

Okay, I'll bite, "why were you baking?" Integra asked.

He pulled a book from his coat that had somehow survived the blast, "I wanted to try a recipe."

"You don't eat," the woman stated.

"You do," was his response.

"I will not eat anything you make," his master stated. Another thought occurred to her, "how did you blow up the oven?"

"The book said to preheat the oven to 250°C, I was lighting the oven," he answered. The oven in the small kitchen he had chosen happened to be gas.

"You took a match to a gas oven?" Integra yelled.

"I tried to tell him that he didn't have too and that it was dangerous," Sera muttered. The two humans sighed and the vampires were dismissed with the order to not bake anymore.

The mess had finally been cleaned up and Walter was once more ready to retire for the evening when another bang echoed through the mansion. "She forgot to add cooking to her order," he sighed and left to see the damage he had created this time.

I got this idea while frying up some burgers…go figure. I'm still on the lookout for a beta reader for both this fic and my King Nothing fic. Let me know if you're interested.