4. Control

It was just a week until the wedding. I was now so into the planning that it was hard to believe I couldn't even say the word marriage just a few months ago. Edward and I had planned to spend this day together, alone, celebrating our upcoming nuptials. We had also decided that this was the day we would give each other our gifts. I shuddered to think what he had for me, but I was resolved to accept what ever it was with grace.

We spent the afternoon in our meadow, laughing, kissing, and playfully enjoying each other's company. We headed back to the car when it was nearing dinner time, and Edward drove us home. I wasn't paying attention to where we were going, though, and when I did look out the window, I didn't recognize where we were. Edward had driven to a rocky point that overlooked the ocean and the coming sunset. It was breathtaking.

Edward stepped out of the car, and I expected him at my door with his usual speed, but he did not appear on cue. I waited only a moment more, and then he materialized. I grabbed his present as he opened my door. He took me around the car, where I was surprised to find a large blue blanket spread on the ground dressed with flowers and dinner for me.

"Wow" I whispered. Edward scooped me up and set me gently on the blanket. He laid on his side, wrapped around me, fork in hand. He swept my hair back, enjoying the scent that breezed his direction, and speared a single bite of what appeared to be a succulent cut of beef and raised it to my lips.

"Mmmm, that's fabulous. Did you make all this?"

"I tried. As you know, it's no irritable grizzly." He chuckled. I could see the smoldering starting to grow in his eyes. I took another bite. He watched me intently as I enjoyed the rest of the gourmet meal. I dabbed my mouth for the final time with my napkin and turned to face Edward.

"That was great. I'm stuffed." I patted my comfortably full stomach.

"Stay there for just a second." In a flash he had collected the dishes and packed them all away in the car. He replaced the flowers with an array of tiny tea lights that encircled the blanket. He floated down next to me without a sound and wrapped his arms around me.

"May I give you your gift now?" he whispered in my ear. He tried to look casual as he spoke, but I could tell he was anxious to spring it on me.

I took a deep breath and took one more look out at the now brilliant sunset. "That would be lovely." I found myself picking up his formal speech.

He reached around me and produced a gold box with a black bow. The size of a tissue box, I was surprised at the weight of the gift as I slid it closer. I untied the ribbon and lifted the lid carefully, not knowing what to expect. Inside, nestled in matching gold paper, was a book. Curious, I lifted the book up to examine it in the sunset. It was leather bound and very old. I opened the cover and inhaled as I read the title page. Pride and Prejudice, my favorite. What caught my breath was what was below the title in handwritten script. Jane Austen.

I turned the page and saw the date of publication – 1813, a first edition, signed. My eyes were filling with tears, so I carefully closed the antique and set it back in the box. "Do you like it?" Edward asked, confused. I swallowed, trying to find my voice.

"I didn't want to get it wet." I turned to face him, with tears streaming down my cheeks. "You couldn't have given me anything more special. It's my favorite."

He gently wove his fingers in my hair. "I noticed your copy was getting a little worn." Our lips met, and I felt so close to him, one with him. "It's one of my favorite books, too," he murmured.

"I love you doesn't seem enough."

He reached over and closed the box. I took another deep breath, "My turn. I hope you appreciate how hard you are to shop for." I let a smirk cross my face.

He feigned horror. "You didn't spend money on me, did you?"

I poked his ribs, stony though they are, and handed him a small silver gift bag. Edward looked inside and took out a small black box and pale blue parchment envelope, setting them on the blanket in front of him.

"Which should I open first?"

"The envelope." I held my breath as he carefully opened it. I watched his face intently as he read.

My dearest Edward,

What to get the man who has everything? You do have it all: my heart, my body, my soul are all irrevocably sealed to yours. I wish I had the words to explain what that means to me. I never imagined I could love someone the way I love you. You are beautiful on the outside, but it is your humor, your compassion, and your fierce devotion that I love the most. You are my life, my love, and my future forever. I didn't know what it was to live until I knew you, and I can't live without you.

The one thing that I would give you, if I could, would be my thoughts. I know how frustrated you get, even though you can usually tell what I'm thinking by just reading my face. I want you to know that there is no thought I won't share with you, nothing I will hide from you. If you ever have trouble reading my face or thoughts in the future, perhaps this small token can help you.

With all my love, forever,

Bella

I saw emotions parade through his face as he read, finishing with a happy curiosity as he looked up from the letter. He carefully folded it back up and placed it back in the silver bag. I handed him the box without another word. He opened it. After a brief moment, understanding filled his face.

"A penny, for your thoughts." His smile grew as he drew out the penny I'd had mounted on a matching copper chain and let it sway in the now golden twilight.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, I know it is a little silly," I blushed, embarrassed. He immediately put the chain on, the color highlighting his hair. Esme will be pleased. My heartbeat turned erratic as he reached for the top button on his shirt. He unbuttoned two more buttons to reveal the pendant that dangled against his chest. "I…" My words faded out quickly as he continued unbuttoning until his entire chest was visible. He briefly fingered the pendant, then held it to his quiet heart. My heart stopped as he took my face in his hands and peered deep into my eyes.

"It is not silly. I love only you more." Edward pressed his lips to mine and kissed me in a way that made me forget my name. I tried so hard to keep control of my hormones. It took all my conscious effort to keep from welding my body to his bare chest. We separated, and caught our breath. "Does it work?" He raised an eyebrow.

I had to concentrate on what he was asking, but the truth came out easily. "I was thinking that the copper color matches your hair perfectly. I'm relieved that you like it. And that we need to show Esme your gift, I know she's dying to know what it is. I nearly passed out when you unbuttoned your shirt. And I had to try really hard to let go of you." My face reddened.

"It works great," he beamed. The smoldering filled his eyes again and he asked, "Do you know what I'm thinking?"

I tried to breathe as he drew near. "I'm guessing that you might happy." I could feel my skin turning to fire under his gaze.

Edward pulled me to him tightly and leaned me into the blanket. His bare icy chest and cool breath knocked me senseless. "Happy is not the word. Ecstatic." His voice was hoarse. He started kissing my neck, sending spasms through me, then worked his way up to my chin, and then to my lips. These kisses were not soft, but deliberate and deep, making my toes tingle.

He hovered his body over me, just barely touching me. I felt the penny I'd just given him fall from his chest onto mine. I shivered when the cold coin hit my skin. Our lips parted and Edward stared into my eyes. "Intoxicated." He began to trace my face with his hand, still hovering over me. His kiss was passionate and uninhibited. As we kissed, I felt his hand slide down my neck to the edge of my blouse. I shivered as I felt a single cool finger trace the neckline of my blouse, across my chest, lingering for only a second.

Edward's lips moved to my ear, giving me the opportunity to gasp for air. Now he pressed his body to mine and I felt a new sensation. The chill of his chest radiated down to my waist. I could feel the heat of my skin permeating his, and my heart started to pound. The careful, restrained Edward was gone. My blouse, I realized, was now open; it drifted down either side of my ribs. A new line had been crossed, and my hormones kicked into overdrive. I wrapped my arms around him, gluing our bodies together. So little separated us now. "Edward," I tried to say, but it came out as more as a moan than a warning.

"How do you feel?" His voice was seductive, enticing.

Now mine was hoarse, "You have no idea." I reflexively threw my head back, exposing every millimeter of my vulnerable throat. Edward inhaled sharply, raising goose bumps on the back of my neck. He pulled my face down to his, sending another shiver up my spine. The voice in my head changed. This is so right it whispered. "We. Are. So…" I gasped "Close."

He breathed in my ear, "Yes, my lover" and it was clear that he was not thinking of the wedding anymore.

I knew I should try and stop but I didn't want to. I inhaled his luscious scent, closing my eyes. He started kissing my neck again, and I could feel his tongue trace my collar bone, and his hand on my thigh. In one smooth motion, Edward slid my knee up to his hip, and rolled onto his back. I dove to his lips, locking my fingers in his hair.

I wasn't thinking now, my world was him. My head was spinning as he held me tight. His chest didn't feel cold any more, in fact it was slick with my perspiration. I moved to his ear, softly inhaling as I began to trace it with my tongue. Edward gasped. "You are amazing." I heard a plink as the penny came unstuck from my hot chest and fell back to his, causing a shiver to race through him. He was breathing as heavily as I was, locked in the moment.

"You are so warm." Edward's words carried an intensity I'd never heard. I turned back to his lips, tasting first his top, then his bottom lip. His hands were suddenly cold on my neck and then gently moved down onto my shoulders, sliding my blouse down around my arms. Unbelievably, my heart sped up another notch, ready to jump out of my chest.

"Mmmm" he purred, listening to the pounding. My breath caught in my throat as he slid his hand down my back. His cool fingers traced the straps of my bra, sending a fresh spasm through me. His touch was electric, but also cleared one tiny corner in my brain. One last chance. The responsible voice in my head managed a whisper. No, don't stop. I argued with myself. What is really right for Edward?

I forced out the only words I could manage, "Don't. Move." They came out as a breathy whisper in his ear, but the effect was immediate. Edward's hands became perfectly still, his only movement his fast breathing. "Bella…" he yearned.

Slow down. "You are so sexy. Unbearably beautiful." I tried to slow my own breathing as I whispered in his ear. I didn't know if I could get control, I'd wanted this for so long. I moved deliberately, holding on to the small amount of control I had somehow found. Slowly I traced his face with my nose, around to his ear and down his neck. As I reached the chain I had just given him, the control wavered momentarily. Carefully I wrapped my hands around the sides of his perfect chest. I touched my lips to the copper, somehow resisting the urge to trace it with my tongue, and lightly followed it to his sternum, letting my hair follow my lips across his chest.

Another purr escaped his lips, sending an electric shock through my body. I found the penny above his quiet heart, and pressed my lips to it. I paused for a moment, remembering to breathe. "So perfect." I could feel his breathing fast and shallow. This was the point of decision. Control. The word echoed in my head. Responsibility. I lightly kissed the penny once more and followed the chain back up to his neck. For Edward. I paused, then forced myself to turn and rest my head on his shoulder, rather than give in to the myriad of erotic ideas my mind was buzzing with.

I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled, proud of myself. "Listen to your breathing," I wondered. Amazingly, control had reasserted itself in my brain. "Do you really want to do this now?" I whispered. I carefully reached up to finger the penny, now cold again on his chest and listened for his reaction.

He still held me tight, but I could tell he was beginning to relax. Edward took a deep, slow breath and I heard a sigh escape his lips. I thought I could hear relief – or was it frustration – in answer to my question. The coolness of his body felt amazing, and helped to slow my heart. Edward's breathing finally began its normal rhythm and he gently cupped his hand around my cheek.

"Wow" he whispered. I listened for frustration, but heard none.

"What happened to the virtuous young man who begged me to marry him first?" I managed to ask slyly. Edward's other hand, still against my skin, traced circles on my back as he thought about his answer.

"I honestly don't know," he wondered, shaking his head. "You are so beautiful… so sensual…" his voice drifted away. "That's the most human I've felt in more than eighty years." I propped my face up on my arm to look in his eyes. His expression was one of amazement. "You are incredible."

"You were definitely acting human," I said with a big grin. I kissed him lightly, not wanting to tempt him again. I gently pulled my blouse back over my shoulders, but didn't button it. He took his hand away from my skin and ran his fingers through my hair. His eyes were softening, the flame in them turning to golden embers.

"What happened to the lustful vixen who couldn't even say the word 'marriage'?" He peered into my eyes, a wry smile creasing his lips. He let his eyes drift down toward my chest.

I blushed deeply as he returned his gaze to my eyes. I paused for a moment, letting my heart start again. "I guess I've grown up some. And believe it or not, the idea of being married to you is really starting to grow on me." I hoped he could hear the truth in my voice. "The vixen is still definitely here, though, trust me." I lightly ran one finger down his chest, not stopping until I found his navel and drew a circle around it, eyeing him seductively. His lips parted as he inhaled sharply.

"And yet you stopped." He spoke softly, closing his eyes. "I'm not sure I could have. I'm finding that my human desires are much stronger than I thought."

"Are you sorry?" I felt so many emotions as I asked that a tear formed on my cheek.

Edward slowly opened his eyes. He turned to peer into mine. "No, I'm not." He brushed the tear away as he carefully chose his words. "Today was so perfect. All day I was imagining that you were already my wife and it was so wonderful, so natural. That feeling obviously lingered tonight." He smiled slyly. I listened for regret in his velvet tones, but found none. "And stopping was also the perfect thing, really." He unleashed a smile that took my breath away. He then ran his hand down to the pendant on his chest, and lifted it to his lips. "Penny for your thoughts." I could tell he loved his gift.

I sat up next to him so I could look in his eyes properly. "I think we'd better button up before I tell you my thoughts." He chuckled softly and with deliberate slowness buttoned up his shirt, letting me enjoy the view for a few extra seconds. I fumbled with the buttons on my blouse, so he took over with a playful look in his eyes. When he finished, he gave me my favorite crooked smile. He sat up next to me and cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were liquid gold in the sunset.

"Your thoughts when you stopped…" he clarified.

I swam in his eyes for a moment before answering. "Part of my brain was telling me to be responsible and was reminding me that I will be your wife in just a very few days." I saw his eyes dance at the word wife. "I was also trying to remember to breathe."

"And the other part of your brain?" He raised one eyebrow.

I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Among other things, it was making a long list of other ways I could make you shiver." And I traced the back of his earlobe with my tongue. He could not stifle the spasm that shot down his back. I moved away, giving a little shudder of my own.

His eyes opened slowly and they filled with passion again. For a moment I thought Edward was not going to wait until after the wedding. I knew if we started making love again, I wouldn't stop him. He became perfectly still for a moment, then took another deep breath, and carefully held my face and kissed me softly. "I'm really looking forward to our honeymoon now."

I giggled at the comment, and he also chuckled, relaxing us both. He became serious, "I learned tonight that I can love you without hurting you. You were right." His eyes flamed again.

I kissed his cheek gently, then settled into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me as the sunset faded. "Wedding first, though. I love you so much, Edward." I sighed, contented.