Gift Cards
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.
Armstrong
Colonel Roy Mustang was furious, livid and extremely angry and Edward could see it. It was very hard to miss. Because the Colonel's angry, livid furious face was a bare two inches away from his. His voice was also defining incandescent rage as he hissed vitriol at the blond.
Edward also realised that the red that infused the Colonel's face was partly because the dark-haired man was extremely embarrassed.
"If I ever, ever catch you giving another gift card to anyone, I am personally going to see to it that you burn over a very slow fire right in the middle of my office. Do I make myself very clear, Fullmetal?"
"Yes, but…"
"No buts, Edward. Giving a gift card to Major Armstrong should be a dischargeable offence. Unfortunately it is not."
"It was only for his muscle ointment, oil stuff. You're being an uptight asshole of a bastard to get all put out over something this trivial." Edward rushed the words out as Mustang took a deep breath. The black eyes flared up again.
"Trivial? Do you know what that stuff does, Edward?"
"Makes him shiny?" Edward shrugged. "It stinks, I know that much."
"It also burns." Roy's voice became deadly serious and intent, staring hard at the blond. "When it comes in contact with certain parts of the anatomy, it burns."
Edward's eyes nearly crossed as he focused on Mustang's glaring eyes so close to his own. "Does it?" he asked blankly. He never used the stuff, how was he supposed to know that?
"I have just had to rescue the Major from such a predicament." The sight of a naked Armstrong rolling on the communal shower-room floor, almost squealing, his eyes watering and holding his burning genitals was not something he was ever going to forget. Having to assist with removing said ointment from the affected areas was something he never wanted to remember.
It took Edward two endless seconds to understand and his eyes widened.
"You mean, he… you had to…" Ed shuddered and Mustang nodded.
Edward was silent for another long moment, golden eyes staring at the tense and angry Colonel.
"Maybe I should get him a card for an applicator for next time." Ed paused as the black eyes absolutely blazed. "Or perhaps you'd like one?"
Author's Note: And then there was this… grins
silken :)